150 clever jokes
- Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
- What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
- Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? It’s two tired.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why can’t a bank keep a secret? It has too many tellers.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- How does a tree get online? It logs in.
- What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- Why was the computer at the police station so busy? It had a lot of data to process.
- What’s a computer’s least favorite food? Spam.
- Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a hard drive.
- Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the bass keys.
- Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the belt go to jail? It was holding up a pair of pants.
- What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? Jalapeño business.
- Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They could crack up.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
- What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
- Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon.
- Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.
- Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
- What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
- What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.
- Why didn’t the orange win the race? It ran out of juice.
- Why was the math exam so happy? Because it felt so testy.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.
- What do you call a snowman with a temper? A meltdown.
- What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music.
- Why didn’t the moon finish its meal? It was full.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
- Why did the computer go to art school? It wanted to learn how to draw data.
- Why don’t some animals play cards in the wild? There are too many cheetahs.
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open.
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? If they had four, they would be chicken sedans.
- What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
- What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt.
- Why was the math problem looking at the other math problem? Because it couldn’t figure it out.
- Why don’t some animals go to public school? Because they’re part of a private school.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
- Why do golfers carry an extra shirt? In case they get a hole in one.
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- Why did the pony get sent to his room? He wouldn’t stop horsing around.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing.
- Why was the math test so sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why did the bike fall over? It was two-tired.
- Why can’t you trust the king of the jungle? Because he’s always lion.
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
- Why don’t basketball players go on vacation? They would get called for traveling.
- Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
- Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
- Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.
- Why don’t lobsters share? Because they’re shellfish.
- What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.
- What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
- Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
- What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss.
- Why was the math book always worried? It had too many problems.
- What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
- What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock? Look, grandpa, no hands!
- Why didn’t the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees.
- What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you call a fish wearing a crown? A king fish.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.
- Why don’t aliens visit our planet? Terrible ratings. One star.
- What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? Re-Morse code.
- Why do flamingos stand on one leg? If they lifted the other one, they’d fall over.
- Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
- Why did the belt go to prison? It was holding up a pair of pants.
- What kind of room has no doors or windows? A mushroom.
- Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
- What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
- What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.
- Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
- What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- What’s a foot’s favorite chip? Doritoes.
- Why was the math book always worried? Because of all its problems.
- What do you call a fish that wears a crown? A king fish.
- Why did the computer go to art school? It wanted to learn how to draw data.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
- Why was the broom late? It over-swept.
- What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.
- How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
- What’s a cat’s favorite button on the remote? Paws.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Why was the math exam so happy? Because it felt so testy.
- Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
- What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
- Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants.
- Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why can’t a bank keep a secret? It has too many tellers.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.
- How does a tree get online? It logs in.
- What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- Why was the computer at the police station so busy? It had a lot of data to process.
- What’s a computer’s least favorite food? Spam.
- Why did the computer go to therapy? It had a hard drive.
- Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the bass keys.
- Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the belt go to jail? It was holding up a pair of pants.
- What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? Jalapeño business.
- Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They could crack up.
- What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.