149 fossil jokes
- Why don’t fossils ever get scared? Because they’re used to being petrified!
- Why did the fossil refuse to go to the party? It didn’t want to become rock and roll!
- What do you call a fossil that never lies? An honest-stone!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of music? Rock and Roll.
- What do you call an angry fossil? A blast from the past!
- What did the fossil say to the geologist? I’m too old for this sediment!
- What do you call a fossil who works in security? A trilobyte!
- Why did the fossil break up with its girlfriend? Because their relationship was too sedimentary.
- Why don’t fossils use computers? They’re scared of the Windows crash!
- What do fossils use to make their beds? Prehistoric sheets!
- Why was the fossil embarrassed? Because it got caught in the rock layer!
- How do you know if a fossil is worth a lot? If it’s sedimentary, my dear Watson!
- What do you call a funny fossil? A comedi-stone!
- Why are fossils bad at playing hide and seek? Because they’re always stuck between a rock and a hard place.
- Why don’t fossils make good comedians? They have a dry sense of humor.
- What’s a fossil’s favorite sport? Rock climbing!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of dance? The twist and shale!
- Why did the fossil go to the therapist? It couldn’t handle the pressure!
- How do fossils stay in shape? They do rock lifting!
- Why did the fossil get a speeding ticket? It had a hard time breaking!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite fruit? Stone fruit!
- Why did the fossil take an art class? To become a rock star!
- What do fossils like to eat for breakfast? Granola barite!
- How does a fossil get ready for a date? It brushes up on its layers!
- Why did the fossil get a job as a chef? It was tired of being taken for granite!
- Why did the fossil make a good detective? It’s good at digging up the past!
- Why don’t fossils play chess? They’re always getting checked by the king.
- What’s a fossil’s favorite day of the week? Sandstone-day!
- Why did the fossil stop dieting? It was tired of losing weight!
- What kind of stories do fossils tell? Old ones!
- Why do fossils never forget? They have a solid memory.
- What’s a fossil’s favorite sitcom? Friends from the Stone Age!
- How do fossils stay so cool? They have ice-age air conditioning!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite candy? Rock candy!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite movie? Jurassic Park!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of math? Geology!
- How do fossils say goodbye? Catch you layer!
- What do fossils wear to formal events? Suit and tectonics!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite drink? Stone cold water!
- Why did the fossil go to jail? For stealing sediment!
- Why don’t fossils make good secret keepers? They’re always spilling the sediments!
- What do you call a fossil that loves to shop? A buy-cephalus!
- Why did the fossil go to school? To get a little sedimentary education!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite game? Rock, paper, scissors!
- Why don’t fossils go on diets? They’re already rock solid!
- What do you call a fossil who’s a great singer? A Rolling Stone!
- How do fossils flirt? They say, “I really dig you!”
- Why don’t fossils fight? They have too much history together!
- Why did the fossil get an award? For outstanding in its field!
- What do you call a fossil with great rhythm? A rock and roller!
- Why don’t fossils like to gamble? They’re scared of losing their stones!
- What do fossils use to wash their clothes? Rock and Tide!
- Why do fossils never get lonely? They’re always surrounded by friends in the rock bed.
- What’s a fossil’s favorite TV show? Breaking Bad (Rock Edition)!
- Why did the fossil get a job in the quarry? It wanted to hit rock bottom!
- How do fossils keep their pants up? With a stone belt!
- Why did the fossil make a terrible sailor? It sank like a stone!
- Why did the fossil go to the dentist? It had a serious case of plaque-tites!
- Why did the fossil cross the road? To get to the other sediment!
- What do fossils use to cut their hair? Scissors and rock!
- Why are fossils great at poetry? They know how to rock the verse!
- How do fossils apologize? “Sorry for taking you for granite!”
- Why did the fossil join the gym? It wanted to be rock hard!
- Why did the fossil go to the coffee shop? It needed a little percolation!
- Why don’t fossils go to college? They already know their history!
- Why are fossils so good at basketball? They have great shale skills!
- Why did the fossil start a band? To become a rock star!
- Why did the fossil take a nap? It was tired from all the eroding!
- What do fossils use to eat soup? Stone spoons!
- Why don’t fossils make good detectives? They always take things for granite!
- Why did the fossil go to the bank? To make a sedimentary deposit!
- How do fossils get their news? From the stone-age times!
- Why don’t fossils make good baseball players? They can’t run the bases, they’re stuck in the past!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of car? A hard-rock convertible!
- Why are fossils never late? They’re always on time – stone time!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite bedtime story? “Once upon a time… a long, long time ago!”
- Why did the fossil lose at poker? It had a bad hand – full of rocks!
- How do fossils like their coffee? Ground up, like themselves!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite subject in school? History, they’re always in it!
- Why don’t fossils like fast food? They prefer slow-cooked meals – over a million years slow!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite holiday? Halloween, because they can go as themselves!
- What do you call a nervous fossil? A worry-stone!
- Why did the fossil get a job in construction? It knows the ins and outs of rock!
- Why do fossils make terrible actors? They’re too stone-faced!
- Why did the fossil go to the spa? It wanted to feel sedimentary!
- What do fossils use to decorate their homes? Rock formations!
- Why did the fossil get a job in sales? It was a hard sell!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of dog? A Rock-wieler!
- Why don’t fossils make good90. dancers? They’ve got two left feet!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite way to travel? By stone boat!
- Why are fossils good at poker? They always have a stone face!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite nursery rhyme? “Rock-a-bye Baby”!
- What do you call a fossil that works in a library? A his-stone-rian!
- Why did the fossil get a speeding ticket? It had too much momentum!
- Why don’t fossils play soccer? They’re afraid of getting kicked!
- What do fossils use to take notes? Stone paper!
- Why do fossils never get a suntan? They prefer the shade of the cave!
- Why did the fossil refuse to play cards? It was afraid of getting dealt a bad hand!
- Why did the fossil stop dating? It had too many breakups!
- Why are fossils terrible at hide and seek? They always stick out!
- What do you call a fossil who loves cooking? A culinary artifact!
- Why did the fossil join the circus? It wanted to rock the trapeze!
- What do fossils use to stay clean? A bar of soapstone!
- Why do fossils make bad bakers? They always use too much stone-ground flour!
- What do you call a fossil with a great sense of style? A fashion-stone!
- Why did the fossil go to the movies? It wanted to see the latest rockumentary!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of weather? Stone cold!
- Why do fossils hate rush hour? Too much traffic jam, not enough fruit jam!
- What do you call a fossil who’s good at math? A stone-culator!
- What do you call a fossil that’s good at basketball? A stone thrower!
- Why do fossils love geography? It’s all about their roots!
- What do fossils wear to stay warm? Stone cold fur!
- Why are fossils never surprised? They’ve seen it all before!
- What do you call a fossil that can’t make up its mind? Indeci-stone!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite exercise? The rock and roll!
- Why do fossils hate winter? It’s too cold for their old bones!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of tea? Pebble-mint!
- Why are fossils great at gardening? They always rock the plants!
- Why don’t fossils like daylight savings time? They don’t like change!
- What do you call a fossil that can sing? A rock-and-roll star!
- Why are fossils so slow at races? They’re always stuck in the past!
- Why do fossils make bad detectives? They always take things for granite!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite board game? Stoneopoly!
- What do fossils use to write? A slate pencil!
- Why did the fossil go to the music festival? It heard there was going to be a lot of rock!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of building? A stone-cold castle!
- Why do fossils love Christmas? They love getting stoned… in snow!
- Why are fossils great at meditation? They’re already in a zen state!
- Why don’t fossils like making decisions? They can’t handle the pressure!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of bread? Stone-baked!
- What do you call a fossil that’s good at finances? An investi-stone!
- What do fossils use to keep their pants up? A belt of prehistoric hide!
- Why did the fossil become a politician? It was a natural at throwing stones!
- What do fossils do in their free time? They like to rock around the clock!
- Why do fossils make terrible comedians? Their jokes are too old!
- Why did the fossil join the choir? It wanted to hit rock bottom… notes!
- Why don’t fossils ever win at tug-of-war? They’re always getting dragged around!
- Why do fossils love the zoo? It reminds them of the good old days!
- What do fossils wear on their feet? Stone-cold boots!
- Why did the fossil get into boxing? It had a solid right hook!
- What do fossils do at parties? They rock and roll!
- Why don’t fossils go on dates? They’re already dated!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of car? A bedrock-mobile!
- What’s a fossil’s favorite type of joke? Stone-cold puns!
- Why do fossils never get into trouble? They always stick to the rules!
- Why did the fossil visit the art museum? It was hoping to become a piece of art!
- Why do fossils never miss a workout? They don’t want to lose their shape!
- What do fossils do when they’re bored? They go for a stroll… in the park!
- Why don’t fossils go to the beach? They’re afraid of eroding!