150 ruler jokes

1. Why don’t rulers make good comedians? Because they can’t draw the line.
2. Why was the ruler feeling inadequate? Because it always measured up short.
3. How do rulers gossip? They talk behind each other’s backs.
4. Why did the ruler get in trouble in school? It couldn’t stay in line.
5. Why did the ruler go to therapy? It had a lot of hang-ups about its length.
6. What did one ruler say to the other? “Stay straight, my friend.”
7. Why did the ruler break up with its partner? It felt they were on different scales.
8. What did the pencil say to the ruler? “You rule!”
9. What’s a ruler’s favorite exercise? The straight and narrow.
10. Why did the ruler get a promotion? It was outstanding in its field.
11. What’s a ruler’s favorite movie? “A Bridge Too Far.”
12. Why was the ruler so good at baseball? It always knew the right angle.
13. What do you call a misbehaving ruler? A straight-up troublemaker.
14. Why couldn’t the ruler get into the concert? It couldn’t get past the gate-keeper.
15. Why was the ruler a great artist? It always drew the line.
16. Why did the ruler get in trouble? It couldn’t stop ruling.
17. How does a ruler like to relax? By going on a straight and narrow vacation.
18. What’s a ruler’s favorite band? The Straight Shooters.
19. Why was the ruler sad at the party? It couldn’t measure up to the hype.
20. Why was the ruler a bad driver? It always took the straight path.
21. Why did the ruler go to the party? It heard it was off the scale!
22. What did the ruler say when it got lost? “I’ve been led astray!”
23. Why did the ruler get expelled? It was caught skipping lines.
24. Why couldn’t the ruler get the job? It didn’t meet the requirements.
25. What did the ruler say to the protractor? “Quit going in circles!”
26. Why did the ruler never lie? It always kept it straight.
27. Why was the ruler always the best at hide and seek? It always stayed in the shadows.
28. Why was the ruler a good politician? It always knew where to draw the line.
29. What does a ruler do at a rock concert? It measures the decibels!
30. Why did the ruler go to the beach? It wanted to see the high tide mark.
31. Why did the ruler quit its job? It felt under measured.
32. Why was the ruler always in trouble? It couldn’t stop bending the rules.
33. What’s a ruler’s favorite food? Straight pasta!
34. What did the ruler say to the calculator? “You can count on me!”
35. Why was the ruler kicked out of the band? It couldn’t play anything but straight notes.
36. Why did the ruler become a writer? It had a lot of lines to fill.
37. What’s a ruler’s worst fear? Being twisted out of shape.
38. Why was the ruler a good dancer? It knew all the right angles.
39. Why did the ruler get benched during the game? It couldn’t bend it like Beckham.
40. What’s a ruler’s favorite game? Long jump.
41. Why was the ruler always cold? It couldn’t handle the freezing point.
42. Why did the ruler go to jail? It was charged with straight robbery!
43. Why did the ruler quit its detective job? It couldn’t measure up to the case.
44. What did the ruler say to the math problem? “I’ve got your number!”
45. Why did the ruler start a landscaping business? It loved straight edges.
46. What’s a ruler’s favorite city? Las Vegas. It loves all the high rollers!
47. Why did the ruler join the circus? It loved the high wire act.
48. Why was the ruler always stressed? It was stretched too thin.
49. What’s a ruler’s favorite hobby? Straight knitting.
50. What do you call a ruler that’s lost its edge? Pointless!
51. Why did the ruler become a chef? It loved to slice and dice.
52. What’s a ruler’s favorite song? “Straight Up” by Paula Abdul.
53. Why did the ruler start a dating service? It had a lot of single lines.
54. Why couldn’t the ruler keep a secret? It always drew the line.
55. Why did the ruler get into an argument with the square? It thought it was too edgy.
56. What did the ruler say to the naughty child? “Straighten up!”
57. Why did the ruler never play chess? It didn’t like to check-mate.
58. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of humor? Straight-faced comedy.
59. Why did the ruler become a lawyer? It loved to straighten out cases.
60. Why did the ruler go into politics? It loved making laws.
61. Why did the ruler love spring? It could finally stretch out.
62. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of story? A straight tale.
63. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of road? The highway. It loves the straight path!
64. What did the ruler say to the paper? “Let’s keep it on the straight and narrow.”
65. Why was the ruler afraid of the circus? It didn’t want to join the tightrope act.
66. Why did the ruler become a traffic cop? It loved to keep things in line.
67. Why did the ruler start a YouTube channel? It loved to broadcast straight from its home.
68. What’s a ruler’s favorite place to shop? The straight aisle.
69. Why was the ruler a bad skater? It couldn’t handle the bends.
70. Why did the ruler become an architect? It loved straight lines.
71. Why did the ruler love winter? It could slide down the straight slope.
72. Why did the ruler go to the gym? It wanted to straighten up its act.
73. What did the ruler say to the protractor? “You’re going round in circles!”
74. What did the ruler say to the compass? “Stop going around in circles!”
75. Why was the ruler a bad runner? It always took the straight path.
76. Why was the ruler bad at poker? It always showed its straight face.
77. What did the ruler say to the yardstick? “You’re three times the man I am!”
78. Why did the ruler go to the opera? It loved the high notes.
79. What did the ruler say to the thermometer? “I’ve got your number!”
80. Why was the ruler so competitive? It always wanted to be number one.
81. Why did the ruler start a career in fashion? It loved the runway.
82. Why was the ruler always at the bottom of the class? It couldn’t pass the test of time.
83. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of drama? Straight plays.
84. Why did the ruler go into real estate? It loved measuring properties.
85. Why did the ruler become a singer? It loved to hit the high notes.
86. Why did the ruler go to the auction? It loved the highest bidder.
87. What did the ruler say to the eraser? “You can’t erase me!”
88. Why was the ruler a bad fisherman? It couldn’t handle the bends.
89. Why did the ruler start a blog? It loved the line of communication.
90. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of vacation? A road trip!
91. Why was the ruler always in trouble in school? It always crossed the line.
92. Why did the ruler become a gardener? It loved planting in straight rows.
93. Why did the ruler go to the circus? It loved the straight and narrow path.
94. Why did the ruler start a career in journalism? It loved the headlines.
95. What did the ruler say to the chalk? “You can’t draw without me!”
96. Why did the ruler start a business? It loved straight profits.
97. Why did the ruler become a pilot? It loved the straight flight path.
98. Why did the ruler go to the beach? It loved measuring the tide.
99. Why did the ruler become a dentist? It loved straight teeth.
100. Why did the ruler go to the art museum? It loved straight lines in paintings.

[Take a short pause]

101. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of weather? A straight wind.
102. Why did the ruler join the Navy? It loved to keep things shipshape.
103. Why was the ruler good at gymnastics? It could balance perfectly.
104. Why was the ruler a great tour guide? It always knew the way.
105. Why did the ruler become a tailor? It loved to measure twice, cut once.
106. Why did the ruler join a band? It loved the straight beat.
107. Why did the ruler start a construction company? It loved to build straight walls.
108. Why was the ruler a good referee? It always made the right calls.
109. Why did the ruler love to read? It loved to go from line to line.
110. Why did the ruler love to play basketball? It loved the straight shot.
111. Why did the ruler start a bakery? It loved the straight dough.
112. What’s a ruler’s favorite type of car? A straight-eight engine.
113. Why did the ruler go into advertising? It loved the headline.
114. Why was the ruler a good cook? It always followed the recipe to a T.
115. Why did the ruler love to write? It loved to write in straight lines.
116. Why did the ruler go to the spa? It needed to unwind.
117. Why did the ruler become a boxer? It loved the straight jab.
118. Why did the ruler become a weather forecaster? It loved to predict high and low temperatures.
119. Why did the ruler become a taxi driver? It loved the straight fares.
120. Why did the ruler start a pizza place? It loved to cut in straight lines.
121. Why did the ruler love to play cards? It loved to deal straight hands.
122. Why did the ruler become a carpenter? It loved the straight cuts.
123. Why did the ruler love to watch TV? It loved the straight drama.
124. Why did the ruler become a golf pro? It loved the straight shot.
125. Why did the ruler start a bakery? It loved the straight bake.
126. Why was the ruler a good detective? It always followed the straight and narrow.
127. Why did the ruler become a mailman? It loved to deliver straight to the door.
128. Why did the ruler become a coach? It loved to keep the team in line.
129. Why was the ruler a good editor? It always knew where to draw the line.
130. Why did the ruler become a bartender? It loved to serve straight up.
131. Why did the ruler start a travel agency? It loved the straight path.
132. Why did the ruler become a lifeguard? It loved the straight swim.
133. Why did the ruler become a salesperson? It loved to close the deal.
134. Why did the ruler love to garden? It loved the straight rows.
135. Why did the ruler become a math teacher? It loved the right angles.
136. Why did the ruler join the football team? It loved the straight kick.
137. Why did the ruler become a director? It loved to call the shots.
138. Why did the ruler join the choir? It loved the high notes.
139. Why did the ruler become a judge? It loved to maintain order in the court.
140. Why did the ruler love to listen to music? It loved the straight beat.
141. Why did the ruler become a DJ? It loved the straight tracks.
142. Why did the ruler join the police force? It loved to keep the peace.
143. Why did the ruler become a financial advisor? It loved the straight investments.
144. Why did the ruler become a magician? It loved the straight tricks.
145. Why did the ruler become a psychologist? It loved to straighten out problems.
146. Why did the ruler become a librarian? It loved to keep the books in order.
147. Why did the ruler become a movie star? It loved the limelight.
148. Why did the ruler become an electrician? It loved the straight wiring.
149. Why did the ruler become a scientist? It loved the straight facts.
150. Why did the ruler love to make jokes? It loved to deliver the punchline.