117 corny jokes
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy!
- What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh!
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted!
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar!
- Why don’t some animals play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie!
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- How do you organize a space party? You planet!
- What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener!
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Why don’t we tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk!
- Why did the bee go to the barbershop? To get a buzz-cut!
- Why did the book join the police? Because it wanted to work undercover!
- What’s an alien’s favorite type of music? Neptunes!
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
- Why did the elephant bring a suitcase to the zoo? Because he wanted to pack his trunk!
- Why did the musician throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly!
- Why was the belt arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants!
- What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner!
- Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles? They tend to lose their balance!
- Why was the computer sent to school? Because it needed to improve its processing skills!
- Why was the math teacher suspicious of the alphabet? Because it always had an X!
- What do you call a wizard who has run out of spells? Outcast!
- Why was the music note always getting into trouble? Because it was always in treble!
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
- Why was the calendar nervous? Because its days were numbered!
- Why don’t eggs tell each other secrets? Because they might crack up!
- Why was the sandwich a good hockey player? Because it knew how to roll with the buns!
- Why did the vampire subscribe to the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation!
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed!
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
- Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
- Why don’t birds use Facebook? They already tweet enough!
- Why did the bread go to the bakery? To get a yeast infection!
- What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot!
- Why did the chameleon go on a diet? Because it had too many scales!
- Why couldn’t the gardener plant any flowers? He hadn’t botany!
- What do you call a cat in a station wagon? A car-pet!
- Why was the broom late? It overswept!
- Why did the smartphone go to school? It wanted to improve its data analysis!
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb!
- Why don’t basketball players go on vacation? They would get called for traveling!
- What do you call a pirate that skips class? Captain Hooky!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of math? Boo-lean Algebra!
- What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!
- Why did the football team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good roll!
- Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice!
- Why did the computer break up with the internet? There were too many connection issues!
- Why don’t robots ever have a mid-life crisis? They have hard drives, not heart drives!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s R but it’s the C they love!
- What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line!
- Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
- Why did the scarecrow break up with the corn? He felt they were just going in circles!
- Why did the belt go to jail? It was holding up a pair of pants!
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged!
- What’s an astronaut’s favorite board game? Moon-opoly!
- How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience!
- Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make some liquid assets!
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
- Why don’t football teams eat pastries? Because it’s a high turnover rate!
- Why was the math book always worried? It had too many problems!
- What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear!
- Why was the pencil always sad? Because it couldn’t get to the point!
- Why was the baker always busy? Because he was rolling in dough!
- Why did the computer take a nap? It had a hard drive!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Dear Sir, we are cutting your internet connection due to illegal downloading…
- Why did the chicken go to seance? To speak to the other side!
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsssh!
- Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
- What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell!
- What’s a dentist’s favorite time? Tooth hurty!
- Why did the duck get a degree? Because he wanted to be a quackademic!
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
- Why did the robot go on vacation? It needed to recharge!
- Why was the computer at the police station? It was a key witness!
- What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits!
- Why was the math problem so easy? It was a piece of pi!
- Why did the paper go to summer camp? It wanted to be a little bolder!
- Why did the clock get in trouble at school? It tocked too much!
- Why was the computer at school? It was learning bytes!
- Why was the computer at the beach? It wanted a byte of the surf!
- What’s a computer’s favorite type of snack? Microchips!
- Why did the cookie go to the nurse? It felt crumby!
- Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the corn has ears!
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick!
- Why did the computer break up with its partner? It was tired of all the cache fighting!
- What’s a programmer’s favorite hangout place? The address bar!
- Why don’t soccer players do well in school? Because they always get kicked out of class!
- Why did the smartphone need glasses? It lost all its contacts!
- Why was the music note always in trouble? It couldn’t stay in key!
- What do you call a bear with no ears? B!
- Why don’t birds use social media? They already tweet!
- Why was the computer at the disco? It had a hard drive for dancing!
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
- Why do we never tell secrets in a zoo? Because giraffes might spill the beans!
- Why was the computer always late? It had a hard time booting up in the morning!
- What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracadabrador!
- Why don’t they play hide and seek in Africa? Because good luck hiding when you’re Ghana!
- Why did the scarecrow stand up comedian? He was outstanding in his field!
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
- What do you call a magician who has lost his magic? Ian!
- What do you call a cat that wears make up? Glamourpuss!
- Why do basketball players love donuts? Because they can dunk them!
- What’s a computer’s favorite beat? The algo-rhythm!
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!
- Why do we never tell secrets in a library? Because the books might spill the beans!
- Why don’t programmers like nature? It has too many bugs!