150 axe jokes

  1. Why did the axe break up with the tree? Because it said, “I’m falling for you.”
  2. What’s an axe’s favorite game? Chopping block.
  3. How does an axe get its morning caffeine? From the tree bark.
  4. Why did the lumberjack break up with his axe? It was too cutting.
  5. Why did the axe get promoted? It had a sharp mind.
  6. How does an axe say hello? “How’s it chopping?”
  7. Why was the axe always the life of the party? Because it always cracks everyone up.
  8. Why was the axe a good detective? Because it always gets to the root of the problem.
  9. What do you call an axe that tells jokes? A chopping comedian.
  10. Why didn’t the axe want to go to school? It thought the subjects were too dull.
  11. Why was the axe great at debates? Because it’s great at making a point.
  12. What do you call an axe in space? An astrohatchet.
  13. What did the tree say to the axe? “I’m falling for you!”
  14. Why did the axe go to the gym? It wanted to get more chiseled.
  15. Why didn’t the axe get along with the paper? Because it had a splitting personality.
  16. Why did the axe join the band? Because it had great chops.
  17. How does an axe cut its hair? With a buzz saw.
  18. Why do axes make bad friends? They always leave you split.
  19. Why don’t axes make good sailors? They always get stuck in the woodwork.
  20. How do you compliment an axe? Tell it it’s cutting-edge.
  21. Why was the axe a good cook? Because it always diced everything perfectly.
  22. Why couldn’t the axe find its way home? It lost its handle on the situation.
  23. What’s an axe’s favorite time of day? Chop-o’clock.
  24. Why did the axe go to therapy? It had some deep-seated cutting issues.
  25. Why did the axe make a good lawyer? It always got straight to the point.
  26. How do axes stay fit? They do lumber-jacks.
  27. What’s an axe’s favorite song? “I Will Always Love Wood.”
  28. Why did the axe go to the bar? To get hammered.
  29. What do you call an axe in a monastery? A chop of faith.
  30. Why was the axe unhappy at work? It felt overworked and underappreciated.
  31. What’s an axe’s favorite day of the week? Split-urday.
  32. What do you call a nervous axe? A jitter-chop.
  33. What did the axe say to the tree? “I’m falling head over heels for you!”
  34. Why don’t axes play cards in the forest? Too many cheaters.
  35. How did the axe win the race? It took a shortcut.
  36. What did the axe say when it saw a forest? “Wood you be mine?”
  37. Why do axes never get lost? They always stick to the path.
  38. What do you call a well-dressed axe? Dapper chopper.
  39. Why did the axe take up painting? It wanted to express its creative chops.
  40. How do you cheer up a sad axe? Tell it a tree-mendous joke.
  41. Why was the axe good at math? It always knew how to divide.
  42. What’s an axe’s favorite movie? “The Hatchet.”
  43. What did the axe do after work? It went out for a chop.
  44. What do you call an axe that won’t work? A lazy chopper.
  45. Why don’t axes like fast food? They prefer chopping fresh.
  46. What do you call a wise axe? A sage chopper.
  47. Why was the axe a good writer? It had a sharp wit.
  48. What do axes use to write? A pencil with a sharp lead.
  49. What do you call an axe with no handle? Unhinged.
  50. Why did the axe join the baseball team? Because it was a great hitter.
  51. Why don’t axes go on vacation? They’re always busy chopping.
  52. Why did the axe join the circus? It was a natural juggler.
  53. What do you call an axe that likes to dance? A disco chopper.
  54. What’s an axe’s favorite type of joke? One with a cutting-edge humor.
  55. Why was the axe the best at hide-and-seek? It was a real tree-hugger.
  56. Why did the axe make a great actor? It was a natural scene chopper.
  57. What’s an axe’s favorite type of bread? Whole grain, because it gets to slice it.
  58. How does an axe break up with its girlfriend? It says, “We need to split.”
  59. Why did the axe start a blog? To share its cutting-edge insights.
  60. How does an axe say goodbye? “It’s been nice chopping with you.”
  61. Why did the axe quit the orchestra? It didn’t want to be just another instrument.
  62. Why did the axe lose the fight? It ran out of chops.
  63. What’s an axe’s favorite season? Fall, because of all the trees.
  64. How did the axe become famous? It became a poplar figure.
  65. Why was the axe a great leader? It knew how to take the lead and handle things.
  66. Why don’t axes get into politics? Too many backstabbers.
  67. What’s an axe’s favorite dessert? A slice of pie.
  68. How does an axe apologize? It says, “I’m sorry for cutting you off.”
  69. What’s an axe’s favorite band? The Rolling Scones, they always rock the chop.
  70. Why did the axe join the orchestra? It had a great swing.
  71. Why was the axe always in trouble at school? It was a major chop-offender.
  72. How does an axe get to work? It rides the timberline.
  73. What’s an axe’s favorite salad? Chop salad.
  74. What’s an axe’s favorite animal? The beaver, they both love chopping wood.
  75. What did the tree say to the flirty axe? “You’re bark-ing up the wrong tree.”
  76. What do you call an axe with a cold? A snotchete.
  77. Why did the axe get sent to jail? For chopping down the wrong tree.
  78. Why did the axe get a job at the pizza place? Because it loves to slice.
  79. How does an axe do its taxes? It cuts through all the paperwork.
  80. What do you call an axe’s biography? “Chop and Change.”
  81. Why was the axe bad at playing chess? It always jumped the gun.
  82. Why don’t axes make good singers? They always cut off the high notes.
  83. What’s an axe’s favorite city? Chop-icago.
  84. Why did the axe never lose at poker? It always knew when to cut its losses.
  85. Why did the axe become a chef? It had a passion for cutting-edge cuisine.
  86. What’s an axe’s favorite drink? Chop-saki.
  87. What do you call an axe that’s good at gardening? A plant chopper.
  88. What did the axe say to the overgrown tree? “You’re in for a trim.”
  89. Why did the axe become a philosopher? It wanted to get to the root of things.
  90. How did the axe win the beauty pageant? It had the best handle.
  91. Why did the axe go to the bank? To make a chopping investment.
  92. What’s an axe’s favorite type of music? Classic-rock, it loves to chop to the beat.
  93. What do you call an axe in a forest? A lumber-tick.
  94. Why did the axe start meditating? To find its inner peace and chop out negativity.
  95. Why did the axe make a good doctor? It had a sharp diagnosis.
  96. Why did the axe become a baker? It was great at slicing bread.
  97. Why don’t axes like digital music? They prefer vinyl, it has a better chop.
  98. What’s an axe’s favorite car? A hatch-back.
  99. Why did the axe become a tailor? It had a knack for cutting fabric.
  100. What did the lumberjack say to the lazy axe? “Chop chop!”
  101. Why did the axe go to the party? It wanted to have a swinging time.
  102. What’s an axe’s favorite fruit? A pineapple, it loves a good chop.
  103. Why did the axe become a barber? It had a real talent for close shaves.
  104. Why did the axe become a DJ? It was great at making the cut.
  105. What do you call an axe with a degree in psychology? A mind-chopper.
  106. What did the optimistic axe say? “Every tree is a potential chair.”
  107. How did the axe get in shape? By doing wood-chops.
  108. Why did the axe go to the forest? It wanted to get back to its roots.
  109. Why did the axe become a teacher? It had a talent for molding young minds.
  110. What do you call an axe that’s lost its edge? A chip off the old block.
  111. Why don’t axes make good roommates? They’re always splitting the bills.
  112. What’s an axe’s favorite sport? Baseball, they love to swing.
  113. Why did the axe become a gardener? It had a knack for pruning.
  114. Why did the axe go to the doctor? It had a splitting headache.
  115. What did the axe say to the stubborn log? “I’ve got a bone to pick with you.”
  116. What do you call an axe that loves the ocean? A sea chopper.
  117. Why did the axe start a rock band? It wanted to be a hit.
  118. Why did the axe go to the comedy club? It wanted to have a good laugh.
  119. Why was the axe a good musician? It had great chops.
  120. What did the axe say to the annoying twig? “You’re barking up the wrong tree.”
  121. What do you call a lost axe? Mischop.
  122. Why did the axe go to the library? It wanted to read cutting-edge literature.
  123. Why did the axe join the navy? It wanted to see the world.
  124. Why was the axe a good mechanic? It always got to the root of the problem.
  125. Why did the axe go to college? It wanted to broaden its horizon.
  126. What do you call an axe with a PhD? Dr. Chop.
  127. What do axes put on their toast? Butter and tree-m.
  128. Why was the axe a good actor? It always made the cut.
  129. How did the axe get its job? It had a great swing to it.
  130. What do you call an axe that can’t make up its mind? Indecisive.
  131. What do axes wear to formal events? Chop coats.
  132. Why did the axe get a speeding ticket? It was chopping too fast.
  133. What did the axe say to the clock? “Time to chop.”
  134. Why did the axe become a poet? It had a sharp tongue.
  135. What do axes use to surf the web? Internet Explor-chop.
  136. Why did the axe become a writer? It had a knack for cutting through the fluff.
  137. What do you call an axe in a suit? Business chop-ual.
  138. Why did the axe take a nap? It was all chopped out.
  139. What’s an axe’s favorite mode of transport? A chopper.
  140. Why did the axe become a comedian? It loved to crack people up.
  141. How does an axe ask someone out on a date? “Can I take a swing at it?”
  142. Why did the axe get a job at the cheese factory? It loved to cut the cheese.
  143. Why did the axe get kicked out of school? It couldn’t stick to the rules.
  144. What’s an axe’s favorite type of tree? A poplar one.
  145. Why was the axe a good motivational speaker? It knew how to get to the point.
  146. What do you call an axe that’s in love? Smitten.
  147. Why did the axe become a farmer? It loved the great outdoors.
  148. What do you call an axe that tells lies? A chop of deceit.
  149. Why was the axe a good sailor? It always knew which way the wind was blowing.
  150. What did the axe say to its reflection? “Looking sharp!”

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