150 traffic jokes
- Why don’t cars ever get tired? Because they have plenty of gas.
- Why did the traffic light turn red? It saw the car coming.
- Why did the car apply for a job? It wanted to quit being a gas guzzler and start earning its own fuel.
- What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m changing!
- Why do cars have trouble playing hide and seek? Because they always leave tracks.
- What do you call a Volvo that can play the piano? A car-aoke machine.
- Why did the car go to the party? Because it heard the parking lot was a great place to pick up some bodywork.
- Why did the police car go to the baseball game? It heard someone had stolen a base.
- What’s a car’s favorite meal? Brake-fast.
- Why do trucks sleep on their sides? They don’t want to catch a pickup.
- What kind of car does a Jedi drive? A Toy-Yoda.
- What’s a car’s least favorite song? “Hit the Road, Jack!”
- Why did the car get an award? Because it was outstanding in its parking field.
- What do you call a traffic jam of Volkswagens? A Beet-le infestation.
- Why don’t cars like to play football? Because they are afraid of getting a dent.
- Why did the sedan break up with the sports car? Because it was tired of dragging along excess baggage.
- What did the big flower say to the little flower in traffic? Bloom-pool with me!
- Why are police cars stronger than regular cars? Because they can uphold the law and order.
- Why did the stop sign turn red? Because it was embarrassed by all the wrong turns people make.
- What’s a car’s favorite part of a house? The driveway.
- Why did the motorbike not cross the road? It was two-tired.
- What kind of car does a ghost drive? A Boo-ick.
- Why did the taxi go to school? It wanted to pick up some knowledge.
- How does a car flirt with another car? By giving it a wink-er.
- Why did the truck stop working? It just couldn’t pick-up anymore.
- Why did the car get a ticket at the concert? It couldn’t handle the parking rock.
- What’s a car’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal.
- What do you call a Ford Fiesta that’s been partying all night? A Ford Siesta.
- Why did the car bring a map to the party? Because it wanted to hit the road in style.
- What do you call a car that never stops? A Perma-nent.
- Why do cars go to school? To get a little “body” work done.
- Why did the traffic light say stop to the green car? It was feeling a little color-blind.
- What do you call a happy motorbike? A Yamahappy.
- Why was the traffic cop so good at his job? He never took any breaks.
- What do cars do when they get bored? They auto-mate.
- Why did the car stay home all day? It felt a little rundown.
- What do you call a car that’s been in the sun too long? A hot rod.
- Why was the car feeling cold? It left its windows down.
- What do you call a car that likes to dance? An auto-ballet.
- How do cars communicate? They honk if they like you.
- Why did the sports car get a time-out? It was revving out of control.
- What did the sedan say to the sports car? Can’t handle my trunk.
- How do cars say goodbye? They just brake away.
- Why do cars hate jokes? Because they can’t take a punch(line).
- Why did the police car go to the gym? It wanted to work on its siren.
- What did one tire say to the other? “I’m feeling a bit pressured.”
- Why did the car go to the doctor? It was feeling a little tire-d.
- What’s a car’s favorite day of the week? Vroom-day.
- Why did the van join the circus? It loved doing van-tricks.
- Why do cars get jealous of bicycles? They tire easily.
- Why was the car a poor musician? It always breaks when it should accelerate.
- What do you call a group of musical cars? An auto-chorus.
- Why do cars hate winter? Because it brings a frosty reception.
- Why don’t cars go to the beach? They don’t want to get towed.
- What did the taxi say to the Uber? Can’t fare without me.
- What do you call a car that tells jokes? A comedi-car.
- Why don’t cars go to college? They can’t pass the entrance exam.
- What do you call a car with a lot of stories? A car-novel.
- What do you call a car that dreams of being a boat? A car-ship.
- Why did the motorbike break up with the car? It wanted someone less gassy.
- Why did the car go to the barbershop? It needed a trim.
- Why are luxury cars bad at hide and seek? They always shine out.
- Why was the convertible feeling down? It couldn’t handle the topless comments.
- Why did the car go on a diet? It wanted to lose some weight.
- Why don’t cars go to the library? They get fined for overdue parking.
- Why do cars hate moving houses? They fear the ramp.
- What did the Ferrari say to the Fiat? “You can’t handle my speed!”
- Why are traffic lights the most respected in a car community? They command stop and go.
- What did the car say to its old tires? “It’s been a good ride.”
- What do you call an anxious car? A worry-ota.
- What do you call a psychic car? An auto-matic reader.
- Why did the car break up with the road? It was a one-way relationship.
- What’s a car’s favorite clothing item? Car-digans.
- Why was the car always lost? It couldn’t follow the road signs.
- Why are cars the best at social distancing? They always keep one car length apart.
- What do cars eat for dessert? Parking pie.
- Why do cars go to therapy? To unload their trunk.
- What kind of car loves to take a nap? A Dodge Drowsy.
- What do you call a car that’s into yoga? A car-maste.
- Why don’t cars get promoted? They can’t climb the corporate ladder.
- Why was the car always in trouble? It had a record of breaking the speed limit.
- What do you call a sad car? A whimpercedes.
- Why don’t cars make good detectives? They always leave tracks.
- What do you call a car with an attitude? A snobbish.
- Why did the traffic cop become a gardener? He liked to plant evidence.
- What do you call a spooky car? A Scare-ade.
- Why are cars poor chefs? They always burn rubber.
- Why did the car always finish last in the race? It loved the sound of applause.
- What do you call a car that’s afraid of the dark? A Night-mare.
- What did the car say to the petrol station? “Fill me up, buttercup.”
- Why was the car a terrible football player? It kept stalling.
- Why was the truck so popular at the party? It always brings the goods.
- What do you call a car that loves the cinema? A car-ma queen.
- What do you call a car that’s a great artist? A Van Gogh.
- Why was the car a bad liar? It could never keep things under the hood.
- What do you call a car with good manners? A polite-o.
- Why don’t cars get lost? They always take the high road.
- Why did the car join the circus? It wanted to be a clown car.
- What do you call a car that loves to sing? A Karaoke.
- Why did the sports car get a ticket? It had too many infractions.
- Why did the car carry an umbrella? It wanted to stay in the shade.
- Why was the car a bad dancer? It had two left tires.
- Why are cars bad at hide and seek? They always stick out in the lot.
- What do you call a car that likes to play games? A car-dsharp.
- Why did the car go to the ocean? It wanted to surf the net.
- Why was the car so noisy? It liked to honk its own horn.
- What do you call a car that’s good at fishing? A car-p.
- Why don’t cars like going on vacation? They hate long drives.
- Why did the car refuse to race? It didn’t want to exhaust itself.
- What do you call a car that’s good at gardening? A plant-roën.
- What did the SUV say to the compact car? “Size matters.”
- Why are cars bad at golf? They always drive too far.
- Why was the car always the first to leave the party? It didn’t like being parked.
- What do you call a car that likes to swim? A sub-ma-rine.
- Why did the car go to the bakery? It needed a good roll.
- What do you call a car with an identity crisis? A car-fused.
- Why did the car go to the zoo? It wanted to see the parkway.
- What do you call a car that can paint? An arteon.
- Why did the car go to the boxing match? It heard there was going to be a lot of traffic punches.
- Why was the car so rusty? It didn’t like to wash and wear.
- What did the parking lot say to the car? “I’ve got lots of space for you.”
- Why did the car go to the restaurant? It wanted to get take-out.
- Why did the traffic light refuse to change? It didn’t want to be accused of favoritism.
- Why was the car always happy? It liked to live life in the fast lane.
- What do you call a car that writes poetry? An auto-quill.
- Why did the car go to the opera? It wanted to hear the tenor’s high C (car) note.
- Why did the car keep its radio off? It didn’t want to blow its own horn.
- Why did the car go to the spa? It needed some bodywork done.
- What do you call a group of singing cars? A car-chorus.
- Why was the car always late for work? It couldn’t get up to speed.
- What do you call a car that’s a great listener? A car-diant.
- Why did the car refuse to play hide and seek? It couldn’t stand the suspense-ion.
- What do you call a car with a bad temper? A car-dinary.
- Why are cars bad at swimming? They always sink in the pool.
- Why did the car join the gym? It wanted to work on its chassis.
- Why did the car refuse to play chess? It was scared of the knight’s move.
- What do you call a car that loves to bake? A bun-dant.
- Why did the car go to the museum? It wanted to see classic models.
- What do you call a car that’s a comedian? A car-dic.
- Why was the car so arrogant? It thought it was the wheel deal.
- What do you call a car that loves to read? A lit-erature.
- Why are cars the best comedians? They know how to brake you up.
- Why did the car go to the theater? It had a passion for dram-atics.
- What do you call a car that likes to go shopping? A car-t.
- Why did the car go to the party? It was the wheel of the event.
- Why did the car become a detective? It was tired of being the suspect.
- What do you call a car that loves school? A car-demic.
- Why did the car refuse to race? It was trying to save gas.
- What do you call a car with a PhD? A doct-or.
- Why was the car always smiling? It was in a good gear.