150 fbi jokes

  1. Why don’t FBI agents play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when the FBI wants to find you!
  2. What’s the FBI’s favorite type of music? Surveillance tunes.
  3. Why don’t FBI agents like backup? They prefer to “file” alone.
  4. What does the FBI agent give his wife on Valentine’s day? A dozen red flags.
  5. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite type of pizza? A secret slice.
  6. Why did the FBI agent carry a baseball? Because he knows the importance of a good “undercover” slide.
  7. How does an FBI agent make a salad? First, he roots out the greens, then he mixes up the information.
  8. Why don’t FBI agents make good comedians? Their delivery is always a secret.
  9. How do FBI agents knit? With need-to-know needles.
  10. What does an FBI agent do at the end of a hard day? He goes under covers.
  11. What’s the FBI’s favorite type of coffee? Espres-so secretive.
  12. What did the FBI agent say to the Christmas tree? Nice try, I can still see you.
  13. How does an FBI agent bake a cake? From scratch…marks.
  14. What did the FBI agent say to the calendar? Your days are numbered.
  15. How does an FBI agent fix a light bulb? They don’t, they just reveal it was a light all along.
  16. Why did the FBI agent bring a pencil to the gunfight? Because it’s always important to draw a conclusion.
  17. How do FBI agents stay in shape? Classified cardio.
  18. Why was the computer cold at the FBI office? It left its Windows open.
  19. Why did the FBI agent put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to launder it.
  20. How do FBI agents spice up their lunch? With undercover mustard.
  21. Why don’t FBI agents like to play cards? They’re afraid someone might deal them a bad hand.
  22. What is an FBI agent’s favorite piece of furniture? The hide-a-bed.
  23. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite drink? Spy-der cider.
  24. What do you call a female FBI agent who plays the violin? An undercover string operative.
  25. Why did the FBI agent go to school? He heard there was a lot of intelligence there.
  26. What is an FBI agent’s favorite exercise? Running surveillance.
  27. Why don’t FBI agents go fishing? Too many leaks.
  28. Why did the FBI agent bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
  29. Why did the FBI agent get kicked off the soccer team? He kept trying to whistle blow.
  30. How do FBI agents communicate at a loud concert? They use encrypt-tunes.
  31. Why do FBI agents make terrible chefs? Their food always tastes a little…undercover.
  32. Why don’t FBI agents play video games? They prefer real-life action.
  33. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite vegetable? A leek, as long as it’s controlled.
  34. Why was the FBI agent good at basketball? He’s always on the court.
  35. Why do FBI agents never play hide and seek with their feelings? They’re always undercover.
  36. How does an FBI agent make a phone call? By tapping into the conversation.
  37. Why don’t FBI agents trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  38. Why do FBI agents wear glasses? Because they have to see through everyone.
  39. Why was the FBI agent at the bakery? He was on a roll.
  40. How does an FBI agent tell time? He’s always watching the clock.
  41. What’s the FBI agent’s favorite part of a joke? The inside info.
  42. Why was the FBI agent good at chess? He always thought several moves ahead.
  43. How does an FBI agent take his coffee? Declassified and black.
  44. Why do FBI agents hate elevators? They prefer to take things to another level.
  45. Why did the FBI agent always carry a notebook? Because every good plot has a twist.
  46. What do FBI agents do at the gym? They work on their undercover six-packs.
  47. Why did the FBI agent go to the garden? He wanted to catch the early worm.
  48. How does an FBI agent say goodnight? “Lights out, case closed.”
  49. What do FBI agents use to freshen their breath? Classified mints.
  50. How do FBI agents take notes? In code, of course.

I’ll continue with more jokes in a moment.

  1. Why do FBI agents prefer analog watches? Digital ones have too many alarms.
  2. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite snack? Spies cream.
  3. Why do FBI agents like thunderstorms? It’s the perfect cover.
  4. Why did the FBI agent go to the beach? For some under-the-sand surveillance.
  5. Why did the FBI agent bring a paintbrush to the investigation? To brush up on the details.
  6. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite game? I Spy.
  7. Why did the FBI agent bring a compass to the investigation? He was looking for the right direction.
  8. How does an FBI agent ask someone out on a date? “Want to go undercover with me?”
  9. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite part of the newspaper? The redaction section.
  10. Why do FBI agents love playing chess? They always keep their king protected.
  11. Why did the FBI agent always carry an umbrella? He was always ready for a rain check.
  12. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite type of art? Spy-cealism.
  13. Why do FBI agents never lose at poker? They always have a hidden hand.
  14. Why did the FBI agent go to the tailor? He needed a new cover.
  15. How does an FBI agent tie their shoes? In a knot and bow…and then they burn the laces.
  16. What do you call an FBI agent who can play the piano? An undercover pianist.
  17. Why was the FBI agent in the circus? He was following a juggling act.
  18. How does an FBI agent start a race? “On your marks, get secret, go!”
  19. Why do FBI agents always carry a mirror? To reflect on the situation.
  20. Why did the FBI agent always have a map? Because he never wanted to lose track.
  21. Why don’t FBI agents like popcorn? Too many kernels to watch.
  22. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite animal? Mole.
  23. Why do FBI agents always have a plan B? Because the first rule of operation is always misdirection.
  24. Why was the FBI agent in the library? He heard it was full of novel ideas.
  25. Why don’t FBI agents use bookmarks? They don’t want to leave a trace.

I’ll keep the jokes coming for you.

  1. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite cooking show? “Top Secret Chef.”
  2. Why do FBI agents always check the weather? They like to know if they’ll be undercover or under-umbrella.
  3. Why did the FBI agent go to the concert? He wanted to conduct an investigation.
  4. Why did the FBI agent go to the park? He heard someone spilled the beans.
  5. What do FBI agents have for dessert? Spy-ce cream.
  6. Why was the FBI agent at the gym? He wanted to work on his classified abs.
  7. How do FBI agents celebrate their birthdays? With a surprise interrogation.
  8. Why do FBI agents never make a scene? They prefer to keep things under wraps.
  9. How do FBI agents make their bed? They cover everything up.
  10. Why did the FBI agent get a pet cat? Because it was a master of stealth.
  11. How do FBI agents like their eggs? Hard-boiled and classified.
  12. Why do FBI agents prefer the winter? Because snow covers all tracks.
  13. How do FBI agents keep their clothes wrinkle-free? Iron-clad security.
  14. Why don’t FBI agents play lottery? They don’t like taking chances.
  15. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite dessert? Invisible pie.
  16. Why did the FBI agent always carry a ruler? He wanted to measure up to his assignments.
  17. Why do FBI agents always win at limbo? They’re experts at getting under things.
  18. Why don’t FBI agents use public WiFi? Too many open networks.
  19. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite season? Fall, because it’s perfect for going undercover.
  20. Why was the FBI agent always early? He didn’t like to miss a lead.
  21. Why do FBI agents love morning meetings? Because they have a latte of secret stuff to discuss.
  22. Why was the FBI agent so good at tennis? He always served justice.
  23. What do FBI agents do on their days off? It’s classified.
  24. Why did the FBI agent always wear stripes? He never wanted to be spotted.
  25. How do FBI agents decorate their office? They hang up secrets and lies.

I’m halfway through, let’s keep the momentum going!

  1. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite plant? The one that’s been bugged.
  2. Why did the FBI agent bring a stopwatch to the interrogation? Timing is everything.
  3. Why did the FBI agent go to the circus? He was tracking a jester.
  4. Why do FBI agents always take the stairs? Elevators can’t be trusted.
  5. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite type of party? A stakeout.
  6. Why don’t FBI agents use salt at dinner? They prefer not to spill anything.
  7. What did the FBI agent say to his shadow? “You’re under surveillance!”
  8. How do FBI agents write their reports? With invisible ink.
  9. Why did the FBI agent bring a teddy bear to work? It was part of his undercover operation.
  10. Why was the FBI agent in the produce aisle? He heard there was a leak.
  11. How does an FBI agent make a smoothie? It’s a secret blend.
  12. Why was the FBI agent always in a rush? Because he was always following leads.
  13. How do FBI agents start their day? With a briefing on toast.
  14. Why was the FBI agent at the art gallery? He was canvassing the area.
  15. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite candy? Spy-der webs.
  16. Why did the FBI agent go to the zoo? He was looking for inform-ants.
  17. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite kind of fish? Undercover ray.
  18. Why did the FBI agent go to the farm? To check if the chickens were laying wire taps.
  19. Why do FBI agents always carry a flashlight? Because they never leave anything in the dark.
  20. Why did the FBI agent go to the comedy club? He was looking for funny business.

I’ll continue with the final batch of jokes.

  1. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite drink? Truth serum.
  2. Why did the FBI agent bring a book to the stakeout? For an in-tents read.
  3. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite pasta? Spaghett-out-of-here.
  4. Why did the FBI agent bring a map to the party? He was charting a course.
  5. Why did the FBI agent go to the shoe store? He was following a sneaker.
  6. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite book? The one with all the redactions.
  7. Why was the FBI agent at the playground? He was going down the slide-show.
  8. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite tree? The one with the best view.
  9. How do FBI agents prefer their steak? Well-done, no trace of pink.
  10. Why did the FBI agent bring a stopwatch to the race? He was keeping track.
  11. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite type of pie? Classified crumble.
  12. Why did the FBI agent go to the museum? He was scouting for fingerprints.
  13. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite dance? The Foxtrot.
  14. Why was the FBI agent at the car dealership? He was on the lookout for suspicious vehicles.
  15. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite card game? Go Fish, because it involves seeking information.
  16. Why was the FBI agent in the kitchen? He was stirring up trouble.
  17. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite kind of cake? Red velvet, because it involves a secret recipe.
  18. Why did the FBI agent bring a fan to the office? He was blowing cover.
  19. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite type of music? Jazz, because you never know what’s coming next.
  20. Why did the FBI agent bring a net to the beach? He was catching some rays.
  21. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite sport? Hide and seek, because they’re always hiding.
  22. Why did the FBI agent go to the coffee shop? He was brewing up a plan.
  23. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite type of cookie? Snicker-doodles, because they always sneak around.
  24. Why was the FBI agent at the grocery store? He was picking up some intel.
  25. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite bird? The owl, because it’s always watching.
  26. Why did the FBI agent bring a calculator to the crime scene? He was adding up the clues.
  27. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite part of the day? The part that’s been redacted.
  28. Why was the FBI agent at the car wash? He was cleaning up his act.
  29. What’s an FBI agent’s favorite color? Gray, because it’s neither black nor white.
  30. Why did the FBI agent go to the bakery? Because it’s always better to have your doughnuts glazed and your cases closed.

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