150 james bond jokes

1. Why did James Bond go to the bakery? Because he needed a good “roll” in the dough!
2. Why doesn’t James Bond play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when your theme music is playing!
3. What type of fruit does Bond refuse to eat? Moneypenny-apples!
4. What’s James Bond’s favorite part of a joke? The “punch” line!
5. What is James Bond’s least favorite type of math? “Oddjob” numbers.
6. Why does James Bond always carry a pen? He believes in the “write” to bear arms!
7. What’s James Bond’s favorite game in the casino? “Baccar-odds” are forever!
8. What does James Bond eat for breakfast? “Spy-der” eggs and “Ham”s.
9. Why was James Bond at the art auction? He heard they were selling a “Goldfinger” painting!
10. Why is James Bond like a book? Because he always has a novel plan.
11. What type of musical instrument does James Bond play? The “gun-tar.”
12. What kind of suit does Bond wear to a barbecue? A double-O grill.
13. Why did James Bond go to the grocery store? He needed “Q-cumbers” for his salad.
14. Why doesn’t James Bond use Facebook? He doesn’t want to be “followed.”
15. Why does James Bond never sweat? He has a license to “chill.”
16. How does Bond avoid cavities? By brushing with “Goldentoothpaste.”
17. Why does James Bond never get lost? He always has his “M”aps.
18. What’s Bond’s favorite beverage at the office party? “Secret” agent cider.
19. Why did Bond refuse to play cards with jungle cats? He heard “cheetahs” never prosper.
20. Why doesn’t Bond ever fall in love? Because for him, it’s always “Russian” roulette.
21. Why does Bond always win at tennis? Because he serves with a “smash.”
22. What’s Bond’s favorite type of music? “Spy”bernetic beats.
23. Why did Bond bring a ladder to the casino? He heard the stakes were high.
24. Why does Bond always carry an umbrella? He knows it might “rain” bullets.
25. How does Bond like his coffee? Shaken, not stirred.
26. What’s Bond’s favorite type of cake? “Layer Cake,” of course.
27. What’s Bond’s least favorite day of the week? “Moneypenny-less” Monday.
28. Why does Bond always show up on time? He doesn’t like to “miss Moneypenny.”
29. What does Bond use to keep his hair in place? “Licence to Gel.”
30. Why did Bond bring a broom to the fight? To “sweep” the enemies off their feet.
31. Why does Bond always know what’s happening? He keeps his “eye” on the ball.
32. What’s Bond’s least favorite type of music? “Pop” because it’s too loud!
33. Why does Bond hate fast food? It’s always a “rushed” job.
34. How does Bond keep his suit clean? With “Tide Another Day.”
35. What’s Bond’s favorite way to relax? “Unwinding” his watch.
36. Why is Bond like a school teacher? He always gives out “assignments.”
37. Why did Bond take a cooking class? To perfect his “stir” fry.
38. Why does Bond like to read mystery novels? They’re full of “suspense.”
39. Why does Bond never get tired? He’s always on “mission” mode.
40. How does Bond keep his mind sharp? By doing “mental” gymnastics.
41. What’s Bond’s favorite card game? “Spies” and ladders.
42. Why does Bond never catch a cold? He dodges the “germs.”
43. Why did Bond buy a farm? He wanted to grow “secret” vegetables.
44. Why is Bond always calm in a fight? He’s got his “punch” lines ready.
45. Why did Bond go to the circus? To learn some “trapeze” tricks.
46. Why does Bond always carry a flashlight? He likes to “light” up the situation.
47. Why did Bond become a musician? He wanted to “note” his enemies’ movements.
48. What is Bond’s favorite movie? “Silence of the Spies.”
49. Why did Bond go to a yoga class? To master the “Lotus” position.
50. What’s Bond’s favorite dish? “Stealth” fried rice.
51. What’s Bond’s least favorite holiday? April “fools” day.
52. What does Bond like to drink on a hot day? “Espionage” tea.
53. Why does Bond hate winter? Because he can’t “spy” in the snow.
54. What’s Bond’s favorite vegetable? “Stealthy” spinach.
55. Why does Bond like chess? It’s a game of “spies.”
56. Why did Bond join a dance class? To learn the “tango” of espionage.
57. What’s Bond’s favorite type of bread? “Undercover” toast.
58. What does Bond wear to a pool party? His “spy” goggles.
59. What’s Bond’s favorite type of dog? The “undercover” retriever.
60. Why does Bond like crossword puzzles? They’re full of “clues.”
61. What’s Bond’s favorite fruit? “Espionage” apples.
62. Why did Bond go to the beach? To “surf” the waves of espionage.
63. What’s Bond’s favorite TV show? “The Great British Spy-off.”
64. What does Bond like to eat at a barbecue? “Undercover” ribs.
65. What’s Bond’s favorite candy? “Espionage” mints.
66. Why did Bond go to the gym? To “work out” his secrets.
67. What’s Bond’s favorite type of cheese? “Undercover” cheddar.
68. Why did Bond go to a poetry reading? To hear the “verses” of espionage.
69. What’s Bond’s favorite dessert? “Undercover” pie.
70. Why did Bond go to a music festival? To “tune” into the espionage.
71. What’s Bond’s favorite ice cream flavor? “Undercover” vanilla.
72. Why did Bond go to a magic show? To learn the “tricks” of espionage.
73. What’s Bond’s favorite type of pasta? “Undercover” spaghetti.
74. Why did Bond go to a comedy show? To hear the “jokes” of espionage.
75. What’s Bond’s favorite type of soup? “Undercover” tomato.
76. Why did Bond go to a fashion show? To see the “trends” in espionage.
77. What’s Bond’s favorite type of salad? “Undercover” Caesar.
78. Why did Bond go to a science fair? To learn the “theories” of espionage.
79. What’s Bond’s favorite type of cereal? “Undercover” flakes.

80.Why did Bond go to a film festival?

To see the “screenings” of espionage.

81. What’s Bond’s favorite type of seafood? “Undercover” salmon.
82. Why did Bond go to a jazz concert? To hear the “riffs” of espionage.
83. What’s Bond’s favorite type of bread? “Undercover” baguette.
84. Why did Bond go to a toy store? To see the “gadgets” of espionage.
85. What’s Bond’s favorite type of nut? “Undercover” peanuts.
86. Why did Bond go to an electronics store? To check the “wires” of espionage.
87. What’s Bond’s favorite type of soda? “Undercover” cola.
88. Why did Bond go to a jewelry store? To examine the “gems” of espionage.
89. What’s Bond’s favorite type of bird? “Undercover” parrot.
90. Why did Bond go to a flower shop? To smell the “bouquets” of espionage.
91. What’s Bond’s favorite type of tree? “Undercover” oak.
92. Why did Bond go to a zoo? To observe the “beasts” of espionage.
93. What’s Bond’s favorite type of cake? “Undercover” chocolate.
94. Why did Bond go to a book store? To read the “plots” of espionage.
95. What’s Bond’s favorite type of vegetable? “Undercover” carrots.
96. Why did Bond go to a record store? To listen to the “tracks” of espionage.
97. What’s Bond’s favorite type of cookie? “Undercover” Oreos.
98. Why did Bond go to a craft fair? To appreciate the “creations” of espionage.
99. What’s Bond’s favorite type of sandwich? “Undercover” ham.
100. Why did Bond go to a wine tasting? To savor the “notes” of espionage.
101. What’s Bond’s favorite part of a computer? The spy-ware.
102. Why did Bond go to the amusement park? He was looking for a “spy-ral” slide.
103. What’s Bond’s favorite type of shoe? The sneakers.
104. Why did Bond become a gardener? He was good at “planting” information.
105. What’s Bond’s favorite insect? The spy-der.
106. Why did Bond join the orchestra? He had a secret talent for the “double-o-boe.”
107. What’s Bond’s favorite planet? Mars, because it’s “undercover” red.
108. Why did Bond take up photography? He wanted to shoot people…with a camera.
109. What’s Bond’s favorite nursery rhyme? Jack and Jill went up the “spy-ll.”
110. Why did Bond become a chef? He wanted to “stir” things up.
111. What’s Bond’s favorite bird? The “spy”-geon.
112. Why did Bond start fishing? He was looking for “undercover” bass.
113. What’s Bond’s favorite game? Hide and “spy.”
114. Why did Bond become a taxi driver? He was good at picking up “information.”
115. What’s Bond’s favorite type of weather? “Undercover” fog.
116. Why did Bond start a bakery? His cupcakes were truly “explosive.”
117. What’s Bond’s favorite type of dog? The “spy”-noodle.
118. Why did Bond start playing chess? He was good at “spy”-king the queen.
119. What’s Bond’s favorite type of cat? The “spy”-nix.
120. Why did Bond go to space? He wanted to walk on the “moonraker.”
121. What’s Bond’s favorite number? “Double-O seven.”
122. Why did Bond go to Egypt? He was on a mission to “spy”-nx.
123. What’s Bond’s favorite type of drink? “Spy”-der cider.
124. Why did Bond join a soccer team? He was good at being a “striker.”
125. What’s Bond’s favorite dance? The “spy”-ral twist.
126. Why did Bond become a librarian? He loved to “check out” information.
127. What’s Bond’s favorite song? The “spy”-derman theme.
128. Why did Bond start painting? He was “drawn” to it.
129. What’s Bond’s favorite fish? The “spy”-ke fish.
130. Why did Bond join the army? He wanted to be a private… “I”.
131. What’s Bond’s favorite plant? The “spy”-der plant.
132. Why did Bond become an astronomer? He loved to “spy” on stars.
133. What’s Bond’s favorite movie? “Spy”-derman.
134. Why did Bond start doing gymnastics? He was good at “flip”-ping information.
135. What’s Bond’s favorite joke? Why don’t we play poker in the jungle? Too many “cheetahs.”
136. Why did Bond start doing magic tricks? He liked to “disappear.”
137. What’s Bond’s favorite clothing item? His “spy”-der silk tie.
138. Why did Bond start hiking? He was searching for hidden “peaks.”
139. What’s Bond’s favorite type of car? The “spy”-der convertible.
140. Why did Bond go to the North Pole? He was tracking “Santa.”
141. What’s Bond’s favorite holiday? Spy-der Day, or as others call it, Halloween.
142. Why did Bond start writing poetry? He was good at “rhyming” codes.
143. What’s Bond’s favorite type of music? “Spy”-ce Girls.
144. Why did Bond start swimming? He was looking for “underwater” secrets.
145. What’s Bond’s favorite constellation? The Big “Spy”-der.
146. Why did Bond become an archaeologist? He was digging up “information.”
147. What’s Bond’s favorite type of book? “Spy”-ence fiction.
148. Why did Bond start playing football? He was good at “pass”-ing information.
149. What’s Bond’s favorite dessert? “Spy”-der pie.
150. Why did Bond go to a chess tournament? He heard that the “pawn” always has a secret move.