137 jiu jitsu jokes

  1. Why don’t BJJ practitioners play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when someone’s got a grip on your gi!
  2. What do you call a jiu-jitsu fighter’s laundry detergent? Gi-whiz!
  3. Why did the jiu-jitsu practitioner refuse to date the judoka? He was afraid of being thrown around!
  4. Why did the BJJ player go to the bakery? Because he wanted to roll!
  5. How does a jiu-jitsu practitioner handle a lightbulb that won’t turn on? By giving it a twist!
  6. Why don’t BJJ practitioners need alarm clocks? The fear of being late to practice gets them up every time!
  7. What’s a BJJ player’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop!
  8. Why was the jiu-jitsu practitioner at the car garage? He heard there was a breakdown!
  9. What do you call a comedian who practices BJJ? A stand-up grappler!
  10. Why was the jiu-jitsu practitioner a bad gardener? He always pulled guard, but never pulled weeds!
  11. Why did the BJJ student get kicked out of school? He wouldn’t stop grappling with the issues!
  12. Why did the BJJ player become a baker? Because he loves kneading dough!
  13. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who likes space? A universal fighter!
  14. Why do jiu-jitsu fighters make terrible thieves? They leave too many footprints!
  15. What did the BJJ practitioner say when he got his leg tangled in the ropes? “Knot again!”
  16. Why did the BJJ fighter never lose at poker? He always had a good hand control!
  17. What do you call a jiu-jitsu practitioner’s puppy? A guard dog!
  18. Why do BJJ players never get locked out? They’re always working on their key (gi) skills!
  19. Why are BJJ fighters terrible at playing chess? They always lose their knights to arm-bars!
  20. Why don’t BJJ players make good waiters? They take too long to serve!
  21. Why did the jiu-jitsu practitioner go to the beach? To practice sandbagging!
  22. How do BJJ players like their coffee? Ground!
  23. What’s a BJJ player’s favorite movie? “Guardians of the Galaxy!”
  24. Why was the BJJ player great at parties? He knew how to break the ice!
  25. Why did the jiu-jitsu player get a job at the circus? He loves acrobatics and clowning around!
  26. Why are jiu-jitsu practitioners always tired? They’re always working on the mat!
  27. Why don’t jiu-jitsu fighters make good painters? They’re always trying to submit the canvas!
  28. Why do BJJ players never get bored? Because they’re always rolling!
  29. What do you call a jiu-jitsu practitioner who writes? A choke author!
  30. Why did the BJJ player go to the pasta restaurant? He was looking for some new rolls!
  31. Why was the jiu-jitsu practitioner terrible at basketball? He kept trying to submit the ball!
  32. Why do BJJ fighters always carry a map? So they don’t get caught in someone else’s guard!
  33. Why did the BJJ practitioner become a librarian? He likes quiet and books full of escapes!
  34. Why are jiu-jitsu players terrible at hide and seek? They always give away their positions!
  35. Why did the jiu-jitsu player get a job in a bakery? He wanted to make some dough doing rolls!
  36. What do BJJ practitioners use to fix their car? A choke wrench!
  37. What’s a BJJ fighter’s favorite sandwich? Arm-bar-ger!
  38. Why was the BJJ player in the kitchen? He was trying to perfect his recipe for a smoothie!
  39. Why do BJJ practitioners love yoga? It’s just another form of stretching the truth!
  40. What’s a BJJ player’s favorite school subject? Geometry – because of all the angles!
  41. Why did the BJJ player get a job at the zoo? He wanted to grapple with the gorillas!
  42. Why are jiu-jitsu fighters so good at solving puzzles? They’re experts at finding the right submission!
  43. Why was the jiu-jitsu practitioner a good musician? He knew how to pull the right strings!
  44. Why did the BJJ player become an architect? He liked building structures and working with blueprints!
  45. Why did the BJJ player make a bad carpenter? He spent too much time working on the floor!
  46. What do you call a jiu-jitsu practitioner with a cold? Achoo-jitsu!
  47. What do you call a jiu-jitsu player on a boat? Captain Americana!
  48. Why was the BJJ practitioner good at math? He knows all the angles!
  49. What’s a BJJ player’s favorite drink? Arm-bar-gnac!
  50. Why did the BJJ player visit the forest? He wanted to practice his tree chokes!
  51. Why don’t jiu-jitsu fighters make good sailors? They’re always trying to sink the ship!
  52. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a journalist? He loved the scoop!
  53. Why did the BJJ practitioner love Halloween? He loved the chance to take someone’s back!
  54. What do you call a jiu-jitsu practitioner who enjoys bird watching? A sparrow-roll enthusiast!
  55. What did the BJJ player say when he moved into a new home? “Time to set up my own guard!”
  56. Why do BJJ practitioners never skip breakfast? They need to start the day with a good scramble!
  57. Why did the jiu-jitsu player love the circus? He loved the acrobatics!
  58. Why did the BJJ player go to the aquarium? He was studying the squid guard!
  59. Why are jiu-jitsu fighters terrible at card games? They always play their hand too early!
  60. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who works at a candy store? A sweet sweeper!
  61. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a tailor? He loves a good fit and knows how to hold onto a collar!
  62. Why did the BJJ player go to the butcher? He wanted to improve his slicers!
  63. Why did the BJJ player get a job at the bank? He likes to secure the grips!
  64. Why did the jiu-jitsu player love the winter? He could finally use his chokes without feeling guilty!
  65. Why was the BJJ player a good fisherman? He knows how to reel them in!
  66. Why did the jiu-jitsu practitioner become a DJ? Because he loves to spin!
  67. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves gardening? A botanic guard!
  68. Why did the BJJ player go to a dance party? He heard about the hip escape move!
  69. Why did the BJJ player love camping? He was good at setting up tents and avoiding bear traps!
  70. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to the music festival? He loves good vibes and tight grips!
  71. Why did the BJJ practitioner become a doctor? He was good at taking people’s breath away!
  72. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to the farm? He wanted to learn about chicken wings!
  73. Why did the BJJ player love the rodeo? He was a fan of riding bulls and bucking broncos!
  74. Why did the BJJ player become a firefighter? He was good at taking the heat and rolling with the punches!
  75. What do you call a jiu-jitsu player who loves to knit? A Gi-weaver!
  76. Why was the jiu-jitsu practitioner a bad dancer? He kept trying to take his partner down!
  77. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to cook? A culinary choke artist!
  78. Why did the jiu-jitsu player join the chess club? He wanted to master the king’s guard!
  79. Why did the BJJ player go to the candy store? He was craving some arm bars!
  80. What do you call a jiu-jitsu player who works at the airport? A flight controller!
  81. Why did the BJJ player love mountain climbing? He’s not afraid of a steep climb or a rapid descent!
  82. Why was the jiu-jitsu player a terrible comedian? His jokes always fell flat!
  83. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who’s also a photographer? A snapshot choke artist!
  84. Why did the jiu-jitsu player love the ocean? He was good at riding the waves and avoiding the sharks!
  85. Why did the BJJ player go to a comedy show? He wanted to learn some new chokes!
  86. What do you call a jiu-jitsu player who loves to sew? A stitch in time saves nine!
  87. Why did the BJJ player become a soccer coach? He was good at handling kicks and maintaining his guard!
  88. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to the desert? He wanted to perfect his sand sweeps!
  89. Why did the BJJ player love the zoo? He loves watching the gorillas roll!
  90. What do you call a jiu-jitsu player who’s also a gardener? A flower sweeper!
  91. Why did the BJJ player become a police officer? He was good at locking up criminals!
  92. Why did the jiu-jitsu player join the army? He wanted to learn more about tactical positions!
  93. Why did the BJJ player become a watchmaker? He knows all about pressure and timing!
  94. Why did the jiu-jitsu player join the chess tournament? He wanted to improve his strategic moves!
  95. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves math? A number cruncher!
  96. Why did the BJJ player love the amusement park? He was good at rolling with the punches and enjoying the ride!
  97. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to the grocery store? He wanted to get some wraps!
  98. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who’s also a hairdresser? A shear terror!
  99. Why did the BJJ player go to the museum? He was studying the art of war!
  100. What do you call a jiu-jitsu player who’s also a chef? A roll master!
  101. Why did the BJJ player become a travel agent? He was good at planning escapes!
  102. Why did the jiu-jitsu player love the library? He loved studying the classics!
  103. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves fashion? A designer choke artist!
  104. Why did the BJJ player love hiking? He was good at conquering mountains and navigating tough terrain!
  105. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to a music concert? He wanted to feel the beat and roll with it!
  106. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves video games? A controller choke artist!
  107. Why did the BJJ player become a pilot? He was good at taking control and navigating tight situations!
  108. Why did the jiu-jitsu player join a running club? He wanted to increase his pace and stamina!
  109. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who’s also an accountant? A numbers choke artist!
  110. Why did the BJJ player love the theater? He was good at taking center stage and keeping his cool under the spotlight!
  111. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a car mechanic? He was good at getting a grip and handling pressure!
  112. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to draw? A sketch artist choke master!
  113. Why did the BJJ player go to a magic show? He wanted to learn some new tricks and escapes!
  114. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a boxer? He wanted to improve his strikes and defense!
  115. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to write? An author choke artist!
  116. Why did the BJJ player go to a cooking class? He wanted to learn how to roll sushi!
  117. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a lifeguard? He was good at rescuing people and staying calm under pressure!
  118. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to play guitar? A strummer choke artist!
  119. Why did the BJJ player become a locksmith? He was good at finding openings and exploiting them!
  120. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to a yoga class? He wanted to improve his flexibility and balance!
  121. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who’s also a comedian? A joke artist choke master!
  122. Why did the BJJ player become a psychologist? He was good at understanding people and helping them handle pressure!
  123. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to a dance class? He wanted to improve his footwork and coordination!
  124. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to play piano? A key choke artist!
  125. Why did the BJJ player love the circus? He was good at balancing acts and handling pressure!
  126. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a photographer? He was good at capturing moments and focusing under pressure!
  127. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to read? A bookworm choke artist!
  128. Why did the BJJ player go to a public speaking class? He wanted to improve his confidence and handling pressure!
  129. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a scientist? He was good at problem solving and handling complex situations!
  130. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to swim? A water choke artist!
  131. Why did the BJJ player become a tour guide? He was good at leading people and handling unpredictable situations!
  132. Why did the jiu-jitsu player go to a painting class? He wanted to improve his creativity and precision!
  133. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to do puzzles? A puzzle choke artist!
  134. Why did the BJJ player become a coach? He was good at instructing people and handling pressure!
  135. Why did the jiu-jitsu player become a fashion designer? He was good at creating and adjusting to new styles!
  136. What do you call a BJJ practitioner who loves to bake? A baker choke artist!
  137. Why did the BJJ player become a chef? He was good at mixing ingredients and handling the heat!

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