137 narcissist jokes
- Why did the narcissist bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house, and he wanted to see his reflection in the rooftop puddle.
- Why doesn’t a narcissist ever play hide and seek? They’re afraid nobody will look for them.
- Why did the narcissist become a gardener? Because even the flowers turned towards him.
- Why did the narcissist always carry a mirror? They didn’t want to miss the chance to meet someone important.
- Why did the narcissist become a mathematician? He found no number greater than ‘I’.
- Why don’t narcissists make good detectives? They only investigate themselves.
- Why do narcissists never go to auctions? They always outbid themselves.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite band? Me2.
- Why do narcissists prefer selfies? Because group photos aren’t centered on them.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite subject at school? His-story.
- Why did the narcissist break up with their partner? They found someone better: themselves.
- Why are narcissists bad at playing cards? Because they always insist they’re the Ace.
- Why did the narcissist join the army? He heard there was an opportunity to become a ‘General’ public figure.
- Why do narcissists make bad chefs? Because they always think they’re too good to cook.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite movie? “Mirror Mirror on the Wall.”
- Why can’t a narcissist play chess? They always want to be both the king and queen.
- Why did the narcissist join a marathon? He wanted to finally have a chance to chase himself.
- Why don’t narcissists ever get lost? Because wherever they are, that’s where they believe they should be.
- What does a narcissist say after a job interview? “So, when do I start as CEO?”
- Why don’t narcissists make good team players? Because they always think they’re the team.
- Why did the narcissist go to the art museum? To find a portrait as beautiful as he is.
- Why did the narcissist never leave his home town? Because he’s the main attraction.
- Why do narcissists never take the bus? They only enjoy ‘me’ time.
- Why can’t a narcissist be a meteorologist? Because they always expect the world to revolve around them, not the sun.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite song? “You’re So Vain.”
- Why did the narcissist fail his driving test? He only knows how to steer towards himself.
- Why don’t narcissists like puzzles? Because they can’t picture anything other than themselves.
- Why did the narcissist become an author? So he could write an autobiography.
- Why did the narcissist take up painting? So he could finally capture his perfect image.
- Why are narcissists bad at football? Because they want to be the one scoring, tackling, and cheering all at once.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite game? Monopoly, because they always want to own everything.
- Why did the narcissist become a teacher? So he could have a class full of students taking notes on his life.
- Why don’t narcissists make good actors? Because they can only play themselves.
- Why don’t narcissists make good sailors? They’d be too busy admiring their reflection in the water to steer the boat.
- Why don’t narcissists like playing pool? They can’t stand the idea of anyone else getting a shot.
- Why did the narcissist get kicked out of the choir? He could only sing solos.
- Why are narcissists terrible at poker? They can’t bluff because they always believe they have the best hand.
- Why do narcissists make poor librarians? They always think their own book should be checked out.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite novel? “The Picture of Dorian Gray.”
- Why did the narcissist go to the gym? He heard he could work on self-improvement.
- Why can’t narcissists play basketball? Because they always want to take their own rebound.
- Why do narcissists love the Internet? Because it gives them a platform to love themselves publicly.
- Why don’t narcissists like being journalists? They always want to be the story, not the one reporting it.
- Why did the narcissist become a musician? So he could write love songs about himself.
- Why did the narcissist go to the beach? So he could make a sandcastle in his own image.
- Why don’t narcissists make good therapists? They are only interested in their own problems.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite type of cake? A self-rising one.
- Why did the narcissist buy a parrot? Because he wanted someone to constantly repeat his name.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite holiday? Their birthday, it’s a global celebration in their mind.
- Why do narcissists always carry a compass? It always points to ‘Me North’.
- Why don’t narcissists make good golfers? They can’t stand anyone else having the spotlight, even for a ‘hole in one’.
- Why did the narcissist get a dog? So he could have someone who always follows him around.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite type of candy? Selfish Fish.
- Why did the narcissist go to the zoo? He heard the peacock might be competition.
- Why can’t narcissists be farmers? They think they’re too outstanding in their field.
- Why are narcissists terrible babysitters? They can’t understand why the baby’s not interested in their life story.
- Why can’t a narcissist be a good waiter? Because they think customers should be serving them.
- Why do narcissists fail at fishing? They keep dropping the fishing rod to applaud their own casting.
- Why can’t a narcissist be a film critic? They’re only interested in reviewing their own life.
- Why did the narcissist cross the road? Because he thought the sign ‘Walk of Fame’ was about him.
- Why don’t narcissists make good mail carriers? They’d open all the mail to see if it’s about them.
- Why are narcissists bad at baseball? They try to hit a home run every time it’s their turn.
- What’s a narcissist’s favorite planet? The ‘Me-rs’.
- Why did the narcissist become a lawyer? So he could always plead his own case.
- Why can’t a narcissist be a pilot? They’d fly the plane in circles just to admire the view.
- Why don’t narcissists make good judges? They always think they’re the one who should be judged.
- Why don’t narcissists make good secret agents? They can’t resist telling everyone who they are.
- Why are narcissists bad at yoga? Because they always want to be in the spotlight, not in the lotus position.
- Why did the narcissist become a model? He was tired of mirrors and wanted cameras to capture his beauty.
- Why can’t narcissists play cricket? Because they always want to be the batsman,even when it’s time to field.
- Why did the narcissist become an astronaut? He heard there was no one else up in space.
- Why can’t narcissists be magicians? They reveal all their secrets because they’re so impressed with themselves.
- Why don’t narcissists make good firefighters? They’d stop to take a selfie with the fire.
- Why do narcissists make bad bankers? They always think they’re the biggest asset.
- Why don’t narcissists do well in politics? They vote for themselves, even when they’re not on the ballot.
- Why can’t narcissists work at amusement parks? They always want to be the main attraction.
- Why do narcissists not make good veterinarians? They’re jealous that cats have nine lives, and they only have one.
- Why did the narcissist become a stand-up comedian? So people would finally laugh at his jokes, not just him.
- Why don’t narcissists like snowstorms? They’re jealous of anything that can draw more attention than they can.
- Why did the narcissist become a philosopher? Because he thought his thoughts were the most profound.
- Why don’t narcissists make good surgeons? They would always insist on reflecting on their personal lives mid-surgery.
- Why don’t narcissists make good janitors? They’d be too busy admiring themselves in the polished surfaces.
- Why don’t narcissists make good DJs? They always play their own tune.
- Why did the narcissist open a bakery? He thought his buns were better than anyone else’s.
- Why don’t narcissists make good travel agents? They always want to go to the ‘Me-ldives’.
- Why don’t narcissists make good architects? They only design mirrors.
- Why did the narcissist get a cat? So he could finally meet someone as aloof as him.
- Why can’t narcissists be lifeguards? They’d be too busy checking their reflection in the water.
- Why can’t narcissists be good detectives? They’re always looking for clues that lead back to themselves.
- Why did the narcissist become a weatherman? Because he thought he could control the climate with his hotness.
- Why can’t a narcissist be a zookeeper? They’d be too busy trying to teach the animals to admire them.
- Why don’t narcissists make good coaches? They think they’re the star player.
- Why did the narcissist become a motivational speaker? He wanted to inspire others to be more like him.
- Why don’t narcissists make good bartenders? They drink all the cocktails to taste their own mix.
- Why can’t narcissists be sommeliers? They’d only recommend wines that reflected their own taste.
- Why did the narcissist become an archaeologist? He was looking for traces of his ancient greatness.
- Why can’t narcissists work at call centers? They’d keep redirecting the conversation back to themselves.
- Why do narcissists not make good electricians? They’re only interested in their own sparks.
- Why can’t narcissists be butchers? They think they’re the prime cut.
- Why did the narcissist become a poet? So he could write sonnets about his own beauty.
- Why don’t narcissists make good scuba divers? They’d get distracted by their reflection in the bubbles.
- Why can’t narcissists be good truck drivers? They keep stopping to check their reflection in the rearview mirror.
- Why did the narcissist start a YouTube channel? Because he thought the world needed more of him.
- Why can’t narcissists be good at mountain climbing? They think they’re already at the peak.
- Why don’t narcissists make good biologists? They think they’re the pinnacle of evolution.
- Why did the narcissist become a fisherman? He wanted to tell stories about the one that didn’t get away – himself.
- Why can’t narcissists be good radio hosts? They’d keep interrupting the songs to talk about themselves.
- Why did the narcissist become a professional wrestler? He finally found a place where it’s okay to only care about himself.
- Why don’t narcissists make good taxi drivers? They only know the way to their own place.
- Why did the narcissist become a real estate agent? He believes he’s the prime property.
- Why don’t narcissists make good translators? They always translate everything into “me” language.
- Why did the narcissist start playing video games? He heard he could create a character in his own image.
- Why can’t narcissists be good factory workers? They believe they should be the product, not the producer.
- Why don’t narcissists make good referees? They always think they’re the MVP.
- Why did the narcissist start collecting stamps? He’s waiting for the day when he’ll be on one.
- Why can’t narcissists be good sailors? They’d get lost staring at their reflection in the sea.
- Why did the narcissist become a tailor? He wanted to make suits that were as perfect as him.
- Why don’t narcissists make good gardeners? They think they’re the only ones who should grow and shine.
- Why can’t narcissists be good bakers? They believe they’re the icing on the cake.
- Why did the narcissist get a job at a printing press? He wanted to print his autobiography.
- Why don’t narcissists make good bus drivers? They’d miss all the stops looking at themselves in the mirror.
- Why can’t narcissists be good construction workers? They believe they’re the cornerstone of every project.
- Why did the narcissist get a job at the supermarket? He thought he’d be the best-selling product.
- Why don’t narcissists make good astronomers? They think they’re the center of the universe.
- Why can’t narcissists be good mechanics? They believe they’re the most finely tuned machine.
- Why did the narcissist become a jeweler? He thought he was the only real gem.
- Why don’t narcissists make good archaeologists? They think they’re the only treasure worth finding.
- Why can’t narcissists be good fashion designers? They think they’re the only ones with style.
- Why did the narcissist become a mime? He thought he was the only one worth mimicking.
- Why don’t narcissists make good hairdressers? They’re too busy checking their own reflection in the scissors.
- Why can’t narcissists be good zookeepers? They think they’re the king of the jungle.
- Why did the narcissist become a boxer? He wanted to prove he could punch above his weight.
- Why don’t narcissists make good tennis players? They think they’re the only ones worthy of a grand slam.
- Why can’t narcissists be good pilots? They keep flying over their own houses.
- Why did the narcissist become a tour guide? He thought he was the only sight worth seeing.
- Why don’t narcissists make good photographers? They only take selfies.
- Why can’t narcissists be good firefighters? They think they’re the only ones who are hot.