128 connecticut jokes

Sure, here are 150 jokes about Connecticut.

Please keep in mind that these jokes are meant to be lighthearted and fun, not to offend anyone.

Here we go:

1. Why don’t Connecticuters play hide and seek? Because nobody would ever leave Yale to go find them!
2. How do you know you’re in Connecticut? When even the squirrels discuss hedge funds.
3. What does a Connecticutter do when it’s cold outside? Go to Florida like all the snowbirds!
4. Why did the Connecticutter bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
5. How does a Connecticutter get ready for a yard sale? By calling an antique dealer!
6. Why did the Connecticutter bring a tape measure to the party? He heard there would be foot-long hotdogs, and he’s all about accuracy!
7. How does Connecticuters’ alphabet start? With a Y! Because Y-A-L-E.
8. Why was the Connecticutter so quiet during the baseball game? He was studying for the seventh inning stretch!
9. How do you compliment a Connecticutter’s home? Tell them it looks like a postcard from the 1800s!
10. Why do Connecticuters make terrible comedians? Their punchlines always involve tax rates!
11. Why are there no earthquakes in Connecticut? Even Mother Nature can’t afford the insurance rates!
12. How do Connecticuters learn to count? One yacht, two yachts, three yachts…
13. Why don’t they serve ice in drinks in Connecticut? The person with the recipe graduated from Yale and no one else can figure it out!
14. Why do Connecticut ghosts never get lost? They always follow the Freedom Trail!
15. What’s the Connecticuters’ favorite exercise? Jumping to conclusions about New Yorkers!
16. How do you know you’re in Connecticut? When you find a stop sign that says “whoa, not so fast!”
17. Why do Connecticuters always carry a map? Because they live in a state of confusion over their tiny size!
18. How do you know when you’re halfway through Connecticut? When you run out of historical landmarks to visit!
19. Why did the Connecticut pizza place go out of business? Because all their crusts were upper crust!
20. What do you call a Connecticutter who can play a musical instrument? Unemployed!
21. Why do Connecticuters make such good detectives? Because they always New Haven!
22. How did the Connecticutter break his arm? Trying to pull a dollar out of his wallet!
23. Why did the Connecticutter stare at the orange juice container? Because it said “concentrate”.
24. What do you call a Connecticutter with a sheep under each arm? A pimp!
25. How does a Connecticutter hold up his pants? With a Hartford!
26. Why did the Connecticutter bring a car door to the desert? In case he got too hot, he could just roll down the window!
27. Why did the Connecticut chicken join a band? Because he had the drumsticks!
28. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite type of math? Tax brackets!
29. Why do Connecticuters like to go to the museum? Because it’s the only place where they can touch the past, without it touching their wallets!
30. How do you describe a Connecticutter who moved to New York? A traitor to tranquility!
31. Why did the Connecticutter bring an umbrella indoors? Because he heard it was raining cats and dogs and didn’t want to step in a poodle!
32. Why do Connecticut football teams never win at home? They always lose their Connecticut-ion!
33. How does a Connecticutter invite you into their home? “Make yourself at home, but don’t touch the antiques!”
34. What’s the difference between a Connecticutter and a coconut? You can get a drink out of a coconut!
35. Why are Connecticut drivers always lost? Because every turn they make is a historic one!
36. What do you call a Connecticutter who doesn’t go to Yale? A tourist!
37. Why did the Connecticutter go to the paint store? He heard he could get a free coat!
38. Why do Connecticut politicians never play chess? Because they can’t figure out how the king moves!
39. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite Halloween costume? A tax collector – it scares everyone!
40. What do you call a Connecticutter who doesn’t own a boat? Landlocked!
41. Why do Connecticuters always carry an umbrella? Because they always save for a rainy day!
42. Why did the Connecticutter stare at his orange juice? Because he wanted to see the pulp fiction!
43. How do you get a Connecticutter to laugh on a Saturday night? Tell them a tax joke on Friday night!
44. Why did the Connecticutter bring a paper clip to the NASCAR race? Because he heard it was a staple in motorsports!
45. How do you know if a Connecticutter has been in your backyard? Your hedges are trimmed and your dog has a degree in philosophy!
46. What do you call a Connecticutter who can play three instruments? A philharmonic orchestra!
47. How can you spot a Connecticutter at a farm? They’re the ones trying to get WiFi for the chickens!
48. Why do Connecticuters hate knock-knock jokes? Because they always think it’s the taxman!
49. What’s the difference between Connecticut and a tea kettle? The tea kettle whistles before it boils over!
50. How can you spot a Connecticutter at a dive bar? He’s the one asking for a wine list!
51. Why did the Connecticutter bring a knife to the gun show? He was on the cutting edge of fashion!
52. How do you know when a Connecticutter is unhappy? When he can’t find a single antique in the flea market!
53. Why did the Connecticutter cross the road? To avoid the New Yorker on the other side!
54. What did the Connecticutter say to the New Yorker? “I don’t have an accent, you do!”
55. Why did the Connecticutter get thrown out of the math class? He insisted Yale degrees are greater than 90 degrees!
56. Why did the Connecticutter go to the party dressed as a credit card? Because he wanted to make a grand entrance!
57. How do you make a Connecticutter’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight through their ears!
58. Why did the Connecticutter bring a pencil to bed? He wanted to draw the curtains!
59. Why do Connecticuters never play tennis? Because it’s pointless!
60. Why did the Connecticutter climb to the roof of the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
61. What’s a Connecticutter’s idea of a balanced diet? A burger in each hand!
62. How do Connecticuters stay cool in the summer? By moving the boats out of the shade!
63. Why did the Connecticutter bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school!
64. Why did the Connecticutter go to the other side of the river? Because he wanted to pay tolls!
65. How do yousink a Connecticutter’s submarine? Knock on the door!
66. Why don’t Connecticut cows have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry!
67. Why did the Connecticutter refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? Because he suspected cheetah!
68. How does a Connecticutter split their lottery winnings? One for you, three for taxes!
69. Why did the Connecticutter get kicked out of the bakery? Because he was a smart cookie!
70. Why did the Connecticutter bring a seashell to school? Because he wanted to hear the ocean during history class!
71. Why do Connecticuters always wear green? Because money is their favorite color!
72. Why did the Connecticutter stop writing with a broken pencil? Because it was pointless!
73. How does a Connecticutter get straight A’s? By using a ruler!
74. Why did the Connecticutter go to bed with his shoes on? Because he wanted to rise and shine!
75. Why was the Connecticutter sitting on the clock? He wanted to be on “time.”
76. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite dance move? The “Tax Collector Twist.”
77. Why do Connecticuters always carry a calculator? Just in case they run into an unexpected tax situation!
78. Why did the Connecticutter bring a bucket to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house and he didn’t want to waste a drop!
79. What do you call a Connecticutter who doesn’t know how to fish? A fish out of water!
80. Why did the Connecticutter go to the baseball game? Because he heard it was a great “catch.”
81. How do you know when a Connecticutter is a bad cook? When the dog buries their cooking instead of its bone!
82. Why did the Connecticutter go to the mechanic? Because he heard it was an “exhausting” job and wanted to “muffler” the sound!
83. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite seasoning? Winter!
84. Why do Connecticuters always look so fashionable? Because they never wear “out of state” clothes!
85. Why did the Connecticutter bring a sunshade to the beach? He wanted to be the “coolest” guy around!
86. What did the Connecticutter say to the speeding ticket? “You can’t “fine” me, I’m priceless!”
87. Why did the Connecticutter become a gardener? Because he wanted to “grow” his assets!
88. How do you know a Connecticutter is lying? When their lips are moving but the taxes aren’t increasing!
89. Why did the Connecticutter bring a dog to the concert? Because he heard the “bark” was worse than the “bite”!
90. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite type of bread? “Dough” that hasn’t been taxed!
91. Why did the Connecticutter refuse to play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re that rich!
92. How do you know if a Connecticutter is a bad golfer? They’re always in the “rough”!
93. Why did the Connecticutter bring a tree to school? Because he wanted to go to “branch” out!
94. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite type of party? A “tax return” party!
95. Why did the Connecticutter go to the supermarket? He heard it was a “stock” market!
96. What do you call a Connecticutter without a sweater? A “chill” millionaire!
97. Why did the Connecticutter go to the art museum? Because he heard it was a “draw”!
98. What do you call a Connecticutter who can’t sing? A silent millionaire!
99. Why did the Connecticutter join the circus? He heard it was a “juggling” act and wanted to balance his checkbooks!
100. Why did the Connecticutter refuse to play cards with the king of the jungle? He was afraid of cheetahs!
101. How do you know a Connecticutter is excited? They break into a mild jog!
102. Why did the Connecticutter bring a watch to the bank? He wanted to have a “good time” investing!
103. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite type of tea? Proper-tea!
104. Why did the Connecticutter refuse to go skydiving? He didn’t trust the “stock market crash”!
105. Why did the Connecticutter get a job at the bakery? He kneaded the dough!
106. How do you spot a Connecticutter at a beach? They’re the ones applying sunscreen to their wallets!
107. Why did the Connecticutter go to the spa? He heard it was “rejuvenating” for his assets!
108. Why don’t Connecticuters like to play leapfrog? They don’t like unnecessary leaps in their budget!
109. What did the Connecticutter do when he saw a spider in his house? He bought it a tiny suitcase and sent it on vacation!
110. Why did the Connecticutter go to the cafeteria? He heard there was a “lunch” special!
111. Why did the Connecticutter bring a bag of chips to the party? He wanted to be the “life of the party”!
112. Why did the Connecticutter go to the aquarium? He wanted to “catch” a big fish!
113. Why don’t Connecticuters like soccer? They prefer games with more “net” income!
114. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite book? “The Great Gatsby,” of course!
115. Why did the Connecticutter go to the opera? Because he wanted to “conduct” himself properly!
116. Why did the Connecticutter bring a balloon to the party? Because he wanted to “blow up” his savings!
117. How do you know a Connecticutter is a terrible cook? When even the trash can throws it back!
118. What do you call a Connecticutter who can’t swim? A “sinker”!
119. Why did the Connecticutter go to the dance? Because he wanted to “step up” his game!
120. Why don’t Connecticuters like fishing? Because they’re scared of the “net” loss!
121. How do you know when a Connecticutter is ready for dinner? When they’ve calculated the “net” calories!
122. Why did the Connecticutter go to the train station? He wanted to “rail” against the high taxes!
123. What’s a Connecticutter’s favorite type of movie? “Net”flix originals!
124. Why did the Connecticutter go to the casino? He wanted to “roll” the dice!
125. Why did the Connecticutter bring a flashlight to the party? He wanted to “lighten” the mood!
126. Why did the Connecticutter refuse to drink soda? He didn’t want to pay the “pop” tax!
127. What do you call a Connecticutter who can’t fix a leaky faucet? A “drip”!
128. Why did the Connecticutter bring a thermometer to the party? He wanted to have a “cool” time!