150 court jokes
- Why did the judge break his gavel? Because he wanted to call it a “trial” and error!
- Why don’t judges use bookmarks? Because every case is always a new page!
- Why did the tomato turn red in court? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What’s a judge’s favorite drink? Just-ice water!
- What do you call a judge who’s also a great chef? The Supre-meal Court!
- Why did the thief go to court? He thought he could steal the spotlight!
- Why was the computer cold at the bench? It left its Windows open!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite part of a house? The lawsuit!
- What do you call an unfair judge? A ruler with no measure!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite clothing? A lawsuit!
- Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Because cats keep trying to bury them in the sand!
- Why did the judge bring a ladder to court? Because he wanted to pass the bar!
- Why did the judge never get lost? Because he always follows the letter of the law!
- How does a lawyer sleep? First, they lie on one side, then they lie on the other!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite dessert? Subpoena Colada!
- Why don’t courts have clocks? Because they have their own hands of time!
- Why do lawyers carry a pencil? Because you can’t erase ink!
- Why did the computer go to court? It had a hard drive dispute!
- What do lawyers wear to casual Friday at the court? Subpoena polos!
- What’s a judge’s favorite tree? The judiciary!
- Why did the judge date the gavel? Because he found it smashing!
- Why are judges so good at baseball? They know the law of the pitcher!
- How does the judge like his eggs? Overruled!
- Why did the lawyer break his glasses? Because he lost his appeal!
- Why don’t lawyers trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more!
- Why did the judge stop the circus? He was tired of the juggling acts!
- What does a lawyer wear to a fancy dinner? A brief-case!
- Why do lawyers carry briefcases? To keep their arguments brief!
- What’s a judge’s favorite type of bread? The one with the most dough!
- Why did the witness go to the bar? To testify!
- Why did the jury bring a map to the courtroom? They wanted to find the truth!
- How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope!
- Why did the criminal go to the bakery? He needed a good lawyer to help him cook up a defense!
- Why did the judge bring a pencil to the court? He wanted to draw a conclusion!
- Why don’t lawyers ever play hide and seek with their children? Because a good lawyer can never find a child when it’s his turn!
- How do you know if a lawyer is well hung? You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!
- What did the lawyer name his son? Will!
- Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one!
- Why did the tomato go to court? It was accused of being saucy!
- What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer!
- Why did the lawyer become a gardener? He wanted to plant some evidence!
- Why did the computer take its case to court? It wanted to get a byte of justice!
- What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase ambulances? Retired!
- Why did the belt go to jail? It was holding up a pair of pants!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of zombies? The lawyer works pro-bono!
- What do you call a lawyer who is a great dancer? A twist-at-law!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite card game? Suit and tie!
- Why did the judge go to the beach? To test the waters of justice!
- How do you get a lawyer to smile for a photo? Just say “fees”!
- Why did the lawyer keep getting lost? He kept taking the legal left!
- What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both lawyers!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight!
- Why did the lawyer become a baker? He wanted to make more dough!
- What did the juror use to keep her hair in place? Court clips!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer miles!
- Why did the lawyer go to the bakery? He needed a solid case for doughnuts!
- Why did the book go to court? It was charged with libel!
- How do you save a drowning lawyer? Take your foot off his head!
- Why don’t you ever see a lawyer on a trampoline? They have too many suit problems!
- Why did the lawyer bring a letter opener to court? He wanted to cut through the red tape!
- Why did the lawyer become a priest? He had too many trials to confess!
- Why did the lawyer climb the mountain? Because it was suing him!
- Why did the calendar sue the year? Because it was robbed of a day in February!
- Why do lawyers make great architects? Because they always lay down the law!
- How does a lawyer decline a date? “I object!”
- Why did the court clown go to jail? He was found guilty of tomfoolery!
- Why do lawyers love tennis? Because they serve a great argument!
- Why did the watch go to court? It felt ticked off!
- How does the courtroom work out? By doing judicial squats!
- What did the lawyer say to the ghost? “You have a right to remain silent!”
- Why did the judge visit the piano store? To see if anyone was playing by ear!
- Why did the lawyer get thrown out of the fruit stand? Because he was a bad apple!
- What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t chase clients? Honest!
- Why did the lawyer ask for a pay raise? Because he wanted to file for more profits!
- Why did the lawyer go to the fish market? To catch some legal bass!
- How did the lawyer win the fishing competition? By using a good legal bait!
- Why was the judge always calm? Because he never passes rushed judgment!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite element? Suing-ium!
- Why did the lawyer become a potter? He wanted to shape the law!
- Why did the lawyer go to the river? He wanted to go with the legal flow!
- How does the judge like his coffee? With a stirring verdict!
- Why did the judge never get sunburned? He always had a lot of shade cases!
- What’s the one thing you’ll never find in a lawyer’s office? A motion of sympathy!
- Why was the lawyer always tired? Because he was always in court!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite music note? A legal B-flat!
- Why did the lawyer become a DJ? He liked spinning the records!
- Why did the judge write a book? He wanted to lay down the law, in ink!
- Why was the judge a good baker? He knew when to let the dough rise!
- What’s a judge’s least favorite game? Twisted verdict!
- How does a lawyer say goodbye? “I’ll see you in court!”
- What do you call a lawyer who makes clothes? A sue-tailor!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite form of exercise? Filing briefs!
- Why did the judge become a gardener? He loved the plantiffs!
- Why do lawyers make terrible actors? Because they can’t pass the bar!
- Why was the lawyer good at basketball? He knew how to pass the legal brief!
- Why did the lawyer become a teacher? He wanted to get a class action!
- Why did the judge start dancing? He had a motion to move!
- Why did the lawyer carry a clock to court? He wanted to show that time was of the essence!
- Why was the lawyer always calm? Because he knew the drill – no pressure, no diamond!
- Why do lawyers love coffee? Because it’s grounds for discussion!
- What do you call a generous lawyer? A legal tender!
- Why did the lawyer buy a box? He needed a good case!
- What did the court jester say to the judge? “I rest my case!”
- Why did the judge go to the gym? To keep justice in balance!
- Why did the lawyer carry a ladder to court? To reach a higher court!
- Why was the judge a great musician? Because he always knew when to drop the gavel!
- What do you call a lawyer who can sing? A law-canto!
- What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood!
- What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t like tea? Legal grounds!
- Why did the lawyer start a band? He wanted to be in legal harmony!
- How does a lawyer decline a dessert? “I’m too full… of arguments!”
- Why did the lawyer go to a spa? To enjoy a steam of consciousness!
- What did the lawyer say to his breakfast? “You’re on a roll!”
- Why did the lawyer get a broom? To sweep the jury off their feet!
- Why was the lawyer good at baseball? He knew the legal bases!
- What did the jury have for lunch? Just-ice cream!
- Why did the lawyer become a firefighter? He wanted to put out the flame of injustice!
- Why did the judge become a writer? He wanted to pen-alty!
- Why was the lawyer good at racing? Because he always passed the bar!
- What’s a judge’s favorite vegetable? Court-onions!
- What do you call a lawyer who is also a clown? A joke of all trades!
- Why was the lawyer a good salesperson? He knew how to close a case!
- Why did the lawyer go to the bakery? He wanted a slice of legal pie!
- Why was the lawyer a good drummer? He knew the beat of justice!
- Why did the judge become a plumber? To get the legal leaks fixed!
- Why did the lawyer bring a compass to court? To find the right direction!
- What did the judge say to the tightrope walker? “You have a balanced case!”
- Why did the lawyer carry a suitcase to court? Because he was on a business trial!
- Why did the lawyer become a chef? To spice up the legal briefs!
- Why did the lawyer go to the gym? He wanted to build a strong case!
- Why was the lawyer good at chess? Because he knew the legal moves!
- Why did the judge love the library? He was a big fan of legal fiction!
- Why did the lawyer become a magician? To pull legal rabbits out of his hat!
- Why did the judge love geometry? He always liked to square things up!
- Why did the lawyer go to the circus? To join the legal jugglers!
- Why did the lawyer bring a compass to the courtroom? He wanted to make sure justice was heading in the right direction!
- What did the lawyer say to the cloud? “You’re under the weather!”
- Why did the lawyer carry a screwdriver to court? To turn the case around!
- Why was the lawyer good at poker? Because he always had a good hand!
- Why did the lawyer become a golfer? To hit the legal hole-in-one!
- Why was the lawyer good at football? He knew how to make the right pass!
- What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue!
- Why did the judge love art? He liked to sketch the outline of the case!
- Why did the lawyer go to the farm? To get a case of the legal chickens!
- What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor!
- Why was the lawyer good at diving? He knew how to plunge into the deep end of the case!
- Why did the lawyer go to the casino? To raise the stakes!
- Why did the lawyer become a poet? To rhyme with the law!