150 cracker jokes
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What does a nosy pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
- Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re scared of the bass clef.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”? Because every play has a cast.
- What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse.
- Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
- Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
- What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? A stalker.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
- Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- Why did the man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to make some liquid assets.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
- What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
- Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
- Why did the belt get arrested? Because it was holding up a pair of pants.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.
- What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
- What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell.
- What is a boxer’s favorite drink? Punch.
- Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
- What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.
- Why was the math lecture so long? The teacher went off on a tangent.
- Why can’t a leopard hide? Because it’s always spotted.
- What does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.
- Why did the music note go to school? To get its degrees.
- What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
- Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry.
- What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.
- Why do birds never use Facebook? They already tweet enough.
- Why do Christmas trees like to knit? Because they’re so good at purling.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries.
- What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
- Why was the broom late? It over swept.
- Why don’t vampires have more friends? Because they’re a pain in the neck.
- Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide.
- What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
- Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up.
- What do you call a donkey with three legs? A wonky.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
- Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
- What do you call a fish without fins? A one liner.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
- What do you call a snowman with a temper? A meltdown.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change.
- What’s a cat’s favorite subject in school? Hisstory.
- Why don’t mummies take time off? They’re afraid to unwind.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool music.
- Why did the bird go to the hospital? It needed tweetment.
- Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
- What is a builder’s favorite type of math? Geometry, because it’s all about the angles.
- Why was the math test so sad? It had too many problems.
- How do oceans say hello to each other? They wave.
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
- What do you call a careful wolf? Awarewolf.
- What do you call a bee from America? A USB.
- What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.
- Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
- Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the waters.
- What do you get if you cross a stereo and a refrigerator? Cool music.
- What do you call a very quiet mythological creature? A silence-a-goat.
- Why did the student bring scissors to class? He wanted to cut class.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
- Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beans stalk.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
- Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
- What do you get if you cross a shark and a snowman? Frostbite.
- What do you call a cat in shoes? Puss in boots.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
- What’s the most musical part of a chicken? The drumstick.
- Why was the sand wet? Because the sea-weed.
- Why don’t lions like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
- What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
- How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie.
- What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sand-witch.
- Why did the banana go to the hospital? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
- Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
- What did one plate say to the other? Dinner’s on me.
- What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
- What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
- What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why do birds never use Facebook? They already tweet enough.
- Why don’t vampires have more friends? Because they’re a pain in the neck.
- What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
- Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay, they’d be bagels.
- What does the world’s top dentist get? A little plaque.
- Why was the music note go to school? To get its degrees.
- What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
- Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide.
- What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.
- Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
- What do you call a fish without fins? A one liner.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hi, bud!
- What do you call a snowman with a temper? A meltdown.
- Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
- What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool music.
- Why did the bird go to the hospital? It needed tweetment.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
- Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
- What do you call a bee from America? A USB.
- What do you call a country where everyone drives a red car? A red carnation.
- Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the waters.
- What do you get if you cross a stereo and a refrigerator? Cool music.
- Why did the student bring scissors to class? He wanted to cut class.
- What do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
- What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trom-bone.
- What do you get if you cross a shark and a snowman? Frostbite.
- How does a train eat? It goes chew chew.
- Why don’t lions like fast food? Because they can’t catch it!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-berry pie.
- Why did the banana go to the hospital? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
- What did one plate say to the other? Dinner’s on me.
- What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.