57+ jokes for the 4th of july

  1. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
    • Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
  2. Why did the tomato turn red?
    • Because it saw the salad dressing, and remembered it forgot its lettuce at the Revolutionary War!
  3. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
    • One has a bill on its face, the other has his face on a bill!
  4. What did the flag say to the pole?
    • Nothing, it just waved!
  5. What was the most popular dance in 1776?
    • Indepen-dance!
  6. What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
    • Benedict Duckold!
  7. Why did the scarecrow become a patriot?
    • Because he’s outstanding in his field!
  8. Why did the American colonists brew tea?
    • Because proper tea is theft!
  9. What did King George think of the American colonists?
    • He thought they were revolting!
  10. Why did the bald eagle start attending therapy sessions?
    • It couldn’t handle being the symbol of freedom!
  11. What do you call an American cat who can play a guitar?
  12. What’s red, white, blue, and green?
  13. Why were the first Americans like ants?
    • Because they lived in colonies!
  14. What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
    • The Fodder of Our Country!
  15. How is a healthy person like the United States?
    • They both have good constitutions!
  16. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
  17. Why were the early American settlers like ink?
    • They were in the pen always!
  18. What happened when the Liberty Bell broke?
    • It cracked up!
  19. Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree?
    • It was the father of all lies!
  20. What do you call an American drawing?
    • Yankee doodle!
  21. How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
    • He was shocked!
  22. What do you call a country that only serves fast food?
    • The United States of A-munch-ica!
  23. What do you call a red, white, and blue bull?
    • Patriotic bull-istic!
  24. Why did the British go to bed early?
    • So they could catch the colonies!
  25. What does an artist do on the 4th of July?
    • He draws his independence!
  26. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?
    • Monti-cherry pie!
  27. How do you start the 4th of July parade in the south?
    • Roll down the windows!
  28. What was the most popular pet in colonial America?
    • Independence dogs!
  29. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
    • Yankee Poodle!
  30. What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?
    • My pop is bigger than yours!
  31. Why did Betsy Ross make the American flag with stars and stripes?
    • Because polka dots and plaids were already taken!
  32. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?
    • The infantry!
  33. Why don’t Americans knock in tennis?
    • Because freedom rings!
  34. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
    • The Liberty Bellhop!
  35. What did one American flag say to the other?
    • Nothing, it just waved back!
  36. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
    • Liberty!
  37. What do you call an American who only eats fast food?
    • A Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  38. What do you call an American sandwich?
    • A Yankee Doodle Dandywich!
  39. What dance was very popular in 1776?
    • Indepen-dance!
  40. Why did the tomato blush?
    • Because it saw the salad dressing for the Independence Day parade!
  41. What was George Washington’s favorite fruit?
  42. Why did the firework look up to the rocket?
    • Because it had the power to soar!
  43. What do you call a country with only drive-thru restaurants?
    • The Fast Food Nation!
  44. How do you know if Benjamin Franklin was around?
    • From the buzz of electricity!
  45. Why did the bald eagle start going to therapy?
    • Because being the symbol of freedom was too much pressure!
  46. Why do we celebrate Independence Day?
    • It’s the only day we’re free of British rule!
  47. Why did the American go to British Tea Party?
    • Just for the brew-haha!
  48. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite exercise?
    • The Declaration of Independence walk!
  49. Why did the American cookie cry?
    • Because its mom was a wafer too long!
  50. What do you call an American cat that can play a guitar?
    • A Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  51. What do you call a country made up entirely of cars?
    • An auto-nation!
  52. What’s George Washington’s favorite vegetable?
    • Corn, it’s a-maize-ing!
  53. Why was the math book unhappy on July 4th?
    • Because it had too many problems!
  54. Why didn’t the Liberty Bell go to school?
    • Because it already cracked!
  55. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?
    • Because it can’t sit down!
  56. What did the firecracker say to his friend on July 4th?
    • You’re a blast!
  57. What’s the most popular snack on July 4th?
    • Pop-corn!
  58. What’s Uncle Sam’s favorite kind of music?
    • Yankee Doodle Dandeejays!
  59. What do you call a country that only serves desserts?
    • Sweet Land of Liberty!
  60. Why do firecrackers never get invited to play sports?
    • They always blow the game!
  61. What did one American flag say to the other flag?
    • You’re a grand old flag!
  62. What do you call a horse that lives in America?
    • Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  63. What’s the best way to celebrate Independence Day?
    • With a bang!
  64. Why did the firecracker break up with his girlfriend?
    • She had a short fuse!
  65. What did the bread do on the 4th of July?
    • It rose to the occasion!
  66. Why is the 4th of July the most educated holiday?
    • It’s always in-DEPENDS-on-books!
  67. How come there’s no Knock Knock joke about America?
    • Because freedom rings!
  68. Why did the American go to England on July 4th?
    • He wanted to give the British a piece of his mind!
  69. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit on July 4th?
    • Boo-berries!
  70. Why did the cookie go to the doctor on the 4th of July?
    • Because he felt crumby!
  71. What did the cheese say about the Revolutionary War?
    • It was grating!
  72. What’s the difference between July 4th and a lunar eclipse?
    • One’s a mid-summer night’s dream, the other’s a mid-summer night’s scream!
  73. What do you call an American artist?
    • Yankee Doodler!
  74. Why don’t baseball players join the revolution?
    • They are afraid to lose their base!
  75. Why is the American football team going to the bakery?
    • Because it’s a knead for dough!
  76. What’s a firecracker’s favorite meal?
    • Pop-tarts!
  77. Why did the American colonists wear red coats?
    • So they could hide in the tomatoes!
  78. How does the American eagle greet everyone?
    • “Hey, birdie!”
  79. Why do the British not have a July 4th?
    • Because they lost the date in the Revolutionary War!
  80. What’s an alien’s favorite place in America?
    • The space-needle!
  81. Why did the bald eagle get a timeout?
    • He wouldn’t stop winging it!
  82. What’s a firework’s favorite song?
    • “Baby you’re a firework!”
  83. Why is America the best at chess?
  84. Why did the British soldier bring a pencil to the Revolutionary War?
    • He wanted to draw a line in the sand!
  85. Why did the firework go to school?
    • To improve his spark!
  86. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
    • A receding hare-line for the 4th of July!
  87. Why did the firework blush?
  88. Why did the American pie go to a dentist?
    • It needed a filling!
  89. What’s the most cringe-worthy joke about the 4th of July?
    • I would tell you but I don’t want to bomb!
  90. What do you call an elf who sings on Independence Day?
    • Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  91. Why did the bald eagle become the national bird?
    • Because it had the right altitude!
  92. Why was the 4th of July so hot?
    • Because it had a lot of fire works!
  93. What happened to the Liberty Bell after it was broken?
    • It had a great ring to it!
  94. Why did the cannon break up with the firecracker?
    • Because it had a blast with someone else!
  95. What kind of jokes did the Founding Fathers tell?
    • Puns of Liberty!
  96. What’s the favorite meal of the American flag?
  97. What do you call an American snake?
    • A Yankee Rattler!
  98. What’s the favorite food of the Statue of Liberty?
  99. Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America?
    • Because Freedom Rings!
  100. Why did the bald eagle sit on the flag? – It wanted to be a Patriot too!
  101. Why did the tomato turn red? – Because it saw the ranch dressing!
  102. What’s Uncle Sam’s favorite drink? – Yankee Doodle Brandy!
  103. Why did the M&M go to school? – Because it wanted to be a Smartie!
  104. Why did the bald eagle fly to the moon? – It wanted to be an American EAGLE, not an American PIE!
  105. What do you call a reptile on July 4th? – An Independ-anaconda!
  106. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to? – Plymouth Rock!
  107. Why were the first baseball games in America always warm? – They were all heaters!
  108. Why did the American eagle fail at hide and seek? – Because it always soared!
  109. What’s a firework’s favorite type of bread? – Poppy seed roll!
  110. Why was the math book unhappy on July 4th? – Because of all the problems!
  111. Why did the computer go to the beach on the 4th of July? – It had a hard drive!
  112. Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree? – It was cutting edge technology back then!
  113. Why do we fire off fireworks on the 4th of July? – Because it’s a blast!
  114. What do you call a country made up of fast food restaurants? – The United States of A-munch-ica!
  115. Why did Benjamin Franklin fly his kite in the rain? – He wanted to go out with a zing!
  116. What’s a ghost’s favorite type of pie? – Boo-berry!
  117. Why didn’t the British guards play cards? – Because the colonists were good at throwing tea!
  118. Why was the math textbook sad on the 4th of July? – It had too many problems to celebrate!
  119. Why did the scarecrow want to be a politician? – He was outstanding in his field!
  120. What’s a firework’s favorite candy? – Pop rocks!
  121. Why did the bald eagle go to school? – He wanted to improve his “eagle-eye” view!
  122. Why did the firecracker go to the party? – He heard it was a blast!
  123. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? – Because every play has a cast!
  124. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? – A teacher says spit out your gum, and a train says chew chew chew!
  125. What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? – An Investigator!
  126. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? – It was two tired!
  127. What did the stoplight say to the car? – Don’t look! I’m changing!
  128. What did one hat say to the other? – You stay here. I’ll go on ahead!
  129. Why did the scarecrow win an award? – Because he was outstanding in his field!
  130. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? – Because they make up everything!
  131. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? – In case he got a hole in one!
  132. How does a penguin build its house? – Igloos it together!
  133. What do you call fake spaghetti? – An impasta!
  134. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? – Nacho cheese!
  135. How do you organize a space party? – You planet!
  136. What do you call a snowman with a six pack? – An abdominal snowman!
  137. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? – Because he felt crummy!
  138. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? – All of the fans left!
  139. What do you call a fish without eyes? – Fsh!
  140. What do you call a bear with no teeth? – A gummy bear!

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