150 whiskey jokes

1. Why don’t whiskey drinkers ever get sunburned? They have plenty of shade!
2. Why did the whiskey go to school? It wanted to be a little more “neat.”
3. What’s a whiskey’s favorite exercise? The “bar”-bell lift.
4. What did the bartender say to the whiskey? You’re on the rocks tonight.
5. Why do whiskey bottles never get lost? They’re always in good “spirits.”
6. What’s a whiskey’s favorite dance? The rumba, because it’s always on the “rum.”
7. Why was the whiskey upset? It felt “distilled.”
8. Why do whiskey drinkers prefer winter? Because they always want their drink “chilled.”
9. What’s a whiskey’s favorite story? The one where it was aged to perfection.
10. Why do whiskies get along so well? They’re all from the same “barrel.”
11. Why don’t whiskies like driving? They always spill their guts.
12. Why did the whiskey bottle go to therapy? It was feeling a little “empty.”
13. What’s a whiskey’s favorite movie? “Barrel and the Beast.”
14. Why are whiskey drinkers great musicians? They always know the “bar” notes.
15. Why did the whiskey join the army? It wanted to serve on the front “shots.”
16. Why did the whiskey go to the party? It heard there would be “mashing.”
17. What do you call a whiskey that’s best friends with a ghost? A “spirit” guide.
18. What do you call a nervous whiskey? “Shot”-shy.
19. Why is it hard to argue with a whiskey? Because it always gets the last “shot.”
20. Why is whiskey the most fun at parties? Because it’s always “neat” and never “dilutes” the fun!
21. What did the bartender say to the ghost drinking whiskey? “You sure can hold your ‘spirits’!”
22. What’s a whiskey’s favorite city? “Bar”-celona.
23. Why don’t whiskies ever get promoted? They always hit the “glass” ceiling.
24. Why was the whiskey always lost? It never knew its “proof.”
25. What’s a whiskey’s favorite game? Hide and “sneak.”
26. Why was the whiskey afraid of the calendar? It heard days can be “sobering.”
27. What’s a whiskey’s favorite day of the week? “Booze”-day.
28. Why was the whiskey great at baseball? It always hit it out of the “bar.”
29. What do you call an adventurous whiskey? A “bourbon” explorer.
30. Why do whiskies make poor detectives? They always spill the truth.
31. Why was the whiskey always in detention? It had too many “shots” at the teacher.
32. Why are whiskies so good at yoga? They’re great at “bending” rules.
33. Why did the whiskey go to the concert? It wanted to meet the “bottle” rockers.
34. What’s a whiskey’s favorite type of music? “Bar”-oque.
35. Why do whiskies never get bored? They’re always in “high spirits.”
36. Why did the whiskey start a blog? It wanted to share its “bottle” thoughts.
37. What’s a whiskey’s favorite time of day? “Shot”-oclock.
38. What do you call a whiskey who loves the theater? A “dram”-atic.
39. Why did the whiskey go to the circus? It wanted to see the “bottle” flip.
40. Why was the whiskey a great comedian? It always knew the “proof” is in the punchline.
41. What do you call a whiskey in space? An “astro-naut.”
42. Why do whiskies love Christmas? Because of all the “presents” (preservation).
43. Why was the whiskey popular at parties? It was always in “good spirits.”
44. What did the whiskey say to its twin? “You’re my ‘bar’ mirror!”
45. Why was the whiskey always relaxed? It liked to “chill” out.
46. Why did the whiskey date a lemon? It was looking for a little “zest” in its life.
47. What’s a whiskey’s favorite instrument? The “bar”-itone.
48. What do you call a whiskey in a suit? “Bar”-ister.
49. Why was the whiskey always broke? It gave away too many “shots.”
50. Why do whiskies make terrible secret agents? They always crack under “proof.”

Are you enjoying these?

I’ll carry on!

51. What do you call a whiskey that tells bad jokes? A “bar”-el of laughs.
52. Why did the whiskey go to art school? It wanted to learn about “still” life.
53. Why do whiskies hate arguments? They always end up “on the rocks.”
54. What’s a whiskey’s favorite book? “To Kill a Mocking’bar'”.
55. Why did the whiskey go to the baseball game? It wanted to see the “pitchers.”
56. Why did the whiskey fail the test? It didn’t know the “proof.”
57. What do you call a whiskey who’s a great dancer? A “rye”thmic mover.
58. Why do whiskies make terrible athletes? They can’t hold their “shots.”
59. Why did the whiskey go to the beach? It heard there were plenty of “sand’bar’s.”
60. What do you call a whiskey that’s always late? A “bar”-ehind.
61. What’s a whiskey’s favorite TV show? “Breaking ‘Bar'”.
62. Why do whiskies make bad employees? They always take “shots” at the boss.
63. Why did the whiskey go on a diet? It wanted to lose a few “pounds” (pounding grains).
64. What do you call a whiskey who’s an excellent judge? A “rye”-asonable verdict.
65. Why was the whiskey bad at chess? It always lost its “rooks.”
66. Why don’t whiskies make good pets? They’re always “on the leash.”
67. Why did the whiskey join the orchestra? It wanted to play the “bottle” flute.
68. Why was the whiskey always tired? It was working double “shots.”
69. What do you call a whiskey in a race? A “bar”-athon runner.
70. Why did the whiskey start a band? It wanted to play “rock and rye.”
71. Why don’t whiskies make good artists? They can’t draw a straight “line.”
72. What’s a whiskey’s favorite type of poem? A “rye”-me.
73. What do you call a whiskey on a boat? A “bar”-ge.
74. Why did the whiskey flunk out of school? It couldn’t pass the “test.”
75. Why do whiskies make lousy historians? They can’t remember their “shots.”

Let’s continue the fun!

76. What’s a whiskey’s favorite animal? A “bar”-acuda.
77. Why did the whiskey start a garden? It wanted to grow “grain.”
78. Why do whiskies hate Mondays? They’re always”over the barrel.”
79. What do you call a whiskey that’s an expert in martial arts? A “bar”-itsu master.
80. Why do whiskies make terrible spies? They always spill their secrets.
81. Why did the whiskey join a choir? It had a great “bar”-itone.
82. What’s a whiskey’s favorite ride at the fair? The “bar”-ousel.
83. What do you call a whiskey that loves fashion? A “bourbon” trendsetter.
84. Why was the whiskey so popular at the dance? It was always “bottle”-ing up the courage to ask for a dance.
85. What do you call a whiskey that tells fortunes? A “spirits” medium.
86. Why do whiskies make terrible thieves? They always leave their “proof.”
87. Why did the whiskey go to the moon? It wanted to be a “star.”
88. What’s a whiskey’s favorite song? “Bar”-bie Girl.
89. Why do whiskies make bad chefs? They’re always too “sauced.”
90. Why did the whiskey go to the zoo? It wanted to see the “bar”-e bears.
91. What do you call a whiskey that’s good at making deals? A “bar”-gain.
92. Why do whiskies hate rush hour? They don’t like being “bottlenecked.”
93. What do you call a whiskey at a wedding? A “bar”-t of the ceremony.
94. What’s a whiskey’s favorite shape? A “bar”-rel.
95. Why did the whiskey run for president? It wanted to be “bar”-none the best.
96. Why don’t whiskies like playing hide and seek? They always feel a little “distilled.”
97. Why did the whiskey join the circus? It wanted to be a “juggler.”
98. What do you call a whiskey in the forest? A “rye”-nger.
99. What’s a whiskey’s favorite painting? The “Bar” at the Folies-Bergère.
100. Why was the whiskey a good actor? It never had a “dry” performance.

More to go!

101. What do you call a whiskey with no ice? A “melt”-down.
102. Why did the whiskey go to the gym? It wanted to do a little “bar”-bell training.
103. What’s a whiskey’s favorite superhero? “Bar”-man.
104. Why do whiskies make bad detectives? They always lose their “proof.”
105. Why did the whiskey go to the opera? It wanted to hear the “bar”-itones.
106. What’s a whiskey’s favorite part of a song? The “bar.”
107. What do you call a whiskey on a horse? A “rye”-der.
108. Why do whiskies hate the desert? They don’t want to be “dry.”
109. What do you call a whiskey in the kitchen? A “bar”-ista.
110. Why was the whiskey always in trouble? It couldn’t keep its “lid” on.
111. What’s a whiskey’s favorite vacation spot? “Bar”-bados.
112. Why don’t whiskies make good librarians? They’re always “on the books.”
113. Why did the whiskey cross the road? To get to the “bar.”
114. What do you call a whiskey that loves mathematics? A “bar”-ometer.
115. Why was the whiskey a good athlete? It always had the right “spirit.”
116. What do you call a whiskey that loves the ocean? A “sea”-gram.
117. Why did the whiskey go to the museum? It wanted to see the still life.
118. What’s a whiskey’s favorite part of a joke? The “punch”-line.
119. Why did the whiskey never win at poker? It always showed its “hand.”
120. What do you call a whiskey on a mountain? A “peak”-y blinder.

Keep laughing!

121. What do you call a whiskey that’s good at chess? A “check”-mate.
122. Why do whiskies make poor teachers? They can’t hold their “tongues.”
123. Why did the whiskey go to the dentist? It had a “decayed” cork.
124. What’s a whiskey’s favorite planet? “Mars”-ala.
125. Why do whiskies hate thunderstorms? They don’t want to be “struck.”
126. What do you call a whiskey in a fight? A “knockout.”
127. Why did the whiskey go to the doctor? It was feeling “bottled” up.
128. What’s a whiskey’s favorite fruit? “Bar”-ries.
129. Why do whiskies make poor judges? They can’t keep things “straight.”
130. What do you call a whiskey that loves literature? A “rye”-ter.
131. Why was the whiskey always calm? It liked to “mellow.”
132. What do you call a whiskey in a film? A “star”-let.
133. Why did the whiskey go to the forest? It wanted to see the “bar”-ks.
134. What’s a whiskey’s favorite flower? A “bar”-gaindia.
135. Why do whiskies make bad boxers? They can’t take a “punch.”
136. What do you call a whiskey in the army? A “shot”-gun.
137. Why did the whiskey go to the spa? It wanted to “relax.”
138. What’s a whiskey’s favorite board game? “Bar”-gammon.
139. Why do whiskies hate elevators? They don’t like going “up.”
140. What do you call a whiskey that loves winter? An “ice”-breaker.

Final 10!

141. Why did the whiskey go to the kitchen? It heard there was a “mixer.”
142. What do you call a whiskey in a race? A “fast”-track.
143. Why do whiskies hate karaoke? They can’t hold a “tune.”
144. Why did the whiskey join a band? It wanted to be a “rockstar.”
145. What’s a whiskey’s favorite sport? “Bar”-celona FC.
146. Why do whiskies make poor politicians? They always “spill.”
147. What do you call a whiskey in a tree? A “branch”-out.
148. Why did the whiskey go to the gym? It was trying to get “fit.”
149. What’s a whiskey’s favorite card game? “Bar”-gat.
150. Why was the whiskey always the life of the party? It knew how to “lift spirits.”

That’s 150 whiskey jokes for you!

I hope you had as much fun reading them as I had coming up with them.