150 calendar jokes

  1. Why did the calendar go to the doctor?
    • Because it had too many dates.
  2. What’s a calendar’s favorite fruit?
    • Dates.
  3. Why did the calendar join a band?
    • Because it had the best days.
  4. Why was the calendar a good detective?
    • Because it always had a date with a case.
  5. What’s a calendar’s favorite music?
    • Days of the weeknd.
  6. Why did the calendar break up with the clock?
    • It felt too constrained by time.
  7. Why do calendars never play hide and seek?
    • Because they always date themselves.
  8. What does a calendar drink at the pub?
  9. What’s the calendar’s favorite meal?
    • Breakfast, it’s a great way to start the day.
  10. Why did the calendar go to school?
    • To learn about history’s dates.
  11. Why was the calendar always in trouble?
    • It couldn’t keep its days straight.
  12. Why do calendars make great comedians?
    • They always have timely jokes.
  13. How do calendars greet each other?
    • “Have a great day!”
  14. Why was the calendar popular in school?
    • Because it had all the important dates.
  15. How does a calendar confess its love?
    • “I’m falling for you day by day.”
  16. Why was the calendar feeling blue?
    • It was going through a weekday.
  17. Why did the calendar go on a diet?
    • It wanted to shed a few days.
  18. Why do calendars always carry an umbrella?
    • To prepare for rainy days.
  19. How does a calendar throw a party?
    • It saves the date.
  20. Why do calendars make good detectives?
    • They always mark the date of the crime.
  21. What’s a calendar’s favorite movie?
    • Seven Days in May.
  22. Why did the calendar go to the dentist?
    • It had a date with a cavity.
  23. Why was the calendar good at poker?
    • It always knew when to fold.
  24. What do calendars wear to the beach?
  25. Why don’t calendars make good secret keepers?
    • They always spill the dates.
  26. Why was the calendar a good basketball player?
    • It always had the dates.
  27. What’s a calendar’s favorite part of a joke?
    • The punchline, it’s always date-specific.
  28. Why did the calendar become a baker?
    • It loved to knead the dough all day.
  29. What’s a calendar’s favorite sandwich?
    • A day-licious BLT.
  30. Why was the calendar a good teacher?
    • It always kept students up-to-date.
  31. Why did the calendar break up with the alarm clock?
    • Because the alarm clock was too alarming.
  32. Why don’t calendars like math?
    • Because it involves too many numbers.
  33. What’s a calendar’s favorite TV show?
    • “Days of our Lives.”
  34. Why was the calendar proud of itself?
    • Because it always stood up for days.
  35. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of tree?
    • Dates palm.
  36. How do calendars say goodbye?
    • “See you in a few days.”
  37. Why did the calendar become a writer?
    • Because every day is a new page.
  38. Why was the calendar a good lawyer?
    • It always had the dates in order.
  39. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cookie?
    • Date squares.
  40. Why did the calendar get arrested?
    • For date theft.
  41. Why don’t calendars get stressed?
    • They always have their days planned out.
  42. What’s a calendar’s favorite band?
    • The Beatles, they have “Eight Days a Week.”
  43. Why did the calendar go to the gym?
    • To stay in day shape.
  44. Why was the calendar good at chess?
  45. Why do calendars love gardening?
    • Because every day is a new seed.
  46. What’s a calendar’s favorite candy?
    • Dates filled chocolates.
  47. Why did the calendar join the circus?
    • It loved the day-defying acts.
  48. Why was the calendar a great coach?
    • It always knew game day.
  49. How does a calendar like its coffee?
    • With a little dairy to start the day.
  50. Why did the calendar visit the psychologist?
    • It had too many week moments.
  51. What’s a calendar’s favorite fairy tale?
    • Cinderella, it loves the stroke of midnight.
  52. Why don’t calendars like racing?
    • They prefer taking it day by day.
  53. What’s a calendar’s favorite exercise?
    • Day-lifts.
  54. Why did the calendar get a promotion?
    • It always stayed up-to-date.
  55. Why was the calendar a great architect?
    • It knew the foundation dates.
  56. Why did the calendar become a DJ?
    • Because it loved to mix the days.
  57. Why was the calendar a good soccer player?
    • It always had the match dates.
  58. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of music?
    • Day and night symphony.
  59. Why did the calendar go to the spa?
    • It needed a day of relaxation.
  60. Why was the calendar a good quarterback?
    • It always knew the game days.
  61. Why did the calendar join a book club?
    • Because it loved the date of publication.
  62. Why was the calendar always smiling?
    • Every day was a reason to smile.
  63. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of car?
    • A day-tona.
  64. Why did the calendar start a blog?
    • To share day-to-day experiences.
  65. Why was the calendar a good swimmer?
    • It loved to swim laps around the days.
  66. What’s a calendar’s favorite breakfast food?
    • Day-nish pastries.
  67. Why did the calendar become a hairdresser?
    • Because it knew the hair days.
  68. Why was the calendar a good artist?
    • It always had the exhibit dates.
  69. Why did the calendar become a politician?
    • It knew the voting dates.
  70. Why was the calendar a good sailor?
    • It knew the sailing days.
  71. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of pie?
    • Date pie.
  72. Why did the calendar join a gym?
    • It wanted to exercise seven days a week.
  73. Why was the calendar a good judge?
    • It always had the trial dates.
  74. Why did the calendar become a poet?
    • Every day was a new verse.
  75. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of wine?
    • Date wine.
  76. Why did the calendar become a tour guide?
    • It loved showing people around the days.
  77. Why was the calendar a good dancer?
    • It always knew the dance dates.
  78. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cheese?
    • Date cheese.
  79. Why did the calendar become a reporter?
    • Because it loved the breaking days.
  80. Why was the calendar a good runner?
    • It knew the race days.
  81. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of fish?
    • Date fish.
  82. Why did the calendar become a chef?
    • Because it knew the recipe dates.
  83. Why was the calendar a good engineer?
    • It always knew the project dates.
  84. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of bread?
    • Date bread.
  85. Why did the calendar become a stock broker?
    • It kept track of market days.
  86. Why was the calendar a good fashion designer?
    • It knew the fashion weeks.
  87. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cookie?
    • Date cookies.
  88. Why did the calendar become a flight attendant?
    • Because it knew the flight days.
  89. Why was the calendar a good farmer?
  90. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cake?
    • Date cake.
  91. Why did the calendar become a librarian?
    • It loved the due dates.
  92. Why was the calendar a good wedding planner?
    • It always knew the wedding dates.
  93. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of ice cream?
  94. Why did the calendar become a doctor?
    • Because it knew the appointment days.
  95. Why was the calendar a good event planner?
    • It always knew the event dates.
  96. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of salad?
    • Date salad.
  97. Why did the calendar become a movie director?
    • It knew the shooting days.
  98. Why was the calendar a good scientist?
    • It always knew the research days.
  99. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of jam?
    • Date jam.
  100. Why did the calendar become a journalist? – It loved to report on current days.
  101. Why was the calendar a good archaeologist? – It knew the excavation days.
  102. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of pasta? – Date pasta.
  103. Why did the calendar become a personal trainer? – It loved to motivate others every day.
  104. Why was the calendar a good salesperson? – It knew the sales days.
  105. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of pizza? – Date pizza.
  106. Why did the calendar become a tour guide? – Because it knew the tour dates.
  107. Why was the calendar a good athlete? – It knew the training days.
  108. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of candy? – Date candy.
  109. Why did the calendar become an actor? – Because it knew the show days.
  110. Why was the calendar a good builder? – It knew the construction days.
  111. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of soup? – Date soup.
  112. Why did the calendar become a financial advisor? – It kept track of the financial days.
  113. Why was the calendar a good psychologist? – It knew the therapy days.
  114. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of sushi? – Date sushi.
  115. Why did the calendar become a DJ? – Because it loved to mix the days.
  116. Why was the calendar a good manager? – It knew the meeting days.
  117. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of tea? – Date tea.
  118. Why did the calendar become a yoga teacher? – It knew the yoga days.
  119. Why was the calendar a good professor? – It knew the class days.
  120. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of muffin? – Date muffin.
  121. Why did the calendar become a party planner? – Because it knew the party days.
  122. Why was the calendar a good accountant? – It knew the tax days.
  123. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of smoothie? – Date smoothie.
  124. Why did the calendar become a travel agent? – It knew the travel days.
  125. Why was the calendar a good editor? – It knew the publishing dates.
  126. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of sauce? – Date sauce.
  127. Why did the calendar become a makeup artist? – Because it knew the beauty days.
  128. Why was the calendar a good nutritionist? – It knew the healthy eating days.
  129. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of pudding? – Date pudding.
  130. Why did the calendar become a weather reporter? – It knew the forecast days.
  131. Why was the calendar a good photographer? – It knew the shoot days.
  132. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cocktail? – Date cocktail.
  133. Why did the calendar become a comedian? – Because it knew the comedy nights.
  134. Why was the calendar a good HR manager? – It knew the interview days.
  135. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of pie? – Date pie.
  136. Why did the calendar become a motivational speaker? – Because every day was a new motivation.
  137. Why was the calendar a good banker? – It knew the banking days.
  138. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of sushi roll? – Date sushi roll.
  139. Why did the calendar become a software developer? – Because it knew the code days.
  140. Why was the calendar a good fashion model? – It knew the fashion weeks.
  141. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cereal? – Date cereal.
  142. Why did the calendar become a movie critic? – It knew the release dates.
  143. Why was the calendar a good fitness coach? – It knew the workout days.
  144. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of yogurt? – Date yogurt.
  145. Why did the calendar become a real estate agent? – Because it knew the open house days.
  146. Why was the calendar a good event organizer? – It knew the event days.
  147. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of cheese? – Date cheese.
  148. Why did the calendar become a film director? – It knew the premier dates.
  149. Why was the calendar a good musician? – It knew the concert days.
  150. What’s a calendar’s favorite type of milk? – Date milk.

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