57+ superman jokes

  1. Why doesn’t Superman play hide and seek with Batman? Because he always peeks with his X-ray vision!
  2. Why doesn’t Superman play cricket? Because whenever he hits the ball, it’s always a six!
  3. Why did Superman break up with Lois Lane? He said he needed space.
  4. Why does Superman always win at poker? Because he has the super ability to see through bluffs.
  5. What’s Superman’s favorite part of the joke? The “punch” line.
  6. Why is Superman’s shirt so tight? Because it has a lot of pressure being an “S.”
  7. Why did Superman get a ticket while driving? He was exceeding the speed of light.
  8. Why is Superman bad at playing cards? Everyone can see his suit!
  9. How does Superman take his coffee? Strong, like him!
  10. What do you get if Superman and a vampire had a race? A photo finish!
  11. Why is Superman always late? Because he stops to change in every phone booth!
  12. What do you call it when Superman and Spiderman meet up? A web of steel.
  13. What’s Superman’s favorite food? Hero sandwiches.
  14. Why did Superman cross the road? Because he saw Batman didn’t look both ways.
  15. Why does Superman always carry an umbrella? Just in case there’s kryptonite rain!
  16. What is Superman’s favorite drink? Punch, served with just ice.
  17. Why doesn’t Superman ever get a sunburn? Because he’s closer to the sun than we are.
  18. Why did Superman never wear a baseball cap? Because he’s too busy capping crime!
  19. Why doesn’t Superman play baseball? Because he steals all the bases.
  20. Why is Superman a bad chess player? He always saves the queen.
  21. Why is Superman a good gardener? Because he has green thumbs, not green kryptonite!
  22. Why can’t Superman play football? Because whenever he gets a penalty, he takes it too personally.
  23. How does Superman start a race? On your marks, get set, S!
  24. What did the postman say to Superman? “I have a parcel for ‘S’.”
  25. Why did Superman bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school!
  26. Why did Superman stop playing basketball? Because every time he got the ball, he flew with it.
  27. Why does Superman always work out in his suit? Because it’s his “strong suit.”
  28. What’s Superman’s least favorite candy? Warheads, they’re too explosive!
  29. Why is it hard for Superman to defeat an introvert? They always keep their feelings “inside.”
  30. What do you call Superman when he takes off his costume? Outstanding.
  31. Why doesn’t Superman like telling secrets? Because he can’t whisper at super speed!
  32. What do you call Superman after he retires? Slowman.
  33. How does Superman do his laundry? With power detergent.
  34. Why is Superman the worst teacher? Because he has too many “class” of his own.
  35. Why did Superman open a bakery? To show his “buns of steel.”
  36. Why did Superman get hired as a baker? He’s kneaded.
  37. Why is Superman terrible at poker? Because he always shows his suit.
  38. What does Superman call a day without crime? A day off.
  39. Why does Superman not use a PC? He’s more of an Apple guy. He loves the high “core” power!
  40. What do you call a joke told by Superman? Super funny.
  41. Why does Superman never play the villain? Because he can’t “act” kryptonite!
  42. What’s Superman’s favorite cereal? Superloops!
  43. Why did Superman start a band? Because he’s got the “Supersonic” beats.
  44. Why does Superman never argue with a cat? Because it always claws him out.
  45. Why did Superman start a farm? He heard someone needed a strong “plow-man.”
  46. What’s Superman’s favorite mode of transportation? A supercycle!
  47. Why did Superman go to therapy? He said he was feeling “alienated.”
  48. Why did Superman stop writing with a pen? It was always mightier than him.
  49. What do you call Superman when he fails to lift a car? A lifting kryptonite.
  50. Why doesn’t Superman ever get into a rap battle? He can’t handle the burns!
  51. What kind of music does Superman hate? Heavy metal. Too hard on his ears.
  52. Why does Superman hate spicy food? It’s the only thing that makes him sweat!
  53. Why is Superman not a programmer? Because he doesn’t like Java. He’s into “Super C.”
  54. Why did Superman flunk his music class? He broke every string on the guitar.
  55. What’s Superman’s favorite fruit? Blueberries. They match his outfit!
  56. Why doesn’t Superman do well in school? He’s too busy saving it.
  57. How does Superman cut his hair? He doesn’t, his hair cuts everything else.
  58. What does Superman put on his toast? Super spread!
  59. What’s Superman’s favorite dessert? Ice cream. He likes it super cold.
  60. Why doesn’t Superman use a smartphone? He’s already got worldwide coverage.
  61. Why doesn’t Superman make a good carpenter? He’s always nailing it too hard.
  62. Why can’t Superman play chess? Because he always breaks the board.
  63. Why does Superman avoid seafood? He heard about the krill-tonite.
  64. Why can’t Superman be a painter? Because he can’t hide his true colors.
  65. Why does Superman never take the stairs? He always flies up!
  66. Why did Superman go to the barber? To cut it close!
  67. Why can’t Superman play the violin? The strings can’t handle his super touch.
  68. What’s Superman’s least favorite car? A Krypto-nite!
  69. Why is Superman terrible at baking cookies? He always burns them.
  70. Why does Superman hate junk food? It’s his only weakness.
  71. What is Superman’s least favorite sport? Soccer. He can’t get the hang of the “goalpost.”
  72. Why doesn’t Superman make his bed? Because he’s always flying off the sheets.
  73. Why did Superman visit the dentist? To check his “super smile.”
  74. Why is Superman a terrible singer? Because he’s always breaking the glass.
  75. Why is Superman bad at hide-and-seek? Because it’s hard to hide when you’re super!
  76. Why did Superman become a traffic cop? He’s really good at stopping!
  77. Why does Superman always carry a map? Because even he can get lost in Metropolis!
  78. Why did Superman take up gardening? To get more in touch with the “earth.”
  79. Why can’t Superman use a calculator? Because he’s always faster!
  80. Why doesn’t Superman get a haircut? Because no scissors are sharp enough!
  81. Why can’t Superman keep a diary? Because he can’t hide anything.
  82. Why does Superman never play video games? He’s too busy saving the world!
  83. Why does Superman never visit the jungle? Because he’s not a fan of cheetahs.
  84. What does Superman say when he is surprised? “Great Krypton!”
  85. Why is Superman a terrible mechanic? He always tightens the screws too much.
  86. Why can’t Superman play pool? Because he always breaks the table.
  87. What does Superman say before breakfast? “It’s a bird…It’s a plane…It’s Supermeal!”
  88. Why can’t Superman be a chef? He always overheats the food.
  89. Why is Superman a terrible fisherman? He can’t stop the boat from rocking.
  90. What do you call it when Superman takes a break? A super pause.
  91. Why did Superman go to the library? To check out the “super” books.
  92. Why can’t Superman play golf? He always gets a hole in one.
  93. Why does Superman never get fat? Because he’s always “light” speed.
  94. Why does Superman never use a watch? Because he’s always on “super” time.
  95. Why does Superman love winter? Because snow is the only thing softer than him.
  96. Why doesn’t Superman wear glasses? Because he’s got super vision.
  97. Why can’t Superman keep a job? Because he’s always flying off!
  98. Why does Superman always win at tug-of-war? He’s got a “super” pull.
  99. Why did Superman go to the art museum? To see the “super” paintings.
  100. Why can’t Superman use public transportation? He’s faster on foot!
  101. Why does Superman never go to the gym? He’s always lifting in the field.
  102. Why doesn’t Superman use a weapon? His fists are mightier!
  103. Why does Superman always write in pencil? Because he has a strong “lead.”
  104. Why doesn’t Superman ever wear a belt? He’s always up, never down!
  105. Why does Superman never wear sandals? He doesn’t want his super toes showing.
  106. Why doesn’t Superman use headphones? Because he can hear a pin drop from miles away.
  107. Why did Superman become a journalist? He wanted to be on the “write” side.
  108. Why does Superman never play tennis? Because he always serves too fast.
  109. What’s Superman’s favorite dance? The fly.
  110. Why does Superman never celebrate his birthday? Every day is a super day!
  111. Why doesn’t Superman like arguing? Because he always wants to keep the peace.
  112. Why did Superman go to culinary school? He wanted to cook at super speed.
  113. Why did Superman join a choir? He wanted to hit super high notes.
  114. Why can’t Superman be a stand-up comedian? He always breaks the mic.
  115. Why did Superman join a circus? He was already a juggler – juggling work, love, and saving the world.
  116. Why doesn’t Superman write a book? Because it would be over before you even started.
  117. Why doesn’t Superman watch movies? He lives one.
  118. Why doesn’t Superman go on vacation? Because crime never does.
  119. Why does Superman never lose in a race? Because he always takes the lead.
  120. Why can’t Superman use a hammock? He’s always breaking it.
  121. Why doesn’t Superman eat junk food? He prefers super food.
  122. Why does Superman never make his bed? It’s always made when he flies out of it.
  123. Why did Superman go to the grocery store? He ran out of super snacks.
  124. Why can’t Superman be a photographer? He always forgets to “focus.”
  125. Why can’t Superman have a pet? He’s allergic to kryptonite kittens.
  126. Why does Superman never get lost? He always keeps an eye on the North Star.
  127. Why can’t Superman use an elevator? He always lifts it.
  128. Why doesn’t Superman play the drums? He always breaks the beat.
  129. Why did Superman start a blog? To share his super thoughts.
  130. Why can’t Superman drink coffee? He’s always energetic.
  131. Why doesn’t Superman use perfume? He doesn’t want to attract kryptonite bees.
  132. Why does Superman never iron his clothes? They’re always perfect.
  133. Why can’t Superman watch TV? He always breaks the remote.
  134. Why did Superman start painting? He wanted to bring colors to life.
  135. Why does Superman never go bowling? He’s always striking out.
  136. Why does Superman never need a ladder? He’s always rising to the occasion.
  137. Why did Superman never join a band? He’s a solo performer.
  138. Why doesn’t Superman play the lottery? He doesn’t need luck.
  139. Why can’t Superman use a computer? He always presses too hard.
  140. Why does Superman never get bored? He’s always up in the air.
  141. Why doesn’t Superman ever go shopping? He always wears the same outfit.
  142. Why did Superman go to the optician? He wanted super glasses.
  143. Why can’t Superman have a fish tank? He’d always break the glass.
  144. Why can’t Superman use a smartphone? He always taps too hard.
  145. Why did Superman visit the museum? He wanted to see the super exhibits.
  146. Why does Superman never need an alarm clock? He’s always awake.
  147. Why can’t Superman be a judge? He always sides with justice.
  148. Why did Superman go to the party? He wanted to have a super time.
  149. Why can’t Superman wear a hat? It always flies off.
  150. Why can’t Superman join the army? He’s already a one-man army!

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