57+ time travel jokes
- Why don’t time travelers go to lunch? Because they’ve already had dinner.
- Why was the time-traveling cat so calm? He knew he had all nine lives to figure things out.
- What do you call a time traveler’s mistake? A paradox.
- How do time travelers like their coffee? From any time but the “present.”
- How can you tell a clock is a time traveler? It goes through hours like seconds.
- What does a time traveler call a DeLorean? An “Oldsmobile.”
- How does a time traveler diet? He eats yesterday’s calories.
- What does a time traveler use to cut pizza? Occam’s razor.
- Why was the time traveler broke? He invested in the past.
- Why did the time traveler break up with his girlfriend? He said he needed “space-time.”
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite type of math? Calculus, because it involves rates of change.
- Why don’t time travelers worry about aging? They’re always in their prime time.
- How does a time traveler know when he’s lost? When he lands in the wrong “when.”
- What do you call a picture taken by a time traveler? A blast from the past.
- Why did the time traveler get a ticket? For speed…of light.
- Why did the time traveler bring a map to the birthday party? He wanted to present time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite type of music? Pop…as in “pop in and out of time.”
- Why did the time traveler go to the orchestra? He wanted to see Bach.
- Why did the time traveler refuse the job offer? It didn’t offer any “time” benefits.
- Why are time travelers the best at hide and seek? They always hide in the past.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite exercise? Jumping…time jumps.
- Why did the time traveler go to the bakery? To get some past-ries.
- What do time travelers use to stick things together? Past-e.
- Why did the time traveler visit the dentist? To get his “cavities” checked.
- Why was the time traveler great at basketball? He always knew the “time-out.”
- Why did the time traveler always win at poker? He knew when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em… literally.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite type of literature? Past-oral.
- Why was the time traveler terrible at stand-up comedy? His jokes were from the past.
- How does a time traveler organize a space party? He planets.
- Why did the time traveler become a teacher? He wanted to give lessons from the past.
- How does a time traveler fix a lightbulb? He goes back in time and prevents it from breaking.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite candy? Past-achios.
- What do you call a time-traveling poet? A “rhyme traveler.”
- Why was the time traveler always late to work? He had too much time on his hands.
- Why did the time traveler get expelled from school? He kept turning in his homework early.
- Why did the time traveler become a chef? He wanted to spice up time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite board game? Past-words.
- Why did the time traveler become a reporter? He wanted to cover historical events live.
- Why do time travelers make great detectives? They always go back to the scene of the crime.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite drink? Past-is.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite dessert? Past-ries.
- How does a time traveler stay fit? By running out of time.
- Why did the time traveler become a judge? He always had the verdict ahead of time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite vegetable? Peas (peace) in time.
- Why do time travelers never lose at chess? They always know their opponent’s next move.
- What do you call a scared time traveler? Chicken TikTok.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite sport? Time-trial cycling.
- How does a time traveler get high? He ascends the time-space continuum.
- Why did the time traveler get a job at the library? He loved reading history, before it happened.
- Why did the time traveler stop using social media? He was tired of future spoilers.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite movie? “The Time Traveler’s WiFi.”
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite fruit? The currant time.
- How does a time traveler fix a leaky faucet? He turns back time.
- Why did the time traveler stop playing cards? He kept playing his hand too early.
- Why don’t time travelers need mirrors? They always look ahead.
- Why don’t time travelers make good comedians? Their punchlines are always dated.
- How does a time traveler fight off colds? With Vitamin “See you in the future.”
- Why don’t time travelers need sleep? They just take a quick trip to tomorrow.
- How do time travelers prefer their tea? Steeped in history.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite TV show? “Doctor When.”
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite animal? The time “lion” (timeline).
- Why do time travelers always win debates? They’ve already heard all the counter-arguments.
- Why was the time traveler never surprised? He already knew what was coming.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite shoe brand? Sketchers, because they let him step into the past.
- Why was the time traveler always at the bar? He enjoyed the “old times.”
- How does a time traveler solve a Rubik’s Cube? He turns it until it’s solved.
- Why did the time traveler bring a ruler to the party? To measure the “length” of time.
- How does a time traveler stop his dog from barking? He fast-forwards to nap time.
- Why did the time traveler break his diet? He ate all his meals at once.
- Why do time travelers always wear watches? To keep up with the “times.”
- Why was the time traveler the best chess player? He could always foresee the checkmate.
- How do time travelers avoid getting caught? They simply disappear into thin year.
- Why did the time traveler go to the shoe store? To get a pair of “loafers” for loafing around in time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite song? “Time After Time.”
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite band? “The Rolling Times.”
- Why do time travelers hate elevators? They prefer to take the stairs… through time.
- How do time travelers light a fire? They go back to when it was already lit.
- Why did the time traveler visit the fruit market? He wanted to buy some “date”s.
- Why did the time traveler go to the comedy show? To laugh in advance.
- Why did the time traveler go to the zoo? To see the dinosaurs.
- How does a time traveler get dressed? In chronological order.
- Why do time travelers never get bored? They always find a way to “pass” time.
- How does a time traveler fix his computer? He reboots it in the past.
- Why did the time traveler join the gym? To “workout” his time.
- What does a time traveler use to catch a fish? A time-net.
- Why did the time traveler become a musician? He wanted to play with “time signatures.”
- Why don’t time travelers use bookmarks? They already know how the story ends.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite dance? The time-step.
- Why did the time traveler go to the circus? To see the acrobats flip through time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite meal? Breakfast, lunch, and dinner…at the same time.
- Why did the time traveler refuse to play the lottery? He didn’t want to mess with the future.
- Why did the time traveler go to the beach? He wanted to “sea” into the future.
- Why did the time traveler become a gardener? He wanted to prune the branches of time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite social network? Time-line.
- How does a time traveler pay his bills? With a post-dated check.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite type of cheese? Gouda…because it’s aged well.
- Why was the time traveler never in a hurry? He had all the time in the world.
- How do time travelers say goodbye? “See you yesterday!”
- Why did the time traveler buy a boat? To sail across time.
- Why don’t time travelers get lost? They have a compass that points in time.
- What does a time traveler bring to a potluck? A dish from the past.
- How does a time traveler call a taxi? He hails it from yesterday.
- Why do time travelers make great historians? They were there when it happened.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite place to visit? The here and now.
- How do time travelers fix a flat tire? They inflate it in the past.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite hobby? Collecting moments.
- How do time travelers solve crosswords? They look up the solutions in tomorrow’s paper.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite novel? A Tale of Two Centuries.
- Why do time travelers make terrible chefs? They always overcook or undercook their meals.
- Why don’t time travelers get wrinkles? They avoid the ravages of time.
- Why do time travelers make great magicians? They make the present disappear.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite color? “Future”istic blue.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite insect? The “temporal” butterfly.
- What do you call a time traveler who can’t find his keys? A key-storian.
- Why do time travelers make great artists? They draw from the past.
- Why was the time traveler a great basketball player? He knew when to “pass” time.
- How do time travelers style their hair? With a blast from the past.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite weather? “Temporally” mild.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite brand of cereal? Time Flakes.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite holiday? New Year’s Day… all of them!
- How do time travelers decorate their house? With antiques from the future.
- How do time travelers fix a broken window? They go back to when it wasn’t shattered.
- What do time travelers wear to a formal event? A time-piece.
- Why do time travelers love shopping? They always find the best deals… in the past.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite pasta? Past-a time.
- Why was the time traveler the best soccer player? He knew when to “kick” time.
- Why don’t time travelers need alarm clocks? They wake up in the future.
- Why did the time traveler go to the psychologist? He had a fear of the present.
- Why do time travelers make great musicians? They play timeless classics.
- Why don’t time travelers ever need to charge their phone? They always have full battery… in the future.
- Why do time travelers always bring a pen? To rewrite history.
- How do time travelers win a race? They finish before it starts.
- Why did the time traveler visit the hairstylist? He wanted to trim his “timeline.”
- Why was the time traveler a great baseball player? He knew when to “swing” time.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite day of the week? Yester-day.
- Why do time travelers hate traffic? They can’t speed through time.
- How does a time traveler turn off the lights? He goes back to when they were off.
- Why do time travelers love reading? They’re always on the next page.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite video game? “TimeSplitters.”
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite type of pasta? Time-tellini.
- Why was the time traveler a great golfer? He knew when to “putt” time.
- Why don’t time travelers ever need to rewind movies? They always skip back.
- How do time travelers watch TV? They stream the future.
- Why was the time traveler a great tennis player? He knew when to “serve” time.
- What do you call a time traveler who loves taking risks? An “epoch” gambler.
- Why do time travelers always bring an umbrella? They can forecast the weather.
- Why did the time traveler become a philosopher? He had a lot of time to think.
- What’s a time traveler’s favorite flower? A “time-less” rose.
- Why do time travelers love astronomy? They like stargazing in the past.
- How do time travelers solve puzzles? They know the solution before it’s even made.