145 funny jokes

  1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  2. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
  3. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
  4. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  6. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh!
  7. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
  8. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  9. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!
  10. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
  11. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  12. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
  13. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
  14. What’s a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips!
  15. How do you organize a space party? You planet!
  16. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time!
  17. Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings!
  18. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish!
  19. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go!
  20. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s ‘R’ but it’s the ‘C’ they love!
  21. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
  22. Why did the banker switch careers? He lost interest!
  23. How does a train eat? It goes chew chew!
  24. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
  25. Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi!
  26. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
  27. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
  28. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador!
  29. Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have anty-bodies!
  30. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant!
  31. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
  32. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left!
  33. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy!
  34. What do you call a snowman with a suntan? A puddle!
  35. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
  36. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience!
  37. Why did the golfer carry an umbrella? Just in case of rain on his “par”-ade!
  38. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent!
  39. Why did the birdie go to school? To get tweet-er!
  40. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
  41. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus!
  42. Why did the M&M go to school? Because he wanted to be a Smartie!
  43. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
  44. What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!
  45. Why do we never tell secrets at the zoo? Because the walls have ears, the trees have eyes, and the birds will tell everyone!
  46. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  47. What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador!
  48. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
  49. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison!
  50. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  51. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!
  52. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no-body to go with him!
  53. What kind of music do planets like? Nep-tunes!
  54. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear!
  55. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up!
  56. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!
  57. How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste!
  58. How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms!
  59. Why don’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
  60. Why did the cookie cry? Because his mom was a wafer too long!
  61. Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems!
  62. How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles!
  63. What do you call a bear with no ears? B!
  64. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
  65. What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad!
  66. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
  67. Why did the bicycle stand on its own? It was two-tired!
  68. What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry!
  69. What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra!
  70. What kind of key opens a banana? A mon-key!
  71. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
  72. Why don’t basketball players go on vacation? They would get called for traveling!
  73. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
  74. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  75. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon!
  76. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look at me, I’m changing!
  77. What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something!
  78. What does a thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll!
  79. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!
  80. How do you throw a space party? You planet!
  81. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was already stuffed!
  82. How does the ocean say hello? It waves!
  83. Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind!
  84. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
  85. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  86. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!
  87. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
  88. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, man, breathe!
  89. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb!
  90. Why don’t some animals play cards? Because they are afraid of cheetahs!
  91. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
  92. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it felt crummy!
  93. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast!
  94. Why can’t you trust atoms? They make up everything!
  95. What’s a foot’s favorite type of chips? Doritoes!
  96. Why don’t we ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it!
  97. How do you turn soup into gold? Add 24 carrots!
  98. Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
  99. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
  100. Why did the bird go to the hospital? It needed tweetment!
  101. What kind of room has no doors or windows? A mushroom!
  102. Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets? So he could run his fingers through his hair!
  103. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree!
  104. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet!
  105. What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? Jalapeño business!
  106. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved!
  107. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
  108. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
  109. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
  110. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
  111. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
  112. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  113. What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? Purrsuasive!
  114. What did the computer do at lunchtime? Had a byte!
  115. Why don’t some animals play cards in the wild? Too many cheetahs!
  116. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  117. How does a squid go into battle? Well armed!
  118. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I scream!
  119. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it!
  120. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
  121. What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman!
  122. What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip!
  123. Why did the teddy bear say “No” to dessert? Because she was already stuffed!
  124. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling!
  125. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  126. Why do we never tell secrets on the farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk!
  127. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
  128. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
  129. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
  130. Why was the belt arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants!
  131. Why can’t a leopard hide? Because it’s always spotted!
  132. Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
  133. What is a cat’s favorite color? Purrple!
  134. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  135. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
  136. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket!
  137. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purrple!
  138. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs!
  139. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They could crack up!
  140. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
  141. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish!
  142. Why couldn’t the string go into the bar? Because it was a frayed knot!
  143. Why was the broom late? It over swept!
  144. What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, they just waved!
  145. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!

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