57+ jokes for adults

  1. Why don’t accountants ever make good comedians? They get too caught up in the gross income!
  2. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock? Look grandpa, no hands!
  3. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  4. How does a computer get drunk? It takes screenshots!
  5. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line!
  6. Why don’t secret agents sleep? Because they don’t want to be caught napping on the job!
  7. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
  8. Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants!
  9. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The space bar!
  10. How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints!
  11. What do you call an old snowman? Water!
  12. Why don’t football players go to the bakery? They can’t handle the rolls!
  13. Why was the beach so tired? Because it was always waving!
  14. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
  15. Why don’t software engineers make good fashion designers? They always have trouble with the threads!
  16. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  17. What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym? The French press!
  18. Why don’t golfers carry an extra pair of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
  19. Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank coffee before it was cool!
  20. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
  21. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick!
  22. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  23. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  24. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  25. How do you turn soup into gold? Add 24 carrots!
  26. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!
  27. What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman!
  28. What do you call an apology letter written in Morse code? Remorse code!
  29. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear!
  30. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
  31. Why was the calendar nervous? Its days were numbered!
  32. What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
  33. What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi bud!
  34. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
  35. Why didn’t the skeleton fight the monster? He didn’t have the guts!
  36. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs!
  37. What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno business!
  38. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
  39. How does a squid go into battle? Well armed!
  40. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
  41. What’s a bartender’s favorite type of math? Mixology!
  42. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny!
  43. What do you call a magic dog? A Labracadabrador!
  44. What’s a banker’s favorite type of tree? Interest!
  45. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
  46. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
  47. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
  48. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
  49. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
  50. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!
  51. How do trees access the internet? They log in!
  52. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
  53. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  54. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
  55. What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish!
  56. What’s the most musical part of a fish? The scales!
  57. Why didn’t the coffee bean go to the party? It was grounded!
  58. Why did the M&M go to school? Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!
  59. What do you call an arrogant thief going down the stairs? A condescending con descending!
  60. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, man, breathe!
  61. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare!
  62. Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
  63. What did the hat say to the tie? You hang around, I’ll go ahead!
  64. What do you call a cat who swallowed a duck? A duck-filled-fatty-puss!
  65. Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
  66. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
  67. Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the bass keys!
  68. Why did the scarecrow break up with the cornstalk? She was all ears!
  69. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant!
  70. Why was the sand wet? Because the sea-weed!
  71. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
  72. Why don’t spiders go to school? Because they learn everything on the web!
  73. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  74. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
  75. How do you organize a space party? You planet!
  76. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
  77. What’s a foot’s favorite type of chips? Doritoes!
  78. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They could crack up!
  79. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
  80. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe!
  81. What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berries and Ice Scream!
  82. Why was the math book depressed? It had too many problems!
  83. Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  84. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for fresh prints!
  85. What’s a computer’s favorite beat? An algorithm!
  86. How do pickles enjoy a day out? They relish it!
  87. Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide!
  88. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse!
  89. How does the ocean say goodbye? It waves!
  90. What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day? A Frisbee!
  91. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved!
  92. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
  93. How do you know if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin!
  94. Why don’t some animals play cards in the wild? Too many cheetahs!
  95. Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field!
  96. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a bad “byte”!
  97. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
  98. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping? A dino-snore!
  99. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  100. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all its problems!
  101. Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
  102. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time!
  103. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador!

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