150 opthalmology jokes

  1. Why don’t eye doctors go to heaven? Because they always dilate!
  2. What did the right eye say to the left eye? Between you and me, something smells!
  3. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? Because it’s always 20:20!
  4. What does an eye doctor serve at a party? Cheese and pupil-roni pizza!
  5. Why do optometrists never get lost? They always have a clear vision of where they’re going.
  6. What did the eye doctor say to his coffee? You’re the highlight of my daily routine!
  7. What kind of photos does the eye doctor take? Retina selfies!
  8. Why was the ophthalmologist always calm? Because he never loses sight of what’s important!
  9. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite type of dog? A Corgi-nea!
  10. What does an optometrist eat for breakfast? Cereal, with a side of eye-ron!
  11. Why was the eye doctor such a great comedian? He always had his punch lines in focus!
  12. What does an ophthalmologist put on his toast? I can’t believe it’s not blurrer!
  13. How do you make an ophthalmologist’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in his ears!
  14. Why did the eye doctor break up with his girlfriend? She had too many pupils!
  15. What do you call a detective eye doctor? An iris-vestigator!
  16. What did the eye doctor say when he fell over? “I’ve fallen and I can’t see up!”
  17. Why was the optometrist so good at poker? He could always see the tell in their eyes!
  18. What do you call an eye doctor living on an island? An optical illusion!
  19. Why don’t ophthalmologists need to buy plane tickets? They always get window seats!
  20. How do ophthalmologists end their prayers? With an “eye-men!”
  21. Why do optometrists make good gardeners? They always keep their plants in focus!
  22. Why do ophthalmologists enjoy tennis matches? They never miss a single serve!
  23. How do ophthalmologists drink their beer? In glasses!
  24. Why did the ophthalmologist go broke? He gave out too many free pupils!
  25. What do you call an optometrist who can play the piano? An eye-con of talent!
  26. Why do ophthalmologists never tell secrets? They can’t keep anything under their lids!
  27. What do you call a clumsy ophthalmologist? A farsighted clutz!
  28. Why was the eye doctor always at the beach? He was in love with the sea-nery!
  29. What did the optometrist say to the monocle? “You’re a sight for sore eye!”
  30. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite letter? “I” of course!
  31. What does an optometrist put in his pasta? Eye-talian dressing!
  32. Why did the ophthalmologist go to the party? To take a good look around!
  33. What’s the best way to compliment an ophthalmologist? Tell them they’re spec-tacular!
  34. What did the ophthalmologist say to the nervous patient? “Don’t worry, eye got this!”
  35. What do you call an ophthalmologist with bad eyesight? An ironic-ologist!
  36. Why was the ophthalmologist a bad cook? He kept mistaking the salt for the pepper!
  37. Why did the optometrist go to school? To get a little pupil insight!
  38. What does an ophthalmologist do in his spare time? He keeps an eye on the news!
  39. Why was the eye doctor good at golf? He could always see the hole in one!
  40. Why did the optometrist love skydiving? It gave him a bird’s eye view!
  41. What do you call a dramatic optometrist? An eye-sperado!
  42. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite fruit? An eye-pple!
  43. How did the ophthalmologist propose to his girlfriend? He said, “Will you be the apple of my eye?”
  44. What did the eye doctor say to the thief? “Eye’ve got my eyes on you!”
  45. Why did the ophthalmologist bring his glasses to the casino? Because he wanted to have a good look at his poker face!
  46. What’s the ophthalmologist’s favorite car? The Ford Focus!
  47. Why don’t ophthalmologists play hide and seek? Because they always spot their friends!
  48. Why are ophthalmologists good at darts? They never miss the bull’s eye!
  49. Why did the optometrist become a baker? He liked making rolls that were easy on the eyes!
  50. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite kind of math? Geometry, because it’s all about the angles!
  51. How does an ophthalmologist break up with his girlfriend? He says, “We need to focus on different things.”
  52. What do you call a musical optometrist? A sight-reader!
  53. Why did the ophthalmologist join a band? He heard they needed someone with good rhythm and blues!
  54. Why was the eye doctor a bad comedian? His jokes were too cornea!
  55. How does an ophthalmologist say goodbye? “Eye’ll see you later!”
  56. Why did the eye doctor go to the concert? To see the band’s great performance!
  57. What’s an optometrist’s favorite movie? Eye-Robot!
  58. Why did the optometrist become a writer? He wanted to create characters that were easy on the eyes!
  59. Why don’t ophthalmologists ever lie? Because the truth is always clear to them!
  60. What’s the optometrist’s favorite song? “I Can See Clearly Now.”
  61. What did the optometrist say at the wedding? “Eye now pronounce you husband and wife.”
  62. Why do ophthalmologists always win at chess? They always keep an eye on their opponent’s king!
  63. Why are eye doctors great at solving mysteries? They always look for the unseen clues!
  64. Why did the optometrist become a philosopher? He wanted to gain a new perspective on life!
  65. Why are ophthalmologists great at sports? They always keep their eye on the ball!
  66. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite type of painting? Eye-mpressionism!
  67. Why do eye doctors never miss a day of work? They always see it through!
  68. Why do ophthalmologists make great detectives? They always lens a helping hand!
  69. What do you call an optometrist who does magic tricks? An eye-llusionist!
  70. Why did the optometrist start a band? He was tired of solo performances!
  71. How do optometrists greet each other? “Eye, mate!”
  72. Why don’t optometrists ever lose at tic-tac-toe? They always see the winning move!
  73. What did the ophthalmologist say when he dropped his glasses? “I’ve made a spectacle of myself!”
  74. Why do optometrists love hiking? The vistas are always in focus!
  75. Why did the optometrist go to the art museum? To see the world through someone else’s eyes!
  76. What do you call an optometrist with a lisp? A sight-seer!
  77. Why did the optometrist move to the countryside? He wanted a clearer view!
  78. Why don’t optometrists need binoculars? Their eyesight is already twice as good!
  79. How did the ophthalmologist win the lottery? He picked the right numbers on sight!
  80. Why was the optometrist always single? He was looking for his perfect match!
  81. What did the optometrist say when he saw a rainbow? “Eye love the spectrum of colors!”
  82. Why was the ophthalmologist a great dancer? He could always see the rhythm!
  83. Why do optometrists make great leaders? They have clear vision!
  84. What do you call a ophthalmologist superhero? The Sight Saver!
  85. Why was the eye doctor always reading? He was in search of some new pupils!
  86. How do ophthalmologists stay fit? They keep an eye on their diet!
  87. What’s an optometrist’s favorite band? Eye-ron Maiden!
  88. Why are ophthalmologists good photographers? They know all about the perfect focus!
  89. What do you call an eye doctor in a band? The eye-dol!
  90. Why don’t ophthalmologists need GPS? They’ve got 20/20 direction!
  91. Why did the optometrist go to the gym? He wanted to exercise his eye muscles!
  92. Why did the ophthalmologist go to the bakery? He heard the donuts were a sight to see!
  93. What did the optometrist do on his day off? He took a little time to reflect!
  94. Why did the ophthalmologist become a DJ? He wanted to see the crowd go wild!
  95. Why did the eye doctor go to the zoo? To check out the animal’s vision!
  96. How do ophthalmologists stay organized? They keep everything in sight!
  97. Why did the optometrist become a chef? He wanted to make dishes that are a feast for the eyes!
  98. Why was the ophthalmologist always in a good mood? His life was full of bright spots!
  99. What’s an optometrist’s favorite dessert? Eye-scream!
  100. Why did the ophthalmologist join the circus? He wanted to see the world from a different angle!
  101. Why did the ophthalmologist break his glasses? He wanted to see the world in a new light!
  102. What’s an optometrist’s favorite TV show? Eye-Carly!
  103. Why did the eye doctor become a mechanic? He loved looking under the hood!
  104. Why did the ophthalmologist go on a diet? He was gaining too much lens weight!
  105. Why don’t ophthalmologists ever quit? They always keep their eye on the prize!
  106. What do you call a clever optometrist? A bright-eyed scholar!
  107. Why do ophthalmologists love the beach? The horizon is always in sight!
  108. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite candy? Eye-rish cream!
  109. Why was the eye doctor so good at hide and seek? He always found the best hiding spots!
  110. What did the ophthalmologist name his dog? Iris!
  111. Why do ophthalmologists love skydiving? It gives them a new perspective!
  112. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite video game? Eye-spy!
  113. Why did the ophthalmologist become a politician? He wanted a greater field of vision!
  114. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite book? “The Great Gats-eye!”
  115. Why do ophthalmologists love playing chess? They always keep their eyes on the king!
  116. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite type of music? Eye-hop!
  117. Why was the ophthalmologist such a good teacher? He had a keen eye for talent!
  118. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite dish? Eye-talian cuisine!
  119. Why did the optometrist never lose at video games? He always had his eye on the screen!
  120. What do you call an eye doctor who loves gardening? An iris-thusiast!
  121. Why did the ophthalmologist love playing baseball? He was a natural at catching fly balls!
  122. What did the eye doctor say to his assistant? “You’re a sight for sore eyes!”
  123. Why do ophthalmologists make good judges? They can always see the truth!
  124. What’s an optometrist’s favorite drink? Eye-ce tea!
  125. Why was the ophthalmologist always on time? He always kept an eye on the clock!
  126. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite vegetable? Eye-rish potatoes!
  127. Why do ophthalmologists love fishing? It’s a chance to reflect on life!
  128. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite Broadway show? Eye-saiah!
  129. Why do ophthalmologists love jazz music? They have an eye for improvisation!
  130. What do you call an optometrist who loves puzzles? An eye-solver!
  131. Why did the ophthalmologist love playing poker? He had an eye for bluffing!
  132. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite cartoon? Eye-magination!
  133. Why do ophthalmologists make good authors? They have a vision for great stories!
  134. What’s an optometrist’s favorite type of bird? An eye-gle!
  135. Why did the ophthalmologist become a historian? He had a keen eye for details!
  136. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite type of fish? Eye-ing fish!
  137. Why do ophthalmologists make good detectives? They never blink at a mystery!
  138. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite holiday? Eye-ndependence Day!
  139. Why did the ophthalmologist love horror movies? They kept him on the edge of his seat!
  140. What’s an optometrist’s favorite type of coffee? Eye-spresso!
  141. Why did the ophthalmologist become a tailor? He had an eye for fashion!
  142. What’s an ophthalmologist’s favorite type of cheese? Eye-talian mozzarella!
  143. Why do ophthalmologists love to play soccer? They have a great field of vision!
  144. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite type of bread? Eye-talian loaf!
  145. Why did the ophthalmologist become a painter? He loved the view from his studio!
  146. What’s an optometrist’s favorite type of pasta? Eye-talian spaghetti!
  147. Why do ophthalmologists make good photographers? They have a keen eye for composition!
  148. What’s an eye doctor’s favorite type of tea? Eye-long tea!
  149. Why did the ophthalmologist become a sailor? He loved the open sea-nery!
  150. What’s an optometrist’s favorite hobby? Eye-roning clothes!

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