150 jokes about ducks

  1. Why don’t ducks ever get sick? They always eat their quack-ers!
  2. What did the duck say to the bartender? Put it on my bill!
  3. Why don’t ducks have to do homework? Because it’s all “water off a duck’s back”.
  4. What do you get when you cross a duck with a computer? A web-footed hacker!
  5. What do ducks wear to a wedding? A duck-sedo!
  6. Why did the duck go to school? To get down with the knowledge!
  7. What do you get if you cross a duck with Santa? A Christmas quacker!
  8. Why are ducks always calm? Because they never let anything ruffle their feathers!
  9. Why was the duck arrested? He got caught in a fowl play!
  10. What’s a duck’s favorite dip? Quack-amole!
  11. Why don’t ducks ever get lost? Because they always quack the code!
  12. Why was the duck a good detective? He always had his ducks in a row!
  13. How do you make a duck sing? Put it in the oven till its Bill Withers!
  14. Why are ducks terrible comedians? Because their jokes are all wet!
  15. What do you call a crate full of ducks? A box of quackers!
  16. Why did the duck go to therapy? Because he had quacked up!
  17. What do you get when you cross a duck and a vampire? Count Duck-ula!
  18. How does a duck buy lipstick? She puts it on her bill!
  19. What do you call a duck that steals? A robber ducky!
  20. What is a duck’s favorite game? Duck, duck, goose!
  21. Why do ducks make good detectives? They always quack the case!
  22. How do ducks stay dry? With duck tape!
  23. What do you get if you cross a duck with fireworks? A firequacker!
  24. What did the grape say to the duck? Nothing, grapes can’t talk!
  25. Why did the duck become a musician? Because he had the drumsticks!
  26. Why was the book about ducks very engaging? It was an absolute quacker!
  27. What do ducks watch on TV? Duck-umentaries!
  28. What do you call a duck who loves making jokes? A wise quacker!
  29. Why don’t ducks tell secrets? Because they’re afraid of being overheard!
  30. Why do ducks watch the news? For the feather forecast!
  31. How do you know if a duck has been in your refrigerator? It leaves a bill!
  32. What do you call a duck that likes watching dramas? A theater quacker!
  33. Why did the duck get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  34. What is a duck’s favorite snack? Cheese and quackers!
  35. How do you know a duck is lying? It has a fowl expression!
  36. Why did the duck cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
  37. How does a duck ask for food? Can I have some more, please quack?
  38. Why did the duck bring a bag of chips to the party? Because he’s a quack-tastic host!
  39. What do ducks do right after they wake up? They quack the dawn!
  40. Why did the duck go to the repair shop? His quack was out of tune!
  41. Why was the duck standing near the door? He wanted to quack it open!
  42. What’s a duck’s favorite type of weather? Fowl weather!
  43. Why did the duck join the circus? He was tired of a normal quack of life!
  44. What does a duck wear to a fancy dinner? A feather boa!
  45. Why did the duck bring a suitcase to the pond? He wanted to pack up some quacks!
  46. What do you call a bird that can fix anything? A duck-tor!
  47. What kind of TV shows do ducks like? Anything with feather forecast!
  48. Why did the duck go to the comedy club? He wanted to quack up!
  49. Why are ducks always ready for dinner? They’ve got their ducks in a row!
  50. How does a duck propose to its partner? “Will you marry me, quack?”
  51. What do ducks say when they are surprised? “Well, quack me up!”
  52. How do ducks like their eggs? Hard-quacked!
  53. Why did the duck join the baseball team? He had the perfect webbed pitch!
  54. What did the duck say to its Valentine? “I’m quackers about you!”
  55. Why did the duck get a job in a bakery? He was a pro at making duck pastries!
  56. What’s a duck’s favorite drink? Quack-a-cola!
  57. What do you call a duck who loves shopping? A mall-ard!
  58. Why did the duck go to the bank? To get a new bill!
  59. What do ducks eat for lunch? Soup and quackers!
  60. What’s a duck’s favorite kind of movie? Any film that’s just ducky!
  61. Why are ducks good at maths? They always count their ducks before they hatch!
  62. Why did the duck refuse to pay for dinner? He wanted to put it on the other duck’s bill!
  63. What do you call a duck with a drug problem? A quack head!
  64. Why did the duck go to the basketball game? He heard the referee blowing fowls!
  65. Why did the duck break up with his girlfriend? He said, “It’s not you, it’s me… I’m just not ready to commit to being monogamous.”
  66. What is a duck’s favorite kind of bread? Anything that’s crusty and just ducky!
  67. Why did the duck get a job at the restaurant? He wanted to wait on tables, not waddle!
  68. How does a duck say “goodbye”? “Quack to you later!”
  69. What do you call a duck that loves reading? A book quacker!
  70. Why did the duck wear a disguise? He was going undercover!
  71. What did the duck say after a big meal? “I’m stuffed… I can’t eat another quack!”
  72. What is a duck’s favorite type of math? Quackulations!
  73. How do you know a duck is cold? It has goosebumps!
  74. Why don’t ducks play hide and seek? Because they always quack under pressure!
  75. What’s a duck’s favorite type of exercise? Duck-jumps!
  76. What do you call a duck with a broken leg? Lame duck!
  77. Why did the duck bring a map to the pond? He didn’t want to go up the creek without a paddle!
  78. What do you call a duck who likes to go shopping? A mall-ard!
  79. Why do ducks make terrible secret agents? They always quack under pressure!
  80. Why did the duck go to the music concert? He wanted to see the band wing it!
  81. How does a duck ask for a job? “Got any quackancies?”
  82. Why did the duck start a landscaping business? To rake in the bills!
  83. What do you call a duck who’s just won a fight? A featherweight champion!
  84. How does a duck win at chess? By playing like a quack-mate!
  85. Why was the duck a great basketball player? He never missed a shot because he could always rebound with his bill!
  86. What does a duck say when it’s tired? “I need a quack-nap.”
  87. Why did the duck go to the mechanic? It had a quack in its windscreen!
  88. What do you call a duck with a mask? A quack bandit!
  89. What do you call a duck who can rap? A hip-hop-otamus!
  90. Why was the duck in the band? He had the sax-quack!
  91. How do ducks like their coffee? Just brew it, quack and simple!
  92. What did the duck say to the rabbit? “What’s up, doc? Quack’s up with you?”
  93. What does a duck put in its soup? Quack-ers!
  94. Why did the duck start a cleaning business? It wanted to sweep up the competition!
  95. What do ducks use to fix anything? Duck tape!
  96. How does a duck tell time? With a quack-watch!
  97. What did the duck say to the frog? “You’re quite ribbiting, but I’m quack-tacular!”
  98. Why was the duck so proud? He had all his ducks in a row!
  99. Why do ducks never get lost? They always quack the right path!
  100. Why did the duck join the gym? To get his quack in shape!
  101. How does a duck make a phone call? He uses his touch quack device!
  102. What does a duck say when it’s confused? “What the quack?”
  103. How does a duck comfort its friend? “Everything’s going to be just ducky.”
  104. What do ducks write with? Quack-ink!
  105. What’s a duck’s favorite dance move? The waddle!
  106. Why did the duck cross the road? Because it was the chicken’s day off!
  107. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s? A wise quacker!
  108. Why don’t ducks carry spare change? They have all their bills up front!
  109. How do you tell a duck to be quiet? Say “Shut the duck up!”
  110. Why did the duck go to the library? He wanted to read “Quack and Yellow.”
  111. What do ducks use to clean their houses? Feather dusters!
  112. Why did the duck go to the hospital? He needed some quack care!
  113. What does a duck call his new car? A duck truck!
  114. Why did the duck go to the moon? He wanted to see if it was all it’s quacked up to be!
  115. What does a duck add to his dinner? A pinch of seasoning!
  116. How does a duck ask for his meal? “Can I have the bill, please?”
  117. What do you call a duck who becomes a superhero? Quackman!
  118. Why did the duck start a bakery? He kneaded the dough!
  119. What does a duck do after a workout? He goes for a quick dip in the pond!
  120. What does a duck call his girlfriend? His honey duck!
  121. What do you call a really big duck? A jumbo quacker!
  122. Why do ducks make terrible stand-up comedians? They always quack up before the punchline!
  123. How does a duck greet its friends? “What’s quackin’?”
  124. Why was the duck always in trouble at school? Because he wouldn’t stop quacking jokes!
  125. Why did the duck take up gardening? He wanted to grow a quack-tus!
  126. What do ducks listen to on the radio? The quack of dawn!
  127. Why did the duck go to the casino? He heard it was a great place to play duck-duck-goose!
  128. What do ducks read in the morning? The daily quacker!
  129. Why did the duck go to the orchestra? He wanted to play the duck-o-phone!
  130. Why was the duck always calm? He knew how to keep his feathers unruffled!
  131. What do you call a duck with a bad cold? A mucus mallard!
  132. Why did the duck go to the math class? He heard they were teaching quack-tions!
  133. How do ducks make decisions? They “wing it”!
  134. What do you call a duck with a great memory? A remember-duck!
  135. Why did the duck get the job? He was the most quack-ified!
  136. What does a duck wear when it’s cold outside? A down jacket!
  137. What does a duck say when it’s shocked? “Well, I’ll be ducked!”
  138. Why did the duck go to the pawn shop? He wanted to sell his quack-pot!
  139. What’s a duck’s favorite ballet? Swan Lake – they love the feathered costumes!
  140. Why do ducks never feel down? Because they’re always up for a quack!
  141. Why did the duck join the circus? He was a born quackrobat!
  142. What’s a duck’s favorite school subject? Waddle-ogy!
  143. What do you call a duck that stays up all night? A night quacker!
  144. How does a duck say “thank you”? “Quack you very much!”
  145. Why did the duck go to the opera? He wanted to see ‘The Magic Flute’!
  146. What’s a duck’s favorite kind of sandwich? Peanut butter and quacker!
  147. Why do ducks love rain? They’re ducky whether it’s wet or dry!
  148. Why did the duck get in trouble in class? He wouldn’t stop quacking up!
  149. What do ducks use to fix their homes? Duck tape!
  150. And finally, why did the duck become a stand-up comedian? Because he wanted to quack people up!

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