57+ philadelphia eagles jokes

1. Why don’t the Eagles use the internet? Because they can’t seem to connect to the end zone.
2. Why did the Eagles go to the bakery? Because they needed a good turnover.
3. How do you know the Eagles are serious about football? They put their game faces on, but they forgot about their game skills.
4. Why are the Philadelphia Eagles like a possum? Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
5. What do the Eagles and a quarter have in common? Both are worthless without any cents.
6. What do the Eagles and Billy Joel have in common? They’re both living in Allentown.
7. Why do the Eagles keep going back to the refrigerator? Because every time they look there’s another turnover.
8. What do the Eagles and a Chick-fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
9. Why did the Philadelphia Eagles bring a ladder to the bar? They wanted to finally get a round in.
10. What’s the difference between a dollar bill and the Philadelphia Eagles? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
11. Why did the Eagle get kicked out of school? Too many penalties for rough play.
12. What does an Eagle do at a coffee shop? It fumbles with the sugar packets.
13. How do the Eagles count to 10? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3…
14. Why are there so many unsolved crimes in Philadelphia? Because everyone has their hands over their eyes whenever the Eagles play.
15. How do you know when it’s raining in Philadelphia? The Eagles are in pass drop formation.
16. Why are the Eagles like my neighbors? They can’t pick up a single yard.
17. Why did the Eagle go to the art museum? To appreciate all the other types of fumbles.
18. What’s the Eagles’ favorite music? Anything but the Touchdown Boogie.
19. Why did the Eagles get a clock? They wanted to work on their time of possession.
20. Why did the Eagles bring a map to the game? To find the end zone.
21. Why can’t the Eagles play cards? Because they always fear the deck is stacked against them.
22. What’s the difference between the Eagles and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
23. What do you call a Philadelphia Eagle in the Super Bowl? A referee.
24. What’s the Eagles’ favorite game besides football? Duck, duck, lose.
25. Why do Eagles fans drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is often offensive.

That’s a quarter of the way there.

Here’s the next set:

26. What do you call an Eagle with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
27. Why are the Eagles like grizzly bears? Every fall they go into hibernation.
28. What’s the difference between an Eagle and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
29. Why did the Eagles bring a broom to the game? To clean up their act.
30. Why do the Eagles keep losing their keys? Because they can’t find the end zone.
31. Why did the Eagles go to school? They heard they could learn about touchdowns there.
32. Why did the Eagle bring a bucket to the game? To catch all the dropped passes.
33. What do the Eagles and a magician have in common? Both do disappearing acts.
34. What’s the Eagles’ favorite candy? Butterfingers.
35. Why can’t Eagles play hide and seek? Because good ones are always hard to find.
36. What’s the difference between the Eagles and a triangle? A triangle has three points.
37. Why don’t Eagles make good detectives? They can’t seem to catch anything.
38. How do Eagles communicate? By dropping the ball.
39. Why did the Eagle bring a sponge to the game? To soak up the tears.
40. Why do Eagles players never sweat? The fans provide enough for everyone.
41. Why don’t the Eagles ever win at chess? They lost their two bishops.
42. Why do the Eagles go to the chiropractor? To work on their alignment.
43. What do the Eagles and I have in common? We both can watch the Super Bowl from our couch.
44. Why don’t the Eagles make good gardeners? Because they can’t handle the sacks.
45. Why did the Eagle eat fast food? It wanted to taste a quick pick.
46. Why do the Eagles have so many fans? Misery loves company.
47. Why can’t the Eagles play baseball? Too many strikes.
48. Why are the Eagles like a pancake? They’re good at flipping.
49. What’s the difference between an Eagle and a ham sandwich? You can make a decent meal out of a ham sandwich.
50. How many Eagles does it take to change a tire? One, unless it’s a blowout; then they all show up.

Halfway there!

51. Why do the Eagles never play hide and seek? Because whenever they get near the count of 50, they choke.
52. What’s an Eagles fan’s favorite wine? “We can’t beat the Cowboys!”
53. Why did the Eagle bring a ladder to the game? It still couldn’t reach the goalpost.
54. Why did the Eagles go to the bakery? They were hoping to learn about “dough”-ing for touchdowns.
55. What do the Eagles and a possum have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
56. Why can’t the Eagles change a light bulb? Because they can’t climb the ladder of success.
57. Why did the Eagles open a bakery? To get a better handle on turnovers.
58. Why don’t the Eagles ever drive stick? They can’t handle the clutch.
59. What do you call a Philadelphia Eagle at the Super Bowl? A spectator.
60. How do the Eagles spend their first week at training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights; after all, they’re always getting picked off.
61. Why did the Eagles go to the auto repair shop? They heard it was a good place to get some offensive tools.
62. What do the Eagles and a slot machine have in common? Both take your money and don’t pay out.
63. What’s the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and a pinball machine? You get more points on a pinball machine.
64. Why are the Eagles like my old PC? They always crash when they’re on the run.
65. What do the Eagles and lawn furniture have in common? Both get folded up and put away when it’s crunch time.
66. Why did the Eagles get a cat? They heard about its nine lives and thought maybe it could spare one.
67. How are the Eagles like a used car? They look good, but once you drive them, they fall apart.
68. What do the Eagles and a possum have in common? Both are completely harmless.
69. Why are the Eagles like a snowstorm? You never know when they’re going to show up.
70. Why did the Eagle carry an umbrella? Just in case there was a chance of hail mary.
71. What’s an Eagle’s favorite cereal? Fruit loops; after all, they keep going around in circles.
72. Why did the Eagles go to the music concert? To learn about high notes.
73. Why don’t Eagles fans have backyard BBQs? The last time they got close to a “bowl”, it was a disaster.
74. Why are the Eagles like a three-legged dog? They can’t make it to the end of the block.
75. Why did the Eagle buy a couch? It got used to sitting out the playoffs.

100 to go!

76. Why did the Eagles join a knitting club? They were hoping to improve their stitches, just in case they got close to the Super Bowl again.
77. Why did the Eagles install a new door? Because they couldn’t handle the draft.
78. What do the Eagles and a comedian have in common? They both crack under pressure.
79. Why can’t the Eagles write a novel? Too many missed passes (pasts).
80. Why don’t the Eagles eat cereal? Because they’ve lost all their bowls.
81. Why can’t the Eagles be a part of a relay race? They never pass the baton correctly.
82. Why are the Eagles like a politician? All talk, no action.
83. What do the Eagles and my old radio have in common? They can’t pick up a single thing.
84. Why did the Eagles go to the theater? To learn about drama, they’ve already got the tragedy down.
85. Why are the Eagles like my mailbox? You can’t count on them for deliveries on Sundays.
86. Why did the Eagles hire a tailor? They were trying to fix their endless suits of defeat.
87. Why are the Eagles like a taxi driver? They can’t drive more than ten yards without stopping.
88. Why do the Eagles never get invited to a potluck? They always drop the ball when it’s their turn to cook.
89. Why don’t the Eagles drink coffee? It keeps them up at night, just like their record.
90. Why did the Eagle join a dating site? It heard there might be some good catches there.
91. Why did the Eagle go to the circus? It wanted to see what real entertainment looked like.
92. What do the Eagles and my lawn have in common? The slightest bit of heat and they wilt.
93. Why are the Eagles like a math book? They’re full of problems.
94. Why are the Eagles like my alarm clock? They fail when it’s crunch time.
95. Why can’t the Eagles ever find their way home? They always lose track at the 50-yard line.
96. Why are the Eagles like my old car? They can’t go five minutes without breaking down.
97. Why are the Eagles like an old pair of shoes? They’re worn out and full of holes.
98. What do you call an Eagle with half a brain? Gifted.
99. Why do the Eagles always carry a map? They can’t find the end zone without it.
100. Why don’t the Eagles ever check out a library book? They’re afraid of the fines.

Last 50 to go!

101. Why are the Eagles like my WiFi? They always lose connection when it matters most.
102. Why do the Eagles bring a ruler to the game? To measure their chances of getting a touchdown.
103. Why are the Eagles like a cheap hotel? No reception.
104. Why are the Eagles like my iced tea? They’re always going cold when they should be heating up.
105. Why did the Eagles go to the flea market? They’re always on the lookout for a good catch.
106. Why do the Eagles love gardening? They’re good at planting the ball.
107. What’s the Eagles’ favorite holiday? Groundhog Day, because they love a good repeat.
108. Why are the Eagles like my dog? They can’t catch a Frisbee.
109. Why did the Eagles go to the bank? They needed a better saving strategy.
110. Why do the Eagles always carry a spare tire? They’re used to dealing with flats.
111. Why do the Eagles never play hide and seek? They always get found out in the end.
112. Why don’t the Eagles ever go fishing? They can’t handle the reel.
113. Why did the Eagle get a job at the bakery? It wanted to try its hand at turnovers.
114. Why are the Eagles like a car with no gas? They can’t go the distance.
115. Why did the Eagle go to the carnival? To try and win a ring.
116. Why don’t the Eagles ever get promoted? They can’t handle the steps.
117. Why are the Eagles like a tennis player? They can’t serve a good game.
118. Why did the Eagles buy a boat? They thought they’d have a better chance sailing to the end zone.
119. Why are the Eagles like my grandpa? They can’t make it past their 50s.
120. Why are the Eagles like my laundry? They’re always getting hung out to dry.
121. Why did the Eagle wear a tuxedo to the game? He heard there might be formal charges for his fumbles.
122. Why do the Eagles always carry an eraser? They’re used to making mistakes.
123. Why are the Eagles like a lazy student? They never turn in their work on time.
124. Why are the Eagles like a broken pencil? They’re pointless.
125. Why did the Eagles start a band? They wanted to try their hand at scoring.

Last 25 to go!

126. Why are the Eagles like a paper plane? They never fly when you need them to.
127. Why do the Eagles always carry a flashlight? They’re used to fumbling in the dark.
128. Why do the Eagles love picnics? They’re experts at dropping the picnic basket.
129. Why don’t the Eagles ever bake? They can’t handle the heat.
130. Why did the Eagles go to the bar? They thought they might score there.
131. Why are the Eagles like a comedian? They always know how to make a crowd laugh.
132. Why are the Eagles like my old jeans? They’ve lost their fit.
133. Why did the Eagles hire a tutor? They needed help with their passing grades.
134. Why do the Eagles always lose at poker? They can’t handle the chips.
135. Why are the Eagles like my homework? They’re always full of errors.
136. Why did the Eagles go to the farm? They wanted to learn about pigs and their skins.
137. Why did the Eagles open a restaurant? They wanted to improve their service.
138. Why do the Eagles love playing at the beach? They’re good at dropping the ball in the sand.
139. Why are the Eagles like a bad actor? They can’t handle a lead role.
140. Why did the Eagles go to the gym? They wanted to work on their drops.
141. Why are the Eagles like a gardener? They’re used to digging holes for themselves.
142. Why don’t the Eagles ever order pizza? They can’t handle the delivery.
143. Why did the Eagles go to the zoo? They wanted to learn about the birds and the bees, not just the birds.
144. Why are the Eagles like my old rug? They’re always getting stepped on.
145. Why did the Eagles go to the mechanic? They can’t handle the drive.