125 Vampire Jokes

Vampires might be creatures of the night, lurking in shadows and feasting on blood, but they’ve got a wicked sense of humor too! From their eerie nocturnal escapades to their supernatural quirks, these blood-sucking entities have inspired a collection of fang-tastic jokes that’ll leave you howling with laughter.

Whether it’s their affinity for neck-related puns or their eternal love for bats, these jokes capture the spooky essence of vampire folklore while serving up a delightful dose of humor. Get ready to sink your teeth into some fang-tastic amusement with this compilation of fang-tastic vampire jokes!

Top 125 Vampire Jokes:

1. Why don’t vampires have more friends? Because they’re a pain in the neck.

2. How do vampires get around on Halloween? On their blood vessels.

3. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine.

4. What type of pet does Dracula have? A bloodhound.

5. Why did the vampire bring a baseball to the dinner party? He heard they were serving bats.

6. What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

7. What do you call a vampire who lives in a kitchen? Count Spatula.

8. Why did the vampire refuse to attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.

9. What is a vampire’s favorite dessert? Blood pudding.

10. What do you call a vampire with a cold? Nosferachoo!

11. What do vampires take when they’re sick? Coffin drops.
12. Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite.
13. How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern…”
14. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? Because steak was always going through his heart.
15. Why don’t vampires like to argue with each other? They don’t want to get into a fang fight.
16. Why do vampires always win at poker? Because they play their bats right.
17. Why are vampires so easy to fool? Because they’re suckers.
18. Why did the vampire become a painter? He heard it was a great way to stake out a living.
19. What’s a vampire’s least favorite city? Stake-holm.
20. How does a vampire flirt? They bat their eyes.
21. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
22. What type of coffee does a vampire drink? De-coffin-ated.
23. How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin!
24. What do you call a vampire that can cook? A vampire che-fang.
25. Why did the vampire fail at stand-up comedy? His jokes were too biting.
26. What do you call a little vampire? A bite size.
27. Why did the vampire read The New York Times? He heard it had great circulation.
28. What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve? “Auld Fang Syne”
29. Why do vampires love baseball? They’re great at batting.
30. What do you call a vampire who teaches school? A blood relative.
31. What kind of boat do vampires travel in? A blood vessel.
32. What’s a vampire’s favorite candy? A sucker.
33. Why don’t vampires use iPhones? They prefer Windows.
34. How does a vampire open a can? With a can fang!
35. Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He likes to stay abreast of current veins.
36. What kind of dog do vampires prefer? A bloodhound.
37. Why did the vampire always get hired? He had a killer resume.
38. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
39. How do vampires get their daily exercise? By running from the sun.
40. What’s a vampire’s least favorite room? The living room.
41. Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.
42. Why did the vampire join the circus? He wanted to be a baton twirler.
43. What do you call a vampire in a car? A road fangster.
44. Why did the vampire lose his job? He couldn’t handle the stake-Holder’s meeting.
45. What do you call a vampire who’s also a poet? A verse-atile.
46. Why did the vampire start a band? Because he had the organ.
47. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Fang punk.
48. Why did the vampire go on a diet? He wanted to reduce his blood type.
49. How do you know if a vampire is sick? He is always coffin.
50. What’s a vampire’s favorite street? A dead end.
51. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog? A blood hound.
52. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.
53. Why did the vampire refuse to eat junk food? He said it was bad for his blood sugar.
54. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline.
55. What do vampires use to wash their hair? Bat-iste dry shampoo.
56. Why don’t vampires play cricket? They’re afraid of bats.
57. Why did the vampire bring a broom to the party? Because he wanted to sweep everyone off their feet.
58. How do vampires keep their clothes wrinkle-free? With starch.
59. What’s a vampire’s favorite cheese? Gorgonzilla.
60. Why don’t vampires use Facebook? They can’t see their own reflections.
61. Why do vampires hate arguments? They give them high blood pressure.
62. Why did the vampire become an artist? Because he loved to draw blood.
63. What’s a vampire’s favorite beverage? A Bloody Mary.
64. Why did the vampire go to school? To improve his handwriting.
65. What’s a vampire’s favorite hobby? Coffin decoration.
66. Why do vampires make great detectives? They always have a thirst for the truth.
67. What do you call a vampire who’s a good dancer? A jive sucker.
68. How does a vampire start a race? “Ready, Set, GLOW!”
69. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of bread? Sourdough, because it’s good for their yeast infections.
70. Why don’t vampires watch rom-coms? They prefer crypt-coms.
71. Why do vampires always carry a mint? Because they have to deal with a lot of bad breath.
72. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog? A bloodhound.
73. What do you call a vampire who lives in the North Pole? A Frost Bite.
74. Why did the vampire go to therapy? He felt drained.
75. Why do vampires love politics? They’re really into neck-working.
76. What do you call a vampire with a top hat? Count Drapula.
77. Why do vampires love to read Shakespeare? Because it’s blood-curdling literature.
78. Why did the vampire refuse to date the witch? He heard she was a heartbreaker.
79. What’s a vampire’s favorite clothing brand? Bloody Hilfiger.
80. Why do vampires love watching the news? They find it vein-tastic.
81. What’s a vampire’s favorite Broadway show? “Bat Out of Hell.”
82. Why did the vampire quit the baseball team? He found the bats too wooden.
83. What is a vampire’s favorite type of investment? High-stake bonds.
84. Why did the vampire hate playing chess? The queen was always after his king.
85. What do you call a vampire in Hawaii? A Haunt-lulu.
86. Why did the vampire join a band? Because he had an ear for music.
87. What’s a vampire’s favorite soap opera? The Young and the Restless… and the Thirsty.
88. Why do vampires love winter? The sun sets early.
89. Why don’t vampires eat garlic bread? They can’t stand the cloves.
90. What’s a vampire’s favorite bean? A human bean.
91. Why did the vampire start his own business? He wanted to be his own bleed-er.
92. Why did the vampire become a road worker? He loved the night shifts.
93. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Blood rock.
94. Why did the vampire get kicked out of the fruit market? He was caught sucking on a peach.
95. What’s a vampire’s favorite day of the week? Fang Friday.
96. What do you call a vampire with asthma? Vlad the Inhaler.
97. What is a vampire’s favorite part of a game of poker? The stakes.
98. Why did the vampire bring sunscreen to the beach? He didn’t want to catch a tan.
99. Why did the vampire join the choir? He heard it was a great place for count-erpoint.
100. Why do vampires make poor comedians? Their jokes tend to suck.
101. How do vampires like their eggs? Terror-fried.
102. What do you call a vampire 200 years old? A bite-ennial.
103. Why did the vampire become a gardener? He loved planting stakes.
104. What do you call a vampire with a fear of heights? High stakes.
105. What do you call a vampire that skipped dinner? A bite lighter.
106. What’s a vampire’s favorite exercise? Neck-robics.
107. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a restaurant? The coffin-ee bar.
108. Why don’t vampires use cutlery? They prefer to bite.
109. Why do vampires like dating apps? Because there’s plenty of necks.
110. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of speech? The blood-relative pronoun.
111. What is a vampire’s least favorite type of pie? Stake and kidney.
112. Why did the vampire join the Red Cross? He wanted to be a bleed-er.
113. What is a vampire’s favorite science? Hematology.
114. Why don’t vampires like fast food? It’s too fast for them to catch.
115. Why do vampires always seem to win at chess? Because they know how to move their bats.
116. Why don’t vampires ever get hired as chefs? They can’t resist taking a bite out of their work.
117. Why did the vampire refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? He suspected he was a cheetah.
118. What do you call a vampire who can play the guitar? A rock-ula.
119. Why did the vampire become a teacher? He enjoyed marking papers in red.
120. Why are vampires terrible at lying? You can see right through them.
121. What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa.
122. Why don’t vampires eat clowns? They taste funny.
123. Why did the vampire always carry a straw? In case of emergency blood transfusions.
124. Why don’t vampires like Taylor Swift’s music? It’s too poppy, they prefer something with more bite.
125. Why are most vampires in Europe? They heard the neck-working opportunities were better.

Conclusion

So, there you have it! From their love for “necktarines” to their preference for “Fangsgiving” over other holidays, these vampire jokes offer a playful and humorous take on the mysterious world of vampires. Despite their nocturnal habits and eternal existence, vampires sure know how to lighten the mood with their wickedly punny sense of humor.

Embrace the laughter and revel in these fang-tastic jokes that prove even creatures of the night have a soft spot for a good laugh. After all, in the realm of vampires, the punchlines are always a bit “batty” but endlessly entertaining!