57+ scuba jokes

  1. Why did the shark turn down the scuba diver’s party invitation? Because he couldn’t handle the pressure.
  2. What do you call a scuba diver who can play the piano? A deep sea composer.
  3. Why did the scuba diver take a ladder into the ocean? He wanted to see what was down below!
  4. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite game? Deep Sea Bingo.
  5. How do scuba divers communicate underwater? They use shell-phones!
  6. Why don’t scuba divers get sunburned? They have a deep tan.
  7. Why was the scuba diver failing school? He was always below C level.
  8. What do you call a scuba diver without a buddy? In deep water!
  9. Why did the scuba diver carry a knife? He didn’t want to be caught between a rock and a hard plaice.
  10. How do scuba divers clean themselves? They use sand soap.
  11. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite piece of clothing? Flippers!
  12. What do you call a scuba diver who’s afraid of the dark? A shallow thinker.
  13. Why was the scuba diver bad at basketball? He always dove before the shot.
  14. What do you call a fight between scuba divers? A deep-sea duel.
  15. Why don’t fish play hide and seek with scuba divers? They always get found in the seaweed.
  16. How did the scuba diver break his arm? He fell off the sea-floor.
  17. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite day of the week? Tanksgiving.
  18. Why did the scuba diver bring a pencil? Because he wanted to draw a sea-nic view.
  19. How do you know if a scuba diver is a good cook? If he knows his way around the algae-tarian diet.
  20. Why did the scuba diver go to jail? He got caught poaching sea eggs.
  21. Why don’t scuba divers ever get bored? Because they always have something fishy going on.
  22. What do scuba divers drink at the bar? Salt water on the rocks.
  23. Why did the octopus cross the road? To get away from the scuba divers.
  24. What does a scuba diver put in his coffee? A spoonful of sea sugar.
  25. Why do scuba divers always carry a compass? So they don’t get caught up in current events.
  26. What do you call a scuba diver who’s always running late? Tide up.
  27. How do scuba divers catch their flight? They take the sea-plane.
  28. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite TV show? Deep Sea Detective.
  29. Why was the scuba diver always happy? He found his porpoise in life.
  30. What do you call a scuba diver who lost his gear? A dry diver.
  31. Why don’t scuba divers ever argue? They always go with the flow.
  32. Why did the scuba diver always lose at poker? He kept folding under pressure.
  33. Why do scuba divers carry a stop sign? To halt the wave of fish.
  34. How does a scuba diver cut his sandwich? With a sea-saw.
  35. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite sandwich? A PB and jellyfish.
  36. Why did the scuba diver take a camera? He wanted to capture some deep thoughts.
  37. How do you know if a scuba diver is in love? He can’t stop bubbling about it.
  38. Why are scuba divers bad at playing hide and seek? Because they always surface too soon.
  39. How does a scuba diver like his eggs? Sunnyside up – extra runny.
  40. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite dessert? Chocolate clam cookies.
  41. How do scuba divers listen to music? On their sub-marine.
  42. Why are scuba divers so good at math? They always dive by the numbers.
  43. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite film? “Gone with the Water”.
  44. Why don’t scuba divers give up? They keep on swimming, no matter how tide they get.
  45. Why did the scuba diver become a writer? He wanted to write dive-ine poetry.
  46. What do you call a talkative scuba diver? A chatterboxfish.
  47. Why are scuba divers such great singers? They have deep baritone voices.
  48. What is a scuba diver’s favorite vegetable? Sea-kale.
  49. How do scuba divers get to school? They ride the school of fish.
  50. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite shoe? Flip(per)-flops.
  51. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite kind of music? Bubblegum pop.
  52. How do scuba divers apologize? They send a bouquet of sea flowers.
  53. Why did the scuba diver always win at chess? He knew all the moves, hook, line, and sinker.
  54. Why did the scuba diver bring a balloon? He wanted to have a pop at the surface.
  55. Why did the scuba diver go to the party? To raise the barometric pressure.
  56. How do scuba divers break up? They just drift apart.
  57. What is a scuba diver’s favorite type of dog? A sub-woofer.
  58. Why are scuba divers always calm? They keep their cool under pressure.
  59. Why did the scuba diver bring a flashlight? To sea clearly.
  60. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite dance? The tango-cean.
  61. Why did the scuba diver get promoted? He knew the depths of his job.
  62. How do scuba divers send mail? Via sea-mail.
  63. Why did the scuba diver get a ticket? He exceeded the depth limit.
  64. What do you call a scuba diver with no bubbles? A silent diver.
  65. Why don’t scuba divers like fast food? Because they prefer something fresher from the sea.
  66. Why are scuba divers always ready for dinner? Because they always have a dive appetite.
  67. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite Christmas carol? Jingle Shells.
  68. How do scuba divers say hello? They wave underwater.
  69. Why did the scuba diver break up with his girlfriend? He felt there was too much water under the bridge.
  70. Why do scuba divers never get lost? They always go with the flow.
  71. Why was the scuba diver a good journalist? He was great at deep dives.
  72. What do you call a scuba diver who can’t swim? A landlubber.
  73. How do scuba divers decorate their homes? With coral arrangements.
  74. Why don’t scuba divers need a watch? Because time and tide wait for no one.
  75. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite plant? Seaweed.
  76. Why did the scuba diver fail his driving test? He didn’t know how to do a three-point turn.
  77. How does a scuba diver pay for his drinks? He uses sand dollars.
  78. Why was the scuba diver always relaxed? He was going with the ebb and flow.
  79. Why did the scuba diver become a baker? He loved the smell of fresh-baked krill.
  80. How do you know if a scuba diver is lying? His lips are moving.
  81. Why did the scuba diver open a restaurant? He wanted to serve surf ‘n’ turf.
  82. Why don’t scuba divers play soccer? They don’t like getting a corner kick.
  83. Why are scuba divers such good friends? They always have each other’s back… tanks.
  84. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite book? “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea”.
  85. How do scuba divers express gratitude? They say “tank you”.
  86. Why did the scuba diver bring a map to the ocean? He didn’t want to get caught off guard by a riptide.
  87. What do you call a scuba diver in the desert? A fish out of water.
  88. Why do scuba divers make great musicians? They have perfect pitch (and yaw).
  89. Why was the scuba diver always the life of the party? He always made a splash.
  90. Why did the scuba diver go to the opera? He wanted to hear the high Cs.
  91. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite pasta? Sea-shells.
  92. Why did the scuba diver go to the moon? He wanted to experience zero buoyancy.
  93. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite type of joke? One with a deep meaning.
  94. Why did the scuba diver take art classes? He wanted to paint sea-nic views.
  95. What do you call a scuba diver who likes to race? A deep speeder.
  96. Why don’t scuba divers make good dancers? They have two left feet, one flipper and one fin.
  97. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite beverage? Saltwater tea.
  98. Why did the scuba diver go into politics? He wanted to make waves.
  99. Why did the scuba diver always lose at cards? He couldn’t keep a poker face underwater.
  100. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite number? Sea-ven.
  101. Why did the scuba diver bring a clock underwater? To have a good time.
  102. What is a scuba diver’s favorite instrument? A clarinetfish.
  103. Why don’t scuba divers get cold? Because they wear wetsuits.
  104. Why was the scuba diver a good salesman? He knew how to seal the deal.
  105. Why did the scuba diver become a gardener? He had a green fin.
  106. Why did the scuba diver bring a notepad? He wanted to jot down his deep thoughts.
  107. What is a scuba diver’s favorite spice? Sea-salt.
  108. How do scuba divers make decisions? They dive right in.
  109. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite pizza? Anchovy and seaweed.
  110. Why did the scuba diver always carry a mirror? To reflect on his diving experiences.
  111. What do you call a scuba diver who’s good at chess? Deep Blue.
  112. Why was the scuba diver’s restaurant unsuccessful? Too many fishy deals.
  113. What do you call a scuba diver who loves to read? A deep reader.
  114. Why did the scuba diver go to the hospital? He had decompression sickness.
  115. Why did the scuba diver get a ticket? He was caught speeding on a sea scooter.
  116. Why are scuba divers good at parties? They’re experts at diving into conversations.
  117. Why don’t scuba divers like playing hide and seek? Because the sea-weeds.
  118. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite drink? Salt-water taffy.
  119. Why was the scuba diver a good listener? He always went below the surface.
  120. How do you know when a scuba diver is at your party? The dip in the pool is gone.
  121. Why are scuba divers always happy? They live in a state of eel-ation.
  122. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite candy? Sea-salt caramels.
  123. Why did the scuba diver get a job at the bakery? He loved making sand-wiches.
  124. Why are scuba divers such good detectives? They always dive into the case.
  125. Why did the scuba diver always have a smile on his face? He had a good sense of pufferfish.
  126. What do you call a scuba diver who likes to take risks? A thrill-sea-ker.
  127. Why did the scuba diver go to the circus? He wanted to see the seal-ions.
  128. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite ice cream? Sea-salted caramel.
  129. Why don’t scuba divers get tired? They always go with the current.
  130. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite bird? The puffin, because it’s also a diver.
  131. Why was the scuba diver always calm? He took a deep breath and let it go.
  132. What do you call a scuba diver who always takes the lead? A dive-master.
  133. How do scuba divers get out of a dangerous situation? They just go with the flow.
  134. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite fruit? Water-melon.
  135. Why did the scuba diver get lost? He took a wrong turn at the coral reef.
  136. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite type of story? A deep-sea tale.
  137. Why do scuba divers always carry an extra tank? They don’t want to run out of air-guments.
  138. Why was the scuba diver good at solving puzzles? He could see beyond the surface.
  139. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite type of bread? Anemone bread.
  140. Why are scuba divers always the first to arrive? They believe in the early bird catches the worm.
  141. Why did the scuba diver become a stand-up comedian? He had a whale of a time making people laugh.
  142. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite type of exercise? Deep-sea stretching.
  143. Why did the scuba diver carry a bag of sand? He wanted to get to the bottom of things.
  144. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite type of movie? Anything with a twist in the tide.
  145. How does a scuba diver invite his friends to a party? He sends them a dive-tation.
  146. Why did the scuba diver bring a sandwich? He heard there was a picnic on the seabed.
  147. Why do scuba divers make great entrepreneurs? They’re not afraid to dive into new ventures.
  148. What’s a scuba diver’s favorite form of social media? Instra-gram.
  149. Why did the scuba diver never get angry? He knew how to keep his cool under pressure.
  150. Why did the scuba diver always win at hide and seek? He knew all the best hiding plaices.

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