57+ viking jokes

  1. Why did the Viking buy an earring?
    • Because he wanted to pill-age in style.
  2. How do Vikings communicate at sea?
  3. What do Vikings put in their sandwiches?
  4. What did the Viking say to the waiter?
    • “Is the bar-barian?”
  5. Why don’t Vikings ever get locked out?
    • They always carry a spare keg.
  6. Why did the Viking go to jail?
    • For Viking and entering.
  7. Why did the Viking bring a pencil to battle?
  8. Why did the Viking’s phone stop working?
    • Too many Norse codes.
  9. Why don’t Vikings get sunburned?
    • They have plenty of Norse cream.
  10. How do Vikings like their steak?
  • Rune-rare.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to row east?
  • He didn’t want to be taken for oar.
  1. How do Vikings prefer their coffee?
  • Ship-brewed.
  1. What did the Viking say when he found land?
  • Shore is nice to meet you.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to play cards?
  • The deck was stacked with shields.
  1. How did the Viking find his way back to his ship?
  • He followed the herring.
  1. What is a Viking’s favorite exercise?
  • Nordic walking.
  1. Why was the Viking a terrible cook?
  • He kept burning the Norse d’oeuvres.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite kind of math?
  • Plundering fractions.
  1. How do you know if a Viking has been in your garden?
  • Your roses are raided, and your lettuce has been leif-ed.
  1. Why don’t Vikings write checks?
  • They believe in direct de-battle-it.
  1. Why do Vikings hate elevator jokes?
  • They prefer the Norse stairs.
  1. Why did the Viking take his wife to comedy shows?
  • He loved her war-rior laughter.
  1. Why was the Viking bad at baseball?
  • He thought the pitcher was a drinking utensil.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite shoe brand?
  • New Balance – for perfect sea-legs.
  1. What do you call a Viking who always takes the easy way out?
  • A Shortcut Raider.
  1. What is a Viking’s favorite vegetable?
  • Turn-ips for the plundering.
  1. Why are Viking jokes always funny?
  • They have great delivery – straight to your shore!
  1. What do Vikings wear to office parties?
  • Raid-iculous ties.
  1. Why did the Viking stay at his desk at lunchtime?
  • He was on a rowing deadline.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite music genre?
  1. Why did the Viking bring a map to the party?
  • Because he gets lost in fun.
  1. Why was the Viking always calm?
  • He mastered the Norse of relaxation.
  1. Why did the Viking go to the bakery?
  • He heard there was a new batch of Danish pastries.
  1. Why was the Viking bad at chess?
  • He kept trying to attack the board.
  1. Why did the Viking go to the doctor?
  • He had a bad case of “helmet hair”.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of party?
  • A longboat cruise.
  1. What do Vikings use to fix their ships?
  • Norse code screwdriver.
  1. Why was the Viking comedian so popular?
  • His jokes were inflectious.
  1. What did the Viking say to his buddy at the gym?
  • “I’m feeling a bit Thor.”
  1. Why did the Viking never lose at poker?
  • He was an expert at bluffing and ransacking.
  1. Why don’t Vikings ever lose their cars?
  • They always remember where they’ve moored.
  1. Why are Vikings such good singers?
  • They always hit the high seas.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite dance?
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite drink?
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to use a GPS?
  • He preferred the stars to steer by.
  1. Why was the Viking’s book so popular?
  • It was a gripping saga.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite game?
  • Hide and go seethe.
  1. Why do Vikings always win at tug-of-war?
  • They have a good crew to row.
  1. What did the Viking call his dog?
  • Barkbeard.
  1. Why don’t Vikings make good secret agents?
  • They always spill the mead.
  1. Why did the Viking go to school?
  • To improve his ‘rune’acy.
  1. What is a Viking’s favorite type of weather?
  • When it’s raining cats and dogs… for their feast.
  1. Why do Vikings make good rappers?
  • They’re excellent at spitting bars… and axes.
  1. Why did the Viking bring his boat to the party?
  • Because he couldn’t find a parking spot.
  1. How do Vikings like their eggs?
  • Poach-ed, just like their treasures.
  1. Why did the Viking fail his driving test?
  • Too much pillaging on the freeway.
  1. Why did the Viking go to therapy?
  • He was feeling a bit ‘Norse’ inside.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite day of the week?
  1. Why did the Viking become a gardener?
  • He loved to ‘rake’ up the leaves.
  1. What do you call a Viking who sells real estate?
  • A Land Raider.
  1. Why did the Viking bring a ladder to the bar?
  • To reach the high spirits.
  1. How did the Viking propose to his girlfriend?
  • With a dia-mead ring.
  1. What do you call a group of fashion-conscious Vikings?
  • The Style Vikings.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of music?
  • Heavy mead-al.
  1. Why do Vikings always carry a map?
  • So they don’t get caught up in ‘Norse’ sense directions.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite workout?
  • Row-bics.
  1. Why did the Viking take a nap under his shield?
  • He wanted to rest in pieces.
  1. What do you call a Viking who can play the guitar?
  • Axe-lent performer.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to fight the ghost?
  • He couldn’t see the spirit of it.
  1. How do Vikings make decisions?
  • They ‘pillage’ a side.
  1. Why did the Viking become a poet?
  • He loved writing sagas.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite holiday?
  • New Year’s Raid.
  1. Why was the Viking always late?
  • His watch was set to Norse Standard Time.
  1. What is a Viking’s favorite fruit?
  • Plunder-ines.
  1. How do Vikings like their chicken?
  • Raid-roasted.
  1. What do you call a Viking’s puppy?
  • A barkbarian.
  1. Why did the Viking never finish his novel?
  • He got lost in the sagas.
  1. What do Vikings use to fix a leak in their boat?
  • Duct Tape-stry.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to play hide and seek?
  • He said it was for Norse-ense.
  1. What do you call a Viking with earbuds?
  • A podcast raider.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite drink at the coffee shop?
  • Mocha mead-iatto.
  1. Why was the Viking a good detective?
  • He always followed his Norse instincts.
  1. Why do Vikings make great artists?
  • They always draw first blood.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of car?
  • A raid Rover.
  1. What did the Viking say when he stubbed his toe?
  • “Oh my gods!”
  1. How do Vikings stay in shape?
  • By doing a daily raid routine.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of soup?
  • Chicken noodle soup with a soda on the side.
  1. What do you call a Viking that loves photography?
  • A shutter raider.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite bird?
  • A raven-ous appetite.
  1. How do Vikings like their baths?
  • Shipshape and shiny.
  1. What do Vikings use to cut their pizza?
  • Little Caesars.
  1. Why do Vikings hate soccer?
  • Too much kicking, not enough raiding.
  1. What do Vikings use to keep their pants up?
  • Raiding belts.
  1. Why did the Viking go to a seafood restaurant?
  • He heard they serve a great fish and ‘ships’.
  1. Why was the Viking a great farmer?
  • He was excellent at raising the ‘bar’n.
  1. How do Vikings like their jokes?
  • Pillageously funny.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of pie?
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite movie?
  • “Guardians of the Galley-xy”.
  1. Why was the Viking a good teacher?
  • He was great at giving a ‘rune’ down on things.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of tea?
  1. Why do Vikings make great dancers?
  • They’ve got the moves like Lagertha.
  1. Why was the Viking a terrible fisherman?
  • He kept throwing back the herring.
  1. What do you call a scared Viking?
  • A Norse-nervous.
  1. What do you call a Viking who doesn’t pillage?
  • A relaxed Viking.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite dessert?
  • Ice-cream Viking.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite board game?
  • “Settlers of Catan-ical”.
  1. How do Vikings like their milk?
  • Pasteur-raid.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of tree?
  • Ash, great for building ships.
  1. What do you call a Viking with bad eyesight?
  • A ‘See’-king.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of pasta?
  • Fettuccine Alfred-ho.
  1. Why did the Viking go to the eyeglasses store?
  • He wanted to see the world through raid-bow colored glasses.
  1. What do Vikings use to clean their ships?
  • Soaping water.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of bread?
  • Raid bread.
  1. How do Vikings like their potatoes?
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite animal at the zoo?
  • Raid-ical rhino.
  1. Why was the Viking a terrible magician?
  • He kept turning his hat into a helm.
  1. Why did the Viking bring a compass to the party?
  • He didn’t want to get dis-‘oar’-ientated.
  1. Why don’t Vikings like to eat at sushi restaurants?
  • They prefer their fish cooked, not raw or ‘rune’.
  1. How do Vikings like their cake?
  • With icing and candles, just like their ships.
  1. What did the Viking say to his friend after the feast?
  • “That meal was ‘rune’-believable!”
  1. What do you call a Viking in winter?
  • A ‘snow’-man.
  1. How do Vikings like their cookies?
  • With a lot of chips.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to eat the salad?
  • He said, “It lacks meat!”
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of pizza?
  • Pepper-raid with extra cheese.
  1. What do you call a Viking in summer?
  • A ‘sun’-burnt raider.
  1. How do Vikings fix a flat tire?
  • With a lot of ‘shield’ power.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite color?
  • Raid-iant red.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to play the lottery?
  • He didn’t like the ‘odds’.
  1. What do you call a Viking on a bike?
  • A pedal pillager.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of music festival?
  • Raid-chella.
  1. Why did the Viking bring a tent to the battle?
  • He wanted to camp out and watch the fun.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to cook?
  • He was a ‘rune’-away chef.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite city?
  • Raid-elaide.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to swim?
  • He was afraid of water under the ‘brr’-idge.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite sport?
  • Foot-raid.
  1. What do you call a Viking’s baby?
  • A little pillager.
  1. Why was the Viking a terrible hairdresser?
  • He kept cutting the hair too short.
  1. How do Vikings like their tea?
  • Raid hot.
  1. What do you call a Viking with a rubber duck?
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of plant?
  • A fern, just like their homeland.
  1. What do you call a Viking on a trampoline?
  • A high flyer.
  1. Why was the Viking a good baseball player?
  • He was excellent at raids and runs.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of juice?
  1. How do Vikings like their fish?
  • Well-raided.
  1. Why did the Viking refuse to eat the mushroom?
  • He said, “It’s not my ‘fungi’!”
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of candy?
  • Raid-ishes.
  1. How do Vikings like their vegetables?
  • Raided from the garden.
  1. Why did the Viking bring a blanket to the battle?
  • He wanted to stay comfortable during the cold fight.
  1. What’s a Viking’s favorite type of burger?
  • Double cheese-raid.

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