100 goldfish jokes
- Why don’t goldfish like to use the computer? They’re afraid of the net.
- Why did the goldfish go to the bank? To check his current balance.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite music? Bubblegum pop.
- Why don’t goldfish like playing hide and seek? They always get found in the tank.
- What do goldfish say when they’re shocked? “Oh my cod!”
- Why do goldfish never feel stressed? Because they just go with the flow.
- Why did the goldfish wear glasses? To improve his sea-sight.
- What did one goldfish say to the other? “If you remember where the food is, let minnow!”
- How does a goldfish make a phone call? On his shell-phone.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite story? “The Tale of Two Sardines.”
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite exercise? The backstroke.
- Why did the goldfish blush? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
- What do you call a fish that knows addition? A goldfish, because it knows there’s plenty more fish in the sea.
- Why was the goldfish expelled from school? For squidding around.
- Why was the goldfish so good at basketball? He had a good jump shot.
- What does a goldfish do on his day off? Nothing, they just float around.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite game? Go Fish.
- Why did the goldfish go to therapy? Because it had too many fish-ues.
- Why do goldfish live in salt water? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
- What do goldfish like to read? Fish-tion.
- Why don’t goldfish play piano? Because they’re scared of the scales.
- How do goldfish greet each other? “Nice to eel you.”
- What do you call a goldfish that can play the guitar? A rock cod.
- Why don’t goldfish like to watch horror movies? They get too spooked by the screams of the shrimp.
- Why did the goldfish go to a party? For the halibut.
- Why was the goldfish at the gym? It wanted to get a little more muscular.
- What did the goldfish say to its friend on its birthday? “Have a fin-tastic day!”
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite song? “Under the Sea.”
- Why did the goldfish cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
- What does a goldfish do when something goes wrong? It blames it on the tide.
- How do goldfish pay for their coffee? With sand dollars.
- What do goldfish wear to formal events? A dive-doe.
- Why was the goldfish wearing a crown? Because it was a king fish.
- What do you call a goldfish with no eyes? A “gldfsh”.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline, it always cracks them up.
- Why was the goldfish sad? Because it missed the school.
- Why did the goldfish get a job? To make ends meet.
- How do you make a goldfish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite superhero? Aquaman.
- How does a goldfish go into business? It starts a sole proprietorship.
- What do goldfish do on a snow day? Chill at home.
- Why do goldfish never get into arguments? Because they always find a way to gill-t over it.
- How does a goldfish apologize? It says “Sorry for being koi.”
- Why did the goldfish go to the concert? To catch the bass.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite vegetable? Seaweed.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite school subject? Algebra, because it’s good with the alga-bra.
- Why do goldfish never feel alone? They’re always surrounded by school mates.
- What do you call a goldfish who’s a poet? An iambic pentafish.
- Why do goldfish make terrible secret keepers? Because they’re always spilling the beans.
- How do goldfish say goodbye? “Catch you on the reef side.”
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite pastime? Binge-watching stream-ing services.
- How do goldfish fix a flat tire? With a herring aid.
- What do goldfish put on before going out in the sun? Sun-screen.
- Why was the goldfish embarrassed? Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
- What did the momma goldfish say to the baby goldfish? “You’re the gill-d of my dreams.”
- Why do goldfish never get lost? They always follow the school.
- How does a goldfish ask for food? It just opens its mouth and hopes for the best.
- Why did the goldfish take up swimming? It didn’t want to flounder.
- What do you call a goldfish that flies? A birdfish.
- How do goldfish get to the other side? By using the sea-nic route.
- Why did the goldfish become a lawyer? To fight for fish rights.
- How do goldfish play soccer? They score with a header.
- Why do goldfish prefer cold water? They’re cool by nature.
- How do goldfish write letters? In sand-script.
- What do goldfish do at sleepovers? Watch movies and gossip about the latest school news.
- What do you call a goldfish that’s good at drums? A band fish.
- Why was the goldfish so happy? It finally passed the glass.
- Why did the goldfish go to space? To visit the Milky Wave.
- What did the goldfish say when it became a movie star? “I’ve finally found my porpoise!”
- How does a goldfish start its day? By going for a morning dip.
- Why did the goldfish start a gardening business? It had a knack for seed-weed.
- How do goldfish stay safe? They look out for sharks.
- What do goldfish do on vacation? They soak up the sun and surf the waves.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite city? Fin-land.
- What do goldfish like to have for dessert? Ice-cream cones.
- How does a goldfish say sorry? It gives a heart-felt “apol-o-fish.”
- Why do goldfish go to school? To become smarter than the average fish.
- What do you call a goldfish that does magic tricks? A wizard fish.
- Why was the goldfish wearing a cape? It was a superhero in disguise.
- What did the goldfish say when it saw its reflection? “You’re looking fin-tastic.”
- Why did the goldfish blush? It saw the sea’s weed.
- How does a goldfish know when it’s in love? It feels a flutter in its gills.
- Why did the goldfish join the circus? It wanted to be a clown fish.
- What do goldfish do on a rainy day? They have a splash.
- Why do goldfish never get sunburned? They always stay under water.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite drink? Saltwater lemonade.
- What do you call a goldfish that’s good at math? A brain sturgeon.
- Why was the goldfish feeling blue? It had the deep-sea blues.
- How do goldfish keep their room clean? They use a dust panfish.
- What do you call a goldfish that helps out in the kitchen? A sous chef fish.
- Why was the goldfish acting strange? It was just being koi.
- What do goldfish take when they’re sick? Vitamin Sea.
- How does a goldfish stay fit? It does squats and lifts sea-weights.
- What’s a goldfish’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The carousel.
- What do you call a goldfish that’s always telling lies? A fish-tale teller.
- Why do goldfish carry umbrellas? In case it rains cats and dogs.
- What do goldfish do when they’re scared? Hide in the seaweed.
- Why did the goldfish go on a diet? To trim down its scales.
- Why do goldfish make terrible tennis players? They have a hard time keeping their eye on the ball.