150 captain america jokes

  1. Why did Captain America start doing yoga? He heard it’s good for his Civil Flex-ibility!
  2. Why doesn’t Captain America tell secrets in the Avengers HQ? He fears the walls have SHIELDs.
  3. Why did Captain America get a smartphone? So he could finally text Stark, “I can do this all day.”
  4. Why did Captain America refuse to play cards with Iron Man? Because he suspected Stark was dealing under the table.
  5. Why did Captain America become a baker? He wanted to knead the dough all day!
  6. How does Captain America make his coffee? He brews it on the Stark burner!
  7. Why doesn’t Captain America play cricket? He always carries a shield, not a bat.
  8. What kind of car does Captain America drive? A Ford, because it has good star-spangled banners.
  9. Why does Captain America never use public transportation? He can’t stand Hydra-gens.
  10. What did Captain America say when he messed up a recipe? “That was a MARVELous disaster!”
  11. How does Captain America like his tea? As strong as the Stark market!
  12. Why did Captain America go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw a line in the sand.
  13. Why doesn’t Captain America ever get lost? He always follows his Stark-nav.
  14. What do you call Captain America when he’s painting? An Artist on the Shield.
  15. Why did Captain America go to a music concert? To see the Star-Spangled Bangers!
  16. What’s Captain America’s favorite music? Country, because it reminds him of the good old Stars and Stripes.
  17. Why did Captain America become an archaeologist? He was looking for the lost Stark of the Covenant.
  18. What did Captain America say when he entered a bakery? “Doughnut make me fight you.”
  19. Why did Captain America get a job at NASA? He was tired of being the only Star on the team.
  20. Why did Captain America join the circus? He thought it would be a Marvelous experience!
  21. Why did Captain America never beat Hulk at chess? Because Hulk always smashes the board.
  22. What did Captain America say to the lightning bug? “Hey, I thought Thor was the only one who could summon lightning.”
  23. Why does Captain America never take out loans? He doesn’t like being in the Red Skull.
  24. Why does Captain America never use air conditioning? He doesn’t like things to get too chill.
  25. Why did Captain America get a job as a DJ? He wanted to drop the Bucky beat!
  26. What’s Captain America’s favorite food? Star-spangled bananas.
  27. Why did Captain America go to the optician? Because he couldn’t see past his Shield.
  28. How does Captain America call his dog? “Come here, Freedom!”
  29. Why did Captain America join a rock band? He wanted to be a Stark-n’-Roll star!
  30. What did Captain America say at the comedy show? “These jokes are MARVELous.”
  31. Why does Captain America never go on a diet? He believes in the right to bear big arms.
  32. Why did Captain America become a gardener? He was great at rooting out evil.
  33. Why does Captain America love sailing? It reminds him of the old star-spangled banner.
  34. What does Captain America call his home security system? Stars and Stripes Alert.
  35. Why did Captain America join a cookery show? He wanted to add some spice to the Stark life.
  36. What is Captain America’s favorite book? “To Kill a MockingBucky”.
  37. Why doesn’t Captain America play baseball? He’s afraid of losing his Shield.
  38. Why doesn’t Captain America like spicy food? It messes with his Super Soldier Serum.
  39. What did Captain America say when he failed his driver’s test? “Well, that was a Stark contrast to my expectations!”
  40. What’s Captain America’s favorite day of the week? Sunday, because it’s the most peaceful.
  41. What does Captain America put on his toast? Star-spangled jam.
  42. Why did Captain America go to the therapist? He was tired of being a super-soldier, he wanted to be a super-listener.
  43. Why did Captain America take up knitting? He wanted to stitch a star-spangled sweater.
  44. How does Captain America stay so fit? He never skips Stark day at the gym.
  45. Why does Captain America never procrastinate? He doesn’t believe in Stark contrast.
  46. Why did Captain America go to the barber? He was looking for a Stark contrast.
  47. Why did Captain America fail his music class? He couldn’t get a handle on Stark notes.
  48. What is Captain America’s favorite dish to cook? Freedom fries.
  49. What did Captain America say to Thor at the party? “Your drink is shocking!”
  50. Why did Captain America stop drinking coffee? It was making him too Starky.
  51. How does Captain America spend his holidays? Looking for Red Skull in the snow!
  52. What does Captain America do in his spare time? He’s been known to take a Stark in painting.
  53. Why did Captain America join the school play? He wanted to bring some Stark drama.
  54. Why does Captain America make an excellent lawyer? He always stands for justice.
  55. How does Captain America deal with annoying people? He gives them the cold SHIELDer.
  56. Why did Captain America take up fishing? He heard there’s plenty of Stars in the sea.
  57. How does Captain America like his eggs? Stark-boiled.
  58. What did Captain America say when he saw a kitten? “Aww, what a little fur-edom fighter.”
  59. Why did Captain America become a photographer? He wanted to capture some Stark realities.
  60. How does Captain America celebrate his birthday? With a big bang, just like the Big Bang that created the universe!
  61. What is Captain America’s favorite fruit? Star fruit, of course!
  62. Why doesn’t Captain America use Uber? He fears a HYDRA takeover!
  63. Why did Captain America take up dancing? He heard about the Stark tango.
  64. Why does Captain America always carry a shield? Because danger doesn’t take a day off!
  65. Why did Captain America become a teacher? He believed in the right to education for all.
  66. Why did Captain America start a cleaning business? He wanted to sweep the nation clean!
  67. What does Captain America call his yacht? The SS Freedom.
  68. Why doesn’t Captain America like mirrors? Because he doesn’t want any reflections on his past.
  69. Why does Captain America never play hide and seek? Because justice never hides!
  70. Why did Captain America start a band? He heard they needed a Star performer.
  71. How does Captain America stay so cool under pressure? He’s always in the Stark of coolness.
  72. Why did Captain America take a job at the bank? He wanted to guard the people’s assets.
  73. Why does Captain America always arrive on time? Because he’s never Stark-late!
  74. How does Captain America take his coffee? With a Stark of sugar!
  75. Why did Captain America open a restaurant? He wanted to serve up some justice.
  76. What does Captain America call his workout routine? “The Star-spangled Burner.”
  77. Why does Captain America never gamble? He doesn’t believe in Stark chances.
  78. What does Captain America call his autobiography? “Stars, Stripes, and Me.”
  79. Why did Captain America become a detective? He wanted to solve the Stark case.
  80. How does Captain America relax after a mission? By watching his favorite Stark flick.
  81. What does Captain America wear to bed? His Star-spangled Pajamas.
  82. Why does Captain America never get tired? Because he’s always full of Stark energy.
  83. How does Captain America show his patriotism? By raising the Star-spangled banner every day.
  84. What’s Captain America’s favorite vegetable? The starfruit, because it’s a star, too.
  85. Why did Captain America become a plumber? To flush out injustice.
  86. What does Captain America call his favorite pet? Star-kitten.
  87. Why did Captain America start a farm? He wanted to grow freedom.
  88. What’s Captain America’s favorite constellation? The Southern Cross, because it reminds him of his cross with the south.
  89. Why did Captain America become a geologist? He wanted to study the Stark ages.
  90. Why does Captain America love math? Because it’s the universal language of justice.
  91. Why did Captain America go camping? To set up his Star-spangled tent.
  92. What is Captain America’s favorite dessert? Star-spangled pie.
  93. Why did Captain America start a choir? He wanted to sing the Star-Spangled Banner in harmony.
  94. How does Captain America apologize? With a sincere “I’m Starkly sorry.”
  95. Why did Captain America start a fashion line? He wanted to bring some Stark style to the people.
  96. What’s Captain America’s favorite movie? Star Wars, because it has stars just like his shield.
  97. Why did Captain America join the orchestra? He wanted to play the Stark-violin.
  98. How does Captain America decorate his Christmas tree? With star-spangled ornaments.
  99. Why did Captain America become a mailman? He believed in delivering justice on time.
  100. How does Captain America surprise his enemies? With a Stark attack!
  101. Why did Captain America take up skydiving? He wanted to fall for freedom.
  102. What does Captain America call his winter clothes? His Stark-cold outfit.
  103. How does Captain America stay calm in stressful situations? He counts to Stark-ten.
  104. What’s Captain America’s favorite type of music? Anything with a Stark beat!
  105. Why did Captain America become a librarian? He wanted to check out justice.
  106. How does Captain America spend his weekends? Chilling out in the Stark park.
  107. Why did Captain America become a weatherman? He wanted to forecast freedom.
  108. What does Captain America call his shoes? His Stark-kickers.
  109. Why does Captain America love baseball? Because it’s a Stark home run!
  110. Why did Captain America become a psychologist? He wanted to understand the Stark mind.
  111. What is Captain America’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Stark-berries and cream.
  112. Why did Captain America go to culinary school? He wanted to bake some freedom pies.
  113. How does Captain America like his music? Stark-loud!
  114. Why did Captain America open a pet shop? He wanted to sell freedom birds.
  115. What’s Captain America’s favorite game? Star chess.
  116. Why does Captain America never go swimming? He’s afraid his Shield will rust!
  117. Why did Captain America become an electrician? He wanted to keep the lights of freedom shining.
  118. What does Captain America call his sunglasses? His Stark shades.
  119. How does Captain America sign his emails? “With Stark sincerity, Steve Rogers.”
  120. Why did Captain America start gardening? He wanted to grow some freedom flowers.
  121. What’s Captain America’s favorite subject in school? History, he likes to remember the good old days.
  122. Why did Captain America become a carpenter? He wanted to build a house of justice.
  123. What does Captain America call his motorbike? His freedom rider.
  124. How does Captain America save his documents? With a Stark save!
  125. Why did Captain America become a dentist? He wanted to clean the teeth of injustice.
  126. What’s Captain America’s favorite type of cheese? Star-brie.
  127. Why did Captain America start a book club? He wanted to read the Stark classics.
  128. What does Captain America call his guitar? His Star-strummer.
  129. How does Captain America take his steak? Stark-grilled.
  130. Why did Captain America become an architect? He wanted to design the blueprint of freedom.
  131. What is Captain America’s favorite pasta? Star-shaped pasta, of course!
  132. Why did Captain America become a chef? He wanted to cook up some justice.
  133. How does Captain America enjoy his vacation? By relaxing under the Stark sun.
  134. What’s Captain America’s favorite soda? Star-Cola.
  135. Why did Captain America start a charity? He wanted to donate to freedom.
  136. What does Captain America call his watch? His Stark-timer.
  137. How does Captain America keep his clothes? In his Stark-robe.
  138. Why did Captain America become a journalist? He wanted to report the truth.
  139. What’s Captain America’s favorite game to play with his friends? Star poker.
  140. Why did Captain America join a choir? He wanted to sing the anthem of freedom.
  141. How does Captain America cheer up his friends? With a Stark smile!
  142. What is Captain America’s favorite plant? The Star-flower.
  143. Why did Captain America start a podcast? He wanted to broadcast freedom.
  144. What does Captain America call his computer? His Stark-tech.
  145. How does Captain America like his pizza? Stark-loaded.
  146. Why did Captain America become a musician? He wanted to compose the symphony of justice.
  147. What does Captain America call his bike? His Star-cycler.
  148. How does Captain America like his soup? Stark-hot!
  149. Why did Captain America become a baker? He wanted to knead the dough of justice.
  150. What’s Captain America’s favorite board game? Staropoly.

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