150 bmw jokes


Sure, I will try my best to come up with some light-hearted, car-themed humor focusing on BMWs.

  1. Why don’t BMW drivers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when your engine is that loud.
  2. What do BMW drivers use as a contraceptive? Their personalities.
  3. Why did the BMW go to school? It wanted to be a Smarty.
  4. Why did the BMW get a job? Because it couldn’t afford its own parts.
  5. Why did the man put his BMW on a diet? It was burning too much rubber.
  6. Why are BMW’s like stars? Because they only come out at night.
  7. Why do BMWs have heated seats? To keep your hands warm when you’re pushing it.
  8. Why don’t BMWs ever get lost? The tow truck always knows where to find them.
  9. What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
  10. What’s the similarity between a BMW and a lightning bolt? They both try to reach their destination before thunder.
  11. Why are BMWs bad at playing hide and seek? They always leak their location.
  12. What’s the difference between a golf ball and a BMW? People actually look for a lost golf ball.
  13. Why did the BMW apply for a job? It got tired of getting pushed around.
  14. Why are BMWs like politicians? They never perform as promised.
  15. How is a BMW similar to a tornado? They both whirl up dust and leave a lot of noise.
  16. What’s the BMW’s favorite movie? “Gone in 60 Seconds.”
  17. Why do BMWs have rear defrosters? To keep your hands warm while pushing.
  18. What’s a BMW’s favorite activity? Being in the spotlight… of a tow truck.
  19. Why did the BMW go to therapy? It had too many breakdowns.
  20. Why don’t BMWs get invited to parties? They always have to be the center of a tension.
  21. What is a BMW’s favorite meal? Roadside Assistance.
  22. How is a BMW like a bad gambler? It’s always in the red.
  23. Why don’t BMWs make good detectives? They always lose their tracks.
  24. What does a BMW and an argument have in common? They both start with a lot of noise.
  25. What’s the difference between a BMW and a magic wand? A magic wand can do something.
  26. What’s a BMW’s favorite music? Breakdown by Tom Petty.
  27. Why are BMWs like Christmas? They bring people together… around the engine.
  28. How is a BMW like a computer? It always needs updates.
  29. Why did the BMW get a cat? Because it wanted to know what purring felt like.
  30. Why did the BMW go to the zoo? It heard there was a spare parts sale.
  31. What’s the difference between a BMW and a bicycle? A bicycle can make it up a hill.
  32. Why did the BMW join the circus? It was good at performing tricks.
  33. How are BMWs like vampires? They both hate the sunlight.
  34. What’s the BMW’s favorite song? “Help!” by The Beatles.
  35. Why did the BMW sit in the shade? It didn’t want to overheat.
  36. Why are BMWs so aerodynamic? So they can swerve faster to the nearest mechanic.
  37. How is a BMW like a steak? They’re both best when grilled.
  38. What’s the difference between a BMW and a vacuum cleaner? The vacuum cleaner has better suction.
  39. What does a BMW and a police officer have in common? They both make a lot of noise when they come.
  40. Why did the BMW stop for a pizza? It wanted a slice of the action.
  41. What does a BMW and a turtle have in common? They both have hard shells and move slowly.
  42. What’s the similarity between a BMW and a thunderstorm? You don’t know how long either will last.
  43. Why did the BMW go to the gym? It needed a tune-up.
  44. How is a BMW like a celebrity? They both can’t go anywhere without causing a scene.
  45. What’s the difference between a BMW and a marshmallow? You can toast a marshmallow without it catching fire.
  46. Why don’t BMWs ever play hide and seek? They always start up the game with a breakdown.
  47. What’s a BMW’s favorite sport? Drag racing… with the tow truck.
  48. Why do BMWs have a lot of friends? Because misery loves company.
  49. What’s a BMW’s favorite accessory? A “For Sale” sign.
  50. What’s a BMW’s favorite dance move? The breakdown.
  51. Why did the BMW cross the road? To get to the other service station.
  52. How is a BMW like an old dog? They both whine when they can’t keep up.
  53. Why don’t BMWs make good secret agents? Their cover always gets blown.
  54. What’s the difference between a BMW and a mirage? A mirage has a better chance of getting you to your destination.
  55. What do you call a BMW at the top of a hill? A miracle.
  56. Why are BMWs like wizards? They both love casting smoke spells.
  57. How is a BMW like a joke? They both often fall flat.
  58. What’s the difference between a BMW and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
  59. Why did the BMW get a ticket at the concert? It couldn’t handle the high notes.
  60. What do a BMW and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  61. Why are BMWs like ex-boyfriends? They always come back with more problems.
  62. What’s the difference between a BMW and a cactus? You can touch a cactus.
  63. Why did the BMW join the navy? It wanted to be a destroyer.
  64. How is a BMW like a teenager? They both go through an “oil” phase.
  65. What do you call a BMW that can drive? A myth.
  66. Why do BMWs have big bumpers? To protect them from the tow trucks.
  67. What’s the difference between a BMW and a unicorn? People believe in unicorns.
  68. How is a BMW like a snowstorm? They both leave you stranded.
  69. Why did the BMW get a sunroof? To let the smoke out.
  70. Why are BMWs like clouds? Once they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
  71. How is a BMW like a drum? They both make noise when you hit them.
  72. What’s the BMW’s favorite motto? “Quit while you’re a head gasket.”
  73. What’s the difference between a BMW and a lemon? You can make lemonade with a lemon.
  74. Why do BMWs have seat belts? To hold you while you pray.
  75. What’s a BMW’s favorite day? Tow-day.
  76. Why did the BMW get an alarm clock? It needed something else to wake up the neighbors.
  77. What’s the difference between a BMW and a rooster? A rooster can actually get chicks.
  78. Why did the BMW join the football team? It heard they needed a good “receiver.”
  79. How is a BMW like a debate? They both end with a breakdown.
  80. What’s the difference between a BMW and a mosquito? A mosquito stops whining when you smack it.
  81. Why don’t BMWs play chess? They can’t handle the checks.
  82. Why do BMWs make good actors? They’re good at breaking down on cue.
  83. What’s a BMW’s favorite flower? A tulip, because it’s two-lipped to complain about its issues.
  84. Why are BMWs like grizzly bears? You don’t want to meet one in the wild.
  85. How is a BMW like a horror movie? They both make you scream.
  86. What’s the difference between a BMW and a magic show? The magic show has more tricks.
  87. Why did the BMW get a therapist? It had too many issues.
  88. How is a BMW like a treadmill? They both are stationary exercise machines.
  89. What do you call a BMW at the top of a hill? A mirage.
  90. What’s a BMW’s favorite pastime? Taking a brake.
  91. Why are BMWs like cats? They both love to nap in the sun.
  92. How is a BMW like a coffee machine? They both drip when they shouldn’t.
  93. Why did the BMW go to the doctor? It needed a physical check-up.
  94. What’s the difference between a BMW and a skateboard? The skateboard moves faster.
  95. What’s a BMW’s favorite yoga pose? Downward Facing Car.
  96. How is a BMW like a novel? They both have a lot of chapters.
  97. What’s a BMW’s favorite ice cream flavor? Rocky Road.
  98. Why did the BMW break up with its mechanic? It felt neglected.
  99. What’s the BMW’s favorite breakfast? Cereal, because it’s always in a crunch.
  100. What’s a BMW’s favorite candy? Jawbreakers, because they’re always breaking something.
  101. How is a BMW like a baseball team? They both need a good pitcher to start.
  102. Why are BMWs like ghosts? They both love to haunt their owners.
  103. What’s the difference between a BMW and a hot-air balloon? The balloon goes up.
  104. Why did the BMW go to the spa? It needed a break from breaking down.
  105. How is a BMW like a Wi-Fi signal? They both drop out when you need them most.
  106. Why are BMWs like computers? They both have a hard time starting up.
  107. What do you call a BMW that doesn’t break down? A daydream.
  108. Why did the BMW bring a map? It gets lost on the road to reliability.
  109. What’s a BMW’s favorite Broadway musical? Les Misérables.
  110. How is a BMW like a cell phone? They both need constant charging.
  111. Why do BMWs never win at poker? They always fold under pressure.
  112. What’s the difference between a BMW and a rattlesnake? A rattlesnake would feel sorry for you.
  113. How is a BMW like a leaky faucet? They both keep you up at night.
  114. Why did the BMW go to the party? It heard there would be a lot of “jumper” cables.
  115. What’s a BMW’s favorite day of the week? Wrecker Wednesday.
  116. Why do BMWs make good comedians? They have great timing…belt issues.
  117. How is a BMW like a boomerang? They always come back… to the mechanic.
  118. Why are BMWs like solar panels? They both work best when not moving.
  119. What’s the difference between a BMW and a joke? A joke doesn’t cost you a fortune to enjoy.
  120. What’s a BMW’s favorite radio station? “Breakdown FM.”
  121. Why do BMWs make terrible hide and seek players? They always give away their location with their exhaust smoke.
  122. What’s the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog? A hedgehog can protect itself.
  123. Why did the BMW get a library card? It wanted to read the manual.
  124. How is a BMW like a tax audit? They both make you sweat.
  125. What’s a BMW’s favorite fruit? Lemons.
  126. Why are BMWs like onions? They make you cry when you peel back the layers.
  127. What’s the difference between a BMW and a roller coaster? A roller coaster is fun to ride.
  128. Why do BMWs make good historians? They keep repeating the past.
  129. How is a BMW like a rain cloud? They both spoil your day.
  130. What’s the difference between a BMW and an anchor? An anchor holds things down.
  131. What’s a BMW’s favorite TV show? “Breaking Bad.”
  132. Why do BMWs make good dogs? They love sticking their heads out the window.
  133. What’s the difference between a BMW and a tricycle? A tricycle can handle the road.
  134. How is a BMW like a night owl? They’re both up all night.
  135. What’s a BMW’s favorite fast food? Brake King.
  136. Why did the BMW join a band? It loves to blow a gasket.
  137. How is a BMW like a UFO? People question if they really exist.
  138. What’s the difference between a BMW and a soda can? You can recycle a soda can.
  139. What’s a BMW’s favorite holiday? Breaksgiving.
  140. Why did the BMW go camping? It wanted to leak oil in the great outdoors.
  141. How is a BMW like a baby? They both need constant attention.
  142. Why are BMWs like thunderstorms? They arrive with a lot of noise and leave a mess behind.
  143. What’s the difference between a BMW and a battery? The battery has a positive side.
  144. How is a BMW like a popcorn machine? They both start with a pop.
  145. What’s a BMW’s favorite animal? A tow truck, because they always come to rescue them.
  146. Why did the BMW go to the psychologist? It had separation anxiety from its mechanic.
  147. What’s the difference between a BMW and an elephant? An elephant can go more than 10 miles without a refill.
  148. How is a BMW like a night club? They’re both lit up at night.
  149. What’s a BMW’s favorite circus act? The high wire, because it’s always on edge.
  150. Why did the BMW get a diary? It wanted to record its daily breakdowns.

And there you have it, 150 jokes about BMWs.

These are just jokes and not meant to offend any BMW owners or enthusiasts.

Enjoy!

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