150 army / navy marine jokes
- Why don’t Marines play hide and seek with the Navy? Because good luck hiding when the Navy thinks it’s time for a beach landing!
- What’s the Navy’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “ship” beat!
- Why did the Marine bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
- Why don’t sailors use bookmarks? Because the Navy always knows where the port is!
- What’s a Marine’s favorite type of math? Marine-algebra!
- Why did the sailor bring a compass to the party? To find his way to the port!
- What does a Marine do when he gets a letter? He stands at attention; it’s the only ‘at ease’ position they know!
- Why did the Navy recruit go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw a fleet!
- Why did the Marine refuse to play cards with the jungle cat? Because he was afraid of cheetahs!
- What do you call a sailor who takes his time? Slow-mo buoys!
- What’s a Marine’s favorite game? Call of Duty, they consider it light training!
- Why do sailors make great musicians? Because they always know the “scale”!
- How does a Marine start a joke? “Attention on deck!”
- Why did the sailor bring iron and nickel to the party? Because he wanted to show off his “mettle”!
- Why are Marines like alarm clocks? You definitely want them on your side when it’s time to wake up!
- How do you know if a sailor is running for office? His campaign is always “full sail”!
- What’s a Marine’s favorite type of exercise? The military press!
- Why don’t sailors play soccer? There’s too much diving involved!
- What did the Marine say to the sandwich? “At ease, food!”
- What do you call a ship that’s always calm? A Navy tranquil-ship!
- Why are sailors such great secret keepers? They can “knot” tell!
- What’s a Marine’s favorite type of coffee? Sema-perk!
- Why did the sailor go to school? Because he wanted to improve his “seamanship”!
- What do you call a marine in a fruit fight? A pineapple grenadier!
- What did the ocean say to the sailor? Nothing, it just waved!
- Why do marines make bad comedians? Because they always “march” to the punchline!
- What do you call a ship that loves to clean? A sweep-deck!
- What is a marine’s favorite type of fish? Barracks-uda!
- Why did the sailor get a penalty? For unsportsman-ship!
- Why did the Marine take his date to the gym? Because he heard it was a “meet” market!
- What do you call a Navy guy who loves geometry? A pro-“tractor”!
- What is a Marine’s favorite dessert? A “pie-rute”!
- Why did the sailor never get lost? Because he always followed the “compass rose”!
- Why do marines never play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when it’s time for a headcount!
- What’s the navy’s favorite day of the week? “Sun”-day!
- Why did the sailor have a party in his boat? He wanted to “rock the boat”!
- What’s a marine’s favorite type of vegetable? The “squash”!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of bread? “Ship’s biscuit”!
- Why are Marines bad at basketball? Because whenever they get the ball, they march!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of insect? A “butter-fly”!
- Why did the Marine stare at the can of orange juice? It said “concentrate”!
- Why did the sailor become a boxer? He had a great “punch” line!
- Why are marines the best friends to have? They always “cover your six”!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of fruit? Naval oranges!
- Why did the marine go to the moon? He wanted to upgrade from a space “force” to a space “corps”!
- Why did the sailor bring a map to the bar? He wanted to “chart” his course!
- How can you tell if a marine is really focused? He says he’s “locked and loaded”!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of pasta? Ship’s macaroni!
- Why did the marine bring his rifle to the kitchen? He wanted to “grill” some burgers!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of story? A sea “tale”!
- Why do marines make bad magicians? Because they never “disappear” when you need them!
- Why did the sailor go to therapy? He had too many bottled “ship”!
- Why are marines always calm? Because they’re semper fi-ne!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of drink? Sea water!
- Why did the marine bring his compass to the party? He wanted to be the “center” of attention!
- What do you call a ship that likes to sleep? A “dream” boat!
- Why are marines always well-dressed? Because they believe in proper “uniform”!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of animal? Sea “lion”!
- Why did the marine bring a watch to the party? He wanted to have a “good time”!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of bird? Seagull!
- Why are marines always on time? They never want to “march” late!
- Why did the sailor buy a new boat? He wanted to stay “afloat” with the latest trends!
- Why are marines so good at checkers? Because they never “back” down!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of cloud? “Sail” clouds!
- Why did the marine bring a shovel to the party? He wanted to “dig” the music!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of tree? Palm “tree”!
- Why are marines always so organized? They always “fall in” line!
- Why did the sailor buy a cat? He wanted a companion for his “fish”!
- Why are marines so good at poker? Because they have a great “poker” face!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of flower? Sea “rose”!
- Why did the marine go to the library? He wanted to “check out” some books!
- Why did the sailor become a gardener? He loved “planting” seeds!
- Why are marines so good at dancing? They always “step” up!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of stone? Pebble!
- Why did the marine bring a ruler to the party? He wanted to measure his “fun”!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type offish? A “sail” fish!
- Why did the marine bring a calendar to the party? He didn’t want to “miss” the date!
- Why did the sailor become a chef? He loved to “cook” up a storm!
- Why do marines love playing chess? They always start with an “opening” move!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of tea? Sea-tea!
- Why did the marine bring a lamp to the party? He wanted to “light” up the room!
- Why did the sailor become a pilot? He wanted to reach new “heights”!
- Why are marines so good at soccer? They always “attack” the goal!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of candy? Sea-salt caramels!
- Why did the marine bring a notepad to the party? He wanted to “record” the fun!
- Why did the sailor become a firefighter? He wanted to “extinguish” the flames!
- Why do marines love playing cards? They always have an “ace” up their sleeve!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties!
- Why did the marine bring a compass to the party? He didn’t want to “lose” his way!
- Why did the sailor become an actor? He loved to be “on board”!
- Why are marines always ready to go? They always have their “boots” on!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of cake? “Ship” cake!
- Why did the marine bring a book to the party? He wanted to have a “read” good time!
- Why did the sailor become a comedian? He loved to “crack” people up!
- Why do marines always win at basketball? They never “miss” a shot!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of instrument? A “ship” bell!
- Why did the marine bring a mirror to the party? He wanted to “reflect” on the good times!
- Why did the sailor become a painter? He loved to “draw” the sea!
- Why are marines always so punctual? They never want to be “left” behind!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of ice cream? Vanilla “wave”!
- Why did the marine bring a watch to the party? He didn’t want to “lose” track of time!
- Why did the sailor become a baker? He loved to “roll” the dough!
- Why are marines so good at baseball? They never “strike” out!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of game? “Ship” race!
- Why did the marine bring a map to the party? He didn’t want to “lose” his place!
- Why did the sailor become a poet? He loved to “write” about the sea!
- Why are marines so good at tennis? They always make a “hit”!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of pie? “Berry” boat pie!
- Why did the marine bring a camera to the party? He wanted to “capture” the fun!
- Why did the sailor become a musician? He loved to “compose” sea tunes!
- Why do marines always win at chess? They never let their “king” down!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of dance? The “sailor’s” hornpipe!
- Why did the marine bring a radio to the party? He wanted to “tune” into the fun!
- Why did the sailor become a writer? He loved to “narrate” sea stories!
- Why are marines so good at racing? They never “lag” behind!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of berry? “Ship” berry!
- Why did the marine bring a clock to the party? He didn’t want to “waste” time!
- Why did the sailor become a scientist? He loved to “discover” new things!
- Why are marines so good at boxing? They never “pull” their punches!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of book? A sea “novel”!
- Why did the marine bring a guitar to the party? He wanted to “strum” along!
- Why did the sailor become a teacher? He loved to “educate” about the sea!
- Why are marines so good at jumping? They never “fall” short!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of gem? A “ship” diamond!
- Why did the marine bring a telescope to the party? He wanted to “see” the stars!
- Why did the sailor become an engineer? He loved to “build” ships!
- Why are marines so good at running? They never “tire” out!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of hat? A “sailor’s” cap!
- Why did the marine bring a piano to the party? He wanted to “key” in the fun!
- Why did the sailor become a historian? He loved to “preserve” sea history!
- Why are marines so good at climbing? They never “slip” up!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of joke? A sea “pun”!
- Why did the marine bring a trumpet to the party? He wanted to “blow” everyone away!
- Why did the sailor become a geographer? He loved to “map” the sea!
- Why are marines so good at swimming? They never “sink”!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of sandwich? A “ship” sandwich!
- Why did the marine bring a drum to the party? He wanted to “beat” the boredom!
- Why did the sailor become a mathematician? He loved to “calculate” sea routes!
- Why are marines so good at cycling? They never “backpedal”!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of cookie? A “ship” cookie!
- Why did the marine bring a saxophone to the party? He wanted to “jazz” things up!
- Why did the sailor become a philosopher? He loved to “ponder” the sea!
- Why are marines so good at archery? They never “miss” the target!
- What’s a navy man’s favorite type of candy bar? A “ship” bar!
- Why did the marine bring a microphone to the party? He wanted to “amplify” the fun!
- Why did the sailor become an architect? He loved to “design” ships!
- Why are marines so good at diving? They never “flop”!
- What’s a sailor’s favorite type of soda? A “ship” cola!
- Why did the marine bring a violin to the party? He wanted to “fiddle” with the music!
- Why did the sailor become an astronomer? He loved to “watch” the stars at sea!