148 bruce lee jokes

1. Why did Bruce Lee never use a blender? Because he was a master of the chop!
2. Why does Bruce Lee never lose at poker? Because he always has a killer hand.
3. Why does Bruce Lee never play hide and seek? Because no one dares to find him.
4. What did Bruce Lee order at the sushi restaurant? Kung Fu-roll.
5. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee use elevator? Because he doesn’t want any lift in his kicks.
6. What did Bruce Lee say when he met the Yeti? “You look abominable, but I’m the snowman’s worst nightmare.”
7. How does Bruce Lee make an omelet? First, he cracks the eggs… then the pan.
8. Why does Bruce Lee always win at chess? Because he’s a grandmaster of every move.
9. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee use a vacuum cleaner? Because he doesn’t need to suck up to dirt.
10. What did Bruce Lee say when he got a perfect score in golf? “I guess you could say it was a hole-in-won.”
11. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite fruit? The punchline.
12. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get a parking ticket? Because nobody gives a ticket to the guy who can kick the meter off.
13. Why did Bruce Lee never participate in marathons? Because the race would always be over before it started.
14. Why is Bruce Lee a bad roommate? Because he keeps breaking the furniture practicing his moves.
15. How does Bruce Lee like his coffee? Strong and grounded.
16. Why did Bruce Lee get kicked out of pottery class? Because every time he touched the clay, it turned into a sculpture of him kicking.
17. Why does Bruce Lee never play soccer? Because every time he kicks, the ball doesn’t come back.
18. Why did Bruce Lee never use a lawn mower? Because he could scare the grass into cutting itself.
19. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite type of music? Heavy hit.
20. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever play baseball? Because whenever he hit the ball, it was never found.
21. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get sunburnt? Because the sun was too scared to burn him.
22. Why did Bruce Lee start a bakery? So he could finally roll with the punches.
23. Why was Bruce Lee bad at gardening? Because plants kept playing dead.
24. How did Bruce Lee invent a new dance? He slipped on a banana peel and made it look good.
25. What happened when Bruce Lee tried to write a book? The pen broke out of fear.
26. Why does Bruce Lee never need a compass? Because he always knows where the punch is coming from.
27. Why does Bruce Lee never miss a high-five? Because he’s always on point.
28. What did Bruce Lee say when he became a DJ? “I’m about to break some beats.”
29. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee need a mirror? Because no reflection could match his speed.
30. Why is Bruce Lee’s laundry always clean? Because dirt wouldn’t dare stick to him.
31. Why did Bruce Lee become a barber? He’s great with chops.
32. How did Bruce Lee respond when he was asked to join a band? “I’m more into solo performances.”
33. What did the calendar say to Bruce Lee? “I’m afraid of your days.”
34. Why does Bruce Lee never play basketball? Because the ball keeps exploding.
35. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite meal? Anything, as long as it comes with a side of punch.
36. What did Bruce Lee say to the boxing glove? “You’re too soft.”
37. Why did Bruce Lee never need to set an alarm? Because he would wake up before the alarm dared to ring.
38. Why didn’t Bruce Lee need a watch? Because time always stood still for him.
39. Why did Bruce Lee open a bakery? Because he kneaded the dough.
40. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite movie genre? Action, no suspense needed.
41. Why is Bruce Lee terrible at origami? Because the paper always unfolds in fear.
42. Why did Bruce Lee start a vineyard? He heard about the punch in the wine.
43. What did Bruce Lee say when he went ice fishing? “This is my kind of kick ice event.”
44. Why did Bruce Lee refuse to play billiards? Because the balls kept bursting.
45. What do you call Bruce Lee when he’s cooking? Chef chop suey.
46. Why did Bruce Lee never lose at tic-tac-toe? Because he always struck first.
47. Why does Bruce Lee never need a map? Because he never loses his way.
48. Why did Bruce Lee start his own orchestra? He wanted to conduct the beatings.
49. What did the punching bag say to Bruce Lee? “I’m at your disposal.”
50. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee need a weather forecast? Because he knows when the hurricane punch is coming.

Alright, halfway there!

Let’s keep going:

51. What did Bruce Lee say when he entered the boxing ring? “The punchline is here.”
52. Why did Bruce Lee never need a bodyguard? Because danger needed protection from him.
53. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee play cards? Because he’s already dealt with enough.
54. Why does Bruce Lee always win at Jenga? Because the blocks don’t dare to tumble.
55. Why did Bruce Lee refuse to work as a blacksmith? He was too good at forging.
56. Why did Bruce Lee start a demolition company? Because he wanted to show buildings how to fall.
57. What did the apple say to Bruce Lee? “Please, no more punches!”
58. Why did Bruce Lee never join the circus? Because he didn’t want to clown around.
59. Why didn’t Bruce Lee need a parachute while skydiving? Because the ground was too scared to hit him.
60. What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite type of math? Kick-onometry.
61. Why did Bruce Lee never go fishing? Because the fish jumped out of the water when they saw him.
62. What did Bruce Lee say when he became a professor? “My classes are hit or miss.”
63. What did the watermelon say to Bruce Lee? “Please, no karate chops!”
64. Why did Bruce Lee never play cricket? Because the balls were too afraid to be hit.
65. Why did Bruce Lee start a construction company? He was the best at breaking ground.
66. Why did Bruce Lee become a motivational speaker? Because he knew how to strike a chord.
67. What did Bruce Lee say when he started an energy drink company? “Prepare for a kickstart.”
68. Why did Bruce Lee never work as a lifeguard? Because the water was too scared to drown anyone.
69. Why did Bruce Lee never play in a marching band? Because he’d break the beat.
70. Why did Bruce Lee never join an orchestra? Because he always played solo.
71. Why does Bruce Lee never use a stapler? Because he’s the one who keeps things together.
72. Why did Bruce Lee start a recycling company? He was great at breaking down.
73. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a pest control business? “They’ll bug out when theysee me.”
74. Why did Bruce Lee never use a treadmill? Because it couldn’t keep up with him.
75. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee use a hammer? Because he is the impact.
76. What did Bruce Lee say when he became a pizza chef? “Prepare for a slice of action!”
77. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee use a metronome? Because he’s always on beat.
78. Why didn’t Bruce Lee join a choir? Because he preferred solo performances.
79. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee need an oven? Because he’s already too hot to handle.
80. Why did Bruce Lee refuse to be a librarian? He was too loud for the books.
81. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee need a GPS? Because he always finds his way.
82. What did Bruce Lee say when he went skydiving? “Let’s kick the sky!”
83. Why did Bruce Lee never become a tailor? He was too good at ripping things apart.
84. Why doesn’t Bruce Lee play video games? Because no game can handle his moves.
85. Why didn’t Bruce Lee become a journalist? He was too good at breaking news.
86. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get a paper cut? Because the paper was too scared to cut him.
87. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a watch company? “It’s time for action.”
88. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get stuck in traffic? Because traffic would clear a path for him.
89. Why did Bruce Lee never become a painter? His strokes were too powerful for the canvas.
90. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a candle company? “Let’s light up the action.”
91. Why did Bruce Lee never become a florist? Because flowers wilted at his sight.
92. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get tired? Because fatigue was too scared to approach him.
93. Why did Bruce Lee never become a waiter? He served the punches instead.
94. Why did Bruce Lee never become a weatherman? He was the storm.
95. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a headphone company? “Let’s amplify the action.”
96. Why did Bruce Lee never become a dentist? He knew too much about knockout punches.
97. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get lost in a forest? Because the trees would part for him.
98. Why did Bruce Lee never play football? The ball was too scared to be kicked.
99. Why did Bruce Lee never work in a zoo? Because the animals were too scared to be tamed.
100. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a shoe company? “Let’s kickstart the action.”

Final 50!

101. Why did Bruce Lee never work in a bakery? He was too hot for the oven.
102. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever wear sunglasses? Because the sun was too scared to shine in his eyes.
103. Why did Bruce Lee never become a teacher? Because he believed in learning through action.
104. Why did Bruce Lee never become a butcher? He was already good with chops.
105. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever ride a bike? Because he was faster on foot.
106. Why did Bruce Lee never work as a fireman? Because fire was too scared to burn around him.
107. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a film company? “Let’s roll the action.”
108. Why did Bruce Lee never become a gardener? Because weeds were too scared to grow around him.
109. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever ride a roller coaster? He was the thrill.
110. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a camera company? “Let’s capture the action.”
111. Why did Bruce Lee never become an architect? Because buildings feared his blueprints.
112. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever get a pet? Because they were too scared to play fetch.
113. Why did Bruce Lee never become a bartender? He was already a master of punch.
114. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever play the stock market? He didn’t believe in taking hits.
115. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a toy company? “Let’s play the action.”
116. Why did Bruce Lee never become a psychologist? Because he knew the fear in everyone’s mind.
117. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever join the Olympics? He didn’t believe in competition.
118. Why did Bruce Lee never become a chef? Because his stir-fry was too hot to handle.
119. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever play ping pong? Because the ball was too scared to return.
120. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a tech company? “Let’s innovate the action.”
121. Why did Bruce Lee never become a fashion designer? He didn’t believe in making soft punches.
122. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever play ice hockey? Because the ice was too scared to be skated on.
123. Why did Bruce Lee never become a car mechanic? He was already a well-oiled machine.
124. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever join the navy? He was already a wave of action.
125. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a coffee company? “Let’s brew the action.”
126. Why did Bruce Lee never become a lawyer? He didn’t believe in defensive tactics.
127. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever play rugby? Because the ball was too scared to be passed.
128. Why did Bruce Lee never become a singer? His voice was already a hit.
129. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever become a salesman? He didn’t believe in pitching.
130. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a beer company? “Let’s pour the action.”
131. Why did Bruce Lee never become a diplomat? He didn’t believe in soft power.
132. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever become a poet? He was already a master of punchlines.
133. Why did Bruce Lee never become a mailman? He was already good at delivering.
134. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever take a nap? Because sleep was too scared to approach him.
135. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a perfume company? “Let’s scent the action.”
136. Why did Bruce Lee never become a programmer? He was already good at breaking codes.
137. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever play tennis? Because the ball was too scared to be served.
138. Why did Bruce Lee never become an astronaut? Space was scared of his moves.
139. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever become a magician? He was already a master of tricks.
140. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a soft drink company? “Let’s fizz the action.”
141. Why did Bruce Lee never become a farmer? He was too good at reaping.
142. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever become a mathematician? He already knew the formula for action.
143. Why did Bruce Lee never become a sculptor? His punches were already a work of art.
144. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever become an engineer? He was already good at breaking systems.
145. What did Bruce Lee say when he started a winery? “Let’s bottle the action.”
146. Why did Bruce Lee never become a carpenter? He was already good at nailing it.
147. Why didn’t Bruce Lee ever become a DJ? He already had the hit records.
148. Why did Bruce Lee never become a watchmaker? Time was already in his hands.