136 new jersey jokes

  1. Why don’t they play hide and seek in New Jersey? Because good luck hiding when everyone knows each other!
  2. Why do New Jerseyans have TGIF written on their shoes? To remind them “Toes Go In First!”
  3. Why did the New Jersey tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing… and it was made with Jersey tomatoes!
  4. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician in New Jersey? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  5. Why don’t cats sleep on the New Jersey Turnpike? They’re afraid of the fast and the fur-ious!
  6. Why don’t sharks eat people from New Jersey? They can’t get past the layer of hairspray!
  7. What do you call a New Jersey resident who can play a musical instrument? A talented toll-booth operator.
  8. How does a New Jersey native hold up his pants? With a Garden State Beltway.
  9. What’s the only thing in New Jersey that doesn’t have an accent? The silence!
  10. Why do New Jersey people never play hide and seek with mountains? Because the mountains always peak!
  11. Why did the bread break up with the butter in New Jersey? It said it was spread too thin across the Turnpike.
  12. What do you call a musician from New Jersey who broke his instrument? A garden state of despair.
  13. Why did the Jersey Devil refuse to leave the Pine Barrens? Because he couldn’t bear to pay the toll!
  14. Why did the New Jersey tourist bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
  15. Why don’t New Jersey folks trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something.
  16. What do you call a Jersey mobster who refuses to grow up? A Peter Pan-Sonofagun.
  17. How do you know when you’ve crossed into New Jersey? Even your GPS starts sounding like Tony Soprano.
  18. What do you call a state that has more diners than any other? New Jersey, the ‘Dine-amic’ State!
  19. Why was the Jersey tomato blushing? Because it saw the salad dressing…and it had extra oil!
  20. Why don’t people from New Jersey tell secrets in cornfields? Too many ears!
  21. Why do people from New Jersey always bring a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
  22. Why do New Jersey folks eat donuts? Because they can’t fit a whole diner in their mouth!
  23. What’s the difference between New Jersey and a unicorn? People actually believe in unicorns.
  24. How does every New Jersey joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
  25. Why did the man from New Jersey carry a car door into the desert? So if he got hot, he could roll down the window!
  26. Why don’t they make ice in New Jersey? They lost the recipe!
  27. Why do they have so many toll booths in New Jersey? They’re practicing for the pearly gates!
  28. What’s the state flower of New Jersey? Concrete.
  29. What do you call a New Jersey mobster who’s bad at his job? Whacked!
  30. Why did the belt get locked up in New Jersey? It was holding up a pair of pants!
  31. How do you know you’re flying over New Jersey? When you can smell the hairspray from 30,000 feet.
  32. Why did the New Jersey native bring two pairs of pants to the golf course? In case he got a hole in one.
  33. Why did the New Jersey girl stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said ‘concentrate’.
  34. Why don’t they drink iced tea in New Jersey? Because the ice cubes keep sinking.
  35. What’s the first thing a New Jerseyan does in the morning? Goes home.
  36. Why do New Jersey folks go to the bakery? Because they knead the dough!
  37. How do you know a New Jerseyan has been baking cookies? There are M&M shells all over the floor!
  38. Why do people from New Jersey like to eat snails? Because they can’t stand fast food!
  39. Why did the girl from New Jersey bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house!
  40. Why did the New Jersey boy take a ruler to bed? Because he wanted to see how long he slept!
  41. Why did the Jersey tomato turn red? Because it saw the Turnpike salad dressing!
  42. How does a New Jersey native fix a light bulb? They just hold it and let the world revolve around them!
  43. What’s the motto of the New Jersey bakery? We knead your dough!
  44. What’s the difference between a New Jersey resident and a coconut? You can get a drink out of a coconut!
  45. Why do Jersey folks drink hot water at breakfast? They want to avoid cereal killers!
  46. How can you tell if someone is from New Jersey? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
  47. Why did the Jersey tomato go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date!
  48. What does a New Jersey native call an opinion? A ‘fact’ with an accent.
  49. Why do New Jersey natives carry a car door in the desert? In case it gets too hot, they can just roll down the window!
  50. How many New Jersey natives does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they’re too busy paying tolls!
  51. Why did the New Jersey girl bring a ladder to school? Because she wanted to go to high school!
  52. What’s the only thing faster than a New Jersey driver’s speed? Their tempers!
  53. What do you call a magical dog from New Jersey? A Labracadabrador.
  54. How does a New Jersey native get ready for a yard sale? They open their car trunk!
  55. Why was the New Jersey math book depressed? Because it had too many problems!
  56. What’s the only thing not taxed in New Jersey? Your sense of humor.
  57. Why did the scarecrow from New Jersey win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  58. How do you know a New Jersey native has stolen your car? They’ve already driven through three toll booths.
  59. Why do Jersey folks always carry a map? Because they never pass up a chance to tell you where they’re from.
  60. What’s the difference between New Jersey and a solar eclipse? You need special glasses to look at a solar eclipse!
  61. What did the New Jersey sushi say to the bumblebee? Wassabee!
  62. Why don’t Jersey folks trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  63. How do you know a New Jersey native has stolen your car? It’s in the fast lane…parked.
  64. Why do New Jersey people drink their coffee on the porch? So they can watch the world go by!
  65. Why do they put fences around graveyards in New Jersey? Because people are dying to get in!
  66. Why do people from New Jersey carry a stick? So they can draw a line in the sand!
  67. Why do New Jersey folks love autumn? Because leaves are the only things allowed to change in their state!
  68. Why did the New Jersey doughnut visit the dentist? It needed a filling!
  69. What did the New Jersey native say to the out-of-state friend? “You’re in a garden state of mind now.”
  70. What’s the difference between New Jersey and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  71. How does a New Jersey native get ready for Y2K? They turn back their sundial one notch!
  72. How does a New Jersey native express surprise? They say, “Oh my garden state!”
  73. Why did the Jersey tomato go out with a prune? It couldn’t find a “date” on the Turnpike!
  74. How many New Jersey natives does it take to change a light bulb? Five. One to do it and four to share the commuting stories.
  75. Why did the New Jersey native bring a ladder to the bar? Because they heard the prices were steep!
  76. Why did the Jersey chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  77. How do you greet someone in New Jersey? “How you doin’?”
  78. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar in New Jersey? He heard they had highballs!
  79. What’s the most popular car in New Jersey? A taxi!
  80. Why did the New Jersey native become a baker? Because they kneaded a job!
  81. Why did the scarecrow from New Jersey win an award? Because he was outstanding in the Turnpike!
  82. How do you know a New Jersey native has been using the computer? There’s white-out on the screen!
  83. What’s the difference between New Jersey and a circus? A circus is a cunning array of stunts.
  84. What do you call a Jersey guy who always goes out with the boys? A Garden State-mate!
  85. Why do Jersey folks drink their coffee on the porch? Because it’s “grounds” for relaxation!
  86. Why did the New Jersey girl wear glasses in math class? Because it improves division!
  87. Why did the New Jersey boy stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said ‘concentrate’…and he was trying to concentrate on the Turnpike.
  88. What did the New Jersey native say to the out-of-state friend? “You’ve got a Garden State of mind now.”
  89. How many Jersey folks does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. They don’t like to be left in the dark!
  90. What do you call a magical dog from New Jersey? A Labrador!
  91. How do you know you’re at a wedding in New Jersey? Everyone’s trying to toast with bagels!
  92. Why did the Jersey girl get a job at the bakery? Because she kneaded dough!
  93. What did the New Jersey native say when he dropped his pizza? “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
  94. Why do New Jersey people eat snails? They don’t like fast food!
  95. How does a New Jersey native fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste!
  96. What do you call a sleepwalking nun in New Jersey? A roamin’ Catholic!
  97. Why do Jersey folks always carry a map? Because they don’t want to lose their Garden State of mind.
  98. What’s the only thing not taxed in New Jersey? The jokes!
  99. Why did the New Jersey native go to the paint store? They wanted to get a primer on colors!
  100. Why don’t people from New Jersey play hide and seek? Because no one would look for them.
  101. Why did the New Jersey man bring his ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
  102. How does a New Jersey native hold up his pants? With a Garden State Beltway!
  103. What do you call a New Jersey resident who can play a musical instrument? A talented toll-booth operator.
  104. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar in New Jersey? He heard the drinks were top shelf!
  105. Why don’t cats sleep on the New Jersey Turnpike? They’re afraid of the fast and the fur-ious!
  106. Why don’t they drink iced tea in New Jersey? The ice keeps getting taxed!
  107. Why don’t they make ice in New Jersey? They’ve lost the recipe!
  108. Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician in New Jersey? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  109. Why did the Jersey tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing… and it was made with Jersey tomatoes!
  110. Why did the New Jersey tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing…and it had extra oil!
  111. How can you tell if someone is from New Jersey? They’ll correct your pronunciation of “water.”
  112. How does a New Jersey native hold up his pants? With a Parkway Beltway.
  113. How does a New Jersey native express surprise? They say, “Oh my garden state!”
  114. Why did the Jersey girl stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said ‘concentrate’.
  115. What do you call a musician from New Jersey who broke his instrument? A garden state of despair.
  116. What’s the state flower of New Jersey? Concrete.
  117. Why did the bread break up with the butter in New Jersey? It said it was spread too thin across the Turnpike.
  118. Why don’t they play hide and seek in New Jersey? Because good luck hiding when everyone knows each other!
  119. How do you know when you’ve crossed into New Jersey? Even your GPS starts sounding like Tony Soprano.
  120. Why do New Jersey folks go to the bakery? Because they knead the dough!
  121. How do you know a New Jerseyan has been baking cookies? There are M&M shells all over the floor!
  122. Why did the New Jersey native bring two pairs of pants to the golf course? In case he got a hole in one.
  123. Why did the New Jersey tourist bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
  124. Why did the Jersey tomato go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date!
  125. What do you call a Jersey mobster who refuses to grow up? A Peter Pan-Sonofagun.
  126. What’s the only thing in New Jersey that doesn’t have an accent? The silence!
  127. Why do people from New Jersey like to eat snails? Because they can’t stand fast food!
  128. How do you know you’re flying over New Jersey? When you can smell the hairspray from 30,000 feet.
  129. What do you call a New Jersey mobster who’s bad at his job? Whacked!
  130. What do you call a state that has more diners than any other? New Jersey, the ‘Dine-amic’ State!
  131. Why did the scarecrow from New Jersey win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  132. What do you call a New Jersey resident who can play a musical instrument? A talented toll-booth operator.
  133. How does a New Jersey native hold up his pants? With a Garden State Beltway.
  134. What do you call a Jersey guy who always goes out with the boys? A Garden State-mate!
  135. How do you know a New Jersey native has stolen your car? It’s in the fast lane…parked.
  136. Why do New Jersey folks eat donuts? Because they can’t fit a whole diner in their mouth!

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