57+ detroit lions jokes

  1. Why don’t the Detroit Lions drink tea? Because the Patriots have all the cups.
  2. Why don’t the Detroit Lions have a website? They can’t string three W’s together.
  3. Why did the Detroit Lion take his football to school? He heard it was a “school of hard Knox,” and he wanted to fit in!
  4. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a ladder onto the field? They heard they needed to step up their game.
  5. Why was the Detroit Lion looking in the cereal box? He was desperately searching for a “bowl” win.
  6. Why are Detroit Lions jokes getting harder to make? Because they can’t even beat the punch line.
  7. Why did the Detroit Lion bake a cake? Because he was told that he needed to “mix up” his plays.
  8. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lion and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  9. Why do Detroit Lions players never play hide and seek? Because no one would look for them.
  10. Why did the Detroit Lion go to the bakery? He heard they knead dough to win.
  11. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lions fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after a while.
  12. How many Detroit Lions does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They prefer to live in the Packers’ shadow.
  13. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring a map to the game? Because they always seem to lose their way in the fourth quarter.
  14. What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a series of Detroit Lions games.
  15. How do the Detroit Lions count to 10? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3…
  16. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lions fan and a skydiver? The skydiver has seen a touchdown.
  17. What do the Detroit Lions and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  18. Why do the Lions have a hard time playing cards? Because every time they get close to a club, they don’t know how to handle the diamond.
  19. How do you keep a Detroit Lion out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  20. Why can’t Detroit Lions players use the internet? Because every time they get close to a “site,” they can’t “connect.”
  21. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lions jersey and a pile of trash? The trash gets picked up every once in a while.
  22. Why did the Detroit Lions go to the paint store? They heard they needed more coverage.
  23. Why do Detroit Lions players like smart cars? They’re used to compact spaces – just like their end zone.
  24. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a broom to the game? Because they always get swept.
  25. What do the Detroit Lions and a snowblower have in common? If you leave them in the driveway long enough, someone will eventually come by and steal them.
  26. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lions fan and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
  27. What do you call a Detroit Lion in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  28. Why do Detroit Lions players carry a map? Because they never find the end zone.
  29. How are the Detroit Lions like my neighbors? They can’t pick up a single yard.
  30. Why don’t the Detroit Lions have ice in their sideline cooler? The guy with the recipe went to the playoffs.
  31. Why did the Detroit Lion become a gardener? He wanted to get used to planting the ball in the ground.
  32. Why can’t Detroit Lions players eat cereal? Because they keep losing the bowl.
  33. How are Detroit Lions like campers? They always pitch their tents outside the end zone.
  34. Why do Detroit Lions players have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
  35. How are the Detroit Lions like a possum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  36. Why did the Detroit Lion bring string to the game? He heard it was time to pull some strings.
  37. Why did the Detroit Lions get a toaster? They’re used to getting burned.
  38. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a pinball machine? The pinball scores more points.
  39. How are the Detroit Lions like a bad magician? They always drop the ball.
  40. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a pencil to the game? They wanted to draw first blood.
  41. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lions player and an old tire? The tire has a better chance of getting a good kick.
  42. How is a Detroit Lions fan like a goldfish? After three seconds, they both forget what just happened.
  43. Why did the Detroit Lion eat his homework? His coach told him it was a piece of cake.
  44. How do you stop a Detroit Lion from charging? Take away his credit card.
  45. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a lottery ticket? With a lottery ticket, you have a chance to win something.
  46. Why did the Detroit Lions player bring his car to the field? He wanted to try to gain some yardage.
  47. How do you know a Detroit Lions player has been in your backyard? Your trash cans are knocked over and your dog is pregnant.
  48. Why did the Detroit Lions bring sand to the game? They wanted to get some “grains” of victory.
  49. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and my alarm clock? My alarm clock actually causes me to wake up and start my day right.
  50. Why can’t Detroit Lions players eat soup? Because they’re always dropping the bowl.
  51. Why did the Detroit Lion become a baker? He was good at turnovers.
  52. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and an old worn-out shoe? The shoe has seen better days.
  53. Why don’t Detroit Lions ever win at chess? They’ve lost too many knights.
  54. How are the Detroit Lions like a bear in hibernation? They both go to sleep when winter starts.
  55. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a door to the field? They heard they needed more “openings.”
  56. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a park bench? The park bench can support a family of four.
  57. What do Detroit Lions fans and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  58. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a ruler to the game? He wanted to measure their “progress.”
  59. What’s the difference between a Detroit Lions player and an unemployed circus performer? The circus performer could still make a catch.
  60. How are the Detroit Lions like an elephant? They both never forget… their losses.
  61. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a faucet to the game? They wanted to turn the “tide.”
  62. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a tire to the game? He was trying to get a grip.
  63. Why are Detroit Lions like cats? They don’t follow anyone’s directions.
  64. How are the Detroit Lions like my laundry? They’re always dropping loads.
  65. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a high school marching band? The band knows how to carry a tune.
  66. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a mirror to the game? He wanted to reflect on their losses.
  67. What do the Detroit Lions and lawn furniture have in common? They both fold up and pack away when winter comes.
  68. How are the Detroit Lions like a bad comedian? They can’t hold onto a punchline.
  69. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a boat to the game? He heard it was time to “row” to victory.
  70. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
  71. Why do Detroit Lions players prefer eco-friendly cars? Because they’re not used to gas.
  72. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a ladder to the game? He was trying to reach for their goals.
  73. What do the Detroit Lions and a Chick-fil-A have in common? Neither one works on Sunday.
  74. How are the Detroit Lions like a flea market? They’re both cheap and full of useless stuff.
  75. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a drill sergeant? The drill sergeant has seen victories.
  76. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a hammer to the game? They wanted to nail the competition.
  77. How are the Detroit Lions like a tree? They both go down when it’s windy.
  78. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and an omelet? You need eggs to make an omelet.
  79. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a shoe to the game? He wanted to “heel” their record.
  80. How are the Detroit Lions like a bag of chips? Once opened, they’re quickly consumed and forgotten.
  81. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and my job? I have a chance of moving up at my job.
  82. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a fan to the game? He was hoping for some wind of change.
  83. How are the Detroit Lions like an old lamp? They’re not very bright.
  84. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a bucket of chicken? The bucket of chicken can feed a family.
  85. Why did the Detroit Lion bring an umbrella to the game? He heard it was raining touchdowns.
  86. How are the Detroit Lions like a pair of socks? They’re both useless when they get holes in them.
  87. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a taxi driver? A taxi driver can drive you more than 10 yards.
  88. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a compass to the game? They needed direction.
  89. How are the Detroit Lions like a slice of bread? They’re both better when they’re toasted.
  90. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a carpenter? The carpenter knows how to finish a job.
  91. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a paper clip to the game? He wanted to hold things together.
  92. How are the Detroit Lions like a pancake? They both get flipped and eaten for breakfast.
  93. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a vending machine? The vending machine gives you something for your money.
  94. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a magnifying glass to the game? They were looking for their talent.
  95. How are the Detroit Lions like a broken clock? They’re right twice a season.
  96. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a gardener? The gardener knows how to maintain a lead.
  97. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a bottle of water to the game? He heard hydration was key.
  98. How are the Detroit Lions like a coffee machine? They’re both out of order.
  99. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and an astronaut? The astronaut has seen more stars.
  100. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a kite to the game? They wanted to get high.
  101. How are the Detroit Lions like a broken pencil? They’re pointless.
  102. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a jigsaw puzzle? The jigsaw puzzle is less frustrating.
  103. Why did the Detroit Lion bring a flashlight to the game? He wanted to light up the scoreboard.
  104. How are the Detroit Lions like a seashell? If you put your ear to them, all you hear is the ocean of boos.
  105. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a skateboard? The skateboard has better bearings.
  106. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a blanket to the game? They were hoping to cover more ground.
  107. How are the Detroit Lions like a flute? They’re full of hot air.
  108. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a microwave? The microwave gets things done in under a minute.
  109. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a sponge to the game? They wanted to soak up some skill.
  110. How are the Detroit Lions like a bad movie? You can predict the ending half way through.
  111. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a hammer? The hammer hits the nail on the head.
  112. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a balloon to the game? They wanted to lift their spirits.
  113. How are the Detroit Lions like a leaky faucet? They’re both annoying and difficult to fix.
  114. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a fortune cookie? The fortune cookie has a chance of predicting a win.
  115. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a watch to the game? They wanted to manage their time better.
  116. How are the Detroit Lions like a Rubik’s cube? The more you play with them, the more mixed up they get.
  117. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a comic book? The comic book has a better plot.
  118. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a telescope to the game? They were looking for some stars.
  119. How are the Detroit Lions like a donut? They both have a hole in the middle.
  120. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a pair of scissors? The scissors have a point.
  121. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a radio to the game? They were hoping to tune in to victory.
  122. How are the Detroit Lions like a bottle of soda? They’re both full of fizz, but not much substance.
  123. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a mosquito? You feel relieved when you swat the mosquito.
  124. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a calculator to the game? They needed to add some points to the scoreboard.
  125. How are the Detroit Lions like a puzzle? They’re hard to put together.
  126. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a postage stamp? The postage stamp has a better chance of reaching its destination.
  127. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a camera to the game? They were hoping to capture a win.
  128. How are the Detroit Lions like a Thanksgiving turkey? They’re both stuffed and cooked by the end of the day.
  129. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a streetlight? The streetlight knows when to turn it off.
  130. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a stopwatch to the game? They wanted to time their losses.
  131. How are the Detroit Lions like a book with missing pages? They both have a lot missing.
  132. What’s the difference between the Detroit Lions and a soda can? The soda can has more pop.
  133. Why did the Detroit Lions bring a step stool to the game? They wanted to rise to the occasion.

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