150 nutrition jokes

  1. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  2. Why do vegetarians give good advice? Because they always peas in their thoughts.
  3. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese!
  4. Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling very well!
  5. Why did the cucumber blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  6. Why did the tofu cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken.
  7. What’s a dietician’s favorite game? Swallow the leader.
  8. Why did the orange go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date.
  9. What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
  10. What do you call an avocado that’s been blessed by the pope? Holy Guacamole.
  11. Why do we not tell secrets on the farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
  12. Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.
  13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  14. Why did the cabbage win the race? Because it was ahead!
  15. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite sport? Squash.
  16. What did the lettuce say to the celery at the party? Lettuce romaine calm, the fun has just vegun.
  17. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice!
  18. How does a dietitian throw a party? They planet.
  19. What is a hamburger’s favorite yoga position? The meatball pose.
  20. Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes? They might crack up!
  21. How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste!
  22. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
  23. Why do mushrooms get invited to all the vegetable parties? Because they’re such fungi.
  24. Why was the cucumber mad? Because it was in a pickle.
  25. What did one carrot say to the other carrot? Nice gnawing you.
  26. What’s the coolest vegetable? A rad-ish.
  27. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
  28. Why did the bread break up with the butter? Because it felt it was being spread too thin.
  29. Why was the strawberry worried? Because its parents were in a jam.
  30. What do you call an avocado that’s been to space? An astro-cado.
  31. Why do potatoes argue all the time? They can’t see eye to eye.
  32. Why don’t bananas ever feel lonely? Because they hang around in bunches.
  33. What do you call an apple that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
  34. What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where’s my popcorn?
  35. Why don’t oranges do well in school? Because they can’t concentrate.
  36. Why was the bread dough unhappy? Because it felt kneaded.
  37. Why was the vegetable stew so proud? Because it was soup-herb.
  38. What did the lettuce say to the celery? Stop stalking me!
  39. Why was the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he’s a fungi.
  40. Why do carrots never get lost? Because they always carrot map.
  41. Why did the grapefruit go to therapy? It had a lot of pithy problems.
  42. What is corn’s favorite music? Pop!
  43. What’s a vegetable’s favorite martial art? Ka-rot-e.
  44. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.
  45. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
  46. Why don’t oranges ever get lost? They always peel out in the right direction.
  47. What did the sweet potato say to the regular potato? “I yam what I yam!”
  48. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business.
  49. Why was the belt arrested at the salad bar? It was caught holding up a pair of slacks.
  50. What do you call a talkative drink? Chai tea.
  51. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
  52. Why did the banana wear sunscreen? To avoid peeling.
  53. Why did the onion write a memoir? It wanted to give a raw account of its layers.
  54. What did the egg say to the boiling water? “It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning.”
  55. What did the burger name its baby? Patty.
  56. How do you turn soup into gold? Add 24 carrots.
  57. Why did the pasta go to the dance? To meatball.
  58. How does a chef stay safe in the kitchen? He uses a “pepper” spray.
  59. What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? Steak.
  60. Why did the tomato get in trouble? It couldn’t ketchup in school.
  61. Why are bananas never lonely? They hang around in bunches.
  62. Why did the broccoli go to the party? Because it was a broccoli-ette!
  63. What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing. Apples don’t talk!
  64. What did the salad say to the fridge? “Close the door, I’m dressing!”
  65. How do you make a gold soup? Add 24 carrots.
  66. Why did the lettuce blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  67. Why did the orange stop? Because it ran out of juice.
  68. What do you call a retired vegetable? A has-bean.
  69. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit? Straw-berries.
  70. What’s the ghost’s favorite fruit? Boo-berries.
  71. What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? “Close the door, I’m dressing.”
  72. What’s a pepper that won’t leave you alone? Jalapeno business.
  73. What’s a dietician’s favorite type of note? A post-grape.
  74. What did the eggplant say to the cauliflower? You look a bit pale.
  75. What did the cheese say to the mirror? Looking gouda!
  76. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite school subject? Vine-matics.
  77. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.
  78. Why was the gingerbread man feeling crumby? He was tired of living a cookie cutter life.
  79. How do you make an artichoke? Strangle it.
  80. What do you call a sweet potato that sings? A yam session.
  81. Why don’t oranges need a map when they go on vacation? They always concentrate on the directions.
  82. Why was the fruit so proud? It was pear-ent of the year.
  83. What did the momma tomato say to the baby tomato? Ketchup!
  84. What does a tomato say to a race? Ketchup.
  85. Why did the dairy go to the therapist? It had too many mooo-d swings.
  86. Why did the baker stop making donuts? He was tired of the hole thing.
  87. Why do vegetables nevercompete? They don’t like beet-ing each other.
  88. What do you call a nervous legume? A panick-pea.
  89. What did the celery say to the broccoli? Don’t stalk me.
  90. What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut? I’m a cashew.
  91. What is the most patient fruit? The wait-a-melon.
  92. What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut.
  93. What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song? Slice, Slice Baby.
  94. How do you know when a peach is feeling good? It’s just peachy!
  95. What do you call an old pickle? A dinosaur.
  96. What did the bread say to the toaster? You make me feel all warm inside!
  97. Why did the salad go to the studio? To get some beets.
  98. Why did the bell pepper stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of pepper-mentum.
  99. What did the mama corn say to baby corn? Where’s pop corn?
  100. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honey comb!
  101. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the stomach for it.
  102. Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.
  103. Why didn’t the orange win the race? It ran out of juice.
  104. Why was the potato a great detective? Because it always kept its eyes peeled.
  105. What’s a caterpillar’s favorite food? Apple butterflies!
  106. Why do oranges catch colds? They peel too much.
  107. Why did the lemon disown his daughter? She was a bit tart.
  108. What’s a tomato’s favorite part of the song? The ketch-up.
  109. What do you call a fruit that commits crimes? A waterfelon.
  110. Why did the meatballs tell the spaghetti to go to sleep? It was pasta bedtime.
  111. How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down the hill.
  112. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  113. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Halloumi.
  114. How do you comfort a fruit? You tell them everything is gonna be all ripe.
  115. What did the bread do on vacation? Loaf around.
  116. Why are potatoes good detectives? Because they always keep their eyes peeled.
  117. Why are chefs so cruel? They beat eggs and whip cream.
  118. Why was the orange so smart? It concentrated!
  119. Why don’t some vegetables ever go out at night? They are afraid of the stew.
  120. Why are beans the oldest vegetable in the world? Because they’ve bean around forever.
  121. What do you call a vegetable that sings? Elvis Parsley.
  122. What’s a vegetable’s favorite casino game? Baccarrot.
  123. What is a snowman’s favorite salad? Iceberg lettuce.
  124. What did the bacon say to the tomato? Lettuce get together.
  125. Why are fruits so polite? They always say “peach and thank you”.
  126. What’s an egg’s least favorite day of the week? Fry-day.
  127. What did the French fries say to the hamburger? “I couldn’t ketchup without you”.
  128. What does a dietitian take on a fishing trip? A bag of pea-nut brittle.
  129. How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring process.
  130. What does a bee use to style its hair? A honeycomb.
  131. What do you call a fake raspberry? A rasp-phoney.
  132. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice!
  133. What kind of food is crazy about Cats? Mice-cream.
  134. Why did the cheese lose a fight with a stone? Because the roquefort.
  135. What do you call an elderly pickle? A senior gherkin.
  136. What did the apple say to the doctor? “You keep the others away”.
  137. Why was the fruit feeling down? It was in a jam.
  138. What’s a vegetable’s favorite exercise? The Cabbage Patch.
  139. What’s a bell pepper’s favorite music? Pepper-hop.
  140. Why did the lettuce go to the party? It was looking for a romaine-tic connection.
  141. Why did the bread never get lost? It always knew its roll.
  142. What did the cheese say to the refrigerator? “It’s feta in here!”
  143. Why don’t fruits fight? Because they cantaloupe.
  144. What’s the friendliest vegetable? The sweet potato.
  145. What does garlic do when it gets hot? It takes its cloves off.
  146. What do you call a sandwich that you make in the jungle? A club sand-wich.
  147. Why are potatoes great at boxing? They always keep their eyes on the fries.
  148. What’s a chili pepper’s favorite catchphrase? “I’m jalapeno face”.
  149. Why did the salad go to therapy? It had too much dressing.
  150. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? “Breathe, man! Breathe!”

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