64 notre dame jokes

  1. hy don’t they have ice at Notre Dame? The guy with the recipe graduated.
  2. Why did the Notre Dame football team go to the bakery? Because they knead a good roll.
  3. How do you stop a Notre Dame fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Michigan gear.
  4. What do Notre Dame fans use for birth control? Their personalities.
  5. Why did the Notre Dame grad get kicked out of the all-you-can-eat buffet? He kept trying to put a fourth down.
  6. What do you call a Notre Dame football player with a championship ring? A thief.
  7. Why was the Notre Dame library book on ‘The Art of Winning’ never opened? Because it’s a hardcover.
  8. Why are Notre Dame jokes getting harder to come up with? Because the players keep stealing the punchlines.
  9. How many Notre Dame students does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but they get three credits for it.
  10. Why did the Notre Dame quarterback bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
  11. What’s the difference between Notre Dame fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  12. What do you call 20 Notre Dame fans at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
  13. How does a Notre Dame fan change a light bulb? He doesn’t. He just talks about how good the old one was.
  14. What does a Notre Dame fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  15. How do you confuse a Notre Dame student? Give them a set of stairs that goes in a circle.
  16. Why did the Notre Dame grad cross the road? Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
  17. Why did Notre Dame adopt artificial turf? To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.
  18. What do you call a Notre Dame football player with an IQ of 130? A team.
  19. Why do Notre Dame fans pour their cereal on a plate? Because the box said “Dinner for two.”
  20. Why don’t Notre Dame fans use bookmarks? Because the sports page doesn’t take that long to read.
  21. Why did the Notre Dame fan stare at the can of orange juice? Because it said “concentrate.”
  22. Why do Notre Dame students have TGIF on their shoes? To remind them that “Toes Go In First.”
  23. How can you tell when a Notre Dame fan is watching a rerun? He gets excited and thinks they might win this time.
  24. Why did the Notre Dame football team go to the library? Because they heard they could get some points there.
  25. How many Notre Dame fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. That’s a skilled job.
  26. Why did the Notre Dame player sit on the sideline with a bucket? Because the coach said it was his turn to hold the bucket.
  27. What does a Notre Dame grad call a Michigan grad? Boss.
  28. What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple of Notre Dame games.
  29. How do you make a Notre Dame fan’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.
  30. Why do Notre Dame students have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First.
  31. Why don’t Notre Dame players drink tea? Because the Hail Mary is too hot for them.
  32. Why did the Notre Dame football team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good “roll” model.
  33. What do you call a Notre Dame fan in a suit? The defendant.
  34. Why don’t they serve ice in drinks at Notre Dame games? The student who knew the recipe graduated.
  35. Why did the Notre Dame student bring a ladder to school? Because he was going for high marks.
  36. What do you call a good looking girl on the Notre Dame campus? A visitor.
  37. Why do Notre Dame students have such clean hands? Because they wash them after every loss.
  38. Why do Notre Dame fans bring a map to the stadium? They keep losing their seats.
  39. Why did the Notre Dame player bring his girlfriend to the game? Because he needed someone to explain it to him.
  40. Why was the Notre Dame football player feeling blue? Because he couldn’t figure out how to tie his cleats.
  41. Why did the Notre Dame coach go to the bank? He wanted to get his quarterback.
  42. How do you get a Notre Dame fan to stop barking in the yard? Move the trash cans to another part of the yard.
  43. Why don’t Notre Dame players use salt? Because they can’t pour it out of the shaker.
  44. Why did the Notre Dame player marry his wife? Because she can count higher than he can.
  45. Why don’t they teach Driver’s Education and Sex Education on the same day at Notre Dame? It’s too hard on the mule.
  46. Why did the Notre Dame fan climb the chain link fence? To see what was on the other side.
  47. Why did the Notre Dame student go to jail? Because he tried to pass himself off as an athlete.
  48. What do you call a Notre Dame football player that can catch? A novelty.
  49. Why do Notre Dame students stick their diplomas on the dashboard? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  50. What do you call a Notre Dame player in the SEC? A water boy.
  51. Why did the Notre Dame quarterback go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw a good play.
  52. Why was the Notre Dame football team at the bowling alley? Because they heard the pins were defenseless.
  53. Why did the Notre Dame fan go to the amusement park? He heard the roller coaster goes up and down more than his team’s ranking.
  54. Why did the Notre Dame team visit the dairy farm? They wanted to know what a real turnover looks like.
  55. Why do Notre Dame fans whistle sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end to wipe.
  56. What’s the difference between Notre Dame and Cheerios? Cheerios belong in a “bowl.”
  57. Why do the police never play against Notre Dame? They’re afraid the Notre Dame players will steal their sirens.
  58. Why do Notre Dame fans never get coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
  59. What do you call a Notre Dame fan in a spelling bee? A spectator.
  60. Why don’t Notre Dame football players sink in quicksand? Because they’re always on top of their game, even if they’re underperforming.
  61. Why did the Notre Dame student bring a tape measure to the football game? Because he wanted to measure the players’ “inches per minute.”
  62. What’s the difference between Notre Dame and a teabag? The teabag stays in the cup longer.
  63. Why are Notre Dame jokes getting harder to make? Because the players keep taking the punchline.
  64. Why did the Notre Dame fan keep checking his watch? He was still waiting for the team’s first win.

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