57+ viking jokes
- Why did the Viking buy an earring?
- Because he wanted to pill-age in style.
- How do Vikings communicate at sea?
- Norse code.
- What do Vikings put in their sandwiches?
- Leif lettuce.
- What did the Viking say to the waiter?
- “Is the bar-barian?”
- Why don’t Vikings ever get locked out?
- They always carry a spare keg.
- Why did the Viking go to jail?
- For Viking and entering.
- Why did the Viking bring a pencil to battle?
- Why did the Viking’s phone stop working?
- Too many Norse codes.
- Why don’t Vikings get sunburned?
- They have plenty of Norse cream.
- How do Vikings like their steak?
- Rune-rare.
- Why did the Viking refuse to row east?
- He didn’t want to be taken for oar.
- How do Vikings prefer their coffee?
- Ship-brewed.
- What did the Viking say when he found land?
- Shore is nice to meet you.
- Why did the Viking refuse to play cards?
- The deck was stacked with shields.
- How did the Viking find his way back to his ship?
- He followed the herring.
- What is a Viking’s favorite exercise?
- Nordic walking.
- Why was the Viking a terrible cook?
- He kept burning the Norse d’oeuvres.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite kind of math?
- Plundering fractions.
- How do you know if a Viking has been in your garden?
- Your roses are raided, and your lettuce has been leif-ed.
- Why don’t Vikings write checks?
- They believe in direct de-battle-it.
- Why do Vikings hate elevator jokes?
- They prefer the Norse stairs.
- Why did the Viking take his wife to comedy shows?
- He loved her war-rior laughter.
- Why was the Viking bad at baseball?
- He thought the pitcher was a drinking utensil.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite shoe brand?
- New Balance – for perfect sea-legs.
- What do you call a Viking who always takes the easy way out?
- A Shortcut Raider.
- What is a Viking’s favorite vegetable?
- Turn-ips for the plundering.
- Why are Viking jokes always funny?
- They have great delivery – straight to your shore!
- What do Vikings wear to office parties?
- Raid-iculous ties.
- Why did the Viking stay at his desk at lunchtime?
- He was on a rowing deadline.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite music genre?
- Rock and Raids.
- Because he gets lost in fun.
- Why was the Viking always calm?
- He mastered the Norse of relaxation.
- Why did the Viking go to the bakery?
- He heard there was a new batch of Danish pastries.
- Why was the Viking bad at chess?
- He kept trying to attack the board.
- Why did the Viking go to the doctor?
- He had a bad case of “helmet hair”.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of party?
- A longboat cruise.
- What do Vikings use to fix their ships?
- Norse code screwdriver.
- Why was the Viking comedian so popular?
- His jokes were inflectious.
- What did the Viking say to his buddy at the gym?
- “I’m feeling a bit Thor.”
- Why did the Viking never lose at poker?
- He was an expert at bluffing and ransacking.
- Why don’t Vikings ever lose their cars?
- They always remember where they’ve moored.
- They always hit the high seas.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite dance?
- The sailor’s hornpipe.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite drink?
- Fjord bottled water.
- Why did the Viking refuse to use a GPS?
- He preferred the stars to steer by.
- Why was the Viking’s book so popular?
- It was a gripping saga.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite game?
- Hide and go seethe.
- Why do Vikings always win at tug-of-war?
- They have a good crew to row.
- Barkbeard.
- Why don’t Vikings make good secret agents?
- They always spill the mead.
- Why did the Viking go to school?
- To improve his ‘rune’acy.
- What is a Viking’s favorite type of weather?
- Why do Vikings make good rappers?
- They’re excellent at spitting bars… and axes.
- Why did the Viking bring his boat to the party?
- Because he couldn’t find a parking spot.
- How do Vikings like their eggs?
- Poach-ed, just like their treasures.
- Too much pillaging on the freeway.
- Why did the Viking go to therapy?
- He was feeling a bit ‘Norse’ inside.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite day of the week?
- Shipshape Sunday.
- Why did the Viking become a gardener?
- He loved to ‘rake’ up the leaves.
- What do you call a Viking who sells real estate?
- A Land Raider.
- Why did the Viking bring a ladder to the bar?
- To reach the high spirits.
- How did the Viking propose to his girlfriend?
- With a dia-mead ring.
- What do you call a group of fashion-conscious Vikings?
- The Style Vikings.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of music?
- Heavy mead-al.
- Why do Vikings always carry a map?
- So they don’t get caught up in ‘Norse’ sense directions.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite workout?
- Row-bics.
- Why did the Viking take a nap under his shield?
- He wanted to rest in pieces.
- What do you call a Viking who can play the guitar?
- Axe-lent performer.
- He couldn’t see the spirit of it.
- How do Vikings make decisions?
- They ‘pillage’ a side.
- Why did the Viking become a poet?
- He loved writing sagas.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite holiday?
- New Year’s Raid.
- Why was the Viking always late?
- His watch was set to Norse Standard Time.
- What is a Viking’s favorite fruit?
- Plunder-ines.
- How do Vikings like their chicken?
- Raid-roasted.
- What do you call a Viking’s puppy?
- A barkbarian.
- Why did the Viking never finish his novel?
- He got lost in the sagas.
- What do Vikings use to fix a leak in their boat?
- Duct Tape-stry.
- Why did the Viking refuse to play hide and seek?
- He said it was for Norse-ense.
- What do you call a Viking with earbuds?
- A podcast raider.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite drink at the coffee shop?
- Mocha mead-iatto.
- Why was the Viking a good detective?
- He always followed his Norse instincts.
- Why do Vikings make great artists?
- They always draw first blood.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of car?
- A raid Rover.
- What did the Viking say when he stubbed his toe?
- “Oh my gods!”
- How do Vikings stay in shape?
- By doing a daily raid routine.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of soup?
- Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side.
- What do you call a Viking that loves photography?
- A shutter raider.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite bird?
- A raven-ous appetite.
- How do Vikings like their baths?
- Shipshape and shiny.
- What do Vikings use to cut their pizza?
- Little Caesars.
- Why do Vikings hate soccer?
- Too much kicking, not enough raiding.
- What do Vikings use to keep their pants up?
- Raiding belts.
- Why did the Viking go to a seafood restaurant?
- He heard they serve a great fish and ‘ships’.
- Why was the Viking a great farmer?
- He was excellent at raising the ‘bar’n.
- How do Vikings like their jokes?
- Pillageously funny.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of pie?
- Apple pillage.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite movie?
- “Guardians of the Galley-xy”.
- Why was the Viking a good teacher?
- He was great at giving a ‘rune’ down on things.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of tea?
- Raid Bush.
- Why do Vikings make great dancers?
- They’ve got the moves like Lagertha.
- Why was the Viking a terrible fisherman?
- He kept throwing back the herring.
- What do you call a scared Viking?
- A Norse-nervous.
- What do you call a Viking who doesn’t pillage?
- A relaxed Viking.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite dessert?
- Ice-cream Viking.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite board game?
- “Settlers of Catan-ical”.
- How do Vikings like their milk?
- Pasteur-raid.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of tree?
- Ash, great for building ships.
- What do you call a Viking with bad eyesight?
- A ‘See’-king.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of pasta?
- Fettuccine Alfred-ho.
- Why did the Viking go to the eyeglasses store?
- He wanted to see the world through raid-bow colored glasses.
- What do Vikings use to clean their ships?
- Soaping water.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of bread?
- Raid bread.
- How do Vikings like their potatoes?
- Baked and raided.
- Raid-ical rhino.
- Why was the Viking a terrible magician?
- He kept turning his hat into a helm.
- Why did the Viking bring a compass to the party?
- He didn’t want to get dis-‘oar’-ientated.
- Why don’t Vikings like to eat at sushi restaurants?
- They prefer their fish cooked, not raw or ‘rune’.
- How do Vikings like their cake?
- With icing and candles, just like their ships.
- What did the Viking say to his friend after the feast?
- “That meal was ‘rune’-believable!”
- What do you call a Viking in winter?
- A ‘snow’-man.
- How do Vikings like their cookies?
- With a lot of chips.
- Why did the Viking refuse to eat the salad?
- He said, “It lacks meat!”
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of pizza?
- Pepper-raid with extra cheese.
- What do you call a Viking in summer?
- A ‘sun’-burnt raider.
- How do Vikings fix a flat tire?
- With a lot of ‘shield’ power.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite color?
- Raid-iant red.
- Why did the Viking refuse to play the lottery?
- He didn’t like the ‘odds’.
- What do you call a Viking on a bike?
- A pedal pillager.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of music festival?
- Raid-chella.
- Why did the Viking bring a tent to the battle?
- He wanted to camp out and watch the fun.
- Why did the Viking refuse to cook?
- He was a ‘rune’-away chef.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite city?
- Raid-elaide.
- Why did the Viking refuse to swim?
- He was afraid of water under the ‘brr’-idge.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite sport?
- Foot-raid.
- What do you call a Viking’s baby?
- A little pillager.
- Why was the Viking a terrible hairdresser?
- He kept cutting the hair too short.
- How do Vikings like their tea?
- Raid hot.
- What do you call a Viking with a rubber duck?
- A bath Viking.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of plant?
- A fern, just like their homeland.
- What do you call a Viking on a trampoline?
- A high flyer.
- Why was the Viking a good baseball player?
- He was excellent at raids and runs.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of juice?
- Raid-iant orange.
- How do Vikings like their fish?
- Well-raided.
- Why did the Viking refuse to eat the mushroom?
- He said, “It’s not my ‘fungi’!”
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of candy?
- Raid-ishes.
- How do Vikings like their vegetables?
- Raided from the garden.
- Why did the Viking bring a blanket to the battle?
- He wanted to stay comfortable during the cold fight.
- What’s a Viking’s favorite type of burger?
- Double cheese-raid.