57+ london jokes

  1. Why don’t they play hide and seek in London? Because good luck hiding when Big Ben’s chimes go off!
  2. What’s the Queen’s favourite game? London bridge is falling down!
  3. Why did the American tourist carry a tea bag? He heard London was famous for its tea!
  4. What do you call an angry Londoner? Teed off!
  5. Why do Londoners have a funny accent? Because they keep dropping their teas!
  6. Why did Sherlock Holmes go to The London Eye? He needed a better perspective on his cases!
  7. Why did the Brit start his diet at London Bridge? He heard it was falling down and didn’t want the same for his weight!
  8. How does the Queen order her steak? Well, done, of course!
  9. Why did the Londoner carry an umbrella even on a sunny day? He didn’t trust the weather forecast!
  10. How does James Bond start a race? “Ready, steady, Martini shaken, not stirred!”
  11. Why was the sandwich a great London tour guide? It knew all the best rolls!
  12. What’s a vampire’s favourite part of London? The neck-er Thames!
  13. Why are London buses red? You’d be red too if you had to run all day!
  14. Why don’t Londoners tell secrets on the Tube? Because the walls have ears… and CCTVs!
  15. Why do people say you should take everything with a pinch of salt at Buckingham Palace? Because the royal guards can’t react!
  16. Why did the Londoner bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
  17. What do you call a witch who lives in London? Brooming-dale!
  18. Why was the cat sitting on a computer in London? He wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!
  19. Why do birds fly over London with their beaks open? They want to catch the English accent!
  20. Why did the Londoner bring a map to the bar? Because he heard there was a lot of draft!
  21. What do you call a cat that was caught by the London police? A purr-petrator!
  22. What do Londoners call a sunburn? A British summer!
  23. Why was Big Ben nervous? It had to go tick-tock in front of everyone!
  24. Why are Londoners good at chess? Because they have a queen who never dies!
  25. What’s Big Ben’s favourite time? When it’s time for a break!
  26. Why was the London baker rich? His dough was always rising!
  27. Why did the Londoner refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? Because he suspected it was a cheet-ah!
  28. Why are London dogs great musicians? They’ve perfected the bark-tone!
  29. What do you call a musical insect in London? A humm-Bee-thoven!
  30. Why do Londoners make terrible gardeners? They keep planting scones hoping to grow a bakery!
  31. Why was the London computer cold? It left its Windows open!
  32. What’s the most curious place in London? The question (Que) at the British Museum!
  33. Why did the Londoner keep his trumpet in the freezer? He wanted to play cool music!
  34. What do you call a teddy bear who got lost in London? A where bear!
  35. Why are London birds so well-behaved? They always tweet in a proper manner!
  36. Why did the London football team go to the bakery? Because they needed a good “roll” model!
  37. Why did the ghost apply for a job at the London theatre? He heard they needed more “spirit”!
  38. Why did the Londoner get a job at the bakery? Because he kneaded the dough!
  39. What do you call a fish that knows all the streets of London? A tour-gilled guide!
  40. Why don’t London spiders get caught in their own webs? Because they know all the back-alleys!
  41. Why did the hipster refuse to swim in the Thames? It was too mainstream!
  42. What do you call a nervous knight at the Tower of London? Sir Trembles-a-lot!
  43. Why did the London pigeon go to therapy? It couldn’t get over the coo-l!
  44. What’s the most common owl in London? The tea-t-owl!
  45. Why was the Londoner studying in a vineyard? He had to pass a wine exam!
  46. What’s a Londoner’s favourite exercise? High tea!
  47. Why do London cats always win video games? Because they have nine lives!
  48. Why did the London tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  49. What do you call a Londoner who can play the piano and the drums? A Jack the Rip-piano-drums!
  50. Why did the Londoner bring his cat to school? Because he heard about the petting zoo!
  51. Why did the Londoner put his radio in the fridge? He wanted to hear some cool music!
  52. Why did the London ghost go into the pub? For the boos!
  53. Why do Londoners always carry an extra pair of trousers? In case they get a hole in one!
  54. Why do London comedians always carry a map? So they never run out of material!
  55. What’s the Londoner’s favourite type of homework? Shortbread problems!
  56. Why was the London teacher cross-eyed? She couldn’t control her pupils!
  57. Why did the London banker switch careers? He lost interest!
  58. Why do London dogs never get lost? Because every Londoner knows his bark-code!
  59. Why did the London cyclist get a parking ticket? He exceeded his cycle limit!
  60. What do you call an argument between London birds? A squabble!
  61. Why was the London belt arrested? It was holding up a pair of trousers!
  62. What do you call a Londoner who always takes the stairs? Step-hen!
  63. Why did the London chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  64. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of bean? Human beans!
  65. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of music? Brit-pop!
  66. Why do London spiders always know the latest news? They surf the web!
  67. Why did the London pepper turn red? Because it saw the salad undressing!
  68. Why did the Londoner bring his ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school!
  69. Why did the London chef go to jail? He was caught beating an egg!
  70. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise in London? Lmayo!
  71. Why was the London corn a great musician? It had great pop!
  72. Why did the Londoner put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets!
  73. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of joke? Puns and scones!
  74. Why don’t Londoners play football in the wild? Because of the cheetahs!
  75. Why did the Londoner become a gardener? He wanted to grow with the flow!
  76. Why did the London football team go to the bakery? To get a good roll model!
  77. What do you call a fish that knows all the streets of London? A tour-gilled guide!
  78. What do London cabs and pies have in common? They both have a crust and are full of surprises!
  79. Why did the London spider start a business? He wanted to make a website!
  80. Why was the London traffic light blushing? Because it saw the car’s gas tank!
  81. Why did the London lettuce win the race? Because it was a-head!
  82. Why did the Londoner tie his laptop to his wrist? He wanted a portable computer!
  83. Why don’t Londoners tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears!
  84. What do you call a cat that lives in London? A capital cat!
  85. Why was the London computer so tired? It had too many windows open!
  86. Why did the London tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  87. Why did the Londoner go to school? He wanted to become a smart-tea!
  88. Why did the London pizza maker go broke? He just couldn’t make enough dough!
  89. What do you call a wizard in London? A rain-king!
  90. Why did the Londoner bring a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school!
  91. Why was the London football pitch so hot? All the fans left!
  92. Why did the Londoner become a baker? He wanted to make a lot of dough!
  93. What do you call a Londoner who can play the piano and the drums? A Jack the Rip-piano-drums!
  94. Why did the Londoner put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
  95. Why do Londoners always carry an umbrella? Because it’s always reigning!
  96. What’s the most curious place in London? The question (Que) at the British Museum!
  97. Why do London spiders always know the latest news? They surf the web!
  98. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of music? Brit-pop!
  99. What do you call an angry Londoner? Teed off!
  100. Why don’t Londoners play football in the wild? Because of the cheetahs!
  101. Why did the Londoner tie his watch to his belt? He wanted a waist of time!
  102. What do you call a Londoner who never lies? Un-tea-lie-able!
  103. Why did the London cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
  104. Why don’t London ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits!
  105. Why did the London cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer too long!
  106. Why did the Londoner bring a cake to the football match? He wanted a sweet victory!
  107. What did the London traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing!
  108. Why did the London chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  109. Why did the London tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  110. Why did the Londoner put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
  111. Why don’t London spiders get caught in their own webs? They know all the back alleys!
  112. Why did the London belt go to jail? It was holding up a pair of trousers!
  113. Why do Londoners always carry an umbrella? Because it’s always reigning!
  114. Why did the London cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
  115. Why do London dogs never get lost? Every Londoner knows his bark-code!
  116. Why was the London corn a great musician? It had great pop!
  117. Why did the London chef go to jail? He was caught beating an egg!
  118. Why did the Londoner become a gardener? He wanted to grow with the flow!
  119. Why did the London football team go to the bakery? To get a good roll model!
  120. Why did the London cyclist get a parking ticket? He exceeded his cycle limit!
  121. What do you call a musical insect in London? A humm-Bee-thoven!
  122. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of bean? Human beans!
  123. Why did the London pepper turn red? Because it saw the salad undressing!
  124. What do you call a nervous knight at the Tower of London? Sir Trembles-a-lot!
  125. What do London cabs and pies have in common? They both have a crust and are full of surprises!
  126. Why was the London computer cold? It left its Windows open!
  127. Why did the London teacher cross-eyed? She couldn’t control her pupils!
  128. Why did the Londoner bring his cat to school? He heard about the petting zoo!
  129. What’s the Londoner’s favourite type of homework? Shortbread problems!
  130. Why was the London traffic light blushing? It saw the car’s gas tank!
  131. Why did the Londoner put his radio in the fridge? He wanted to hear cool music!
  132. Why did the London ghost go into the pub? For the boos!
  133. Why did the Londoner get a job at the bakery? He kneaded the dough!
  134. Why did the London banker switch careers? He lost interest!
  135. Why did the London lettuce win the race? Because it was a-head!
  136. Why did the London pizza maker go broke? He just couldn’t make enough dough!
  137. Why did the London spider start a business? He wanted to make a website!
  138. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of joke? Puns and scones!
  139. Why did the Londoner put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets!
  140. Why did the Londoner go to school? He wanted to become a smart-tea!
  141. Why did the Londoner tie his watch to his belt? He wanted a waist of time!
  142. Why did the Londoner bring a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school!
  143. What’s a Londoner’s favourite type of bean? Human beans!
  144. Why did the London cat sit on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse!
  145. What do you call a wizard in London? A rain-king!
  146. Why did the London chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks!
  147. Why don’t London ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits!
  148. Why did the London traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing!
  149. Why don’t London spiders get caught in their own webs? They know all the back alleys!
  150. What do you call a Londoner who never lies? Un-tea-lie-able!

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