118 Coffee Jokes

Are you in need of a caffeine boost and a good laugh? Look no further than these hilarious coffee jokes that will perk up your day! From puns to one-liners, these jokes are brewed to perfection and guaranteed to bring a smile to any coffee lover’s face.

So grab your favorite cup of joe and get ready to indulge in a steaming hot serving of coffee humor. Get ready for a “brew-tiful” blend of laughter and caffeinated comedy!

Top 118 Coffee Jokes:

1. Why don’t coffee beans ever get surprised? Because they’ve been ‘grounds’ for so long!
2. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
3. What’s black and never works? Decaf coffee, of course!
4. How does a coffee lover hit on someone? They say, “Are you an espresso? Because I just can’t ‘espresso’ my feelings for you.”
5. Why did the coffee bean start going to therapy? It couldn’t handle the daily grind!
6. Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage? Because it’s ‘grounds’ for divorce!
7. Why does the coffee cake always get to lead the meeting? Because it’s always full of ‘beans’.
8. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
9. How does the coffee pot define its life? One brew at a time!
10. Why are coffee beans like kids? They’re always getting grounded.
11. How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
12. Why did the coffee taste like mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago!
13. Why did the latte not talk to the espresso? It couldn’t handle the ‘espresso-ion’ of feelings.
14. Why did the coffee apologize to its customer? Because it was brewed!
15. What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated.
16. How do you know if you’re a coffee addict? When you’ve bean there, done that, and still want more!
17. What’s a barista’s favorite inspirational quote? Espresso yourself!
18. What do you call a coffee enthusiast? A ‘brew’-haha!
19. What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
20. Why did the coffee break up with cream? Because it found someone brew!
21. What do we call the time before coffee? The dark ages.
22. Why don’t snakes drink coffee? Because it makes them viperactive!
23. What’s the hardest part about making a vegan coffee? Getting the almond to lactate.
24. Why did the coffee bean turn red? Because it saw the milk steam!
25. How does a coffee say hello? “Hey, brew!”
26. Why did the espresso keep checking its watch? Because it was pressed for time.
27. Why was the coffee shop employee late? He lost track of time enjoying his morning ‘brew-tine’.
28. Why don’t spiders like coffee? It curdles their web!
29. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise? The coffee ‘press’.
30. What’s a coffee’s favorite note? The ‘B’-roo!
31. Why did the coffee lover go broke? Because he spent all his beans!
32. What do you call a coffee in a helmet? A ‘brew’-ser!
33. Why was the coffee so happy? Because it lived in the mug!
34. Why are aliens afraid of coffee? Because it’s out of this ‘brew’-orld!
35. Why did the coffee go to a psychiatrist? It had too many ‘brew’-tal thoughts.
36. What do you call a baby coffee? A small ‘brew’!
37. Why did the coffee bean go backpacking? To get ‘brew’-ned!
38. Why do bodybuilders drink coffee? Because it helps them ‘espress’ their muscles!
39. What’s a coffee’s favorite karaoke song? ‘Don’t Speak’, by No Brew Doubt!
40. How do coffee beans say goodbye? “See you latte!”
41. What’s a coffee’s favorite spell? ‘Brew’-cious!
42. Why did the coffee go to a medium? It wanted to speak with the ‘brew’-yond.
43. Why was the coffee always in trouble? It was a ‘brew’-ser.
44. What’s a coffee’s favorite movie? Brew’d Awakening!
45. Why is coffee a terrible gossip? Because it always spills the beans!
46. What do you call an Australian coffee? A ‘G’day Brew’!
47. Why do coffee beans go to school? To get a little ‘brew’-der!
48. What did the coffee say to the sugar? “You’re so sweet!”
49. Why did the espresso date the latte? Because it couldn’t resist its foam!
50. What’s coffee’s favorite Sun Tzu quote? “In the midst of chaos, there is also ‘brew’-tality!”
51. Why did the coffee turn to crime? It wanted to be ‘brew’-tal!
52. What’s a coffee’s favorite Broadway musical? Brew’d Awakening!
53. How do we know coffee is the best detective? It always gets to the bottom (of the cup)!
54. Why is the coffee cup the best boxer? Because it always has a strong punch!
55. What is a coffee’s favorite type of poem? A ‘brew’-ette!
56. How does a coffee lover say thank you? “Thanks a latte!”
57. Why did the coffee go to the party? To ‘espresso’ itself!
58. What’s a coffee’s favorite sitcom? “Brew’s Company”.
59. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of shoe? ‘Brew’-gues!
60. What’s a coffee’s favorite instrument? The ‘brew’-banjo!
61. What do you call a group of musical coffees? A ‘Brew’-band!
62. Why did the coffee go to prison? Because it was ‘brew’-tal!
63. How does a coffee ask someone to a dance? “Would you like to go to the ‘brew’-tillion with me?”
64. Why do coffees love being told secrets? Because they love to spill the beans!
65. What’s a coffee’s favorite sporting event? The ‘brew’-per Bowl!
66. What do you call a coffee with a diploma? Edu-‘brew’-cated!
67. How does a coffee flirt? It says, “Are you a coffee bean? Because I’ve bean thinking about you a latte!”
68. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of nut? ‘Brew’-zil nuts!
69. What do you call a coffee who’s a good listener? ‘Brew’-therly!
70. What’s a coffee’s favorite dance move? The ‘brew’-gie!
71. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of pants? ‘Brew’-jeans!
72. Why did the coffee go to the doctor? It had a serious case of the ‘brew’-sies!
73. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of architecture? ‘Brew’-talism!
74. What do you call a sophisticated coffee? A ‘brew’-geois!
75. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of bread? A ‘brew’-guette!
76. What did the coffee say to its date? “I’ve bean thinking about you a latte.”
77. What did the barista say when he put down a cup of coffee? “Bean there, done that!”
78. Why don’t coffee beans play hide and seek? Because they always get found in the end!
79. Why don’t coffee beans like to swim? Because they don’t want to get brewed!
80. Why do coffee beans make great detectives? They always know how to espresso themselves!
81. What’s a coffee’s favorite day of the week? Brewsday!
82. Why was the coffee bean always relaxed? It knew it could handle the pressure!
83. Why did the coffee bean join the gym? To get ‘roast’ fit!
84. What do you call a joke about coffee? ‘Brew’-haha!
85. Why did the coffee bean become a poet? Because it was full of ‘beans’ of wisdom!
86. Why did the coffee bean go to the museum? To see the ‘brew’-tish artefacts!
87. What’s a coffee’s favorite TV series? ‘Brew’-ing Bad!
88. What do you call a fashionable coffee? A ‘Brew’-tiful cup!
89. Why did the coffee win the race? It was always ahead of the grind!
90. How did the coffee propose? With a ‘brew’-tal question: “Will you marry me or are we finished roasting?”
91. Why was the coffee late for work? It was caught in a ‘brew’-ha-ha!
92. What do you call a surprise coffee party? A ‘Brew’-haha!
93. Why did the coffee bean get promoted? It was always ‘brew’-ing its best!
94. Why did the coffee bean start a band? To get into the ‘brew’-sic industry!
95. What’s a coffee’s favorite part of a joke? The ‘punch’-line!
96. Why did the coffee bean stop drinking coffee? It wanted to break the vicious ‘brew’-cle!
97. What’s a coffee’s favorite superhero? ‘Brew’-ce Wayne!
98. Why did the coffee bean get a timeout? It was too ‘brew’-tal!
99. What do you call an early morning coffee? A ‘brew’-merang, it’ll get you going!
100. Why was the coffee a great musician? Because it had perfect ‘pitch’-er!
101. What did the coffee bean say to its crush? “You mocha me crazy!”
102. Why was the coffee at the top of its class? It was always full of beans!
103. Why did the coffee go to school? To improve its ‘brew’-dents’ skills!
104. What do you call a coffee’s autobiography? A ‘brew’-tale!
105. What do you call an emotional coffee? An ‘espresso’-ive blend!
106. Why did the coffee bean join the baseball team? It knew the ‘grounds’ like the back of its hand!
107. What’s a coffee’s favorite constellation? ‘Brew’-tus!
108. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of pet? A ‘brew’-dle!
109. What did the coffee say to the tea? “I’m brewing up a storm!”
110. What do you call a group of excited coffees? A ‘brew’-haha!
111. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of pasta? ‘Brew’-schetta!
112. Why did the coffee get a job? To keep it’s ‘brew’-d up!
113. Why did the coffee go to the bar? To get a little ‘brew’-sky!
114. Why did the coffee bean get a ticket? It was speeding on the ‘brew’-levard!
115. What do you call a smart coffee? A ‘brew’-nius!
116. Why do coffee beans like to meditate? To find their inner ‘brew’-sana!
117. What’s a coffee’s favorite type of tree? A ‘brew’-cyprus!
118. What’s a coffee’s favorite part of a song? The ‘brew’-chorus!

Conclusion

After savoring a cup full of coffee jokes, we hope you’re feeling energized and entertained. These witty quips and puns have showcased the lighter side of our beloved caffeinated beverage, reminding us that a good sense of humor goes hand in hand with a good cup of coffee.

Whether you’re a coffee aficionado, a barista, or simply someone who enjoys a good laugh, these jokes have surely brought a smile to your face. So, the next time you take a sip of that rich, aromatic brew, remember to share a coffee joke and spread the laughter. Cheers to coffee and the joy it brings!