57+ funny hockey jokes

  1. Why don’t hockey players drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Bruins took all the cups.
  2. How is a hockey game like a pancake? They both depend on a good flip.
  3. Why didn’t the hockey puck go to college? Because it got into the boards too much.
  4. What do you call a hockey player who can play the piano? A musical score.
  5. Why don’t goalies ever get invited to parties? They always want to save the shots.
  6. What’s a ghost’s favorite hockey position? Ghoulie.
  7. Why was the computer good at hockey? It had a hard drive.
  8. How does a hockey player like his donuts? Iced.
  9. What do you call a monkey playing hockey? A chimp off the old puck.
  10. Why do hockey players work in bakeries during the offseason? Because they’re great at rolling the dough.
  11. Why did the hockey player go to jail? Because he was board checking too much.
  12. Why was the math book good at hockey? It has all the angles covered.
  13. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of music? Hip check hop.
  14. Why did the referee go to the bakery? Because he wanted to get a better roll of the dough.
  15. Why did the hockey player always carry a map? So he’d never get caught offside.
  16. Why was the hockey game hot? It was one long heat-check.
  17. What do you call a dog who plays hockey? A puck hound.
  18. How do you know when a hockey player has been at your house? The doorknob has teeth marks.
  19. Why are hockey players like gold? They’re always in the net.
  20. What’s a hockey player’s favorite part of a joke? The “puck” line.
  21. Why are astronauts good at hockey? They always have the best space control.
  22. Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
  23. Why are hockey arenas always cold? Because they’re full of fans.
  24. How do hockey players stay cool during a game? They stand near the fans.
  25. Why did the hockey player go to art school? He wanted to draw penalties.
  26. What did the hockey player say to the puck? “See you around.”
  27. Why are birds good at hockey? They always get the puck to the net.
  28. What do you call a hockey player with a sunburn? A red wing.
  29. What do hockey players and magicians have in common? They both do hat tricks.
  30. Why don’t hockey players use umbrellas? They always miss the rain.
  31. Why did the tomato turn red at the hockey game? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  32. How do you stop a rhino from charging at a hockey game? Take away its credit card.
  33. Why did the hockey player refuse to play cards with a jungle cat? He was afraid of cheetahs.
  34. Why don’t zombies play hockey? They’re afraid of getting a face off.
  35. Why are referees like lawyers? They both get paid to sit on the bench and judge.
  36. What’s a dentist’s favorite hockey team? The Tampa Bay Bite.
  37. Why did the cookie cry at the hockey game? Because his mom was a wafer too long.
  38. What do you call a cat who plays hockey? A check-meow-t.
  39. What do hockey players and trees have in common? They both use sticks.
  40. What do you call a hippie’s hockey team? The Flower Power Play.
  41. How do we know the ice at a hockey game is fresh? It has a nice zamboni aroma.
  42. Why did the puck break up with the hockey stick? It was tired of being slapped around.
  43. What do you call a hockey player who makes cakes? A batter on ice.
  44. Why did the scarecrow become a hockey goalie? He was outstanding in his field.
  45. What do you call a hockey team that can’t score? Ice-olated.
  46. Why did the hockey player keep his trophy in the freezer? He wanted to chill out with his cup.
  47. What’s a hockey player’s least favorite type of tea? Penalty.
  48. Why are hockey players good dancers? They have great ice moves.
  49. What do you call a bear playing hockey? A honey checker.
  50. Why did the music note join the hockey team? It knew how to take the score.
  51. Why are hockey rinks round? Because if they were square, the players would get cornered.
  52. What do you call a person who hates hockey? Puckered out.
  53. How does a hockey player say hello? Puck you.
  54. What do you call a hockey player with a high-pitched voice? Puck soprano.
  55. Why did the baker become a hockey coach? He knew the recipe for success.
  56. Why was the oyster a terrible hockey player? It always clammed up.
  57. What’s a pirate’s favorite hockey team? The Islanders.
  58. Why don’t skeletons play hockey? They have no body to play with.
  59. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? To get to the top of the league.
  60. Why did the goalie bring two pairs of pants to the game? In case he got a hole in one.
  61. How is a hockey team like a muffin? They’re both better with a good mix.
  62. Why don’t hockey players ever get locked out? They always carry a spare puck.
  63. What do you call a medieval knight who plays hockey? Sir Score-a-lot.
  64. Why was the math teacher a great hockey coach? She knew how to multiply the score.
  65. Why did the hockey player bring a broom to the game? He wanted to sweep the series.
  66. What do you call a hockey player who doesn’t have a girlfriend? Homeless.
  67. Why did the hockey player go to the bakery? Because he heard they had great buns.
  68. Why don’t hockey players like playing golf? The holes are not big enough.
  69. What do you call a hockey player who can’t stand? Not on ice.
  70. How do hockey players communicate? They puck talk.
  71. What’s a gardener’s favorite hockey team? The Maple Leafs.
  72. Why did the hockey player bring a fishing rod to the game? He wanted to catch the big one.
  73. What do you call a cat watching a hockey game? A spec-cat-ator.
  74. What did the zero say to the eight at the hockey game? “Nice belt!”
  75. Why do we never tell secrets on the ice? Because the puck has ears.
  76. Why do hockey players never sweat? The ice cubes under their armpits.
  77. Why are most hockey jokes one-liners? So hockey players can understand them.
  78. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
  79. What do you call a grumpy hockey player? A sour puck.
  80. Why was the hockey book never published? Because the story had too many shots.
  81. What do you call a hockey player with a big heart? A rink Romeo.
  82. Why are comedians bad at hockey? They always crack up before the punch line.
  83. Why did the hockey player always carry a map? So he wouldn’t get caught offside.
  84. What do you call a hockey player who just got a haircut? A trimmed puck.
  85. Why was the music note good at hockey? It knew the score.
  86. What do you call a hockey player who tells bad jokes? A puck up.
  87. What do you call a fast hockey player? Speedy puckzales.
  88. Why did the hockey player go to the zoo? To see the puckinghams.
  89. Why did the hockey player take a bath? To clean up his act.
  90. What do you call a hockey player who can’t skate? A puck walker.
  91. Why did the cookie go to the hockey game? It wanted to feel crumby.
  92. What do you call a hockey player with bad breath? A mouth offender.
  93. Why was the hockey player a bad gardener? He always iced the plants.
  94. Why did the hockey player take his date to the game? He thought it would break the ice.
  95. What do you call a hockey player who doesn’t like to pass? A puck hog.
  96. What’s a ghost’s favorite position in hockey? The screaming winger.
  97. Why was the hockey puck a good comedian? It always knew how to break the ice.
  98. Why are hockey players bad at playing hide and seek? You can always find them near the net.
  99. What did the hockey player and the magician have in common? They both knew how to trick shot.
  100. Why did the hockey player go to the circus? To see the ice-cream man juggle.
  101. What do you call a group of musical hockey players? A puck band.
  102. What do you call a frog that plays hockey? A jump shot.
  103. Why did the hockey player keep his grades up? So he could always make the cut.
  104. Why did the hockey player go to the opera? He wanted to see the high C’s.
  105. Why did the scarecrow become a hockey referee? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  106. Why was the hockey game a fancy affair? Because it was a black tie event.
  107. What do you call a sad hockey puck? A downer rounder.
  108. What’s a hockey player’s favorite food? Slapjack.
  109. Why did the hockey player go to the barbecue? To get more grills.
  110. Why was the hockey player a good musician? He had great timing on the faceoff.
  111. Why did the hotdog vendor get kicked out of the hockey game? He was a wurst offender.
  112. Why did the hockey puck go to school? To get a little more rounded.
  113. Why was the hockey player a good gardener? He had a green thumb for the ice plant.
  114. What do you call a hockey player that’s good at chess? A check mate.
  115. What’s a ghost’s favorite part of a hockey game? The boo-nalties.
  116. Why did the skeleton go to the hockey game? To bone up on his skills.
  117. Why did the hockey player bring a baseball bat to the game? He wanted to hit a home run.
  118. What do you call a pig playing hockey? A ham slap.
  119. Why did the hockey player get arrested? He was caught high sticking.
  120. What do you call a baker that’s good at hockey? A roll model.
  121. What’s a vampire’s favorite hockey move? The Fang-dangle.
  122. Why did the hockey player keep hitting the bell at the bar? He was trying to make a last call.
  123. Why did the hockey player join the circus? He wanted to be a ring leader.
  124. Why was the math teacher bad at hockey? She always multiplied the penalties.
  125. Why was the bank robber good at hockey? He knew how to stickhandle.
  126. What do you call a dinosaur that plays hockey? A Puckasaurus Rex.
  127. What do you call a leprechaun playing hockey? A small forward.
  128. Why was the car a terrible hockey player? It always got a parking violation.
  129. Why did the chicken join a hockey team? He heard the ref calling fowls.
  130. What do you call a hockey player who just got out of a relationship? On the rebound.
  131. What do you call a hockey player who can’t score? An ice breaker.
  132. What’s a hockey player’s favorite vegetable? Ice-berg lettuce.
  133. Why was the computer bad at hockey? It kept freezing.
  134. Why did the hockey player get a job at the bakery? Because he was a pro-roller.
  135. Why was the belt a good hockey player? It always kept its waist in check.
  136. Why was the vacuum cleaner a bad goalie? It always sucked at blocking shots.
  137. Why did the hockey player get kicked out of the library? He was always checking.
  138. What do you call a hockey player with a sunburn? A hotshot.
  139. Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of socks? In case he got a hole in one.
  140. Why was the coffee a terrible hockey player? It always spilled the beans.
  141. What’s a scarecrow’s favorite hockey move? The crow-check.
  142. Why did the gardener get kicked off the hockey team? He was always rooting around.
  143. What do you call a hockey player who’s good at math? A fraction off.
  144. What do you call a hockey player with a bird? A duck handler.
  145. Why was the fish a terrible hockey player? It always floundered.
  146. What do you call a hockey player with a beard? A rough ice.
  147. Why was the window a terrible goalie? It always got pane-d.
  148. Why was the hamburger a good hockey player? It always had the patties covered.
  149. Why was the tomato a bad goalie? It could never ketchup.
  150. And finally, why did the hockey joke get so many laughs? Because it was a puck-er-upper!

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