146 quilting jokes
- Why don’t quilters make good secret agents? Because they always spill the beans…and the beads, and the buttons, and the threads.
- Why did the quilter bring a ruler to bed? She wanted to see how long she could sleep!
- What did the quilter say to the fabric? “I’ve got you covered!”
- What do quilters use to write a book? A patchwork!
- Why did the quilter go to the music concert? She heard there would be some great “seam-stress relief”!
- Why did the quilter go broke? She had too many “material” possessions!
- What do you call a group of quilters stuck in traffic? A stitch-and-wait.
- Why did the fabric go to therapy? It was feeling a little “unraveled.”
- Why don’t quilters play hide and seek? Good luck hiding when you’re always cutting corners!
- Why are quilters always prepared for winter? Because they always have a few extra layers!
- What do you call a quilter’s autobiography? “Seams Like a Life.”
- Why did the thread go to school? It wanted to be a little “sew-phisticated”.
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of math? Geometry, because it’s all about the right angles!
- What do you call a quilter at the North Pole? A “polar patcher.”
- Why don’t quilters play chess? Because the queen is not always the most powerful piece on the board!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite Shakespeare play? Much Ado About Stitching.
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of party? A block party!
- Why did the quilter never lose at poker? Because she always had a full house…of fabric!
- What do you call a quilter’s fitness routine? “Seam-building exercises.”
- How do quilters stay connected? They “patch” things up!
- Why did the quilter get kicked out of the library? Because she was causing too much “fabric rustle.”
- What do you call a nervous quilter? A bundle of “knots”.
- What’s a quilter’s favorite fruit? Pincushion pears!
- Why are quilters such great friends? Because they always have you in “stitches”.
- Why do quilters always carry a needle and thread? You never know when you’ll need to “sew up” a situation!
- What do quilters drink in the morning? Patchwork coffee!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite rock band? The Rolling Threads.
- Why do quilters make the best journalists? They know the fabric of the story!
- How do quilters fix a hole in their jeans? With “material” evidence!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite season? Fall, because of the beautiful “patchwork” of leaves!
- Why did the thread get an award? Because it was on a roll!
- What do you call a quilter’s mistake? A stitch in crime!
- Why did the quilter bring a compass to the fabric store? She was looking for the right angle!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite vacation spot? The Seams Islands!
- How do quilters solve problems? They “quilt” it out!
- What do you call a bird that loves to quilt? A “sew can” parrot.
- Why did the quilter get an award? She had outstanding “seams-manship.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite game? Hide-and-sew.
- Why are quilters always calm in a crisis? They know how to keep things “seamless”.
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of cookie? Snicker-poodles, because they’re always in knots!
- Why do quilters never get lost? They always follow the pattern!
- What do you call a quilter’s puppy? A “stitch-n-fetch.”
- Why did the quilt go to the party? To cover for its friend!
- Why are quilters such great comedians? They always know how to “patch” up a joke!
- How do you know a quilter is a good cook? Her kitchen is full of pot holders!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of tree? A “pincushion” pine!
- Why did the quilter go to jail? For “unraveling” the truth!
- Why do quilters make great detectives? They always find the missing pieces!
- How do quilters say goodbye? “Seam you later!”
- Why was the quilt always late? It kept losing track of “seams”!
- Why do quilters always win at cards? They’re good at “dealing” with patterns!
- Why was the quilter afraid of the scissors? It heard they were on the “cutting edge”!
- What do you call a quilter with a bad cold? A “sniffle stitcher.”
- Why did the fabric go to the party? It heard it would be a “tearing” good time!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite movie? “Patch Adams.”
- Why do quilters make bad lawyers? They’re always “picking” at the seams!
- What do you call a quilter’s boat? The “Seams-tress.”
- Why do quilters always carry a tape measure? They don’t want to “miss a stitch.”
- Why did the quilt get in trouble? It was “caught stitching.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of bird? A “sparrow-ette” because it’s always in stitches!
- Why are quilters such great writers? They have a knack for “weaving” a good story!
- Why did the quilter never get cold? She always had a few layers!
- What do quilters do on a sunny day? Take their “seams” out for a walk!
- Why did the quilter get thrown out of the fruit shop? She kept trying to “patch” the peaches!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite drink? A cotton gin and tonic!
- Why did the quilter bring her sewing machine to the bar? She heard they were serving “pint-sized” drinks!
- Why do quilters make terrible spies? They can’t help but “reveal” their patterns!
- What do you call a quilter’s cat? A “purr-sew.”
- How do quilters get to work? They take the “seam” train!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite book? “War and Piece.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite sport? Seam boat racing!
- Why do quilters always win at tic-tac-toe? They always “cross-stitch”!
- How do you compliment a quilter’s cooking? “Your food is as good as your patchwork!”
- Why did the quilter join the circus? She wanted to be part of the “big stitch.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite exercise? “Sew-lates.”
- Why do quilters always carry band-aids? In case of “sew-rious” injuries!
- Why are quilters always ready for a challenge? They’ve got a “pattern” for success!
- Why don’t quilters like to play soccer? They don’t like to get “kicked off the patch!”
- What do you call a quilter’s favorite dessert? A “patch” cake!
- Why was the quilter always calm during a storm? She knew how to “weave” through the chaos!
- Why did the quilter get a job at the bakery? She wanted to make “kneadled” bread!
- Why don’t quilters like boxing? Too much bobbin and weaving!
- What do you call a quilter’s favorite vegetable? “Stitch” peas!
- Why do quilters make great gardeners? They know all about “patch” work!
- How do quilters avoid wrinkles? They always “press” their luck!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite song? “Stitch by Stitch” by The Threadles!
- Why did the quilter go to the dentist? She heard he was great at “filling in the gaps.”
- How does a quilter ask someone to dance? “Would you like to patch up the dance floor with me?”
- Why did the quilter go to the beach? She wanted to make a “sandwich” quilt!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite planet? “Mars-cus Pincus,” the red pincushion planet!
- Why do quilters make the best chess players? They always know how to “check” mate!
- What do you call a quilter’s favorite breakfast? A “patch” toast!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite insect? The “stitching” ant!
- Why did the quilter go to the spa? She wanted a “sew-thing” massage!
- Why are quilters always prepared for camping? They’re used to “quilting” under the stars!
- What do you call a quilter’s secret? A “stitch and tell”.
- Why do quilters make great magicians? They always have a trick “up their sleeve.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite holiday? “Thread-oween.”
- Why do quilters never argue? They always “patch” things up quickly!
- Why did the quilter get stopped by the police? She was “driving under the influence of fabric.”
- Why don’t quilters like to go fishing? They can’t handle the “catch and release.”
- What do you call a quilter’s favorite superhero? “Patchman.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of dog? A “barking” lot, because it always “threads” the needle!
- Why did the quilter refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? She was afraid he might be a “cheetah.”
- Why do quilters always know the way? They’re great at following the “thread.”
- Why did the quilter join the band? She wanted to play the “seams-phone.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite candy? “Stitch-a-roos.”
- Why do quilters never get tired of running? They’re used to going the “extra yard.”
- How does a quilter apologize? She “patches” things up.
- Why was the quilter invited to the wedding? She knew how to “tie the knot.”
- Why did the quilter start a podcast? She had so many “fabric-ted” stories to share!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite hobby? “Needle-pointing” out fabric sales!
- Why did the quilter go to the art gallery? She heard they had a new “material” exhibit!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of fish? A “stitching” tuna!
- Why did the quilter go to the coffee shop? She heard they were serving “Espresso-yourself” lattes!
- Why did the quilter bring her fabric to the restaurant? She wanted to have a “stitch and eat.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of flower? A “daisy-chain” stitch!
- Why do quilters always have fresh breath? They love “mint-condition” fabric!
- Why did the quilter get in trouble at the zoo? She was trying to “patch” up the peacock’s tail!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of math problem? A “geometry-quilt” puzzle!
- Why do quilters always look so vibrant? They “dye” for their art!
- Why don’t quilters like tennis? The balls aren’t made of fabric!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite fast food? “Patch-McMuffins.”
- Why did the quilter go to space? She wanted to stitch the “final frontier.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite board game? “Patch-eesi!”
- Why did the quilter get an iPhone? She wanted to use the “iPatch.”
- Why did the quilter go to the eyeglass store? She was looking for the “perfect frame.”
- Why did the quilter get kicked out of the movie theater? Her “comments were too ‘quilty’.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite exercise? “Stitch-ups.”
- Why don’t quilters like to play football? There’s no fabric involved!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite city? “Patch-ington D.C.”
- Why did the quilter bring her fabric to the park? She wanted to do some “natural dyeing.”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of car? A “stitch-back.”
- Why did the quilter go to the desert? She wanted to create a “sand-stitch” quilt.
- What do you call a quilter’s favorite dessert? A “stitch sundae.”
- Why do quilters always carry a map? They’re always “plotting” their next quilt!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of dance? The “cotton-eye joe.”
- Why did the quilter start a blog? She wanted to “stitch” her thoughts together!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of music? “Patch-hop.”
- Why don’t quilters like to swim? The water might “wash” their fabric!
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of coffee? A “stitch latte.”
- Why did the quilter go to the farm? She wanted to see the “cotton” crop.
- What do you call a quilter’s favorite TV show? “Patch is the New Black.”
- Why do quilters love the winter? They can finally use their “snowflake quilt!”
- What’s a quilter’s favorite type of noodle? “Stitch-eroni.”
- Why did the quilter go to the castle? She wanted to see the “queen’s quilts.”