150 jokes about people

  1. Why don’t some people ever go bald? Because they’re so mean their hair’s scared to leave.
  2. Why don’t scientists ever trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  3. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
  4. How does a bicycle stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred.
  5. Why don’t secret agents sleep? Because they don’t want to be caught napping.
  6. Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles? They tend to lose their balance.
  7. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  8. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  9. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast!
  10. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  11. Why don’t writers go to jail? Because they can always use their words to break free.
  12. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was always outstanding in his field.
  13. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  14. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
  16. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  17. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
  18. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
  19. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? Because he wanted cold hard cash!
  20. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  21. Why was the math book depressed? It had too many problems.
  22. Why did the man stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said concentrate.
  23. Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow? He wanted to have sweet dreams.
  24. Why don’t some people ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak.
  25. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
  26. Why was the math test so sad? It had too many problems.
  27. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a watermelon.
  28. Why did the cell phone go to therapy? It had too many hang-ups.
  29. Why did the librarian get kicked off the plane? Because it was in the no-talking section.
  30. Why did the soccer ball quit the team? It was tired of getting kicked around.
  31. Why did the photo go to jail? It was framed!
  32. Why don’t some people play chess in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  33. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.
  34. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
  35. Why did the doughnut go to the dentist? It needed a filling.
  36. Why did the lawyer go to the beach? To surf the legal briefs.
  37. Why did the teacher go to the beach? To test the waters.
  38. Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
  39. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
  40. Why was the broom late? It over swept!
  41. Why did the sandwich go to the party? It was a wrap!
  42. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  43. What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
  44. Why don’t some people play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs.
  45. Why did the computer go to school? It wanted to improve its data processing skills.
  46. Why did the computer take its glasses? To improve its windows.
  47. Why was the computer cold? It left its windows open.
  48. Why did the cucumber become a detective? Because it always found itself in a pickle.
  49. What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We’re both lawyers!
  50. Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
  51. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s R but it’s the C they love.
  52. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  53. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the sea? Bob.
  54. Why was the math test so happy? It felt really complete.
  55. Why do ghosts make terrible liars? You can see right through them.
  56. Why did the baseball player go to jail? He stole a base.
  57. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  58. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  59. Why did the cookie go to the hospital? Because it felt crummy.
  60. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
  61. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
  62. Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  63. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  64. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
  65. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
  66. Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.
  67. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  68. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  69. What do you call a man that lost all of his intelligence? A widow.
  70. Why don’t some people talk to pi? Because he’ll go on forever.
  71. Why do we never tell secrets on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
  72. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  73. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
  74. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  75. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
  76. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast!
  77. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  78. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
  79. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
  80. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  81. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
  82. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  83. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  84. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  85. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  86. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
  87. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  88. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  89. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  90. Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.
  91. Why was the math book depressed? Because of all its problems.
  92. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
  93. Why don’t some people ever play hide and seek with mountains? Because they always peak.
  94. Why was the cookie sad? Because its mom was a wafer too long.
  95. Why don’t cannibals eat comedians? They taste funny.
  96. Why don’t some people trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something.
  97. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  98. Why did the golfer carry two shirts? In case he got a hole in one.
  99. Why don’t some people ever talk to pi? Because it never ends.
  100. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
  101. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  102. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  103. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  104. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.
  105. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
  106. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
  107. Why don’t we tell secrets in a cornfield? There are too many ears.
  108. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
  109. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  110. Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing.
  111. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
  112. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  113. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  114. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  115. Why don’t we tell secrets in the cornfield? Too many ears.
  116. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  117. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  118. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  119. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
  120. Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing.
  121. What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
  122. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.
  123. Why don’t we tell secrets in a cornfield? There are too many ears.
  124. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  125. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
  126. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  127. Why did the can crusher quit his job? It was soda pressing.
  128. Why did the computer go to school? To improve its skills.
  129. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
  130. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
  131. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
  132. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  133. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
  134. Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  135. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.
  136. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  137. Why don’t some people trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something.
  138. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.
  139. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
  140. Why was the computer cold at the office? It left its Windows open!
  141. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  142. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.
  143. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
  144. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  145. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
  146. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  147. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  148. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  149. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  150. What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.

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