145 jokes for kids

  1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  2. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  3. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go!
  4. What did one eye say to the other? Between you and me, something smells!
  5. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act nuts!
  6. What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
  7. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
  8. Why don’t some animals play cards? Because they’re afraid of cheetahs!
  9. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
  10. Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up pants!
  11. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  12. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear!
  13. How do oceans say hello? They wave!
  14. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
  15. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  16. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
  17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  18. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
  19. Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
  20. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick!
  21. What does a bee use to comb its hair? A honeycomb!
  22. Why don’t we write secrets in a garden? Because potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk!
  23. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  24. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well!
  25. What did the big flower say to the small flower? Hi, bud!
  26. What did the paper say to the pencil? Write on!
  27. How do you organize a space party? You planet!
  28. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!
  29. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because he was already stuffed!
  30. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh!
  31. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
  32. Why don’t sharks eat clownfish? Because they taste funny!
  33. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
  34. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
  35. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
  36. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!
  37. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
  38. Why was the math homework happy? Because it was full of problems!
  39. Why don’t robots have brothers? Because they all have trans-sisters!
  40. What is a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips!
  41. Why was the broom late? It over swept!
  42. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They could crack up!
  43. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!
  44. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant!
  45. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
  46. What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? That hit the spot!
  47. How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away its credit card!
  48. Why don’t some animals take tests? Too many cheetahs!
  49. What do you call a story about a broken pencil? Pointless!
  50. Why couldn’t the string go to the school dance? It was all tied up!
  51. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
  52. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
  53. Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
  54. What’s a foot’s favorite type of chips? Toe-tilla chips!
  55. Why did the jelly roll? It saw the apple turnover!
  56. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
  57. Why did the cookie go to the nurse? Because it felt crumby!
  58. Why did the soccer ball go to the party? Because it was kicked around!
  59. What did the little corn say to the mama corn? Where is pop corn?
  60. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
  61. What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear!
  62. Why did the music note go to school? It wanted to improve its compositions!
  63. Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s always lion!
  64. What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
  65. What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
  66. What do you call a snowman with a hot temper? A melt-down!
  67. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
  68. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
  69. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!
  70. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King fish!
  71. Why did the girl bring a ladder to school? She wanted to go to high school!
  72. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
  73. What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending!
  74. What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine!
  75. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack abs? An abdominal snowman!
  76. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
  77. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!
  78. Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up a pair of pants!
  79. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
  80. What is the most hardworking part of the eye? The pupil, it never stops learning!
  81. Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it!
  82. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk!
  83. Why do we never give Elsa a balloon? Because she will always let it go!
  84. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling!
  85. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby!
  86. What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot!
  87. What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock? Look, no hands!
  88. Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make some liquid assets!
  89. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  90. What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? Purrr-suasive!
  91. Why did the computer go to school? It heard it was good at processing information!
  92. Why did the bread go to the bakery? To get a “butter” understanding of itself!
  93. Why did the golfer carry an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  94. What do you call an owl that does magic tricks? Hoo-dini!
  95. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador!
  96. Why was the music note a good friend? Because it always knew when to take a rest!
  97. What’s a tree’s favorite drink? Root beer!
  98. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
  99. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
  100. What do you call two birds in love? Tweet-hearts!
  101. What do you call a bear with no ears? B!
  102. Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice!
  103. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because they are too transparent!
  104. What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor!
  105. Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes!
  106. What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle!
  107. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  108. Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it!
  109. Why did the moon burp? To get rid of space gas!
  110. How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It always waves!
  111. What do you call a fairy that hasn’t taken a bath? Stinker Bell!
  112. Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words!
  113. What did one leaf say to another? I’m falling for you!
  114. Why did the lettuce blush? It saw the salad dressing!
  115. Why did the cucumber turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  116. Why do we never fight with a dinosaur? You’d get dino-sore!
  117. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class? To reach the high notes!
  118. Why do some fish live in saltwater? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
  119. Why did the student bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school!
  120. What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!
  121. Why did the boy stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said “concentrate”!
  122. What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel!
  123. What do you call a snobbish burglar going down the stairs? A condescending con descending!
  124. What is a snake’s favorite school subject? Hiss-tory!
  125. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
  126. What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra!
  127. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
  128. What’s a cat’s favorite dessert? Mice cream!
  129. What’s a tornado’s favorite game? Twister!
  130. What’s a tree’s favorite school subject? Geometry!
  131. What do you call a funny book about eggs? An egg-cyclopedia!
  132. Why was the baby cookie upset? Because it was a wafer too long!
  133. What did the calculator say to the math student? “You can count on me!”
  134. What do you call a pig who knows karate? A pork chop!
  135. Why don’t teddy bears order dessert? Because they’re already stuffed!
  136. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh!
  137. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
  138. Why did the lion always lose at poker? Because he was playing with a cheetah!
  139. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer!
  140. Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
  141. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar!
  142. Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because its parents were in a jam!
  143. How do you keep a bull from charging? Take away its credit card!
  144. Why was the math book unhappy? Because it had too many problems!
  145. What do you call a cat that can play the guitar? A cool cat-strummer!

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