143 ex jokes

  1. My ex called to ask if I could fix her computer. I told her it’s a hardware problem, she’s missing the boyfriend chip.
  2. Why don’t you ever play hide and seek with my ex? Because good luck hiding when they never leave you alone!
  3. My ex is like a vending machine, accepts a lot of change but always gives the same thing.
  4. If my ex was a vegetable, what would she be? Bitter gourd.
  5. I told my ex she needed space, so she moved out… of the country.
  6. They say that love is blind. I guess that’s why my ex didn’t see the end coming.
  7. My ex is like my laundry… Washed, rinsed, and hung out to dry.
  8. My ex called me childish. I told her to get out of my fort.
  9. What’s my ex’s favorite exercise? Running back to their exes.
  10. My ex was like my algebra homework. I couldn’t figure her out no matter how many times I rechecked my work.
  11. Why did I break up with my ex? They mistook my heart for a piñata.
  12. Why is my ex like a broken pencil? Because they’re pointless.
  13. What’s the difference between my ex and a catfish? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum sucker and the other one’s a fish.
  14. Why is my ex like a football game? After 90 minutes and a few beers, you’re just glad it’s over.
  15. My ex said they were going to the dog park. I said, “Oh, making a family reunion?”
  16. My ex is like an expired lottery ticket – a waste of time and a disappointment.
  17. Why did I compare my ex to Wi-Fi? Because we had no real connection.
  18. Why is my ex like an old library book? They’ve got a lot of issues and everyone’s had a turn.
  19. My ex said they’d climb mountains for me. I said, “Please stay there.”
  20. Why is my ex like a crosswalk? I waited forever for them to change.
  21. My ex is like my coffee, bitter and keeps me up at night.
  22. If I had a face like my ex, I’d sue my parents.
  23. Why was my ex a bad gardener? They couldn’t even keep our love alive.
  24. What’s the difference between my ex and garbage? Garbage gets taken out more often.
  25. My ex is like a stop sign – makes you halt, look around, and then move on.
  26. My ex was like a parking ticket, fine at first but ended up costing me a lot.
  27. Why was my ex like a math problem? If they had 4 apples and I had 5, they’d ask why I had more.
  28. Why is my ex like a laxative? They irritate the crap out of me.
  29. My ex is like a negative number – when you add them to your life, they only make things less.
  30. Why was my ex like a dog chasing its tail? They kept going in circles, but they never got anywhere.
  31. My ex is like a chess game. Once the queen falls, it’s game over.
  32. Why is my ex like a snowstorm? You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get, or how long it will last.
  33. What’s the difference between my ex and a rooster? A rooster says “cock-a-doodle-doo”, my ex says “any-cock-will-do.”
  34. Why was my ex like a helicopter? They hovered way too much.
  35. My ex is like a Tsunami. All wet and a complete disaster.
  36. Why is my ex like a magic trick? After the trick was over, they disappeared.
  37. What’s the difference between my ex and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
  38. My ex and I were like shoes, we started off on the right foot but ended up a pair of flip flops.
  39. Why is my ex like a jigsaw puzzle? It takes a long time to put them together, only to see a picture you don’t like.
  40. My ex is like my phone’s battery, always dying on me when I need them the most.
  41. Why was my ex like a turtle? They hid inside their shell and carried their home – our relationship – on their back.
  42. My ex is like an old car. They stopped running when I needed them the most.
  43. Why is my ex like a trampoline? It was fun to jump on, but you don’t want your friends to see.
  44. What’s the difference between my ex and a nightlight? A nightlight is actually useful in the dark.
  45. My ex is like a boomerang – they always come back, and I always end up throwing them away again.
  46. Why is my ex like an elevator? They always brought me down.
  47. What’s the difference between my ex and a bucket of KFC? After a while, the bucket of KFC is still appealing.
  48. My ex is like a cactus, the closer you get, the more it hurts.
  49. Why is my ex like a rainy day? They ruin all my plans.
  50. What’s the difference between my ex and a battery? At least a battery has a positive side.
  51. My ex is like a computer virus. They get into your system and mess up everything.
  52. Why is my ex like a bad haircut? After a while, I realized I needed to cut them out of my life.
  53. My ex is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
  54. Why was my ex like a balloon? They were full of hot air and eventually popped.
  55. What’s the difference between my ex and an astronaut? An astronaut knows what they’re doing in space.
  56. My ex is like a bus station. Always full of drama and going in different directions.
  57. Why is my ex like a streetlamp? They stood there doing nothing while the world went around them.
  58. My ex is like a flat tire – the more pressure you put, the faster it deflates.
  59. Why is my ex like a faulty parachute? They let me down when I needed them the most.
  60. What’s the difference between my ex and the sun? The sun actually rises.
  61. My ex is like an echo. They keep repeating the same thing, and it gets annoying.
  62. Why is my ex like a bad movie? They’re not worth the time or money.
  63. My ex is like a mosquito. They’re annoying and leave marks.
  64. Why was my ex like a broken clock? Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
  65. What’s the difference between my ex and a cat? A cat has nine lives.
  66. My ex is like a tornado, comes out of nowhere, destroys everything, then leaves.
  67. Why is my ex like a fake Picasso? They tried to copy others but failed miserably.
  68. My ex is like expired milk, sour and hard to swallow.
  69. Why is my ex like a slot machine? They took all my coins and rarely gave anything in return.
  70. What’s the difference between my ex and a haunted house? One scares me more.
  71. My ex is like a noisy neighbor, always there when you don’t want them to be.
  72. Why is my ex like a traffic jam? You never know how long you’ll be stuck with them.
  73. My ex is like a rainy day, gloomy and dampens spirits.
  74. Why is my ex like an art exhibit? I didn’t get them half the time.
  75. What’s the difference between my ex and a Rubik’s cube? A Rubik’s cube eventually makes sense.
  76. My ex is like an outdated app, full of bugs and needs constant updating.
  77. Why was my ex like a coin? They had two sides and kept flipping between them.
  78. My ex is like an expired coupon, once valuable but now worthless.
  79. Why is my ex like a bad detective? They couldn’t figure out how to keep the relationship alive.
  80. What’s the difference between my ex and a ticking bomb? The bomb actually gives you a warning.
  81. My ex is like a diet, promises a lot but never delivers.
  82. Why was my ex like a printer? Always jamming at the most inconvenient times.
  83. My ex is like a horror movie, scary and leaves a mark.
  84. Why is my ex like a snowman? They melted under pressure.
  85. What’s the difference between my ex and a smart device? A smart device is actually smart.
  86. My ex is like an expired credit card, once useful, but now just a burden.
  87. Why is my ex like a one-way street? There was no turning back.
  88. My ex is like a pop-up ad, annoying and pops up when you least expect it.
  89. Why is my ex like an error message? Appeared when something went wrong and offered no solution.
  90. What’s the difference between my ex and a treasure map? A treasure map actually leads to something valuable.
  91. My ex is like an empty restaurant, always available but not worth the time.
  92. Why is my ex like a dull pencil? They were never sharp enough to figure things out.
  93. My ex is like a treadmill, a lot of work and going nowhere.
  94. Why was my ex like a bad weather forecast? Always promising sunshine but delivering rain.
  95. What’s the difference between my ex and a circus? The circus is actually entertaining.
  96. My ex is like a leaky faucet, always dripping and hard to stop.
  97. Why is my ex like a broken mirror? They left me with seven years of bad luck.
  98. My ex is like a blindfold, kept me in the dark and led me to things I didn’t want to see.
  99. Why is my ex like an old movie? I knew how it would end but watched it anyway.
  100. What’s the difference between my ex and a cup of coffee? Coffee actually wakes you up.
  101. My ex is like a broken record, always repeating the same thing.
  102. Why was my ex like a bad recipe? No matter how I tried to spice things up, it always turned out bad.
  103. My ex is like a math problem, the more I tried to figure them out, the more I got confused.
  104. Why was my ex like a dentist? They always found new ways to hurt me.
  105. What’s the difference between my ex and a black hole? One sucks more.
  106. My ex is like a used car, seemed like a deal but was full of problems.
  107. Why is my ex like a dead battery? They never had the energy to keep things going.
  108. My ex is like a snail, slow to react and left a slimy trail.
  109. Why is my ex like a dictionary? They added meaning to my life, but also a lot of confusion.
  110. What’s the difference between my ex and a microwave? A microwave actually heats things up.
  111. My ex is like a hole in a boat, they sank my happiness.
  112. Why was my ex like a sand castle? The slightest wave could knock them down.
  113. My ex is like a broken compass, always led me in the wrong direction.
  114. Why is my ex like an alarm clock? Annoying to wake up to and always snoozed on important matters.
  115. What’s the difference between my ex and a broken umbrella? One let me down more when it rained.
  116. My ex is like a cheap hotel, anyone could check in.
  117. Why was my ex like a stale donut? Once sweet, but left a bad taste in my mouth.
  118. My ex is like an empty beer can, once full of joy but now just trash.
  119. Why is my ex like a broken record? Kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
  120. What’s the difference between my ex and a brick wall? At least a brick wall listens.
  121. My ex is like an old pair of shoes, comfortable but worn out.
  122. Why is my ex like a shipwreck? They sunk my hopes and dreams.
  123. My ex is like a foggy window, hard to see through and always clouding my judgement.
  124. Why was my ex like an iceberg? Most of their issues were hidden beneath the surface.
  125. What’s the difference between my ex and a haunted house? A haunted house actually gives you chills.
  126. My ex is like a roller coaster, lots of ups and downs and left me feeling sick.
  127. Why is my ex like a broken watch? They never had good timing.
  128. My ex is like a shooting star, exciting at first but disappeared quickly.
  129. Why was my ex like a bad investment? The more I put in, the less I got back.
  130. What’s the difference between my ex and a rubber band? A rubber band eventually snaps back.
  131. My ex is like a train wreck, hard to look away from and a total disaster.
  132. Why is my ex like a cracked screen? They were difficult to read and needed replacing.
  133. My ex is like a bag of chips, full of air and not as satisfying as you’d hoped.
  134. Why was my ex like a UFO? Always leaving me wondering if they really existed.
  135. What’s the difference between my ex and a photo frame? A photo frame actually holds memories.
  136. My ex is like an old movie, predictable and full of cliches.
  137. Why is my ex like a weak wifi signal? They were always dropping out when I needed them the most.
  138. My ex is like a sinking ship, going down but refusing to admit it.
  139. Why was my ex like a dirty dish? They were a mess and I ended up cleaning it up.
  140. What’s the difference between my ex and a broken compass? A broken compass at least has a needle.
  141. My ex is like a traffic light, gave mixed signals and caused crashes.
  142. Why was my ex like a lousy comedian? They never knew when to stop.
  143. My ex is like a blender, they mixed up my feelings and left me all shaken up.

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