81 wisdom jokes
- Why don’t secrets work in a bank? Because they always teller!
- What do philosophers say when they play hide and seek? “Existence is fleeting, but I still see you behind the couch.”
- How does the math book stop being depressed? It figures out its problems.
- What did the procrastinator say to opportunity? “Can you knock again later?”
- What do you call a monk who always tells the truth? An honest theist.
- What’s a scientist’s favorite type of party? A brainstorming one!
- What did the wise man say about his bread being too hard? “It’s a knead-to-know basis.”
- Why don’t intelligent people play hide and seek? Because good minds think a lot, but great minds think alike.
- What’s a philosopher’s favorite dish? Why-so-soup.
- What’s a bookworm’s advice for a good life? “Turn the page and move on.”
- Why did the old man put his money in the blender? Because he wanted to liquidate his assets.
- What do you call a smart donut? A wisecrack-er.
- Why did the light bulb refuse to turn on? It didn’t want to get any bright ideas.
- What’s a teacher’s favorite nation? Expla-nation.
- Why don’t books have mid-life crises? They already know their chapters.
- Why did the clock go to school? To learn about the sands of time.
- How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.
- Why do wise people never play chess with a jungle cat? Because the cheetah always wins.
- What do you call a smart computer? A wisdom byte.
- Why don’t wise people play tag? They know better than to run after problems.
- Why did the smart cookie go to therapy? It felt like it was crumbling under pressure.
- How do you turn soup into gold? Add 24 carrots.
- What did the librarian say to the book? “I know your story.”
- What do you call an enlightened fish? Self-aware-ness.
- Why did the wise man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
- What did the financial advisor say to the debt? “We need to have interest in you.”
- Why can’t you trust an atom? Because they make up everything.
- Why don’t wise people get lost in thought? Because it’s unfamiliar territory.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
- Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
- Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
- Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- How do you organize a space party? You planet.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi, bud!”
- Why don’t some fish play piano? They’re afraid of the bass clef.
- Why do bees hum? They don’t remember the words.
- Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- What did zero say to eight? Nice belt!
- Why don’t wise people have yard sales? Because they realize one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
- How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
- Why do we never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
- Why was the belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of pants.
- Why don’t smart cookies hang out with chips? They’re a bad influence, always crumbling under pressure.
- What’s a philosopher’s favorite drink? “Tea is for thought.”
- Why didn’t the sun go to college? Because it already had a million degrees!
- Why don’t wise people ever get locked out? Because they always key-p their promises.
- What did the wise man say about his balloon business? “It’s really taking off.”
- Why did the notebook go to therapy? It had too many loose sheets.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing!
- Why did the wise man bring a broom to the meeting? Because he wanted to sweep away the problems.
- Why don’t philosophers need GPS? Because they’ve found their inner direction.
- What do you call a laughing piano? A Yamahahaha.
- Why don’t wise people jump into a pool? They dip their toes in the water first.
- What’s a philosopher’s favorite fruit? The ponder-granate.
- Why do we never ask secrets from a melon? Because they might spill the beans.
- Why did the bank hire a wise owl? Because it needed a hoot of a good accountant.
- What did the wise man say when he lost his car in the parking lot? “Guess it’s a lost car-cause.”
- Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
- Why did the football team go to the bakery? They needed a good ‘roll’ model.
- Why do we never give a secret to a clock? Because time will tell.
- What did the river say to the wise man? “Go with the flow.”
- Why do we never trust a leader with a map? Because they always take the lead.
- Why don’t wise people play poker in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
- Why do philosophers make good carpenters? They always measure twice and cut once.
- Why did the wise man bring a clock to the chess match? Because it’s always time for a check, mate.
- What do you call a smart group of musical notes? A clever chord.
- Why did the wise man never play hide and seek with the world? Because he knows it’s a round.
- Why don’t wise people go to a tennis match? It’s too much of a racket.
- What’s a philosopher’s favorite type of math? Geometree.
- Why did the wise man bring a fan to the negotiation? To blow away the competition.
- Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.
- Why don’t wise people play cards in the wild? Because of all the cheetahs.
- What did the wise man say to his umbrella? “You’ve got me covered.”
- Why was the math book always unhappy? It had too many problems.
- What’s a philosopher’s favorite game? I ‘think’, therefore I am.
- Why did the wise man always carry a pencil? Because he wanted to draw conclusions.
- What’s a teacher’s favorite type of coffee? Espresso-nate.
- Why didn’t the wise man go skydiving? He didn’t want to jump to conclusions.
- What did the ruler say to the pencil? “You’re looking sharp!”
- Why don’t wise people play peekaboo? They don’t like to lose sight of their goals.