150 veterinarian jokes / veterinary jokes

1. Why don’t some animals go to the vet? Because they’re not feline very well.
2. What does the vet give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog!
3. What do you call a veterinarian who can play the piano? A pet-eroforte.
4. Why did the vet go to school? Because he couldn’t find a bark to attend.
5. Why did the cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse’s health!
6. Why did the duck go to the vet? Because it was feeling down.
7. Why did the vet become a gardener? He had a knack for pruning tails!
8. How do vets catch rabbits? Unique up on them.
9. Why did the vet carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood.
10. How do veterinarians communicate? They use Lab reports.
11. What did the vet say to the dog? “You are barking up the wrong tree.”
12. Why did the spider go to the vet? Because it had webbed feet.
13. What’s a vet’s favorite car? A Volkswagen Beetle, because it has enough space for a bug.
14. How did the vet cure the cat? He feline-tuned it.
15. What do vets do with sick snakes? They scale back their treatment.
16. Why did the vet go to the opera? He heard there was a cat aria.
17. What do you call a vet who only treats donkeys? An ass-istant.
18. Why did the vet go to the cafe? He needed a strong shot of expresso.
19. What did the vet say when the dog couldn’t stop scratching? “It must be a flea-lance issue.”
20. Why was the vet good at baseball? He was an expert at throwing curve balls.
21. How does a vet examine a chameleon? Very carefully, they blend in with everything.
22. Why was the vet a poor musician? He kept playing in the wrong scales.
23. Why did the vet have to treat the sun? It had a solar flare up.
24. What do you call a vet who works overtime? A lab-orator.
25. Why did the dog refuse to see the vet? He had a ruff experience last time.
26. How did the vet help the bird? He ruffled its feathers.
27. Why did the squirrel see a vet? It felt a bit nutty.
28. What do you call a vet who can’t find his glasses? A blur of activity.
29. Why did the vet start baking? He kneaded the dough.
30. How does a vet relax? By pet-ting a cat.
31. What did the vet say to the nervous cat? “Don’t worry, I’m paws-itive it’s nothing serious.”
32. Why did the mouse go to the vet? It felt squeaky.
33. What do you call a rabbit that’s a vet? A hare-raising experience.
34. Why did the vet take his medicine? He had a severe case of horse-throat.
35. How did the vet stop the bull from charging? He took away its credit card.
36. Why did the elephant go to the vet? It couldn’t remember the last time it was there.
37. What’s a vet’s favorite day of the week? Woof-nesday.
38. Why did the chicken go to the vet? It felt cooped up.
39. What do you call a vet who’s good at drawing? A sketch-inarian.
40. How does a vet keep his suit clean? He always eats on a lab coat.
41. Why did the turtle go to the vet? It felt shell-shocked.
42. What did the vet say to the leopard? “You’ve got to spot on!”
43. Why did the vet prescribe glasses to the dog? Because it had a bad case of eye-fetch.
44. Why did the vet carry an umbrella? It was raining cats and dogs.
45. What do you call a vet who treats zebras? A stripe therapist.
46. Why did the cat refuse to go to the vet? It didn’t want to be kitten around.
47. What’s a vet’s favorite type of music? Hip-pop, because it’s all about the joints.
48. How do vets fix bird vocal cords? With a tweetment.
49. Why did the snake go to the vet? It had a reptile dysfunction.
50. What do you call a vet who treats only cows? A moo-doctor.

Let’s continue:

51. What’s a vet’s favorite game? Pet-tac-toe.
52. Why did the dog bark at the vet? He was protesting against the leash law.
53. How does a vet cheer up a sad fish? By offering fin-spiration.
54. Why did the kangaroo go to the vet? It was feeling a little jumpy.
55. How does a vet make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
56. What do you call a vet who also works as a barber? A clip-purr.
57. Why did the dog see the vet? He was barking mad.
58. How do vets treat a sick lemon? With sour-veillance.
59. Why did the bee go to the vet? It had hives.
60. What do you call a vet who specializes in treats? A sweet-titioner.
61. How did the vet treat the injured vegetable? He planted it carefully.
62. Why did the vet become a DJ? He wanted to drop some sick beets.
63. What do you call a vet who can’t stand still? An animal activ-ist.
64. Why did the goat see the vet? It had a baa-ad cough.
65. How does a vet treat a crocodile? Very gingerly.
66. What’s a vet’s favorite dessert? Pup-cakes.
67. Why did the sheep go to the vet? It felt really un-ewe-sual.
68. How does a vet treat an ill robot? With careful circuit surgery.
69. Why did the cat visit the vet? It was feeling a little whisker-y.
70. What do you call a vet who treats mythological creatures? A unicorn-er.
71. Why did the turkey see the vet? It was stuffed.
72. How does a vet treat a sick tree? With leaflets of advice.
73. Why did the butterfly go to the vet? It had a bug.
74. What do you call a vet who takes care of horses’ teeth? A neigh-borist.
75. Why did the frog see the vet? It was croaking up.

Continuing on:

76. How does a vet treat a vampire bat? With a little garlic and a stake-out.
77. Why did the dinosaur see the vet? It had a terrible roar throat.
78. What’s a vet’s favorite dish? Canine pepper.
79. How does a vet help a sunflower? With photosyn-therapy.
80. Why did the vet go to the beach? To treat a sick shellfish.
81. What do you call a vet who works at a music studio? A sound hound.
82. Why did the parrot visit the vet? It was squawking too much.
83. How does a vet catch a squirrel? He climbs a tree and acts like a nut.
84. Why did the whale go to the vet? It couldn’t find its porpoise.
85. What’s a vet’s favorite type of math? Calculadder, because they always have to step up.
86. Why did the vet go to the jungle? He heard a roar of complaints.
87. How does a vet diagnose a tree? By checking its roots.
88. Why did the puppy visit the vet? He was having a ruff time.
89. What do you call a vet who treats bees? A buzz-ician.
90. How did the vet help the clock? By winding it up.
91. Why did the hamster go to the vet? It was feeling wheel-y tired.
92. How does a vet keep his patients calm? With pet talks.
93. Why did the cheetah go to the vet? It was feeling spotted.
94. What do you call a vet who only treats spiders? A web MD.
95. Why did the vet go to the circus? To treat the clown fish.
96. How does a vet treat a cold bird? With a tweetment.
97. Why did the snake see the vet? It was hiss-terical.
98. What’s a vet’s favorite exercise? Fetch-ups.
99. How does a vet cheer up a sad panda? With bear hugs.
100. What’s a vet’s favorite part of a song? The pet-ic chorus.

Now, for the last 50:

101. How did the vet help the tomato? He applied ketch-up.
102. Why did the vet go to the desert? To treat the camels’ hump.
103. How does a vet examine a ghost? With a specter-oscope.
104. Why did the worm visit the vet? It felt a little squirmy.
105. What do you call a vet who only treats ants? An anti-biotic.
106. Why did the vet put his money in the blender? To make some liquid assets.
107. How does a vet treat a teddy bear? With stuffing and stitches.
108. Why did the vet visit the bakery? To check the yeast infection.
109. How does a vet treat a bald eagle? With some featherapy.
110. Why did the iguana see the vet? It was feeling a little green.
111. What’s a vet’s favorite type of poetry? Rhyme-animal.
112. Why did the cow see the vet? It had a beef with its udder.
113. How does a vet treat a haunted house? With ghost relief.
114. Why did the moth go to the vet? It couldn’t find the light.
115. What do you call a vet who only treats sheep? A wool-ologist.
116. Why did the vet go to the concert? To treat the rock lobster.
117. How does a vet cure a sunburn? With shade.
118. Why did the dog see the vet? It was barking at the wrong tree.
119. What do you call a vet who only treats elephants? A trunk-ologist.
120. How does a vet treat a football? With a good kick-start.
121. Why did the mouse visit the vet? It couldn’t find its squeak.
122. What’s a vet’s favorite drink? Cat-feine.
123. Why did the vet visit the ocean? To check the sea horses.
124. How does a vet treat a flat tire? With a lot of air.
125. Why did the vet go to the art gallery? To treat the still life.
126. What’s a vet’s favorite holiday? Veterinarians Day.
127. Why did the peacock see the vet? It couldn’t show off its true colors.
128. How does a vet treat a sick spaceship? With astro-medicine.
129. Why did the vet go to the moon? To treat the moon calf.
130. What’s a vet’s favorite board game? Veterin-opoly.
131. Why did the vet treat the clock? It had tick issues.
132. How does a vet treat a constellation? With star-care.
133. Why did the bat visit the vet? It couldn’t hang around.
134. What’s a vet’s favorite novel? The Great Catsby.
135. Why did the vet go to the farm? To check the horse power.
136. How does a vet treat a computer? With soft-ware care.
137. Why did the fish visit the vet? It felt a bit fishy.
138. What do you call a vet who only treats reindeer? Santa’s helper.
139. Why did the vet go to the park? To treat the bark.
140. How does a vet treat a rainbow? With colors therapy.
141. Why did the vet visit the music studio? To treat the beat.
142. What do you call a vet who only treats eagles? A bird-eye specialist.
143. Why did the vet go to the movie theater? To treat the popcorn.
144. How does a vet treat a chair? With cushion care.
145. Why did the vet go to the bowling alley? To check the alley cats.
146. What do you call a vet who can play guitar? A rock and roll vet.
147. Why did the vet visit the gym? To check the gym rats.
148. How does a vet treat a globe? With a world of care.
149. Why did the vet visit the haunted house? To treat the scaredy-cats.
150. What’s a vet’s favorite type of dance? The fox trot.