150 wordplay jokes
- Why don’t we write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why can’t bicycles stand alone? They’re two-tired.
- What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
- How do you throw a space party? You planet.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? Jalapeño business.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- Why was the baby strawberry crying? His mom was in a jam.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- Why don’t some animals play cards? Because they’re afraid of cheetahs.
- How does Moses make his coffee? He brews it.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- Why was the tomato all red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- What did the hat say to the tie? You hang around, I’ll go on ahead.
- What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
- Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school.
- Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet early.
- Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- Why didn’t the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.
- What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
- What do you call a fish that wears a crown? A king fish.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- Why don’t some animals play cards? They are afraid of cheetahs.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.
- What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- Why was the tomato all red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
- Why did the golfer carry an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- How do oceans say hello? They wave.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? They are shellfish.
- What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
- What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
- How do trees get online? They log in.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
- Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the bass keys.
- What’s a snake’s favorite subject? Hiss-story.
- What did one plate say to the other? Dinner’s on me.
- What do you call a snobbish criminal going downstairs? A condescending con descending.
- How do you keep an elephant from charging? Take away its credit card.
- What kind of shoes does a thief wear? Sneakers.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumby.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
- Why don’t vampires attack Taylor Swift? She has bad blood.
- What’s a foot’s favorite type of chips? Dorit-toes.
- Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? It’s two tired.
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite room in the house? The living room.
- What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
- What did the police officer say to his belly button? You’re under a vest.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
- Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have anty-bodies.
- What kind of music do planets like? Neptunes.
- What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
- Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
- What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
- Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
- Why don’t some animals play cards? They’re afraid of cheetahs.
- What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
- What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
- Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What is a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? She was a little horse.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
- What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
- Why don’t some animals play cards? They’re afraid of cheetahs.
- How do you catch a whole school of fish? With bookworms.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties? Because they are such fungis.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs.
- How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- How do you keep a bagel from escaping? You put lox on it.
- What’s a computer’s least favorite food? Spam.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What kind of music do mummies like? Wrap.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
- How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.