150 shakespeare jokes

  1. Why did Shakespeare always carry a pen? Because he knew that the pen is mightier than the sword!
  2. Why did Hamlet not go to college? He couldn’t pass the ‘to be or not to be’ test!
  3. What did Romeo say to Juliet on their wedding night? “Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
  4. How do we know that Macbeth was a baker in his previous life? Because he kneaded bloody hands!
  5. What’s Othello’s favorite game? The game of trust and betrayal!
  6. Why did Falstaff refuse to play cards for money? He was afraid of dealing with the suit!
  7. Why don’t Shakespeare’s characters get lost? Because every route is a ‘verse’!
  8. Why did Juliet become a gardener? Because she wanted to plant the seeds of love!
  9. Why was Titus Andronicus always prepared? He always had a plan Titus up his sleeve!
  10. What did the fool say to King Lear on his birthday? “Thou shouldst not have been old till thou hadst been wise!”
  11. How did Shakespeare describe a vegetable market? As a ‘Much Ado About Mutton’!
  12. Why couldn’t Beatrice and Benedick play hide and seek? Because much ado was about nothing!
  13. Why did the witches like Macbeth so much? Because he was spellbound!
  14. What do you call the ghost in Hamlet? A specter-cle!
  15. Why was Shakespeare a good musician? Because he always wrote the notes of love!
  16. What did the audience say at the end of a Shakespeare play? “We’ve been played!”
  17. Why is Romeo and Juliet not a good love story? Because it’s a tragedy to start with!
  18. Why was the ghost in Hamlet bad at lying? He couldn’t hide his transparent intentions!
  19. Why is Hamlet a mathematician’s favorite play? Because of its complex numbers!
  20. Why was A Midsummer Night’s Dream always tired? It was up all night!
  21. Why did Iago quit his job? He found it too ‘ot(hell)o’ handle!
  22. What’s Shakespeare’s favorite fruit? Cantaloupe (can’t elope)!
  23. Why did Puck never get lost? He always took the fairy route!
  24. What did the King say to his lazy son in the play? “A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool!”
  25. Why was Lady Macbeth always stressed? She had too much blood on her hands!
  26. How does Juliet maintain a balanced diet? By keeping her Romeo-tion in check!
  27. What do you call it when Macbeth forgets his lines? A Mac-blunder!
  28. Why did Othello stop playing chess? Too many pawns in his life!
  29. Why was Juliet a poor judge? She could never make the final ‘verdict’!
  30. Why did Cordelia win the race? She was the ‘Lear’ ahead!
  31. Why couldn’t Hamlet play cards? He didn’t know whether to hold ’em or to fold ’em!
  32. Why did Lady Macbeth become a journalist? She wanted to wash the news, not her hands!
  33. Why did Romeo hate daylight? Because it meant he had to part with Juliet!
  34. Why did Falstaff never make a good musician? He always played the second ‘fiddle’!
  35. Why did Shakespeare go to the bakery? To buy himself some ‘buns and verses’!
  36. Why did Desdemona stop playing the piano? She lost her keys of trust!
  37. What’s a tragedy to a comedian? Hamlet without the ham!
  38. Why was Macbeth scared of thunder? He thought it was the sound of Birnam wood coming!
  39. What did Macbeth say to his therapist? “Is this a psychiatrist’s couch I see before me?”
  40. Why did Oberon divorce Titania? Because she was too ‘fairy’ fanciful!
  41. Why was Puck always picked first in games? Because he was a fairy good player!
  42. Why couldn’t Romeo play hide and seek? Because Juliet always found him in the stars!
  43. How did Iago feel after ruining Othello’s life? Absolutely ‘moor’vellous!
  44. Why couldn’t Gertrude find Hamlet at the party? Because he was hiding behind the arras!
  45. What did Shylock say to Antonio after their dispute? “Let’s cut it out!”
  46. Why couldn’t Romeo have a pet? Because he could not bear the parting!
  47. What’s Titania’s favorite party game? Fairy, fairy, quite contrary!
  48. What do you call an unprepared actor in a Shakespeare play? A Bard decision!
  49. Why did Macbeth go to therapy? He couldn’t sleep without seeing spots!
  50. How did Hamlet handle his father’s death? He ghosted him!
  51. Why was Shylock a poor cook? He always took a pound of flesh!
  52. What’s King Lear’s favorite spice? Daughter spice!
  53. Why couldn’t Othello trust his friends? He had been ‘pawned’ too many times!
  54. Why was Hamlet scared of small spaces? He feared the narrow-castle syndrome!
  55. What did Prospero say after being stranded on an island? “I’m in desperate need of a tempest-ry solution!”
  56. Why was Othello bad at poker? He couldn’t handle the ‘Desdemona-tion’!
  57. What’s Mercutio’s favorite song? Queen Mab Rhapsody!
  58. Why did Portia not want to marry? She couldn’t bear the weight of the ‘caskets’!
  59. How did Hamlet react when he forgot his lines? He was left speechless!
  60. What did the ghost say to Hamlet at the graveyard? “Stop digging up old ghosts!”
  61. Why couldn’t King Lear see the truth? His eyes were blinded by his daughters’ flattery!
  62. What’s the favorite dance of the characters in A Midsummer Night’s Dream? The Fairy Waltz!
  63. What did Macduff say when he forgot his shopping list? “Oh, what a sorry sight!”
  64. Why did Rosalind disguise herself as a man? Because it was ‘As You Like It’!
  65. What do you call a fairy who doesn’t take a bath? A Midsummer Night’s Smelly Dream!
  66. What did Beatrice say when Benedick proposed? “Much ado about knot tying!”
  67. Why did Helena run away from Demetrius? Because he was a fairy-tale nightmare!
  68. Why was Gertrude bad at giving directions? She couldn’t tell Hamlet where to go!
  69. What did the fool tell King Lear? “Thou shouldst not have been old before thou hadst been wise!”
  70. Why didn’t Romeo become a priest? He could not bear the thought of celibacy!
  71. Why did Juliet become a mathematician? She was interested in calculating the odds of love!
  72. Why didn’t Macbeth become a sailor? He had seen too many tempests already!
  73. Why did Othello become a boxer? He knew how to throw a ‘Moor’ punch!
  74. Why did Puck become a comedian? He was always ready for a ‘play’ on words!
  75. Why did Juliet find it hard to go vegan? Because she was fond of ‘Romeoat’!
  76. What do you call a scary story in Verona? A ‘Romeoan’ horror!
  77. Why did Iago have to quit his job? He found the work environment too ‘moor’ose!
  78. What’s the Bard’s favorite part of a joke? The ‘pun’chline!
  79. Why didn’t Juliet like to play chess? Because she always lost her Knight!
  80. Why was Macbeth always late? He kept waiting for Birnam Wood to come to Dunsinane!
  81. What did Romeo say when he saw Juliet on the balcony? “Where four art thou, Juliet?”
  82. Why was Antonio a bad merchant? He always ended up in ‘Venice’ trouble!
  83. Why did Lady Macbeth start a cleaning business? Because she was good at washing out spots!
  84. What’s Portia’s favorite type of music? Law ‘suites’!
  85. What did Beatrice say when Benedick asked her to marry him? “Much ado about I do!”
  86. Why did Oberon cancel his date with Titania? He was tired of her ‘fairy’ tales!
  87. Why didn’t Hamlet like Halloween? He was afraid of ghost stories!
  88. What do you call an actor who messes up his lines in a Shakespeare play? A bard actor!
  89. Why was King Lear bad at chess? He could never protect his daughters!
  90. What’s the favorite drink of the characters in Julius Caesar? Brutus Beer!
  91. Why was Titus Andronicus always ready for dinner? He always had a ‘Titus’ up his sleeve!
  92. What did Caliban say when he missed his ship? “The Tempest fooled me!”
  93. Why did Gertrude marry Claudius? She didn’t want to be a ‘Hamlet-less’ queen!
  94. What’s Ophelia’s favorite flower? Mad-derwort!
  95. What do you call it when Macbeth forgets his lines? A tragedy!
  96. Why was Desdemona good at tennis? She could handle the back ‘hand’ well!
  97. What’s Macduff’s favorite exercise? Cutting through the ‘Macbeth’!
  98. What did Hamlet say when he saw Yorick’s skull? “Alas, poor Yorick, you’re bone dry!”
  99. Why did Shylock become a butcher? He had experience cutting a pound of flesh!
  100. Why was Romeo bad at playing cards? Because he always lost his heart!
  101. Why couldn’t Juliet play hide and seek? She could never find a place where Romeo couldn’t find her!
  102. What’s Othello’s favorite chess piece? The Moor!
  103. Why did Hamlet break up with Ophelia? He thought she was two-faced!
  104. What’s King Lear’s favorite vegetable? Hearty-choke!
  105. Why did Falstaff never get promoted? He was always in the ‘bar’d books!
  106. Why did Macbeth become a painter? He was good at drawing bloody hands!
  107. What’s Portia’s favorite game? The Casket Chase!
  108. Why didn’t Othello become a chess champion? He lost his queen too early!
  109. Why was Romeo a bad astronomer? He could only see one star!
  110. Why didn’t Juliet become a spy? She couldn’t keep a secret!
  111. What do you call a Romeo and Juliet sequel? A grave mistake!
  112. Why did Beatrice refuse Benedick’s marriage proposal? She didn’t want much ado about wedding!
  113. What’s King Lear’s favorite type of music? Court-in-session!
  114. Why was Oberon bad at magic tricks? He always messed up the fairy dust!
  115. What’s Falstaff’s favorite food? Belly laughter!
  116. Why did Lady Macbeth start a cleaning company? Because she could out, damn spot!
  117. What’s Antonio’s favorite song? The Merchant’s Lament!
  118. Why was Macduff a good detective? He could cut through the lies!
  119. What’s Desdemona’s favorite hobby? Handkerchief knitting!
  120. Why did Hamlet make a bad comedian? He couldn’t get to the ‘pun’chline!
  121. What did Prospero say when he was shipwrecked? “I’ll conjure myself a tempest-ry solution!”
  122. What’s Othello’s favorite song? The Moor the Merrier!
  123. Why did Romeo refuse to play cards? Because he lost his heart to Juliet!
  124. What’s Lady Macbeth’s favorite detergent? Out, Damn Spot!
  125. Why did Falstaff never win a race? He was always roundabout!
  126. Why did Beatrice become a baker? She loved ‘Much Adough About Nothing’!
  127. What’s Juliet’s favorite book? “The Stars, My Destination.”
  128. What’s Othello’s favorite board game? Moor-opoly!
  129. Why didn’t Hamlet like beach vacations? He couldn’t stand the sandy-Hamlets!
  130. What’s Cordelia’s favorite animal? The King Lear-d!
  131. Why did Helena run away from Demetrius? She was tired of his fairy non-sense!
  132. Why didn’t Lady Macbeth become a chef? She always made a bloody mess!
  133. What’s Romeo’s favorite flower? Juliet-rose!
  134. What did Puck say when he played a prank? “Fairy funny, isn’t it?”
  135. Why was Juliet a good astronomer? Because her eyes were always on the stars!
  136. Why didn’t Shylock become a banker? He always demanded a pound of flesh!
  137. Why did Othello love playing chess? He was always in check!
  138. What did Macbeth say when he met the witches? “You’re brew-tiful!”
  139. Why didn’t Juliet enjoy painting? She couldn’t draw Romeo!
  140. What did Prospero say when he found the magic book? “I’ve got the tempest at my fingertips!”
  141. What did Lady Macbeth say when she saw a spot on her dress? “Out, damn spot!”
  142. Why was Mercutio bad at writing poems? He was all about the prose!
  143. What did Beatrice say when Benedick proposed? “You’ve made much ado about nothing!”
  144. Why didn’t Juliet become an astronaut? Because she couldn’t leave her star-crossed lover!
  145. Why did Desdemona become a fashion designer? She had a handkerchief for it!
  146. Why was Gertrude a bad gardener? She could never tell what was in a name!
  147. Why was Portia a good lawyer? She always had the right measure!
  148. Why didn’t Cordelia want to be queen? She didn’t want to Lear-n the hard way!
  149. Why did Titania start a makeup line? She had a fairy good complexion!
  150. And finally, why do we love Shakespeare jokes? Because they’re a ‘play’ on words!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *