tuba jokes
Why did the tuba player get locked out of his house?
Because he couldn’t find the right key.
Why did the tuba break up with the guitar?
Because it was tired of being strung along!
Why don’t tubas ever win races?
They always come in last because they can’t handle the brass.
How can you tell when a tuba player is at your front door?
They can’t find the key and they don’t know when to come in.
Why did the tuba go to therapy?
It had too many brass issues.
How do you tune two tubas?
Shoot one.
What’s a tuba’s favorite type of math?
Low-gebra.
What’s a tuba’s favorite meal?
Brass-fast.
How do you get a tuba to sound like a French horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and miss lots of notes.
Why are tuba jokes so hard to come up with?
Because they’re always so low.
What do you call a tuba quartet?
A good start!
Why did the tuba player refuse to play?
He didn’t want to blow his own horn.
Why did the tuba bring a ladder to the concert?
Because it wanted to reach the high notes!
What did the tuba say to the trombone? “You slide, I’ll drive.”
How do you make a tuba sound beautiful?
Sell it and buy a violin.
Why did the tuba player sit on his instrument?
He wanted to play some bottom notes.
Why was the tuba player a bad gardener?
Because all he could grow was brass.
What’s the difference between a tuba and a chainsaw?
You can tune a chainsaw.
What do you call a tuba that doesn’t work?
A tuba or not tuba.
How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five.
One to change the bulb and four to complain how much better the old one was.
What’s the tuba’s favorite type of exercise?
Low aerobics.
Why don’t tubas like to play hide and seek?
They always get found due to their brass.
Why did the tuba get promoted?
It was always taking the lead.
Why did the musician bring a tuba to the fishing trip?
Because he wanted to catch some bass!
What did the orchestra conductor say to the tuba player? “Blow it, not throw it!”
Why did the tuba go to jail?
Because it played in a ‘brass’ knuckle brawl!
What’s the tuba’s favorite type of movie?
Anything but high-pitched drama!
Why did the tuba go to the gym?
It wanted to pump up the bass.
What do you call a tuba with a detective hat?
Sherlock Horns.
Why don’t tubas ever get lost?
Because you can always track their brass.
What do you call a tuba player with a pager?
An optimist.
Why don’t tubas go to the beach?
They don’t want to tarnish their shine.
How do you make a tuba stop playing?
Take away its sheet music.
What’s the difference between a tuba and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Why did the tuba join the orchestra?
It wanted to be in the brass band.
Why did the tuba player lose at poker?
Because he always had a high brass risk!
How does a tuba player turn off the light after bedtime?
He blows it out.
Why did the tuba player get a parking ticket?
He left his instrument in a “No Blowing Zone”.
Why don’t tubas make good secret agents?
They always blow their cover.
Why do tuba players make bad detectives?
They always miss the clues because they’re too low.
Why do tuba players prefer elastic pants?
They always need room to blow.
Why did the tuba cross the road?
To join the brass band on the other side!
What’s a tuba player’s favorite sport?
Bass-ketball.
Why did the tuba player get into the bakery business?
He wanted to make some dough blowing his horn.
Why did the tuba bring a map to the concert?
It needed to find the right key!
Why was the tuba player always in trouble?
Because he was always brassing off the conductor.
Why did the tuba player bring a sunshade to the concert?
He wanted to avoid getting a sunburn while blowing hot air!
Why did the tuba go to the party?
It heard there was going to be lots of brass.
How do tuba players prefer their eggs?
Over-blow.
What do you call a tuba stepping on a landmine?
Bass boom!
What did the frustrated band director say to the tuba player? “You’re all brass and no class!”
Why do tuba players love winter?
Because their breath finally becomes visible!
Why did the tuba stop in the middle of the concert?
It ran out of breath!
Why did the tuba player become a politician?
He was great at blowing his own trumpet!
How do you get a tuba player off your porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Why did the tuba player never get homesick?
He always had his brass with him.
Why was the tuba player a bad baseball player?
He always blew the game.
Why did the tuba player make a bad chef?
He always blew his soups too cold!
What does a tuba player do when he’s not playing his instrument?
He takes a rest.
Why did the tuba player join the circus?
He wanted to be part of the brass band.
Why did the tuba player go to music school?
He wanted to brush up on his scales.
What do you call a tuba player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Why did the tuba get in trouble at school?
It couldn’t stop passing notes.
Why did the tuba refuse to play at the jazz club?
It didn’t want to lower the tone.
How do you fix a broken tuba?
With a tuba glue!
Why did the tuba player get kicked out of the library?
He was blowing his own horn too loudly.
Why did the tuba apply for the job?
He heard it came with lots of brass benefits.
What did the tuba say to the bully? “Don’t push me, I’ve got the brass!”
Why did the tuba break up with the trumpet?
It was tired of the trumpet always playing the high notes.
Why did the tuba never lose at chess?
Because it always played the right moves on the board, like in the band.
What do you call a tuba that plays only sad songs?
A blues tuba.
Why did the tuba player always carry a pencil?
He wanted to be ready to draw the line at too much practice.
Why was the tuba player a good businessperson?
He knew how to blow up sales!
Why did the tuba get a job at the bakery?
It was good at rolling out the dough.
What do you call a group of tubas playing together?
A brass band.
Why did the tuba join the military?
He wanted to be in the brass band.
Why was the tuba always the last one to leave the party?
It liked to blow the roof off.
What’s a tuba’s favorite type of clothing?
Anything with brass buttons.
Why did the tuba player bring his instrument to the zoo?
He heard the elephants love brass music!
What did the tuba say to the shy violin? “Come on, don’t string me along!”
Why did the tuba player bring his instrument to the football game?
He wanted to support the team by blowing his horn!
What do you call a tuba that can’t play any songs?
A tuba toothpaste.
Why did the tuba refuse to marry the trumpet?
It didn’t want a loud-mouthed partner.
Why did the tuba join a heavy metal band?
It wanted to be hardcore.
Why did the tuba player bring his instrument to the restaurant?
He wanted to play for his supper!
Why do tuba players always carry a map?
So they don’t blow off course!
Why did the tuba player decide to become a librarian?
He wanted to spend more time around compositions.
Why did the tuba get a job at the brewery?
It wanted to be in the brasserie.
Why don’t tubas make good comedians?
Their jokes are always flat!
What do you call a tuba who loves to dance?
A tuba-lar dancer.
Why did the tuba go to the amusement park?
It wanted to blow off some steam!
Why did the tuba player get kicked out of the marching band?
He kept blowing his steps.
Why did the tuba break up with the piano?
It couldn’t handle the key changes.
Why did the tuba player become a mathematician?
He had a knack for figuring out scales.
What do you call a tuba player who is a good cook?
A culinary composer.
Why did the tuba player lose his job as a traffic cop?
He couldn’t stop blowing his whistle.
Why did the tuba go to music school?
It wanted to learn the scales.
What did the tuba say to its old love? “I’m brass-ing you.”
What do you call a tuba player’s instrument when it gets stolen?
A crime of treble proportions.
Why did the tuba player go to jail?
He got caught in a brass knuckles fight.
Why did the tuba player become a baker?
He loved making roll notes.
Why was the tuba player kicked out of the fruit market?
He was caught squashing the grapes.
What’s a tuba’s favorite part of a tree?
The brass bark.
Why don’t tubas like popcorn?
They can’t handle the pops.
Why did the tuba player refuse to play in the orchestra?
He didn’t want to face the music.
What do you call a tuba on a spaceship?
A bass-tronaut.
Why did the tuba player become a firefighter?
He was good at blowing out fires!
What’s a tuba’s favorite element?
Brass-lium.
What did the tuba say to the wall? “Stop barring my way!”
What do you call a tuba player who always plays out of tune?
A bass-ic musician.
Why did the tuba player bring a clock to the concert?
He didn’t want to miss a beat.
What’s a tuba’s favorite fish?
Bass.
Why did the tuba player become a lifeguard?
He wanted to save lives with his bass.
What did the tuba say to the trombone? “Stop sliding around!”
Why don’t tubas play hide and seek?
They’re always spotted because of their shiny brass.
Why was the tuba always picked last in gym class?
It couldn’t handle the ball, just the bass.
What’s a tuba’s favorite flower?
The trumpet vine.
Why did the tuba player become a taxi driver?
He was good at picking up the tempo.
Why did the tuba get a job at the greenhouse?
It wanted to be a plant whisperer.
Why don’t tubas like to argue?
They prefer to blow off steam.
Why did the tuba player become a journalist?
He was good at hitting the high notes of the story.
Why did the tuba player become a magician?
He was good at puffing smoke!
What do you call a tuba who likes spicy food?
A hot brass band.
Why did the tuba player never tell a secret?
He was afraid he would blurt it out.
What’s a tuba’s favorite kind of tea?
Chai-Brass.
Why don’t tubas like elevators?
They’re afraid of the ups and downs.
Why did the tuba player fail his driving test?
He couldn’t handle the horn.
What do you call a tuba in a china shop?
A brass bull!
What’s a tuba’s favorite animal?
The elephant – they both have big trunks!
Why did the tuba player become a sailor?
He wanted to make waves with his music.
Why did the tuba player join a yoga class?
He wanted to improve his breath control.
Why did the tuba go to the opera?
It wanted to hear some high notes for a change.
What do you call a tuba at the North Pole?
A cool brass.
Why did the tuba refuse to play with the orchestra?
It didn’t want to brass up the wrong tree.
What’s a tuba’s favorite type of music?
Bass-ically anything with a good beat!
Why did the tuba player bring his instrument to the playground?
He wanted to swing to the rhythm.
Why did the tuba player become an astronaut?
He wanted to play among the stars.
Why don’t tubas play chess?
They’re always in check!
Why did the tuba player quit the football team?
He couldn’t handle the pass, only the bass.
What do you call a tuba player who can play really fast?
A bass blaster.
Why did the tuba player bring his instrument to the airport?
He wanted to blow jet streams.
Why did the tuba go to the construction site?
It wanted to be a heavy metal worker.
What’s a tuba’s favorite book?
War and Peace – they love a good bass-ttle!
Why did the tuba player join the archeology team?
He wanted to dig the sound of the past.