144 machinist jokes

Why did the machinist go broke? Because he kept turning down work.
Why did the drill press break up with the lathe? They just couldn’t see eye to eye-level.
Why did the machinist take a nap at work? He wanted to rest his drill bits.
What’s a machinist’s favorite band? AC/DC, because they’re all about the current and the resistance!
Why don’t machinists make good politicians? They always cut corners!
Why did the machinist go to therapy? He was too attached to his attachments!
Why did the machinist refuse to play chess? He was sick of check mates.
Why did the miller get in trouble at the machinist meeting? He always needs to have the last grind.
What’s a machinist’s favorite vegetable? A turn-ip.
How does a machinist stay in shape? He runs a lathe every day.
Why was the machinist always late to work? He was always milling around.
What’s a machinist’s favorite movie? “Full Metal Jacket” because they love all that drilling!
How does a machinist stop a charging bull? He uses a lathe-dropper.
Why don’t machinists like playing cards? They are always dealing with a full deck.
Why did the machinist break up with his girlfriend? She was too high maintenance.
Why did the machinist go to the music concert? To hear some heavy metal!
Why was the machinist never lonely? He always had plenty of company on the bench.
What’s a machinist’s favorite dance move? The twist drill.
How does a machinist make a bolt action? He screws it up!
What did the machinist say to his tired machine? You look a bit off-center!
Why are machinists bad at hide and seek? They’re always spotted.
What did the machinist say to his noisy machine? Stop making a racket, you’re driving me nuts and bolts!
Why did the machinist get kicked out of the library? He wouldn’t stop grinding his gears!
How did the machinist compliment his machine? You’re looking sharp!
Why did the machinist bring a ruler to the bar? To check if the beer was up to scale!
Why are machinists always well-dressed? They have a sense of style-tool.
Why did the machinist get a ticket? He didn’t come to a complete stop!
How does a machinist cheer up his friend? He says, “Just take it one bit at a time!”
Why are machinists always so precise? They can’t bear to part off!
Why did the machinist quit his job at the bakery? Too much rolling and not enough cutting.
Why do machinists make terrible comedians? Their punchlines are too precise!
Why do machinists have a hard time making friends? They always want to cut to the chase.
Why do machinists hate playing pool? Too many unnecessary angles.
Why was the machinist always in shape? His job was a constant grind.
What’s a machinist’s favorite book? The Great Gatsby, because of all the turning points.
Why did the machinist go to the beach? He heard there were some great surfacing techniques.
Why did the machinist break up with his girlfriend? She was too controlling.
Why are machinists always prepared for winter? They always have their coats on.
Why do machinists always carry a notebook? They hate to lose their feed and speed.
Why are machinists so good at drawing? They’ve got a knack for sketching blueprints.
Why did the machinist become a farmer? He had a passion for harvesting tools.
How does a machinist take his coffee? With a shot of coolant!
Why did the machinist get into trouble at the art museum? He tried to grind the sculptures!
What did the machinist do on his day off? He took a spin on his lathe.
Why did the machinist bring a micrometer to the poker game? He wanted to measure his risks.
Why was the machinist thrown out of the casino? He tried to mill the roulette wheel.
Why don’t machinists like soccer? Too much kicking, not enough cutting.
Why did the machinist become a gardener? He loved to root out problems.
Why was the machinist a bad babysitter? He wouldn’t stop working on his crib notes.
Why did the machinist get a new dog? He wanted a bark that was worse than his bite.
How did the machinist console his friend? He said, “There’s no use crying over spilt coolant!”
Why did the machinist become a lifeguard? He was great at making waves!
How does a machinist make breakfast? He takes it one egg at a time.
Why was the machinist banned from the zoo? He tried to straighten out the monkeys’ wrenches!
Why was the machinist always cold at work? His station was full of fans.
How does a machinist propose? With a diamond cutter!
Why did the machinist open a restaurant? He had a great recipe for success!
How does a machinist start his day? With a daily grind.
Why was the machinist always losing at poker? His hands were too visible!
Why did the machinist go to a nightclub? He heard there were lots of singles on the turntables.
Why do machinists always win at chess? They’re always thinking several moves ahead.
Why did the machinist become a librarian? He loved the quiet grinding of pages.
Why did the machinist break his mirror? He wanted seven years of bad luck to balance out the good!
Why was the machinist a terrible golfer? His swing was too mechanical.
How does a machinist keep his hair so tidy? He uses a parting tool!
Why did the machinist go to the amusement park? He wanted to test the roller coaster’s bearings!
Why are machinists great detectives? They’re always looking for the root of the problem.
Why did the machinist become a baker? He wanted to knead the dough instead of cutting it.
How does a machinist express his love? He carves it in metal.
Why was the machinist never surprised? He was always in the loop.
How do machinists handle stress? They turn it into something beautiful.
Why did the machinist join the choir? He wanted to be part of the ensemble.
Why do machinists love playing tic-tac-toe? They’re experts at making crosses.
Why did the machinist become a meteorologist? He loved measuring atmospheric pressure.
What’s a machinist’s favorite song? “We Will Rock You!” Because they really do!
How does a machinist enjoy his day off? He simply takes it for a spin.
What did the machinist say when he finished his masterpiece? “It’s riveting!”
Why did the machinist visit the tailor? He needed a new set of threads!
How did the machinist win the marathon? He kept his pace on the treadmill.
Why did the machinist become an architect? He wanted to design his own tools.
Why did the machinist love Halloween? He could always make the best costumes.
Why was the machinist always the last to leave the party? He had to make sure all his screws were in place.
How do machinists make decisions? They weigh their options on a balance.
Why did the machinist go to the desert? He wanted to learn more about sand casting.
What did the machinist say when he discovered a new alloy? “It’s a steel!”
Why did the machinist become a tour guide? He loved showing off his workshop.
Why did the machinist become a chef? He knew he could cut it.
Why was the machinist a good swimmer? He was used to going with the flow.
Why did the machinist become a poet? He loved finding the rhythm in everything.
Why did the machinist go on a diet? He wanted to reduce his waist.
Why did the machinist never get bored? His work always had a twist.
Why did the machinist become a pirate? He wanted a life full of nuts and bolts.
How do machinists deal with tough times? They face it head on!
Why was the machinist a great friend? He was always there to support you.
Why did the machinist always wear glasses? He wanted to see every detail.
Why did the machinist bring a protractor to the football game? He wanted to measure the angles of the field goals.
Why did the machinist get an aquarium? He loved the sound of the bubbles.
Why did the machinist love summer? It was the perfect time for turning up the heat.
Why did the machinist join the army? He wanted to learn about firearms.
Why did the machinist go to space? He wanted to see if there were any screws loose on the spaceship!
How did the machinist start his day? With a bit of drilling and a whole lot of coffee!
Why did the machinist take up yoga? He heard it helps with flexibility.
Why did the machinist enjoy painting? Because it’s all about strokes and lines.
Why did the machinist become a teacher? He loved shaping young minds.
How does a machinist enjoy his evening? He winds down with a good book.
Why did the machinist join the circus? He was a master of juggling tasks.
Why did the machinist go fishing? He heard it was a great way to unwind.
Why did the machinist become a philosopher? He enjoyed pondering life’s great depths.
How does a machinist handle pressure? He keeps his cool and stays on target.
Why did the machinist become a sailor? He was drawn to the waves.
Why did the machinist enjoy gardening? He liked watching things grow from scratch.
How did the machinist celebrate his birthday? He threw a wrench into his normal routine!
Why did the machinist join a book club? He loved cutting through complex plots.
Why did the machinist take up sculpting? He loved the feeling of shaping something with his hands.
Why did the machinist become a firefighter? He wanted to cool things down for a change.
Why did the machinist enjoy bird watching? He loved observing the mechanics of flight.
Why did the machinist become a magician? He loved pulling tricks out of his hat!
Why did the machinist start baking? He wanted to add a little sweetness to his life.
How does a machinist get a promotion? He works his way up the lathe-er!
Why did the machinist become a car mechanic? He had a passion for tuning things.
How did the machinist like his pizza? With extra cheese and a side of gear oil.
Why did the machinist move to the countryside? He was fed up with the city grind.
How does a machinist celebrate the end of a project? He throws a party in the workshop.
Why did the machinist become a dog trainer? He liked tightening the leash.
Why did the machinist become a comedian? He loved to screw around with people’s expectations.
Why did the machinist become a writer? He wanted to craft stories instead of parts.
Why did the machinist become a pilot? He loved the idea of being on auto-pilot.
Why did the machinist become a tailor? He liked the idea of cutting to fit.
How does a machinist handle heartbreak? He mends his heart with a soldering iron.
Why did the machinist become a mountaineer? He liked reaching new peaks.
Why did the machinist become a race car driver? He liked the thrill of the fast lane.
Why did the machinist become a rock climber? He was good at finding holds.
Why did the machinist become a bartender? He was tired of making chips and wanted to make cocktails.
Why did the machinist become a plumber? He knew a thing or two about pipes.
Why did the machinist become a coach? He knew how to make the best out of every team.
Why did the machinist start meditating? He needed to clear his mind of shavings.
Why did the machinist become an astronomer? He wanted to explore the mysteries of the universe.
Why did the machinist become a photographer? He loved capturing precise moments.
How does a machinist show his anger? He starts throwing wrenches.
Why did the machinist become a jeweler? He knew how to handle precious materials.
Why did the machinist become a skydiver? He loved the adrenaline rush.
Why did the machinist become a DJ? He loved turning tables and making people dance.
Why did the machinist join a chess club? He liked strategizing moves ahead of time.
Why did the machinist become a gardener? He loved planting ideas and seeing them grow.

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