57+ funny jail jokes / prison jokes

1. Why don’t prisons have clocks? Because time does hard time there!
2. Why did the criminal become a baker? He kneaded a break from his cell.
3. What’s a convict’s favorite game? Hide and don’t speak!
4. What’s a prisoner’s favorite punctuation? The period, because it marks the end of a sentence.
5. Why did the jailbird refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? He heard the cheetah always got a cell-fie!
6. What did the prisoner use to call his lawyer? His cell phone!
7. Why don’t convicts use glue? Because they always get stuck!
8. How do prisoners talk to one another? Cell-phones!
9. Why did the criminal become a gardener? He wanted to escape the cells and plant some roots.
10. Why was the math book in jail? Because it had too many problems.
11. What do prisoners use to cut their pizza? Little Caesars.
12. What’s a prisoner’s favorite key? The escape key.
13. Why did the computer go to jail? It had a hard drive!
14. Why don’t prisoners play cricket? Because they might get caught behind.
15. What’s a prisoner’s favorite piece of clothing? A button-down shirt – they’ve had enough of locks and bars!
16. How do prisoners stay in touch? They keep each other posted!
17. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing in stripes!
18. Why did the soccer ball end up in jail? It was caught in a net!
19. How do prisoners say goodbye? Cell you later!
20. Why was the pencil in jail? It was caught drawing a bad picture.
21. What’s a prisoner’s favorite exercise? Cell-sit-ups!
22. Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
23. What do you call a prisoner who can sing? Jailhouse Rock!
24. Why did the donut go to jail? Because it was filled with jam!
25. What’s the difference between a jail and a zoo? One has bars, the other has bears.
26. Why was the computer cold in jail? It left its Windows open.
27. What do you call a prisoner with no arms or legs? A still mate.
28. Why did the bike end up in jail? It was two-tired to follow the law.
29. Why did the clothes end up in jail? They were caught laundering money!
30. Why don’t prisoners use paperclips? Because they can’t deal with any more attachments!
31. Why was the music note put in jail? Because it was in treble.
32. Why was the lightbulb in jail? It was accused of being too bright.
33. What do you call a prisoner who just broke up with his girlfriend? Cell-ibate.
34. Why don’t prisoners play tennis? They can’t handle the serves.
35. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
36. Why did the grammar teacher end up in jail? Too many run-on sentences.
37. What’s a prisoner’s favorite vegetable? Escarole.
38. Why don’t prisoners use scissors? They always end up cutting corners.
39. Why did the watch end up in jail? Because it was caught tock-ing too much.
40. Why did the cat go to jail? Because it was a purrpetrator.
41. What’s a prisoner’s favorite band? The Chainsmokers.
42. Why did the bird go to jail? It was a con(vict)-dor.
43. What’s a prisoner’s favorite chess piece? The rook, it’s the closest thing to a cell block.
44. Why did the bubblegum go to jail? It was caught in a sticky situation.
45. What do you call an artist in jail? A con-sketch-t.
46. Why was the bedsheet in jail? It was caught covering up a crime.
47. Why did the sun go to school? To get a little brighter and stay out of jail!
48. What do you call a jailbird who tells bad jokes? A comical con.
49. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To help its friend break out of jail.
50. What do you call a prisoner who always skips meals? A con-fasting criminal.

Phew, we are a third of the way there!

Here’s another batch of 50 jokes to bring us two-thirds of the way to 150:

51. Why was the echo arrested? For repeating itself too much.
52. Why did the bread end up in jail? It was a known loaf-er.
53. Why was the photograph arrested? It was framed!
54. What’s a prisoner’s favorite type of music? Jailhouse rock!
55. Why was the ocean put in jail? It kept waving at the judge.
56. Why was the sidewalk put in jail? It kept leading the cops down the wrong path.
57. Why did the pepper end up in prison? It assaulted a potato.
58. What’s a prisoner’s favorite spot in the cell? The corner – it’s 90 degrees!
59. What do you call a prisoner who can tell the future? A cell-seer.
60. Why was the calendar in jail? Its days were numbered.
61. Why did the shoe go to jail? It was caught tripping someone.
62. What do you call a comedian in jail? Stand-up con-vict.
63. Why did the computer file get arrested? It wouldn’t comply with the officer’s commands.
64. What do you call a prisoner who’s good with computers? A silicon con.
65. Why did the sugar go to jail? It was caught sweet-talking the judge.
66. Why did the tennis ball end up in jail? It couldn’t serve right.
67. What do you call a prisoner who always stays up late? An in-cell-niac.
68. Why did the kettle go to jail? It was whistling non-stop!
69. What’s a prisoner’s favorite place to swim? The chain pool.
70. Why did the battery get arrested? It was charged with assault.
71. Why did the balloon get jailed? It was caught popping off at the police.
72. What do you call a prisoner who’s a fantastic dancer? Jailhouse Jagger.
73. Why did the guitar end up in jail? It had too many frets.
74. What’s a prisoner’s favorite snack? Con-victuals.
75. Why did the doghouse get arrested? It was harboring a fugitive.
76. Why was the pillow in jail? It was caught smothering.
77. What do you call a prisoner who’s good at running? A jogging con.
78. Why did the tree go to jail? It was a repeat conifer.
79. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at spelling? A con-sonant.
80. Why did the clock go to jail? It got caught up in a second-degree murder.
81. What do you call a prisoner who can play the piano? A con-certo.
82. Why did the snowman go to jail? It was caught freezing evidence.
83. What’s a prisoner’s favorite card game? Solitaire, for solitary.
84. Why did the magnet go to jail? It had an attractive personality.
85. What’s a prisoner’s favorite book? Crime and Punishment.
86. Why did the spider go to jail? It was web of deceit.
87. What do you call a prisoner who’s really good at yoga? A con-tortionist.
88. Why did the refrigerator go to jail? It was caught cooling a stolen soda.
89. What do you call a prisoner who never lies? A con-vincing con.
90. Why did the emoji end up in jail? It couldn’t express itself properly.
91. What do you call a prisoner who knows a lot about wines? A con-noisseur.
92. Why did the mushroom go to jail? It was a fun-gi to be with!
93. What do you call a prisoner who’s good at boxing? A con-tender.
94. Why did the piggy bank go to jail? It was caught hoarding stolen coins.
95. What do you call a prisoner who always looks on the bright side? A con-tented con.
96. Why did the monkey go to jail? It was caught ape-ing around.
97. What do you call a prisoner who is a great cook? A con-fectioner.
98. Why did the cat go to jail? It was caught scratching the furniture.
99. What do you call a prisoner who loves to debate? A con-versationist.
100. Why did the chocolate go to jail? It was choco-litely delicious!

We’re down to the final 50.

Here we go!

101. What do you call a prisoner who’s also a great writer? A con-tributor.
102. Why did the orange go to jail? It couldn’t peel out in time.
103. What do you call a prisoner who’s good at drawing? A con-tourist.
104. Why did the pancake go to jail? It was a flip-flopper.
105. What do you call a prisoner who’s a skilled sailor? A con-voy.
106. Why did the balloon go to jail? It was caught up in the air.
107. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great swimmer? A con-current.
108. Why did the Easter egg go to jail? It was caught poaching.
109. What do you call a prisoner who’s an excellent guitarist? A con-chord.
110. Why did the turtle go to jail? It was a slow getaway driver.
111. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at puzzles? A con-undrum.
112. Why did the turkey go to jail? It got stuffed at the wrong time.
113. What do you call a prisoner who’s good with numbers? A con-stant.
114. Why did the bee go to jail? It was found in a honey trap.
115. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at chemistry? A con-coction.
116. Why did the corn go to jail? It was caught stalking.
117. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great actor? A con-artist.
118. Why did the eyeglasses go to jail? They made a spectacle of themselves.
119. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at basketball? A con-dunker.
120. Why did the cookie go to jail? It was caught crumbling evidence.
121. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at gardening? A con-florist.
122. Why did the feather go to jail? It was caught tickling people.
123. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at poetry? A con-verse.
124. Why did the mirror go to jail? It reflected poorly on its character.
125. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at organizing events? A con-ductor.
126. Why did the paintbrush go to jail? It was caught brushing off the law.
127. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great driver? A con-veyancer.
128. Why did the goldfish go to jail? It was caught in a fishy situation.
129. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at sewing? A con-struct.
130. Why did the chicken go to jail? It crossed the line one too many times.
131. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great storyteller? A con-veyer.
132. Why did the flashlight go to jail? It was caught highlighting the wrong things.
133. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great magician? A con-jurer.
134. Why did the jigsaw puzzle go to jail? It was caught cornering someone.
135. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at philosophy? A con-cept.
136. Why did the map go to jail? It was caught leading someone astray.
137. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great fisherman? A con-tuna.
138. Why did the waffle go to jail? It was caught battering someone.
139. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great singer? A con-certo.
140. Why did the donkey go to jail? It was caught kicking up a fuss.
141. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at dancing? A con-go.
142. Why did the toothbrush go to jail? It was caught brushing off its duties.
143. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at stand-up comedy? A con-tageous.
144. Why did the corn go to jail? It was caught popping off.
145. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great tailor? A con-stituent.
146. Why did the umbrella go to jail? It was caught under suspicion.
147. What do you call a prisoner who’s great at chess? A con-checkmate.
148. Why did the paperclip go to jail? It was caught bending the rules.
149. What do you call a prisoner who’s a great scientist? A con-ductive.
150. Why did the lemon go to jail? It was caught in a sour deal.