150 star trek jokes

  1. Why don’t the Borg go on vacation? Because resistance is futile!
  2. Why did the redshirt cross the road? He didn’t, he never made it to the other side!
  3. Why did Worf change his hair conditioner? Because he was tired of all the Kling-ons!
  4. Why was Guinan the best bartender in the galaxy? Because she always knew what you wanted before you even ordered!
  5. Why don’t Vulcans make good comedians? They always miss the punchline because it’s not logical!
  6. Why did the Borg break up with his girlfriend? Because she had too many attachments!
  7. How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three – the left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear!
  8. Why is the Starship Enterprise like toilet paper? They both circle Uranus, wiping out Klingons!
  9. What does a Romulan frog use for camouflage? A croaking device!
  10. What is Seven of Nine’s favorite song? “I Will Survive”!
  11. How do you know if Scotty has been using your computer? The keyboard is covered in engine grease!
  12. Why doesn’t the Starship Enterprise have a clicker? Because then they couldn’t say “Engage”!
  13. What’s Spock’s favorite kind of music? Vulcan Roll!
  14. Why did Data go to school? To become a little bit more human!
  15. How do you know if Worf has been using your computer? There’s prune juice in the CD tray!
  16. Why did Captain Picard go to the bakery? To get his daily ration of Engage-muffins!
  17. Why don’t Borgs make good pets? They’re always trying to assimilate the other pets!
  18. Why did the Starship Enterprise get an exterminator? They had a Tribble infestation!
  19. How did the Cardassian catch the wormhole? With a big Net-prophet!
  20. What do you call a Vulcan’s heart-to-heart conversation? Logical discourse!
  21. How does a Ferengi get his coffee? With a little bit of profit-cream!
  22. What’s a Borg’s favorite pop group? Sync Direction!
  23. Why don’t the Ferengi make good bakers? They always want their dough back!
  24. What did the photon say to the neutrino at the party? “Lighten up!”
  25. What does a Starfleet officer do when they get home? They dis-com-badge!
  26. Why do Vulcans hate knock-knock jokes? They find them illogical and irrelevant!
  27. What did the Q say to Picard at the poker game? “Deal with it!”
  28. What’s the Ferengi rule of acquisition for dealing with humor? A laugh can be as valuable as latinum!
  29. What do you call a surprise party on the Starship Enterprise? An away mission!
  30. Why did Geordi La Forge never lose at poker? He always had a visor up his sleeve!
  31. Why are transporters the coolest party trick? Because they really know how to beam you up!
  32. What do you call a Cardassian who tells jokes? A card-assassin!
  33. What’s a Klingon’s favorite dessert? Worf-les!
  34. What did Sisko say when he spilled his raktajino? “That was a Major Kira-ffe!”
  35. How do Borgs like their tea? Assimilated!
  36. Why was Captain Kirk always climbing things? He believed in always taking things to the next Enterprise level!
  37. What’s a Starfleet officer’s favorite type of math? Engi-neering!
  38. What did Bones say when he first met Spock? “You’re a Vulcan alien to me!”
  39. Why did Picard become a gardener? He wanted to see his plants Engage in photosynthesis!
  40. What do you call a Cardassian’s bedtime story? A Garak-narrative!
  41. How do Romulans open secret doors? They use a Tal Shiar!
  42. What does a Borg use to keep his pants up? An assimil-a-belt!
  43. How does Spock schedule his appointments? He uses a Logi-calendar!
  44. How does Data like his eggs? A-La-Mode!
  45. What’s a Starfleet officer’s favorite salad dressing? Beam-us-vinaigrette!
  46. How does Scotty fix a power outage? He gives it all he’s got!
  47. What do you call a Klingon motivational speaker? A Worf of encouragement!
  48. Why don’t the Borg like fast food? It isn’t drone made!
  49. What’s the Borg’s least favorite spice? Individuali-tea!
  50. Why did the Ferengi go to the bank? He heard it’s where the profits are!
  51. What do you call a confused Vulcan? Disorientated!
  52. How do Vulcans kill time? They logically conclude it!
  53. How do you keep a Ferengi in suspense? I’ll tell you tomorrow for five bars of gold-pressed latinum!
  54. What do you call a Romulan’s cat? A Ro-meow-lan!
  55. What do you call a Klingon’s puppy? A Woof!
  56. Why did the Borg cross the road? To assimilate the chicken!
  57. What does a Vulcan use to keep his hair up? Logi-gel!
  58. How does Quark set his prices? He uses a Ferengi-markup!
  59. Why was the Starship Enterprise always clean? Because it was always swept up in space dust!
  60. What is a Starfleet officer’s favorite drink? Beam-me-up Scotch!
  61. How does a Cardassian stay fit? By doing Gul Dukat-thrusts!
  62. How do the Borg get up in the morning? They re-charge!
  63. What’s a Klingon’s favorite exercise? Worf-outs!
  64. What do you call a funny Andorian? A Stand-up Andorian!
  65. Why don’t the Borg eat clams? They’re hard to assimilate!
  66. Why did the Vulcan refuse to play hide-and-seek? It seemed highly illogical!
  67. Why don’t Ferengis make good detectives? They can’t follow the money without taking it!
  68. What is a Vulcan’s favorite food? Spock-ghetti!
  69. What is the name of Spock’s comedic clone? Joke-off!
  70. What do you call a group of singing Klingons? Kling-o-rama!
  71. Why don’t the Romulans make good gardeners? Because their plants are always cloaked!
  72. How does Data sort his files? He uses an Android-ering system!
  73. What do you call a Vulcan’s party? A Logic Fest!
  74. What is the Borg’s favorite film? “The Assimilator”!
  75. What’s Captain Picard’s favorite type of tea? English Engage-mint!
  76. What’s a Romulan’s favorite card game? Cloak-jack!
  77. Why did the Cardassian go to the art store? To buy some Obsidian Order-colors!
  78. Why did the Borg go to therapy? To work on its drone issues!
  79. Why don’t Klingons make good chefs? They keep smashing the cookware!
  80. What is the Ferengi’s favorite song? “Money, That’s What I Want”!
  81. Why did Captain Kirk install a swing on the bridge? For when he needed to take a Captain’s Log swing!
  82. What do you call a Vulcan’s cat? A Cata-logic!
  83. Why was the Borg bad at poker? Everyone could read his poker face, it was pretty monotone!
  84. How do Cardassians write their letters? With a Gul-pen!
  85. How do Romulans like their coffee? On the dark side!
  86. Why are Cardassians bad at football? Because they always Gul for the wrong team!
  87. Why did the Ferengi start a bakery? He wanted to knead the dough!
  88. What do you call a Starfleet officer’s house? A Star-fleet residence!
  89. Why don’t Romulans like surprises? Because they can’t cloak their emotions!
  90. What did Data say when his cat Spot made a mess? “Oh no, a cat-astrophe!”
  91. What does a Borg eat for breakfast? Assimil-oats!
  92. Why did the Starfleet officer carry a pencil? In case he had to draw his phaser!
  93. What’s a Cardassian’s favorite exercise? A Gul-lift!
  94. How does a Ferengi cut his hair? With profit-scissors!
  95. What do you call a Romulan’s dog? A Romu-labrador!
  96. What is a Borg’s favorite TV show? “How I Assimilated Your Mother”!
  97. Why did the Starfleet officer bring a ladder into space? He wanted to climb up to the stars!
  98. How do you distract a Ferengi? Throw latinum in the opposite direction!
  99. Why did the Borg go to school? To study drone-atics!
  100. Why was the Borg bad at chess? It could only move in straight lines!
  101. What’s a Vulcan’s favorite type of exercise? Logical-lates!
  102. What do you call a Klingon’s bad hair day? A Worf-ful day!
  103. How do Ferengis say goodbye? “Profits be with you”!
  104. What’s a Romulan’s favorite fruit? Cloak-oconut!
  105. Why don’t Starfleet officers play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you’re wearing a red shirt!
  106. How does the Borg take his coffee? Ground-up, just like his drones!
  107. Why don’t Cardassians make good musicians? They always play in the wrong Gul-key!
  108. How does a Vulcan apologize? “I regret my illogical actions”!
  109. Why was Data always the life of the party? Because he knows how to press all the right buttons!
  110. What’s a Ferengi’s favorite type of dance? Profit-ango!
  111. What’s a Cardassian’s favorite drink? Gul-gulp!
  112. How does a Romulan take his coffee? In stealth mode, nobody can see it coming!
  113. What do you call a Borg’s puppy? A Borgi!
  114. How does a Vulcan propose? “Marrying you seems like the most logical decision”!
  115. How do Cardassians travel? On a Gul-ley!
  116. What’s a Klingon’s favorite board game? Worf-ello!
  117. Why don’t Ferengis make good singers? They’re always a little flat…inum!
  118. How does a Starfleet officer make a salad? They “beam” up the ingredients!
  119. What’s a Borg’s favorite type of music? Techno-logical!
  120. How does a Vulcan flirt? “Your beauty is highly logical”!
  121. Why are Cardassians bad at hide and seek? Because they always Gul-ve their position away!
  122. What do you call a group of Borgs at a disco? The Borgie!
  123. How do Starfleet officers travel? On an Enter-prize!
  124. How does a Ferengi break up with his girlfriend? “I’m sorry, but the profits just aren’t there”!
  125. Why was the Romulan always lost? He kept cloaking his path!
  126. What’s a Borg’s favorite day of the week? Assimilate-day!
  127. Why don’t Vulcans make good actors? They never break character!
  128. How does a Cardassian laugh? “Gul Gul Gul”!
  129. How does a Romulan ask someone out? “Would you like to cloak out with me?”
  130. Why are Ferengis always calm? Because stress is bad for profits!
  131. What’s a Vulcan’s favorite card game? Logical Solitaire!
  132. How does a Borg express surprise? “Assimi-what?!”
  133. Why don’t Cardassians make good teachers? They always expect their students to Gul-ess the answers!
  134. What’s a Klingon’s favorite dish? Worf-fried rice!
  135. Why don’t Ferengis make good secret agents? They always sell out!
  136. How does a Vulcan express love? “My affection for you is quite logical”!
  137. Why are Romulans bad at making decisions? They always cloak and dagger around the issue!
  138. What do you call a Cardassian’s favorite hobby? Gul-fing!
  139. How do Borgs share secrets? They assimilate them!
  140. What’s a Vulcan’s favorite drink? Logic-ale!
  141. Why don’t Ferengis make good dancers? They always want to take their cut!
  142. What do you call a Romulan’s bird? A Romu-canary!
  143. How does a Borg say thank you? “I assimilate your kindness”!
  144. Why are Cardassians bad at basketball? They always miss the Gul!
  145. How does a Ferengi show affection? “You’re worth a fortune to me”!
  146. What’s a Romulan’s favorite pasta? Cloak-aroni!
  147. How does a Vulcan express anger? “Your actions seem highly illogical”!
  148. Why don’t Borgs make good gardeners? They always assimilate the flowers!
  149. What’s a Cardassian’s favorite holiday? Gul-lentine’s Day!
  150. Why are Starfleet officers always ready for a joke? Because they always stay on red alert!

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